The reason God made woman last was that he didn’t want any advice while creating man.
As most veterans will tell you, marriage is the continuous process of getting used to things you hadn’t expected.
Intuition: that strange instinct that tells a woman she is right, whether she is or not.
Man has his will, but woman has her way.
The average woman would rather have beauty than brains, because the average man can see better than he can think.
Man loves little and often, woman much and rarely.
Men kick friendship around like a football, but it doesn't seem to crack. Women treat it like glass and it goes to pieces.
Women and Cats will do as they please. Men and dogs had better get used to it.
When you see what some girls marry, you realize how they must hate to work for a living.
A woman's mind is cleaner than a man's. She changes it more often.
Behind every great man, there is a surprised woman.
EASY:
A term used to describe a woman who has the morals of a man.
That's how men are! Ungrateful and never satisfied. When you don't have them, They hate you because you won't. And when you do have them, They hate you again, for some reason. Or for no reason at all, Except that they are discontented children, And can't be satisfied whatever they get, Let a woman do what she may.
Spouse, n: Someone who'll stand by you through all the trouble you wouldn't have had if you'd stayed single in the first place.
I think, therefore I'm single.
If it weren't for marriage, men and women would have to fight with total strangers.
Compromise: An amiable arrangement between husband and wife whereby they agree to let her have her own way.
Getting divorced just because you don't love a man is almost as silly as getting married just because you do.
Harpo, she's a lovely person. She deserves a good husband. Marry her before she finds one.
Before marriage, a man will lie awake all night thinking about something you said; after marriage, he'll fall asleep before you finish saying it.
An ideal wife is one who remains faithful to you but tries to be just as charming as if she weren't.
A woman seldom asks advice before she has bought her wedding clothes.
A man in love is incomplete until he is married. Then he's finished.
A man must marry only a very pretty woman in case he should ever want some other man to take her off his hands.
A man's wife has more power over him than the state has.
A psychiatrist asks a lot of expensive questions your wife asks for nothing.
No matter how lovesick a woman is, she shouldn't take the first pill that comes along.
Mistress: Something between a mister and a mattress.
Men and nations behave wisely once they have exhausted all the other alternatives.
Marriage is a lottery, but you can't tear up your ticket if you lose.
A woman in love never takes advice.
Failing to be there when a man wants her is a woman's greatest sin, except to be there when he doesn't want her.
Men are always sincere. They change sincerities, that's all.
If you want to sacrifice the admiration of many men for the criticism of one, go ahead, get married.
If you want something said, ask a man; if you want something done, ask a woman.
If I were a girl, I'd despair. The supply of good women far exceeds that of the men who deserve them.
I recently read that love is entirely a matter of chemistry. That must be why my wife treats me like toxic waste.
Whatever women do they must do it twice as well as men to be thought half as good. Luckily this is not difficult.
Women are like tea bags; put them in hot water and they get stronger.
I myself have never been able to find out precisely what feminism is; I only know that people call me a feminist whenever I express sentiments that differentiate me from a doormat.
You never see a man walking down the street with a woman who has a little pot belly and a bald spot.
They have come up with a perfect understanding. He won’t try to run her life, and he won’t try to run his either.
When a man says it’s a silly, childish game, it’s probably something his wife can beat him at.
The male is a domestic animal which if treated with firmness, can be trained to do most things.
Every man who is high up likes to think he has done it himself, and the wife smiles and lets it go at that.
Bachelors know more about women than married men. If they didn’t, they would be married too.
