Author’s Notes: There is a reason I don’t listen to country. That reason is it makes such a good song fic. Then, I heard this song, and one other, and absolutely had to write these two tales. I think this is the fourth or fifth fic I’ve written about Angel’s redemption. I own nothing but John, and he’s only called that because of the song. Anyway, the basis of this tale. Several years from now, Angel shanshu’s and doesn’t tell Buffy. Then, one of his friends in Sunnydale come and tell him Buffy’s gotten married. Song written by Reed Nielsen & Monty Powell.

Could've Been Me

Angel leaned back at his desk, just staring at the window, who’s shade now was always up. It still surprised him he wasn’t afraid of sunlight, but assumed that reflex had left with the demon. He watched Cordelia out of the corner of his eye interrogate a client. He’d kept the business, but these days most cases were of the ordinary, non-demon variety. The front door opened, and man with sandy brown hair slipped in.

"John." Angel waved his friend in with a smile. "Thought you went home for your friend’s wedding."

John Brahman looked nervous. "Angel, did I ever tell you how I learned about the supernatural?"

"You’re from Sunnydale. What you knew should have been taught to Kindergartners." Angel could sense John’s apprehension.

"I was in the Initiative, Angel. I came to LA after we disbanded because I couldn’t go back to living a normal life." John watched Angel’s mind real. "The man who’s wedding I went to, I knew him, but not his girl."

"Just say it, John." Angel was worried, not about the Initiative part, but what was coming next.

"I just attended the wedding of Riley Finn and Buffy Summers." And then John watched as Angel’s world fell apart.

Angel inhaled deeply, trying to remember to breath. "Did she look happy?"

"Angel…don’t do this to yourself." John hesitated to tell him.

"Damn it, John, tell me!" If Angel could have vamped out, he would have.

"She looked happy, I guess." John had to sit down, glad his pal could no longer rip out his throat. "When the priest asked for objections, I almost stood up, you know."

"That’s insane. She’s happy. That’s all I ever wanted for her, no matter how much it hurts me." Angel wished someone would rip out his beating heart.

"All I could think was it could've been you with her."

"She’s not mine anymore, if she ever was. She was only seventeen." Angel had long ago rationalized things to himself, the words hollow as he said them.

"She was always yours. She was crying as she said her vows." John whispered.

Angel tore his gaze away. "My humanity, it was supposed to be for her. The day I got it, I went to Sunnydale. I went at night, so she wouldn’t know until I told her. She wasn’t in. I hadn’t even realized it was Valentines day, you see."

"That was the night he proposed." John hated to put another hole in Angel’s already tattered heart.

Angel threw a ring box on the desk. "Great minds think alike."

"You’d already gotten a ring?"

"I’d already given her a ring, but she lost hers, just like I’d lost mine. Thought maybe she’d want another one." Angel picked up the ring box, resisting the urge to chuck it out the window.

"Does she even know?" John knew she couldn’t, but had to ask.

"No. Near the end, she was never home. It’s obvious now, isn’t it, who she was with." Angel’s venomous words were perfectly calm.

"I waited an hour too long, my friend. If I’d shown at five instead of six, she could have been mind." Angel opened the box, and pulled out the ring.

"You had no way of knowing." John knew his consolation was in vain as Angel crushed the ring under his boot heel.

"It could’ve been me."