Mood:  not sure

I feel a little antsy about my discernment right now.  I know that I don't want to push any, but I wish that the ball would start rolling.  Is this really God's will?  Or is it mine?  I'm confused right now.  I really want to join this group of women...I'm willing to share my life with them.  Is this really what God wants of me?  Or am I just wishful thinking?

The vocation director says that she has a date in mind.  But she doesn't want to tell me and have it not happen.  Oh well.  Guess she's trying to spare me some grief.  She says that it WILL happen though.  I'm super excited about that!!!!!

The vocation director cancelled our meeting today.  She's sick.  I hope that it's not bad and that she gets better.  I was kinda sick this past week, so maybe it's for the better that I use this as ME time.  I need to re-group and re-center.  I'll miss talking with her though.  I really wasn't prepared as much as I would have liked to have been.  So perhaps it's a good thing. 

I've been spending alot of time working on my pencil drawings.  I really like to draw Our Lady with the child Jesus.  Perhaps I should put a little more symbolism in my drawings.  Mary ALWAYS points to her Son.  Perhaps in my drawings, I should reflect that.  Right now one of the drawings of Mary that I've done, she's holding him to her side.  Sort of in a sling...that's not the correct word...what are those things called that women put their children in that keeps them close?  It's made out of material.  Oh well, can't think of the word.  I am not good at drawing hands, so I've got the child all wrapped up in this thing...whatever it's called.  I hope that it turns out well.  The Sister who conducts our art class will let me know for sure.

I want to draw a picture of the foundress (or the foundresses) with children.  I found this really neat picture that I want to use to look from, though I'm going to change things to make the drawing my own.  It's with the foundress (of another community) surrounded by children.  I want to modify it to look like our foundress and put things in the picture that are meaningful to our community.  If this picture turns out well, I want to make copies and make gifts out of it.  One for my vocations director, one for the Sisters I live with, one for the Provincial, and one for the General Moderator (who is coming within the next few months to visit).  I have yet to start drawing this...it's still an image in my mind.

The women in formation are coming to Covington in Feb.  I am not invited to join them because I'm not considered to be in formation yet.  Oh well.  I still hope to see them sometime during their stay....hopefully.

Mood:  lyrical

My last meeting with the vocation director and the Sisters went really well.  Hopefully this will mean that I am going to be closer to becoming a postulant.  I'd be so happy if that were the case.

I'm going to take an art class given by one of the Sisters.  Maybe some of my work will be sold at the Sisters' July 4th festival.  That would be awesome!

The other day I was at the mall and I read a really neat children's book.  It was written by Julianne Moore and it's called Freckleface Strawberry.  It's about a little girl who gets teased about her red hair and freckles and she tries to get rid of them until she discovers that you should just be yourself.  I really like this story.

I went to a vocations mass at All Saints church in Walton.  It was really interesting.  I was supposed to go with a couple of the Sisters, but they backed out last minute because they were afraid of the traffic travel.  I took the brochures for the Sisters.  One of the sisters from another congregation put a basket right on top of our brochures...eek!  I wanted to yell at her.  Nuns ARE competetive...eek!

We got a new lead teacher in my room.  She's not like the one who just left (who I really miss), but we'll survive.  It's going to take some getting used to.

Mood:  bright

I feel sooo blessed.  The last meeting with the vocations director and the sisters that I live with went so well.  I really love where I am in more ways than one.  I love the place where I am at St John's Convent with the two other Sisters that I live with.  (Sr BC is permanently at the Heights now so she's not at St John's anymore).  I miss her.

I also like where I am in my discernment.  I feel very comfortable.  I'd also like to have the experience of living at the Heights sometime.  I think that it would be a challenge, but I look forward to it.    I can't wait to take the next step, and become a postulant, though I will take my time and not rush it.  I just feel sooo positive about everything!

Mood:  a-ok

Well, we're decorating for Christmas.  The Sisters forgot to tell me that they'd start decorating yesterday so I had other plans.  Had to get some Christmas shopping done.  I picked up my friend Mindy and we went to the mall.

I found some neat lavender lemon scented candles.  I hope that they really burn to smell as good as they did in the store.  This is the first Christmas that I actually bought a few things for myself as I was shopping for my relatives.  I usually can contain myself long enough not to waste money like that.  Sheesh...we all know that things there can be grossly over-priced at the mall.  Should have went to Traders' World again.  But there I couldn't get the name brand things that my siblings want.

My last book talk with the vocation director and Sr N was soooo embarressing to me.  There were some things brought up that were too personal.  I was so embarressed that I could do nothing but laugh at myself.  I wonder how many shades of red I turned. And to top it all off, I cried in front of the both of them.  Why am I such a baby sometimes? That night I cried myself to sleep. 

Today Sr R came over.  It's been awhile since I've seen her.  Given that she was on sabatical.  It was nice that she stayed for lunch and helped with the decorations a little.

I hope that I'll hear some time that I can become a postulant.  I'm too nervous to ask that straight out though.  I'm afraid that what happened with the last vocation director will happen again.

Peace!

Mood:  energetic

I convinced the two Sisters that I'm living with to go to Traders' World with me...Traders' World is a huge flea market-type place to shop, but not all of the items there are used.  Some are brand new.

I'm sooo happy that I got to spend more time with them and we had an awesome time.  I got a little more of my Christmas shopping done (which I'm sadly behind on).  I got a shirt with an angel on it (which is going to be a Christmas gift from the Sister who drew my name).

I'm looking into creating a MySpace account to see what it's like.  Perhaps I can use it to promote vocations???  It's a thought!

Mood:  chatty

Today was awesome to say the least.  I had two Thanksgiving celebrations that I attended.  The first was with my Sisters.  We went to Newport and had supper followed by adoration in the church and then a game of dominoes.  It was entirely awesome.  I really love spending time with all of my Sisters.  I feel totally in love with the community.... Which I swore up and down I wouldn't let happen.  Not since I had fallen for that first community and it was such a let-down.  I swore that I'd not let myself get that close to another community.  God overpowered me.

My second celebration was with my family.  My sister and brother-in-law were there and so was my brother and his girlfriend.  We ate and then played Disney's version of the game "Scene It" where we had alot of things to guess.  It was really neat.  I got a picture of my sister and my brother's girlfriend thumb wrestling...which was part of the game...Ha Ha.

Earlier in the day, I got to see my friend Renee who I haven't seen in forever.  She's been working with MercyCorps which is like AmeriCorps...except it's sponsored by the Sisters of Mercy.  She's stationed in Detroit, so I don't get to see her alot.  Renee came to mass at the Mercy Center and I got to see her.  She'll be coming over on Saturday.  I'm super excited to see her again!!!!!

Also on Saturday I have a meeting with the vocation director.  I hope that goes well.  Prayers would do me alot of good for that.

I've been praying alot lately with Catherine McAuley's Suscipe.  I really like that prayer.  Here's how it goes:

My God, I am yours for all time and eternity. Teach me to cast myself entirely into the arms of your loving providence, with most lively, unlimited confidence in your compassionate, tender pity. Grant me, o most merciful Redeemer, that whatever you ordain or permit may be acceptable to me. Take from my heart all painful anxiety; suffer nothing to sadden me but sin, nothing to delight me but the hope of coming to the possession of you, my God and my all, in your everlasting kingdom. AMEN.

Mood:  d'oh

Sr BC had to be taken to the hospital a little more than a week ago and had to have open-heart and triple bypass surgery on this past Monday...almost a week ago now.  We've been going to the hospital nearly every day to see her (well, Sr Suz has been there every day).  It's going to be a long recovery....

I am almost done with the reversible vest that I'm making.  I'm going to be sooo excited to finally wear it.  I think I'll wear one side of it on Thanksgiving at the Sisters' gathering, and the other side at the next Province Day.

The weeks are going sooo fast!  We've passed Halloween and now are looking forward to Thanksgiving.  As I said earlier, the Sisters are having a gathering...and I'll go to that, but I also have to go to my parents' house and participate in their celebration as well.  My sister and her husband are coming over and bringing their dog.  It will be nice to see them again.

My meetings seem to be going better with the vocation director.  I'm glad.  Maybe I'll get news as to when I can become a postulant.  I'd be excited to hear about that.  I've just gotta keep plugging away at things though.  I've been living with these Sisters for almost a year now.  Since January of this year.

Mood:  mischievious

Halloween on Wednesday was fun.  I really loved dressing up for the Sisters' party.  There was another Sister who wore something similar to what I wore.  She grabbed me and we both walked around together..though I didn't know who it was because she was in costume.  It was a blast, though. 

Thursday I came home to a note that they had to take Sr BC to the hospital.  They say she has heart problems.  Please keep her in your prayers.

Today was Province Day...the second one that I've been invited to attend.  I was super excited about it because usually I'd be told that they didn't pertain to me.  I'm glad that I'm being included in those now.  I really feel like I belong.  I was happy to join in the Sisters' talks about what's going on in the province.

I saw my former boss there and told her that I hoped she had a good birthday.  I made her an angel in August when I'd left that job...and kept it wrapped up really pretty under my bed until her birthday in October.  I hope she liked it.  I still miss conversations with her terribly, but I don't know if our relationship can be mended.  I'm kinda sad about that.

I am going to try to make a reversible vest.  I wonder how it will turn out?  I found this really neat sunflower material and I'll use it along with some other material that I had.  I've never made a vest before and I hope that I'll do ok.  The pattern doesn't tell how to make it reversible.  I hope I can figure it out.  I'll probably need help on that.

Mood:  chatty

Well, the Sisters are going to have a Halloween party at the Heights.  I'm really looking forward to it!  I'm going to dress up to see if anyone can guess who I am.  From what I've heard, alot of the other Sisters dress up too and you have to guess who they are.  It should be really exciting!!!

I bought my costume at several different places.  At one of the places that I went one of the Sisters was there and said she was going to follow me around to see what I was going to wear...LOL.  She didn't really, but that shows how much effort is put into concealing one's identity at this party.

I don't think that the vocation director will be going.  That's a bummer.  Oh well...there's always next year.  I hope that the provincial gets home from Uganda in time.  It would be awesome if she were there.

To touch my costume off, I found these gloves at the flea market that the school next door is having.  Sr N said that I could have the gloves.  Little later I found out that they are "nun gloves".  I was just going to use them to conceal the fact that I don't have a ring because I'm not professed.  LOL.  Hopefully I'll fool them!

Mood:  special

Tonight I'm going to go swimming with Sr Suz.  I'm looking forward to it, though I've still got lots to do before that time.  I've got to finish work (I get off at 5:30pm), then I have to go see my therapist. After that, I'll drive home and Sister Suz will meet me in the parking lot and we'll go to the place where we'll swim.  It's been awhile since I've gone swimming.  At least a year.  I think the last time I went swimming I was up in Chardon visiting my friend Sister Sandy.  That was lots of fun...but a year ago...

I've giving away one of my Cabbage Patch dolls to my friend Rhonda.  I had renamed the doll Aidia Lisette when I had "adopted" it from the store.  I am sure that it will have a good home with my friend and will be loved.  I know that she watches some of her younger cousins, so there will be plenty of children around to enjoy the doll.  I dressed the doll in the clothing of one of the other dolls that I had..something that I've not done before because I really liked the dress that the doll had been wearing.

I put a cross around the doll's neck to serve as a reminder to Rhonda that God loves her.  I think it looks pretty nice on the doll and I can't wait for Rhonda to pick it up (the doll).  I wrapped her up all nice and neat and will leave her with someone who will see Rhonda before I do.

This week is really busy for me.  Tonight I have a meeting and tomorrow I'm going to the Heights for a meeting, then on Weds I see my spiritual director.  On Thursday I have another meeting at the Heights...this one Sr MN is coming with me...that should be interesting...pray for me that that one goes well.  I don't know what I've got on Friday, but hopefully I'll be able to relax a little.

Peace Out!