April 25, 2001 Maria
HIGH TECH MILKING MACHINE
Lewis's cousin, the farmer, ordered a high-tech milking machine. Since the equipment arrived when his wife was out of town, he decided to test it on himself first. So, he inserted his penis into the equipment, turned the switch on and everything else was automatic.
Soon, he realized that the equipment provided him with as much pleasure as his wife did. When the fun was over, though, he quickly realized that he couldn't remove the instrument from his penis. He read the manual but didn't find any useful information. He tried every button on the instrument, but still without success. Finally, the farmer decided to call the supplier's Customer Service Hot Line.
"Hello, I just bought a milking machine from your company. It works fantastic, but how do I remove it from the cow's udder?"
"Don't worry," replied the customer service rep, "The machine will release automatically once it's collected two gallons."
April 25, 2001- Maria
A large, muscular guy meets a woman at a bar. After a number of drinks, they agree to go back to his place. As they are kissing in the bedroom, he stands up and starts to undress.
After he takes his shirt off, he flexes his muscular arms and says, "See that, baby? That's 1000 pounds of dynamite!" She smiles.
The man then drops his pants, strikes a bodybuilder's pose, and says, referring to his bulging thighs, "See those, baby? That's 1000 pounds of dynamite!"
Finally, he drops his boxers, and after a quick glance, she grabs her handbag and runs screaming to the front door. He catches her before she is able to leave and asks, "Why are you in such a hurry to go?"
She replies, "With 2000 pounds of dynamite and such a short fuse, I was afraid you were about to blow!"
April 25, 2001-Maria
A young couple were in their honeymoon suite on their wedding night. As they undressed for bed, the husband, who was a big burly bruiser, tossed his pants to his bride and said, "Here, put these on."
She put them on and the waist was twice the size of her body. "I can't wear your pants," she said.
"That's right and don't forget it," said the husband. "I'm the man in this family."
With that, she flipped him her panties and said, "Try these on." He tried them on and found he could only get them on as far as his kneecaps.
He said, "Hell, I can't get into your pants."
She said, "That's right, and that's the way it's going to be until your damn attitude changes!"
April 20, 2001, Phillip Canuel
Dear God
Don't Let Anthony run the quote of the day section. We will be condemned to an eternity of "Laces Out", Laces Out, Laces Out.
You gotta stop the madness Justin. BOB DOLE DON"T NEED THIS.
And I would actually like you to add something for me.
I need all the publicity possible for my conspiracy theory. WE GOTTA GET THE WORD OUT.
Anyways throw this on for good old Phil.
Regis has spearheaded a terror campaign on the world with the goal of world domination. He hopes to accomplish this by starting madcow disease. Mad cow disease is actually a genetically engineered virus created by Gremmy's sweat mixed with the stuff in his teeth. By causing madcow disease he will be able to affect peoples brains. Thus causing them to become mentally retarded. And as we all know the first thing someone does once they become mentally retarded is to read Harry Potter books. Once Harry Potter book sales skyrocket Regis will have enough money to buy Zeph the gayest shoes ever. And enough to get anthony the highest spikes of all time. With these two valuable weapons Regis can distract everyone with Zeph's really really gay shoes and Anthony shall spike them with his hair. The WORLD WILL BELONG TO REGIS, and we will all be forced to play WHO WANTS TO BE A MILLIONAIRE forever. This plan must be stopped, because I can never get the questions about nursery rhymes. But I can't fight Regis alone, because he has hired a pack of evil gremlins to live under my bed. They sing BOB MARLEYS, JAMMING non-stop. Its a good song and all but it just won't stop. So please support ur local ANTI-Regis chapter. Give generously to used_condoms@hotmail.com
Anyways justin thats the jist of it
As for making fun of everyone. U know i agree with u, Blind people suck ass, same with anyone who's not me.
Crack is good for me.
JUSTIN REPLIES: That's right, that's my first letter. This should be typical. The ranting diabolics are my target audience after all.
Anyway, I don't like Regis, so give generously. I wonder if he has people that monitor sites in order to control the anti-Regis movement?
Hang on, there's a knock at my door. DEAR GOD NO!!!!!!!!!!!!!