The Jabberwock N'Stuff
Welcome to a brand new edition of N'stuff. This N'stufff is going to be completely different from my other N'stuffs, mainly because, this one DOESN'T HAVE NICE LITTLE PICTURES!! You gonna cry? Huh? You gonna squirt some? Huh? You want pictures in this N'stuff? Well to bad! Take your half baked pixels and you can shove them STRAIGHT UP YOUR ASS!! Now that that's over:
The new school year started recently and on the third day I was absent. Yep, getting those absences in. But there's a very important reason. A man came to visit me the night of the Fourth of September. I remember it like it wasn't even a week ago.
It was a strange time in my life. This man just appeared at my house. He didn't knowck, he didn't even use the door. I just opened the refridgerator and there he was. Sitting right on top of the Country Crock. I was dumbfounded. So I asked him "Why are you in my fridge."
He just kinda looked up at me. So I yelled "MOM!! There's a little man on the Butter!"
Mother is so helpful sometimes. She yelled back "GOD DAMN IT ADAM I TOLD YOU TO TAKE YOUR MEDS AN HOUR AGO!!! WHAT'S NEXT? YOUR GONNA TELL ME YOUR GOD AGAIN!!!"
Yeah... she knows I'm God, she just is afrad she can't control my Godly powers. Of Hannibal. That are Spongey. That's why I'm also known as the GODLY HANNIBAL SPONGE!!! OF DOOM!! Yeah, that's right, I cast DEATH on you all! You will all DIE *cough* eventually *cough*!!!
So this guy is still sitting on the butter, and still looking at me. So I got a little uncomfortable. I decided to try a little small talk:
"WHO ARE YOU WORKING FOR!! WHY WERE YOU SENT HERE!! SPEAK UP OR I'LL SMITE YOU!!!"
And with that, I guess he decided to give up information, because, you know, I would of smited him if he wouldn't.
The following is a transcription of a tape recorder I keep in my pocket for such little emergencies as little men sitting in my fridge. In it you will hear the little man, and me occasionally outsmarting him, because, you know, I'm God:
Beware the Jabberwock, my son
The jaws that bite, the claws that catch
Beware the Jubjub bird, and shun
The Frumious Bandersnatch
The Bander-what? What the hell are you talking about? What Jabberwock?
He took his Vorpral sword in hand
Long time the Maxome foe he sought
So rested he by the tum tum tree
And stood a while in thought
Vorpral sword? Maxome? What the hell? I can't pronounce that, and you just said it! Do you even know english?
And as in uffish thought he stood
The Jabberwock, with eyes of flame
Came whiffling through the Tulgey wood
and burbled as it came
Oh God... Brain shutting down, to much, having crap overload...
One, two! One, two! And through, and through!
The Vorpral blade went snicker-snack!
He left it dead, and with it's head
He went gallumphing back
I actually can feel my brain frying... It smells a little like chicken... Oh GOD!!
"And, hast thou slain the Jabberwock?
Come to my arms, my beamish boy!
O frabjous day! Callooh! Callay!"
He chortled in his joy...
*Sounds of Adam hitting floor and going into comvulsive ceisure...*
About 3 hours later I woke up in the closet with a biting ferret clutched close to my breast screaming "THE GOOSE BUTTER KNUCKLE WILL RETURN! THE GOOSE BUTTER KNUCKLE WILL RETURN! SSA TAF GIB A SAH YMMOM!!!"
Clearly seeing that the little butter man had struck me deep in ways I could never imagine, I decided that I needed a day off to think about what happened here. And so that's why I missed school on September the Fifth...