Independence Day 2011

Alrighty, it's Monday, July 4, 2011. Um... the first thing I should say is that last Tuesday, I quit my job. It's something I've been so close to so many times, and I don't really know how I lasted this long. In fact I really think there have been times I was way closer to quitting than I was the night I actually did quit, if that makes any sense. But in any event, I feel guilty about it, and also a bit nervous about the future. But still I don't really regret it. I am not really cut out for any job that requires me to be around people, even people I like... and I definitely did like the people I worked with. Still, I feel like just walking out like that, I no longer deserve their friendship. I don't really deserve anything. Actually, I think my roommates are planning on going to the waterfront tonight to watch fireworks or whatever, but I don't want to go, both because I don't feel I deserve to enjoy such a spectacle, and also because I'm more apprehensive than ever about being around crowds. Or even so much as a single person I don't know... being around people I do know would be hard enough. I just think my social anxiety has been growing worse, and for the past week I've been ignoring it by hardly leaving the house, so I don't have to see anyone except my roommates.

Anyway.... the night I quit, I decided to walk home. It's a very long walk, and mind you, I have arthritis in my ankle. And I was carrying my laptop, which I had brought to work as I usually do (since buying it earlier this year) to use after I get cut, so I won't be so bored for all the hours I have to wait around to get a ride from a coworker. See, I had no idea I'd be quitting that night. Bad enough walking, is the point, without having to carry a laptop, even if it was in a decent case. I so didn't need the extra weight. Well, I got the better part of the way home, before a coworker, or I should say former coworker since I'm no longer a worker, happened to see me, while he was at a gas station. He gave me a ride the rest of the way home, and we stopped at a supermarket, where I picked up a few things (more than I would have if I was walking the rest of the way). Got some Independence Day ale made by Tremont, which I've meant to get in years past but I don't think I ever did. I'd been definitely planning on getting it this year, to have tonight, but I ended up drinking it that night, since I had no idea about anything concerning tonight. Would I still be in Bangor? Would I have any money? Would I still be among the living? I had no idea. And in a way, quitting made that night my own personal independence day... though ironically, it means I'll soon be dependent upon my parents again, I expect. Because I just don't see me getting another job. Well, another thing I got was a Friendlys Wattamelon ice cream roll. Which looks like a watermelon, but doesn't taste like one. I've been meaning to try one of those for years, and finally got around to it. It's pretty good. Also got some sticks that are meant for roasting marshmallows over a campfire. Though I don't know if I'll use them for marshmallows, necessarily....

Another day this past week I got more groceries, including some red hot dogs, which is what I mainly want to use the campfire sticks for. Still another day I got more stuff, including some morning glory sparklers to use tonight. Oh, and I got some "fudge-filled candy stars" from the dollar store. They're colored red, white, and blue. Yay. And a few weeks ago I got this mix for making funnel cakes. I think I'll try that today. Also I'm having Pitch Black Mtn Dew, which is something I haven't even seen in a few years. Yum. And I think later I should go to the store (not sure if I'll get a ride or have to walk, which is like a half hour trip each way, on foot). I want to get some Sam Adams Summer Styles. Also this morning I have watched a bunch of eps of The Twilight Zone which I recorded in Syfy's annual TZ marathon, or I should say semi-annual, as they do it for the Fourth of July and for New Year's. I'll watch more eps later, but I needed a break.

And... now I'll do some non-Independence Day type stuff for awhile. I'll say more later, probably.

And now I'm gonna complete this entry. I'm writing now on Wednesday, July 6. Monday night when I tried to use the net, I discovered our cable had gone out. Probably an unpaid bill. It kinda sucks not being the one in charge of that and also having roommates that don't necessarily pay their share of the bill on time. But I can't really talk, I'm a bit behind, myself. I'm gonna give the roomie who's in charge of that bill my share today or tomorrow though. Hopefully tomorrow we can get cable back, but for the moment I'm using the wifi at McDonalds. Anyway, I should say what else I did monday since I quit my initial entry. I didn't do a great job making the funnel cakes, but not horrible for a first try. Aside from burning one finger slightly. It's fine now. But probably in the future I'll leave funnel cakes mainly to the professionals, if I ever get to another fair or anything. I suppose I won't be going to the Folk Festival next month since I don't expect to be living in Bangor anymore, which sucks. But anyway... what else? Watched "The Rocketeer" with my roommate James. Walked to the store and bought some Sam Adams. Watched some more TZ (before the cable went out). Watched some 4th of July specials, mainly a few musical performances on PBS, and some fireworks on NBC. Drank some beer. Um, and while the weather was beautiful for much of the day, for awhile it poured, and I thought it'd be too wet for a fire in the fire pit out back, but they got one going anyway. The first one I've ever really had in the year I've been living in my current house. So I went out, roasted some hot dogs, used a sparkler or two, as did the others. Eventually went back inside, around midnight, which is when apparently the cable stopped working. I hope I'm not forgetting anything I meant to say. But either way, it's not like any of this matters. Anyway, it was an okay day. Though I do hope next year is better...

tek's Independence Day page