Chapter 6
Lily sat and cried. She just cried, and cried and cried. She seemed to be crying her soul out. I sat there, for what seemed like hours, thinking of what to do. I’d never been in so awkward a position as this before. I just sat there, listening to Lily, watching her shake and shudder in her grief, not knowing how to comfort her. To tell you the truth I really didn’t know what she was so upset about. I mean it’d been a dream, okay a very real dream for her but still a dream, and there’s nothing in dreams, Professor Telgar says so. I mean what was she so upset about? It had shocked her, it had shocked me that she dreamt about me - that we were married and had a kid, but I mean, still I really couldn’t see why she was so upset.
I stood up suddenly, knowing she couldn’t go on crying like she was, she’d wake everyone up and make herself ill too. I bent over her, stroked her back awkwardly and whispered “I’ll be back in a second.” I thought she’d protest, but she didn’t. Maybe she hadn’t heard me.
I crept upstairs and opened my trunk, I got out my invisibility cloak, put it over my shoulder, then wrenched open the floorboards to find the Marauders map. I knew all the routes in the school off by heart but it would be nice to know that we wouldn’t be disturbed. I found and pocketed it and padded softly down the stairs, then thinking again, raced back up. I grabbed my cloak, and a spare one for Lily then rushed back down to where she was sitting, still crying.
“Lily,” I whispered urgently. “I’m sorry Lils but I’m going to have to put a silencing charm on you for a bit, just so we can get through the castle without being heard.” I waited patiently for a reply, none came so I guessed she wouldn’t mind.
“Silencio” I muttered pointing my wand straight at Lily. The sound or her sobs stopped but she was still shaking. I threw the cloak over us, gathered Lily awkwardly in my arms and as quickly as I could, scuttled out of the common room. The fat lady seemed to be used to opening and closing for invisible people and didn’t question me. I headed through the corridors and down the main staircase out into the dark grounds. Seeing the light emerging from Hagrids hut and my first thoughts were to go there, where it was warm and comfortable. Then I realised that I’d be putting Lily in a very awkward position, she hardly knew Hagrid so it would be horrible for her to be seen by him in such a state.
My eyes scanned the ground, the forest? No that was much too dangerous. Then as my eyes skimmed past the lake a thought struck me. The Whomping Willow, of course, how could I be so dense? I hurried towards it. Remus wouldn’t be needing it tonight, full moon had been a week ago.
Somehow I managed to get myself and Lily through the hole at the foot of the tree. It was hard because Lily seemed to have regained her state of mind and was putting up a fight. When we were through she was looking at me, amazed. I just smiled at her and brushed the dirt off of my knees and elbows. She tried to say something but evidently I couldn’t hear a word.
“Oh, sorry Lily - ‘Resume’” I muttered.
“James, ow!” her head knocked the side of the tunnel “It’s okay you can put me down now, I can walk.” I put her down and she stood shakily on her legs for a few moments. When she’d settled she began to walk off, back the way we’d come
“Lily -” was my half formed protest..
“No, James. I’m not going anywhere. What if someone finds us?”
So who’s little miss responsible now? I thought sarcastically “They won’t.” I replied bluntly.
“But - why? Where does it go?” she asked glancing at me suspiciously.
“To the shrieking shack -” I noticed my mistake as soon as I’d said it, Lily turned and uneasy as she was, started to run back the way we’d come.
“Lily, trust me-” I could get no further, she’d whipped back around.
“James, what on earth were you thinking about, bringing me down here. Don’t you know it’s haunted by violent poltergeists?”
“Well actually Lily -” again I got no further, it had evidently meant to be a rhetorical question.
“James, we could be killed! I mean the villagers have said that it was really bad only last week, they could still be there and-”
I cut in here. “Lily if you’d just shut up for a moment then I can explain.”
“Well?” she asked after I hadn’t immediately offered any explanation.
“There are no poltergeists in the shrieking shack, trust me - I’ve been in here so many times, and Peter, and Sirius...” she strode on “And Remus as well” I added hoping that would persuade her.
“Well how do you know for certain?” she asked still unconvinced.
“I can’t tell you that - but,” I continued before she had the chance to complain. “I can show you though.” I got out the Marauders map unrolled and muttered “I solemnly swear I am up to no good.” The lines on the map drew themselves and Lily watched on in amazement. She was still shuddering every now and again, from crying so much earlier.
“I brought you a cloak down.” I mumbled pointing to the black material poking out from beneath my invisibility cloak. She turned, got it and put it on before quickly turning back.
“Ummm it doesn’t actually show inside the shack - but can you see? Here” I pointed at a spot labelled Peeves “It shows where all the ghosts are, and there are none here, well at least not in the tunnel, and I can promise, I’ll swear in the names of Moony, Wormtail, Padfoot and Prongs-” here she looked questioningly at me, but I didn’t bother to explain, it wasn’t really my secret. “I swear that there are no ghosts up there.
“Look Lily,” I continued. “I’m sorry for bringing you out here, I just thought that you could do with a good cry, and needed to be alone. I mean up in the castle you could’ve woken everyone up and it would’ve been impossible to explain. I though, well down here, it wouldn’t matter much. Besides we won’t get interrupted down here so you can tell me whatever you want.”
She smiled weakly at me, then shuddered hugely again. I put my arm around her shoulder, she was freezing. I went and grabbed my cloak, threw it over her and hurried her up the passage into the shack. She was evidently horrified by the state of the furniture - Remus had been having a really bad time recently and even we were having trouble controlling him. There were huge bites out of the sofas, slashes in the plaster work, and holes stomped into the floor.
Lily looked like she was going to faint. I got the least damaged chair, pushed it up to the empty grate and shoved Lily onto it. I lit a fire, then went upstairs to the bedroom, got the least mouldy duvet and threw it over her.
For ages she just sat there, rocking backwards and forwards on the wobbly chair. It was quite unnerving, she looked half possessed with her hair messily strewn about her shoulders, tear stains on her cheeks and dark shadows beneath her eyes. Her eyes, those beautiful shamrock green eyes, were darkened by... Well they were like the sun was when it’s blocked out by clouds.
I was at a loss what to do, again. I wasn’t like Sirius. He always seemed to know what to do in these situations, though you couldn’t tell from his normal attitude.
“James.” Lily said weakly looking at me with her eerily changed eyes. “I’m really, really sorry about all of this, truly I am. I shouldn’t have told you - I mean it was just a dream...” I could tell she didn’t mean it though - the dream had been real to her, that’s why she’d got into such a state. “And, oh you must think I’m mad! I really truly am sorry, for all of this, it must be really awkward. I’m practically a stranger to you-” I resisted saying ‘I know’ at this point, knowing I should just hear her out. “And out I come with all of this stuff, it’s stupid - I mean I don’t even love you, so how am I going to have your baby?’ she said. It hurt me but I didn’t know why, I didn’t think that I loved Lily Evans, but “And why should you die? I mean your not the kind of person that would just go and get themselves killed. You, Sirius, Peter and Remus... you do some silly enough things, but not anything really dangerous.” That's what you think I thought. “And the others, they wouldn’t just let you die. So I know it’s not true, well I knew that anyway, but... Oh I feel like an ass, I don’t know why I had to tell you. Well I do. It was to explain why I kissed you but I don’t know why I told you everything, it was stupid of me really.”
“But you didn’t even tell me why you kissed me.” I asked, puzzled. Lily laughed hysterically; she was really starting to scare me now.
“See!” she hissed, eyes blazing “I didn’t even do what I came to you to do in the first place.” She was laughing, rocking back and forth on the chair. It was terrifying to watch. I was just wondering if I should put the silencing charm on her again, or stun her, when she stopped. The clouds over her eyes shifted and she looked sane again.
“Oh James. What’s wrong with me?” She asked.
“I don’t know, but I’m going to take you up to the medical room straight away.”
“Okay, but first let me tell you why I kissed you, I may as well finish now. And I suppose I’d better sort out this mess” she said tapping to her head. I didn’t protest. “Well the dream, it made me crazy, kind of like what I was like just now, it’s never happened to me before. Look James, there’s something I need you to understand. When I dreamt those dreams, they were so real, so amazingly real and vivid. I could really feel what I was feeling. I loved you. I loved you so much. And when I went to sleep I always wanted to dream about you because I loved the feeling of loving, and being loved. Do you know what I mean? And there was Harry too --- When I dreamt I was in love with you so when you -” She gulped and cleared her throat “When you died, when you died I really felt like I’d lost the man I loved.
“I was so scared that it was real that I just had to come and find you. I mean it was you when you were older but -” she didn’t need to explain “And I saw you, I wanted to make it all go away, I didn’t know what to do, so I tried to act normally, but I had to touch you - to see if you were still there. I don’t suppose you know what I mean but that’s how it was. I mean in my dream, I thought I’d lost you, and part of me, cheesy as it sounds, and I had to make sure you were still there, were still living and breathing - even if I didn’t feel the same towards the real you as I do towards the dream you.” she drifted off. I knew that she thought she wasn’t making sense but I understood, well most of it anyway.
“So, why did you kiss me?”
“Because I thought I loved you.”
“And?” I asked puzzled once again.
“I don’t know.” She said bluntly turning and looking straight into my eyes. “I really don’t know.”
True to my words I took Lily straight back to the castle and deposited her into Madame Pomfrey’s care. I really was amazed at that woman, seriously, she always seemed to be awake and didn’t even question me about why I was bringing Lily in so late.
“Thanks James.” Lily said weakly from the bed as I turned to leave.
“That's okay” I said smiling in return. Lily lay on her bed silently and I was just leaving when I heard her say.
“Oh my goodness, James! I’m so sorry, I forgot all about the Quidditch match tomorrow. Oh how selfish I’ve been!”
“What’s all this?” said a woman sternly, it was Madame Pomfrey. “Mr Potter I must ask you to leave, Miss Evans here seems to be getting over excited and she must rest. I don’t even know what’s wrong with her yet.”
“Madame Pomfrey, please. Can you give James something, a sleeping potion or something. You see he’s got Quidditch in the morning and I made him stay up and help me with my Transfiguration homework and now he won’t get enough sleep.”
“I don’t usually give out sleeping potions to healthy patients but,” said Madame Pomfrey sensing Lily's protest “If it will help you get better then I will. Here you go Mr Potter.” She said handing me a cup of a strange smelling liquid. “This potion lets you sleep for two hours and get four hours worth of sleep. You should be fully rested by nine o’clock.”
I took the potion, thanked Madame Pomfrey and winking my thanks at Lily walked out of the door. I walked as quickly as I could to the common room, woke up the fat lady and crept silently in. I then went into my dorm threw the cloak and map into my trunk. Swiftly taking the potion pulled back the drapes and flopped onto my bed, fully dressed, and went to sleep.
Chapter 7
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