Welcome to the first edition of 'N Stuff, the pointless news article, with stories that may or may not be entirely factual. But if I where you, I'd believe every word that is here. This weeks topic: Cows: The Evil is amung us!!
So, you walk into a resturant, and you're all like "Hey, I want a salad" and the waitress is all like "no, you can't have a salad, cuz I'm not giving it to you st00pid h3d."
What do you do? no salad means no croutons..
Sorry lost control there. So anyway: So you fall back to Plan B.
"Oh great wonderful leader Adam, What is plan B?"
I SAID YOU ARE JIMMY!!!!!
"jeez man, whatever you say"
Thank you...st00pid h3d
Anyways! Plan B is of a lower quality level than Plan A (other wise known as operation salad). Plan B goes something like this.
"Ok, you don't have salad, then can I have a beef burger?"
STOP!!! STOP THE FILM!!!
?? Did you see? did you see what he just did? He ordered a Beef burger!
"what's wrong with that?"
WHAT DID I SAY??? DO I HAVE TO KILL YOU AGAIN?? I'LL FEED YOU TO MY LASER POINTER OF ANNOYANCE!!!
That's better Jimmy
Anyways Jimmy, what he has done is order something made out of beef! And this is where our little evil friends, the cows, come into the picture. You see, cows let some of the despencible members of their society get slaughtered and fed to us humans. And the root of the evil comes from the cow itself.
You see, once a human has had cow meat, he becomes addicted, not unlike the addiction off of cocaine. He becomes dependent on cow meat, eating it to "take away his troubles," and to just "feel good."
So man becomes dependant on cows, which is the first part of their scheme. Soon man will realize that because he depends on cows, he must take care of them.
So thus, more and more cows are aloud to infiltrate our society.
So we now have all the elements for a covert invasion. You may be telling yourself, "yeah well, so what? Cows are invading us, woopy. It's not like they's gots any smarts or nuttin."
You see Jimmy that's where you are wrong.
"I'm gonna kill this guy"
What was that?
Hmmm.... Anyways, If you need proof that cows are getting smarter, look at this reconisance photo from '84:
Yes this is a cow, it's just cleverly disguised as a person. But that's not all. They've become smarter! Look at this photo taken in '00:
SEE!! They are now using subliminal messages! And these are not only subliminal messages, but they point to the torture, and abuse of our beloved friend, and ally in the war against the evil that is cow, the Chicken!
So to you my friend I have this to say. Be not one with the destructiveness of the cow, but one with the constructiveness of the chicken. With one fell swoop I wash you of all your sins, and join me! Join me in the war that is COW!!