tek's rating: meh and a half

Darkman III: Die Darkman Die (R)
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This is the second direct-to-video sequel to Darkman. It came out in 1996, but I didn't see it until 2015. I have this set of all three movies, and I had watched the first one sometime in 2013. So, one night, somewhere between one and two years later, I was trying to decide what movie to watch, and I chose Darkman II. I figured I really had to get around to watching the sequels at some point, and I decided that since I wasn't expecting them to be any good, it might be fun to watch them ironically, or whatever. (It's mainly just something to do while having a few beers, anyway.) So I put the movie in, and it's called "The Return of Durant," so the whole time I keep waiting for Durant to show up. And he didn't. When I was about to put the DVD back in the case, I saw that the second movie was already in the case. It was only then that I realized I had watched the third movie by mistake. (I swear I never saw a title onscreen while watching the movie, but it's possible I did, and just didn't process it consciously. I don't care enough to put the disc back in and check.) With any movie series I cared about, this kind of mistake would piss me off (it's also the kind of mistake I almost certainly couldn't make with any series I cared about). But with this one, it really doesn't bother me, it just amused me when I figured out that it had happened. Anyway, it is kind of a fun movie, if you're specifically wanting to watch a bad movie. (And the beers didn't hurt.) For the most part it really was so bad it's good, but there were also a few bits that were so frickin' redonkulous they must have been intentionally so, they just must. Anyway... yeah, it was fun. And of course I'm never gonna watch it again.

So. Um. Darkman does his whole... crimefighting thing... I guess. Not that he really cares about crime, but criminals are convenient for stealing from, I guess. Basically he just wants to fund his continued research to find a new formula to make his artificial skin permanent. Anyway, there's a doctor named Bridget Thorne who manages to find him, and tells him she wants to do surgery to fix his nervous system. I don't want to spoil how that goes, but it's sort of a subplot that ties into the main plot. There's a drug kingpin named Peter Rooker (Jeff Fahey), who is the major villain in the movie. There are more subplots, one involving a politician named Mitchell who wants to take Rooker down, and one involving Rooker's wife, Angela (Roxann Biggs-Dawson, whom I know from Star Trek: Voyager), and their daughter, Jenny. (Because of course Rooker is a terrible husband and father.) And I don't feel like revealing any details of the plot or any subplots. Oh, and Rooker's main henchman was Nico, whom I only mention because he was played by Nigel Bennett. But honestly, almost the whole plot was predictable and pathetic, and the acting was all pretty bad (which I blame on the writing). But like I said, it's fun if you're hoping it'll be bad....


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