For my online family and friends
Pretty much everyone who knows me knows that I have been dealing with a major health crisis this past year. As I am making this page, the end may be in sight. Soon, I am going to have surgery on this cancer that back in February was deemed "inoperable and terminal". It has been a long road, and an emotional roller coaster, to say the least! I have wavered between being resigned and all but giving up, and being angry, and optimistic and fighting it with all I have. Right now, I am frightened, but not as much as I have been. For some strange reason, I kept feeling that the original surgery date was a date of doom and death. The original surgery date was September 11th, 2001, and we all know what ended up occurring on that day. Now, my surgery is scheduled on my lovely Steve's birthday, September 14th, and I am hoping that it will be a good birthday present for him. I am trying to maintain a balance of optimism and realism. And keeping that in mind, I wanted to make this page, dedicated to my loved ones, with some words about all of this situation. I have never been some great poet---but my words are always heartfelt, whether you like them or not. I truly love and care for the people that I call friend, whether I have ever met you in person or not. Please know that no matter what happens, I will always be thinking kindly of you. Much love to all, Colbee
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Just a few words
Tell me now that you love me.
Tell me now that you hate me.
Fear not the consequences.
Fear only holding things in for eternity.
Send me no flowers. Send me your love.
That is what will bloom within me, now and for always.
Don’t focus on the darkness of the universe around you,
and don’t focus on the pain.
Focus on the beauty,
and joy of those who hold you close in their hearts.
Know that it will remain, even when we part.
Don’t curse God for your life.
Don’t curse yourself,
or your parents.
Take what you have, take who you are,
and amaze the world with that wonder that is you.
See me in the sunrise, see me in the stars.
Smell me in the flowers.
Hear me in the sweet singing of
birds, that herald that yet another glorious day has begun.
Feel the warmth of me in the sun, shining down upon you.
Feel my tears of sadness in the rain, when you are
hurting or troubled.
Honor me with your brilliance and your strength; honor
me by loving yourself and others.
Say “I love you”.
It takes only seconds, and means an
indescribable amount.
Fear not those three little
words.
They will never harm you or another.
Give them
power, and use them justly.
I love you.
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And some more thoughts
Death is nothing at all - I have only slipped away into the next room.
Whatever we were to each other, that we are still.
Call me by my old familiar
name, speak to me in the easy way which you always used.
Laugh as we always
laughed together, play, smile, think of me, pray for me.
Let my name be the
household word that it always was.
Let it be spoken without effort.
Life
means all that it ever meant.
It is the same as it ever was; there is
absolutely unbroken continuity.
Why should I be out of your mind because I am
out of your sight?
I am but waiting for you, for an interval, somewhere very
near just around the corner.
All is well.
Nothing is past, nothing is lost.
One brief moment and all will be as it was before - only better, infinitely
happier and forever - we will all be one together.
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And some more thoughts
Don't grieve for me for now I'm free.
I'm following the path God has laid you see.
I took his hand when I heard him call.
I turned my back and left it all.
I could not stay another day.
To laugh, to love, to work or play.
Tasks left undone must stay that way.
I found that peace at the close of day.
If my parting has left a void,
then fill it with remembered joys.
A friendship shared, a laugh or kiss,
Oh yes these things I too shall miss.
Be not burdened with times of sorrow.
I wish you the sunshine of tomorrow.
My life's been full, I savored much.
Good friends, good times, a loved one's touch.
Perhaps my time seemed all too brief.
Don't lengthen it now with undue grief.
Lift up your hearts and peace to thee.
God wanted me now;
He set me free.
I hope that this page is unneccessary, and serves only as a hello and an "I love you" to my friends. For I truly do. Please be well. Love again, Colbee
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