School starts tomorrow.. woohoo... Notice the enthusiasm? I HATE SCHOOL!!! At least I don't have to go back to North Marion, and I'm not on homebound anymore, but the thought of having school at all is completely apalling to me. Not to sound conceited or anything, but I have been smarter than most of my teachers since like 8th grade and they're not teaching me anything anymore so I see no point in going. And my mom told me if I test out of high school that I have to start college this year, so I'm not doing that. I don't want to go to college after I graduate, let along while I'm supposed to be a junior. So this leaves me trapped in the stupid public school system for two more years, with not a thing to do about the whole situation. I know life must go on.. it's just that mine's moving very slowly...

Travis and I are still together.. I mean I suppose you could say that. I don't really know tho.. I love him.. I know that. It's just that I'm kind of ready to go out and start dating other guys. I think that if Travis was older and could like actually drive and stuff it might be different, but I'm just kind of bored with the whole thing of having to drive all the way over to his house if I want to see him. And then he never wants to find anything for us to do. He will ask me to do something with him, but I always have to pick it and then I always have to drive. I suppose since I love him it shouldn't matter, but it still does sometimes. I guess I just wish he'd make things a little more exciting. He loves me though so I don't think I could leave him and feel good about it for very long because I know that with him I'm always going to be loved unconditionally, which is something very rare to find. I don't think I deserve to be loved the way he loves me. I've been pretty mean to him at times, but he's never even been mad at me. I just don't understand being able to love someone like that.

I don't know what will really ever happen between us, though. Our lives don't seem to be following the same path, so no matter how much I would like for us to get married in a few years, in all actuality we probably won't talk much at all after I graduate. We're just not alike at all anymore. He has his group of friends and I have mine, and probably none of his friends would even talk to my IF he tried to introduce us, which he never has. I don't even know if any of his friends know anything about me. For all I know he has another girlfriend on the side. I find that very hard to believe, knowing Travis, but then again, him and I got our start while he was dating another girl a couple years ago. I guess our relationship is far from perfect, but it's not like we fight or anything. We get along really well, even when we don't want to. I can't stay mad at the boy no matter how hard I try, and he can't be mad at me either. But I don't really know if that is enough to make a relationship out of.

Well that's enough deep thinking for one day... Ciao