Happy Noodle Boy Speaks! ( a -lot-)

"Hey, dog entity! Rise up and bare your biscut filthy fangs at the oppressive leash wielding demon!! Goddamn my navel itches!!
Ahem! Erghhhhh!! Agcheckhh!! Ahem!
Meow! Meow! Meow! Cat chow!!! Cease your flatulent winds, and hear my mind numbing expulsions of wicked noise! Grrr!! CHEESE!!!
I sense your envy of my neck!! And I don't blame you!! Droooool over my magical powers!! I have powers pinto beans can only dream of! Wanna see me pull a tapeworm outta my ass?!! Huh!?!"
I am Testicles!! God of rash covered scrotums! Stare deep into the stinking abyss of my individually wrapped slices!!! Holy wax! Check out my armpits!!!"
Heeey! Waidaminit!! Wait just a polpyp picking minute!! I see your game! You will not sink my cheerio!! I see what is transpiring here!!!
You're all zombie thigh-fat people, brought into animation by some evil force of forceful evil!!! Shit! That lipstick's the wrong color for you!!
Moooo! Woof! Oh, don't you see the toenails?!! Oh, so splendid!! A, B, C, D, E, F, G, H, T, J, K...!
Under such extreme heat wear and degredation is inevitable!! Parts break after overuse!! and that is why toaster pastries will burst into flames if you dont keep an eye onthem, you sacks of bladder waste!!!"

"Fucking doughnut!! Mock me? You fried cyclops!!
Meow.
Yeah, you! I know what you really are! I can't prove it, but I'm onto you!! Gimme some cheese!
Shut up!! Demon weasel!
Repent! Repent! Floss often!
Nonsensical!!? Yet you envy me! You wish to wipe my ass!!! butter my groin!! Hermaphroditic monkeys, you speak with fools tongues!! That's a nice tie!!
Wuzzat? Clutch my testes you bloody squirrel humpers!!
Psst! Hey lady, c'merew and drool on my face!!
Run! Piggy, piggy!! Ruuuun, piggy, piggy, piggy!!
My god!! you're beuatiful*
Fuck!! I can smell blood in your urine!
Yum. Air!
Worship my pores!! Oh, no!! I sense the presence of your soiled pants!! HA!! Now you see my power! Now you know what my goiter can do to your follicles!!
Fuck off!
You're going to die!!!
Moo.
You fucking toaster!! You're nothing! That's all you'll ever be! A toaster! Damn! I have no kiwis!!
Fuck You!"

(*I feel compelled to note that this is said to a dead dog lying in a pool of it's own blood)

"Bzzt! bzzt!
Accusations! wicked hoarder of time!! I shall regurgitate no peas!! hear me, shiny rectal tick!!
Everybody! say it with me and wiggle!! Peas! Peas! Peas! Peas! Peas! Peas! Look! David Hasslehoff can fly!
Hey! You, cloud!! C'mere!! C'mere!!
conspiracy!! And now employing juvenile mongoloid demon babies!! My famous chicken recipe will never be yours!! Grrr! Woof!
Those kids are after me lucky charms!! Must get to my car and escape! Shit! Speed lines are chasing me!!
Argh!! Deceit!! This was no car after all!! It was a spy moose!
Far from the evil toenails of doom!! I am unstoppable! Squeeze my nub!
Stare deep into the spooky depths of my crotch! Do you not fear the awesome power of tile grout?!
You fuckin' cows!! Crackers! Crackers! But, no Squeezy Cheese!! You've broken my secret elbow!!
Magical jellybeans are growing from my head wound where the flies landed!! Stay away from my wallet!!
Marvel at my plastic applicator!! Not just any accessory for your sanitaary napkins!! I must lick yourTeeth! Fuck!! Nice molars!
Spank my ass and call me Debbie! Dare not defy my commands! These hands!! (his own) I can't get them off my wrists!! Oh, god!! Yum! Dirt!"

Minister: "He was a good man, a strong man who was good. Yep, he was... Good, good, good. Strong, strong, strong. He was Good and Strong. good-"
HNB: "Waaait!! This man is not dead!! Stop!!! Oh, the horror! The funky horror!
Stricken with a malady that mimics death!! Holy pigshit, batman!!"
Daughters (who - in my opinion - strongly resemble monkeys): "Gasp!" Mother: "Gasp!" Son: "Psag!" HNB: "Attacking outer physical functions!! Fooling the stupids!! Garg!! I am saying gaaarg!!
Yet, I alone can hear his tortured screams!! Screamy noises!! Eeeeeek!!
A Sentient slab of meat!!! Can't you hear him!!?!
Doo dee doo dee doo!!"
Son: "Mommy!! Make it stop!! Make the spooky Stick thing Stop!!"
HNB: "Ffuck you you little fucker-fucky!! I'm trying to assist the happy time!! Grroooog!!
You have been fooled into this early burial!! You must help him!!"
Mother: "Oh dear! I have made such a mistake!! Forgive me Carl!! Get my husband out of that hole!! Oh, son!! You still have a daddy!! Daddy is okay!!"
Son: "wow!"
HNB: Rescue for you! Whoopee, and all that shit!! No more Fear!! Yahoo!! Blah! Blah!
Mother: "Okay! Okay! I got him!! Now what do I do?!!!"
Son: "yay!"
HNB: Nothing. He's dead.

"This rotting concept of the unfathomable nostril mystifies the fuming crotch of my being!!! Stop with the mooing you damned chihuahua! Ganglia!! Rats eat babies!"

"Bzzzt! Bzzrrt! Bzzzt!
Scoo-beee, Flooo-beee, Booobeee!
Cease your barky noise making!! Join my Legion of darkness, my frowny face empire!!!!!!
Squeely bladderfuck! Now my plan comes to fruitition!! Minutes of planning, finally, my toes wiggle!! I anoint thee!!! I do not copulate wiht twinkies! Yaaargh!!
Shlooop!! Shhhloop!! <--(sound of HNB sucking on a dog)
Soon now, my pretty! Can you not feel my masterpiece unfurling before your very spleenys!!? Filled with chewy nugat!!
Victory!! Sucess!! Incontinece! Now with more leakage protection!! Supplicate! Acknowledge me as the nippless wonder!!
Go forth and become a happy cabbage!!!
poop!! <--(sound of HNB spitting out a dog )
Your service is complete!! Get me some fucking corn nuts!!
Accept my heartwarming gift of tree scratchies!!! I absolve thee!!
Hokey pokey avec moi!! Hokey pokey, you shitting penal fissure!! Get down!! Huh!!
Moo! moo!! mooo!!! I'm voodoo cursing you!! Phhhht! Grrrr. Grrrr.

"Boop boop bedoop!
BLAM!! POOP!! <--(sound of HNB being killed by shell-fire.) Zoooo!! Zoooo!!! I am da spooky noodle ghost!! Boo!! Are the taquitos ready yet?! Ghost need taquitos! Blah!!
I change shape!!! Become filthy mouse!! Boooooh!!
Silence clitoral cheese-nip!!! SILENCE!! I am now giant peanut! I possess you keebler elf!!! Fuck da cookie-tree! Bubba! Feel my evil nub!! (posesses a dog) Ha ha ha!! Nobody can stop my super doggy style attack!! I possess you too!! To the batcave, Robin!!
Aargh!! Glorph!! Mmff!! Agh!! Mmglrk!! Spooogh! Willie!! <--(sound of HNB possessing young boy by forcing himself down his throat)
Hail Lord Satan and his epileptic monkey! Fuck yooz, pimp-daddy!! Cook up da weenies filled with cheese!! Dow Jones?!
GRRAARRGH!!

"Goobers or raisinets?! Goobers or raisinets?!! Squeak once for yes!! Who has stolen my cheese?! Answer me, or don't! I am wiggling my leg!! Witness my leg!! Do you not see?! Huh?!
Wuzz fer brekfast? Fuck yooz mister platypus!! hey, where's your head, mommy!?!! Must jelly after toasting!! boop boop bedoop!!
Je suis un trés grande pomme de terre!" (I am a very large potato)
"Squirrel thing: Mange pousson avec moi." (Eat fish with me)
"Pssst, Superdog, c'mere. Bite my head and give me super powers.
Kick! Spoop!! Crunch!! Moo!! Spoink! Snoudge!! Piff! Corn!! Bloop!! Tiki!! NIPPLES!! I HAVE NO NIPPLES!!!"

"Get up, Joe!!! Don't give up!!! I won't leave you!!! You is my bruddah!!
blooogh!!! I won't forget you!! I do mighty kung-fu kick for you!!
FLAN <--(sound of HNB being hit by a car.)
Yaargh!!! I want tacos!! Service me, Martha!!!
Nugat! Bow down!! Or I will unleash my zoinky army of surly crackbabies!!
I am chock-full of karate chop action! Hey!! Those shoes with that dress?! What were you thinking?!
I am going to fly into your butt!! Prepare all asses for vicious entry!!
Goddammit!! I said I wanted my bagel toasted!! Remove the booby harness!! Arrr...

"End this pathetic deception! I know you're hiding martians in your head!! Gimme them martians! I am going to put butter on them!! Martians!! Grrr!!
Bloody fuck-monkey!!! Refuse my request of love?!! Here this blood feud ends!!! Granpappy!! Grandaddy, rub me feets!! me feets, granpappy!!
Your testicular shrinky moment is worthless!!! You have invoked an evil older than man!! Older than croutons!! Now I feed!!!,br> Mmntam! Yam! Munch!! Chew! Munch! Munch! <-- (sound of HNB in his 3rd hour of eating grass) Too late!! My mighty stomach chambers have already processed the grass people into dee-lishus grade-a milk!! I milk on thee!!
My scheme is complete!! soon all the children of the world will be dipped in fung-lum sweet and sour sauce!! they will be sweet AND SOUR!! HA! SONIC THE HEDGEHOG!!
otan ji you bi o me detou gozaimasu!! pooh! you nibbler of damp beaver nuts!!

"So, once, the little girl was playing 'uncle wiggly'!! And something went wrong!! Killer bees!! You don't know what a rash is!! Look at my thighs!! A milion cows came flying in from within the void!! I hate this fucking comercial!! banana quick!! I miss banana quick! The zoo chases me, but they won't win!! So she's playing uncle wiggly, and her diaper needs changing, cuz she's 87 years old, and there's bits of carrot in it and a scary baboon!! Fly! Carbon blood factory ovaltine hump!! Stand back frok my funky self!! You think, but you're not plywood. I love you, my little exit wound.