I wrote this entry on paper, first, and then decided to put it on here, but I've left a lot out since I was really depressed at the time, and in a much better mood now, and I don't want to get depressed again. So if something doesn't fit quite right and has "..." in between words, it's where I have edited it for this purpose.

I wish .... I wouldn't have to spend my days analyzing my life and it's faults. That's one of my biggest problems, I analyze everything to death. To the point where I forget the original thought, and I'm just stuck with another problem looming in the gray cloud which has become my head....

Man I whine a lot. I don't want to sound like such a freaking whiner. Well I guess I don't really whine to anyone other than myself; if for some odd reason someone decides to ask what's wrong, I don't tell them. It's not like they really care anyway, I think it's usually just used as a conversation starter. Kind of like "Oh you look like hell, what's your problem?" What a way to start a conversation! That's how I know they aren't sincere. Or that's how I THINK I know they aren't sincere... I think TOO much.

And yet my thoughts are my only companions that will never abandon me. Because they are always with me, and always mine. So not matter how many thoughts I have running through my head that never shold be, I could never stop my over-analytical approach to this journey called life.

I guess I can't totally curse it, either. for it gives me something to write about. As long as I can keep a pen moving across a piece of paper, I know that I haven't lost touch with who I really am. I don't actually think that I ever will, but it is a constant fear of mine, living in this world where most everyone is an image cloned from the mall, and not an image reflected from their soul like they're supposed to be.

Listen to me playing God! Like I really know how everyone is "supposed to be"! I am aware now that I don't, so I'll shove that little piece of pride away where it belongs. I guess I just wish that everyone knew how to find themselves and then wouldn't be afraid to express it. But I wish a lot of things that are never going to happen. It would just make life easier, that's all...

And now I find myself saddened once again, at the realization that life isn't supposed to be easy, and never will be.

Damn thoughts. Now I've brought myself back to the issue of being sad. I hate being depressed. I vaguely remember the days of constant joy now. But I know that I will not give up the hope of rediscovering them. And in not giving up hope, I know I will find them....