Where Shall I Turn To
By Tiger
By my watch I find that it is a little after one o'clock. I just
finished eating and I'm ready to go home and crawl into bed. The
walk home is a long one for two reasons, one being I live in the
middle of nowhere and two I have a lot to think about. On my way
out a drunken classmate who wouldn't give me the time of day
sober stops me, talking nonsense. I give him a little
conversation, just enough to pacify him so I can go home and go
to bed.
I turn up my dark street, the streetlight is out again so I can't
see much but I'm lucky enough to be able to see quite well in the
dark. I get to my house and reach in my pocket for my key. "Oh
shit!!! I left it inside again." I said trying not to be to
loud. The last time this happened I went to Willow's but I don't
want to do it again that would be rude right? Nahhh, she won't
mind she never does.
I get to Willows house and everything is dark. "She's
usually up doing something. Where is she?" I walk around
back to see if her light is on. No luck her parent's room is
right under hers so I don't want to make too much noise. "How
do I get her without waking up her parents?" I think aloud.
I grab a rock but I put it back because it's much too large. I'd
end up giving her a heart attack and kill her then I still won't
have a place to sleep. I grab some pebbles. I toss one up, no
reaction. I toss another one up, still no reaction. It is almost
two in the morning and I'm tired and getting pissed off so I take
the rest of the pebbles and thow them up at her window. To my
luck I see a light.
Willow comes to the window in her robe. "Hey, Wills. I, uh,
forgot my key again." I say not trying to sound too stupid.
I know this is the second time this has happened and I don't want
her mad at me.
"That's twice this week." She says shaking her head.
But to my happiness she comes down stairs and lets me in. "What
happened this time?" she asked.
"I went to McDonalds around eleven and got talking to one of
the guys. It was one thirty by the time I got home, and both my
parents were unconscious." I didn't want to scare her with
that but the truth is the truth. "You can stay here. You're
always welcome." She said.
"Thanks, Wills. You're the best." She has always been a
good friend to me. She goes in and tells her mom.
When she comes back out she says that it is all right. She grabs
my clothes out of her closet and tells me to give me the ones I'm
wearing so they will be clean tomorrow. I get comfortable on the
couch and ready to fall asleep when I hear her talking again.
Something about being best friends, hating Cordelia and the fact
that she was a girl. That made me sit up because she totally
caught me off guard. I think about that last comment. It finally
occurred to me that most people of the opposite sex as close as
we are usually share a bed or like the same guy but not us we
are, well, different.
She is quiet so I assume that she is as tired as I am then she
asks a question that I hoped she would never ask. "Xander,
why do you always come here? Jesse lives closer."
I have dreaded this question for some time. I can't answer that
question truthfully not to her. I don't believe that I could tell
anybody the true reason I come back to Willow. I think hard.
"I'm safe here." Is all I manage to say. She didn't say
anything after that so I guess she bought it. Though it is true
that I am safe at Willows house there will always be another
reason.
"Goodnight Wills." I say to break the silence. "Sleep
well."
We lost Jesse not long after that. Eventually we all got keys to
the library so I didn't always have to go to Willow's house in
the middle of the night.
One Saturday night I came to realize that nothing was the same. I
was getting too close to Wills without Jesse around. She was
going to find out the truth. Whenever we got to close before I
would hang out with Jesse but with him gone I can't. I must stop...
I have to quit seeing her. I can't take the pressure any longer.
I will make tonight the last night that she ever hears pebbles on
the window.