I scream out, but the walls swallow my cries.
I’ve been silent too long;
It’s all I know now.
I want you here like you used to be,
But this is the way it must go.
Life makes no sense anymore.
I don’t know why I keep trying.
I try for everyone else--not me.
I gave up on my life long ago;
Now I just try to fulfill their empty expectations.
My happiness went away with you,
It’s theirs I aim for now.
I’ll understand one day why this happened.
Maybe.
I thought I did before, but I was wrong.
I understand nothing.
Not even my own heart.
I’m exhausted from thinking,
From trying to understand everything.
Life just isn’t meant to be understood--
Not mine anyway.
©Britt Hyde, 2001
