Mood:  d'oh

I don't know how I could possibly get so upset over a little car.  The same thing happened to the Sisters' cars at other times and they didn't seem this upset.  Maybe because they don't seem to have personal money invested in their cars?  Perhaps it's the little vow of poverty that allows them to keep their heads on straight when something like this happens.  I'm sure that they felt the same sense of loss that I felt, mainly the sense that their personal space had been violated.

Why did I freak out about this?  I guess I've never been the victim of car vandalism before.  I feel so bad that the Sisters had to witness me basically throwing a fit because I am so immature sometimes.  This is my first experience of this and I really didn't know how to react.  I just hope that the Sisters don't decide that this is the last straw and kick me out.  It would be deserved if this happened, but I hope that it won't.

Mood:  blue

I've been a postulant for a month now.  I can see changes already, though they don't seem attainable at the moment.  The Sisters want me to take some Theology courses.  I was checking some out and they start on a day that I know I can't attend...mainly because I'll be at a formation gathering...something that's mandatory.  I'm excited about the idea though because it's always interesting to learn something about the Church.  I'll just have to take it in the summer, instead of the winter.  That's not so bad.  The days are longer!  Going back to school seems a little scary though.  It's been awhile since I've been in classes...but I need to stay open to what God may be asking of me.

My car was broken into.  That's why I'm blue.  Nothing was taken, thank God, so I should be counting my blessings.  I'm just upset that someone would randomly kick my car so hard that the window broke and the car's door was dented in.  Sheesh...  It makes me kind of nervous to keep my car at where I'm living. 

Mood:  quizzical

I wonder what this new step in my life will bring.

The provincial let me borrow one of her prayer books and I found in it a reflection on the treasure in the field and how once you find it, you sell all you have to get it.  I believe that I've found that treasure in Jesus and I believe that I can live that best with the Sisters of Notre Dame.  I am finding that I'm able to detach myself from many of my belongings.  I haven't really felt this way in the past, and I'm sure that it might be hard for me to give up certain things, mainly my car...but I guess I'll cross that bridge when the time comes.  My life savings is in that car, that's why I'm still a little possessive of it...

Today I took some of the kids I work with on a field trip.  It was really fun and I'm glad that the kids got to have the experience.

So, I've got a new director now.  I hope that I will be as open with her as I was with the vocation director.  Getting used to a new person will take some time.  I invited her to a mass that I usually go to..there will be a party after.  I hope she likes the mass.

Mood:  happy

I am sooo happy and peaceful.  I will officially become a postulant on Sunday.  God is good!

I've been doing an aweful lot of reflection lately, and these thoughts are the fruits of that reflection:

I wrote a poem based on Luke 1:38... "I am the handmaid of the Lord.  May it be done to me according to your word."  Here it is!

God, I'm scared...

Why do I feel that I've got to question everything?

                     What if I can't do it?

Why do you call?  I need the strength...

                      and determination...

to be like Mary.

She didn't understand Your plans...

or Your motives.

Yet she surrendered...

her will

          her mind

                       her body

                                 her heart...

Your will be done.

                        I am the handmaid of the Lord.

Mood:  happy

I've been spending some time reflecting with this song.  It's one of my favorites. 

Hosea 

Come back to me with all your heart,
don't let fear keep us apart.
Trees do bend, tho' straight and tall;
so must we to others' call.

Long have I waited for your coming
home to me and living deeply our new life.

The wilderness will lead you
to your heart where I will speak.
Integrity and justice
with tenderness you shall know.

Long have I waited for your coming
home to me and living deeply our new life.

You shall sleep secure with peace;
faithfulness will be your joy.

Long have I waited for your coming
home to me and living deeply our new life.

Mood:  chillin'

Well, I got the application to enter the Sisters of Notre Dame (SND) and I have until the 31st of October to complete it.  I've gotten ahold of almost everything that I need so far.  They want me to fill out a living will and a durable power of attorney...the papers for that seem complicated and I'm not sure what to do with them.  Guess I have to get on it and figure it out myself.  A co-worker from work helped explain some of the things on it to me already.  She was nice to do that.

I've got the house to myself for the weekend (except for the dog and the fish).  Sometimes it's nice to have a weekend to yourself.

The fish is new.  My old one died, then I went to the store and got another one and it too died, so I took it back and got a new fish.  I want to name it Fynn.

Mood:  happy

I am celebrating in my head.  Oh what joy, I'll finally get to be a postulant!  I've waited so long for this.  I'm sooooo ELATED!

I finally broke down and bought a book called "Prayer for People Who Can't Sit Still".  It's one that I've been wanting to get ever since I read it a few years ago at the library.  It lists alot of ways to pray that I already do.  I'm so greatful that someone actually wrote them down in a book.

I wonder what my life will be like as a postulant.

Mood:  on fire

I am ecstatic!  I found out today from the provincial of the community that I am accepted into the postulancy!!!!  I am soooooooooooooo happy!!!  Words really can't describe how I feel right now.  I'm on cloud nine!  I've waited for sooooo long for this and I am eternally greatful that God is allowing me to follow my dream of being a Sister of Notre Dame.  I'll be one more step closer.  I don't know, but I think that maybe the postulants have initials after their names.  Not that it matters.  I think that it is PND.  I guess that the vocation director will tell me along with many other things.

A transformer blew at work and I got a little more time to compose a letter to the provincial asking for acceptance.  I hand-delivered it to her and she gave me the news.  I hope that she could see how happy I was.  The provincial assistant was also there.  I showed them a picture that I had taken of the sunflower that I grew.  They really liked it...the provincial assistant even exclaimed "Holy Smoke" when she saw it.

Today we had faith sharing and one of the sisters that was on the council was there.  I fixed supper and everyone said that it tasted really good.  I'm glad that nothing went wrong with this meal.

Mood:  accident prone

Hurricane Ike came through Ohio/Kentucky on Sunday as a category 1 hurricane...I think that's what I heard...

A hubcap came flying at my car and I couldn't swearve to avoid it, so it struck my car and then went under it and caused more damage...  At least 350 dollars worth..if not more.---OUCH

I spent the day at a local amuzement park and they had to evacuate.  It was CHAOS!

Mood:  chatty

I am now the proud volunteer of a little girl from our local children's home.  She's very sweet and just wants to be loved.  I am really excited about the possibilities that volunteering with this girl can bring.  She came from an abusive situation in the past and needs lots of TLC.  I think that she (and all children like her) are special and need special love from people who can show them that not all people are bad and abusive.

 I am really excited about when I'll get to take this little girl (she's 10 years old) off the campus of the children's home because there are lots of things that I can think to take her to see and do.  One such thing is an art class that I attend.  I think that art has great theraputic value and will do this little girl a world of good.  I'll take her to the classes until she shows signs of loosing interest....because there's nothing worse than having to sit through something that you don't want to be at and I want to be sensitive to the child.

It also crossed my mind that Halloween is just around the corner.  Perhaps I can ask if I can take her trick-or-treating then.  That would be fun for both of us!  I just don't know how to regulate the candy intake because I don't know if she'll be able to take it all back to the home.  Perhaps I should keep it with me and allow her access to it when she's with me.  I don't know.... I'm thinking too far ahead.

 I'm SOOOO excited though!!!!!