Author’s Notes: There is a reason I don’t listen to country. That reason is it makes such a good song fic. Then, I heard this song, and one other, and absolutely had to write these two tales. I own nothing but John, and he’s only called that because of the song. Anyway, the basis of this tale. Several years from now, Buffy is marrying Riley, and even as she does so, she knows he’s not really what she needs. Song written by Clint Black & Skip Ewing.

Love She Can't Live Without

Companion piece to ‘Could’ve Been Me’

As Willow did up the fastens on the back of Buffy’s dress, she wondered why she’d told Riley yes when he’d asked her to marry him in February. He thought she was over Angel, but he was so very wrong. "Willow, I don’t know if I can go through with this."

Willow closed the last snap. "I can’t help you with that, Buffy. What I can tell you is that no one will be surprised but the groom if you don’t walk down the aisle."

"The gang that perceptive?" Buffy wrinkled her nose.

"Not many happy brides to be spend all their spare time in their ex-boyfriend’s mansion." Willow began to pin up Buffy’s hair. "Just answer this question. Do you love him?"

"Yes, and he’s good, and caring, and can be with me in the daylight. Why do I feel like that’s not enough?" Buffy stared into the mirror.

"Because if Riley hadn’t asked you to marry him, and you two eventually broke up, you wouldn’t morn him for five years. Because Riley didn’t know it wasn’t you." Willow coiled the braid around Buffy’s head, just inside where the veil band would be.

"Because he isn’t Angel." Buffy sighed miserably. "If I do this, is it fair to Riley?"

The door opened and shut, and Buffy saw Xander come in. "You’re ready. I’m surprised."

"So am I." Buffy settled the veil on her head, glad it would cover whatever tears she shed. "If I don’t do this, has anything really changed?"

"If you do this, have you really solved anything? As much as I disliked Angel, I knew how much you loved him. And that makes me hate Riley all the more, because even though you’re marrying him…." Xander turned Buffy to face him. "You can’t love him anymore than you love me, or Giles, or Willow. And if you don’t, you’re not in love, you just love."

"I know." Buffy started to cry again, looking at herself, and seeing no joy. "If I walk up that aisle, I lose everything I am."

"Buffy, don’t do this." Willow hugs Buffy to her.

"I have to." Her voice cracks. "I’ll never be his, but I can never be Angel’s again, not really. I have to let him go, and move on."

"Even if it’s with a man who, after four years, still wouldn’t be able to tell if you weren’t you?" Xander whispered into her ear.

"Even if." Buffy unhooked the cross she hadn’t taken off since Riley had proposed. Angel’s cross. She walked into the lobby, and took Giles’ arm.

Giles looked at his charge, and knew she didn’t really want to do this. He alone knew Angel had been trying to get in touch with her for months. Only he knew why, and knew it would only take a single sentence to stop this travesty. But still waters run deep, and he couldn’t say the words. "Are you ready?"

"No, but let’s go." The wedding march starts, and they walk down the aisle. Buffy listens in a haze as the preacher performs the ceremony, knowing in her heart how wrong this is. Yet through her tears, she still says, "I do."

And she sees that man in the third row almost rise, and wonders why. She almost wishes he had. In the reception line, he stares into her eyes as she gives him a peck on the cheek. "Are you one of Riley’s friends?"

"Yes. I hope he makes you happy."

"What’s your name?" Buffy asks, ignoring the happy remark.

"John Brahman. I almost stood up." John tells her quietly before giving Riley a handshake that seems cold between friends, and walks away. His car has Los Angeles tags.

A month later, Buffy opens a card in her mail. It’s from John Brahman. Inside is a snapshot of Angel taken at a beach at high noon. And she remembers the hangups on her answering machine. The photo fluttered from her hands, and Buffy screams at the cruelty of it as she sees the note on the back. ‘I almost stood up. The day you gave up on him was the day he came back for you.’