Pfff. Don't you wish.

...Well, okay, actually, let me think. What can I reasonably safely tell you? I can't tell you when or where I was born. To further obfuscate matters, you should know I've done my share of travelling in both time and (outer) space.

I can't tell you my real name. I can never tell you how I come by any of my information, nor can I tell you too specifically about many of the things I've done. (That sort of thing is one of the best ways one's enemies can learn from their mistakes, not to mention compromising one's occasional allies.)

I can tell you I have a few very interesting friends and acquaintances, most of whom you've probably never heard of. It's not all about conspiracies. Remember, I also investigate the paranormal. (Just as not every X-Files episode is a mythology episode.)

I can tell you about my irrational fears. Oh, I fear (or, more accurately, have a healthy respect for) many things. But that's not irrational. As they say, just because you're paranoid doesn't mean they're not out to get you. But I do have one fear that's probably irrational, one which will likely prevent me from ever getting into a romantic relationship: I have always been afraid that if I ever got married, Darius Rucker would shoot me and take my wife to Italy.

Hmmm... can't think of much else to say right now. Sorry. Maybe another time....

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