Psychological? Bullshit.

by Captain Robo

Nothing really gets my goat like an anime fan talking about how their favorite anime has “so much depth and psychological value”. Give me a break. This is the most common justification (or excuse) an anime fan will give when you let them know just how much their cartoons suck. Immediately they will try to prove to you that (Gundam / FLCL / Cowboy Bebop) isn’t just about senseless killing or violence, but has lots of thought and philosophical meaning and influence. Yet what most people don’t know is that if you scrutinize anything hard enough, you’re bound to find hidden meanings that probably weren’t intended. Perhaps this is a bad way of putting it, as most animes tend to exaggerate their “hidden meanings”, as in a character staring up at the sky and saying “Why can’t there be peace in the world”, or “Who is God”, or “What fucking time is it dammit. I am using adult dialogue.” If scientists are able to analyze feces and make inferences about people, just from their diets, don’t you think obsessive nerds would likewise be able to find meaning in the bullshit that is Anime?

Let’s take a look at some Japanese cartoons and find out exactly what people think they see in them.


Fooly Cooly

Perhaps the most popular anime to be mistaken for anything resembling a philosophical brain fart. Fooly Cooly is also the subject of Kon’s infamous article, which has sent thousands of upset and obsessed readers into prepubescent hissy fits. I have had the displeasure of seeing all four episodes of this series, and I don’t remember any psychological or philosophical argument.

What I do remember, however, is this

How in the hell ANY psychological meaning can be derived from this crockpot of boiling shit is completely beyond me. Apparently, people believe that if something is so zany and off the handle, it MUST contain some deeper meaning, rather than being a complete acid trip enema, which, in actuality, it is. Don’t question it, don’t argue; I don’t think I need to spell it out any further, unless you people are that dumb.


Big O

I have seen about ten episodes from this show- nine of them from when it was on Toonami, the black hole on Cartoon Network where all the anime should have stayed. However, for some reason, this show was moved to Adult Swim because it was apparently “Too hardcore for Toonami”. In all seriousness, this show is too boring for television. It would make a better book or movie I wouldn’t have to partake of.

But no, Adult Swim had to force feed this shit show to us, as the first thing on their Sunday Comedy block. In order to watch my Aqua Teen Hunger Force and Space Ghost, I had to wait out this behemoth of boredom, the Big O. Not only this, but we had Brak, a formerly awesome character, screaming about how much he loved Big O. As if that wasn’t enough, there were commercials everywhere trying to implant the idea that this show carried any philosophical weight at all, saying “Can robots really become human?”

As if this question had no relevance, the show, in no way, touched upon that subject.

So here’s what I took from watching about ten episodes of this show

The show is complete shit. It’s boring and nothing happens at all. After just five minutes of watching this show, an insomniac would be sleeping like a baby. So if there is any meaning to it, I wouldn’t know; I was sleeping.


Cowboy Bebop


Cowboy Bebop is probably the most overhyped and overrated piece of shit out there. The show moved too slowly for my liking, and was always trying to act like it HAD any philosophical depth. In a random episode of Cowboy Bebop, you’ll see 24 minutes of Spike wandering around, smoking, and thinking to himself; and then in the last minute of the show, you’ll see a fight. Spike’s internal conflicts, if you can call them that, are also extremely basic: “Am I a bad guy or a good guy?”, “Am I doing something wrong?”, “Is there a higher purpose?”, “Whoa I think this shit is wearing off…”. Call me crazy, but I prefer not to waste my time waiting for something to happen.

Stop watching this God-Awful show you lemmings.



If I had a dollar for every episode of Gundam ever made, I'd have enough money to buy all the anime in the world and burn it. Gundam is perhaps the anime most mistaken for carrying any sort of philosophical depth. The show is about Giant Robots fighting other Giant Robots, but all the characters are like "WE WANT PEACE :CRY :CRY, BUT WE'RE GOING TO FIGHT YOU FOR PEACE"

Apparently, people seem to think that this show tries to illustrate the ethics of war.

Well, I'll tell you one thing: in war, people don't go around traipsing in Giant Robots and whining about how they want peace, simultaneously killing everyone in their way. This show is a sack of dogshit. If there's any meaning in the Gundamn Anime, it's about hypocrisy.


That just about wraps it up. I would also take the time to explain why Inuyasha sucks donkey balls, but I don’t think even Anime fans are that thick…

Please don’t prove me wrong, you anime fans, please…

If you were offended by this article, or anything on this site, please don't kill yourself. Instead, vent your anger on the guestbook, so we can laugh at you.