::my göd i’m nöt a whöre::
random thoughts...
realisations...
ideas...
i want you to judge me...only so you can leave me the fuck alone.
am i cured? replaced by this feeling of abandonment? but i don't want to admit it's gone...not fully. i would miss it too much. it separates me from the rest, makes me stronger in my weakness. i must have assimilated, grown to accept it. i can't believe i'm still the same person, or have i changed? you had no hope, just hate. yet it all seems clearer now.
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I fucking hate you. I wish I'd never heard your name.
I can't stand you bitch. I never want to hear it again.
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You made me what I am, you forced me to be this way. You looked at me for too long, too many times and now I’m scared of my own reflection. You smiled at me with your perfect face, grinding pity in your teeth.
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I hate myself for what I’ve become. I hate being so preoccupied with morbidity.
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I hate myself, but more. I loathe myself beyond the point of being realistic. I can’t stand the sight of myself, it makes me want to hide only to return socially acceptable. Everyone around me is a threat. I feel like a black hole. How could anyone look twice at me. I hear them making fun of me. I would too.
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