A chalk outline of a human body on the sidewalk, and a few copies of _The Watchtower_ scattered around...
My mother (a second-generation atheist) used to say (in a very sweetvoice): "I'm sorry, I don't give a damn about Jesus." Worked everytime. The Witnesses just backed off the porch in slack-jawed, bug-eyed disbelief.
Tell them you are a Catholic priest who would like to infiltrate their organization and bring them in subjection to the pope.
Pull an AK-47 out from behind the door, point it up in the air, and ask them if they have ever seen such a fine military weapon.
Pull a shotgun out from behind the door and chamber a round while yelling, "DON'T YOU EVER COME BACK!!!"
....answer the door with my ruger 9 milly (empty of course...well maybe)....after the door is open go thru the motion of chambering a round.....look all around as if you were a ravin' paranoiac...... look'em dead in the eye and ask with yer teeth grit: 'yer not from the gov-a-ment are you??' as you slooooowly point the gun in their direction............afterwards hose the urine of the porch.......
Open the door and let your Doberman out while yelling, "GET 'EM KILLER!!!"
Ask them for a magazine, then take it and calmly rip it in two, and hand it back to them while saying, "Can I have another one?" Repeat this until they leave.
Agreed, we are not prepared for this one, but it has to be carried off perfectly. The more sincere you appear, the more baffled the Witness will be: Answer the door with an automatic weapon and say 'Allah be Praised!!!' and just see what happens.
Automatic weapons are undeniably the best deterrent to Witnesses. For extra effect, fire a few rounds into the air or towards their car. Pretend you hear a voice inside your head telling you to kill the witness. Guaranteed to stop future visits for several years.
The young couple came to my door. I was wearing my robe, and had just awakened. now let me explain, I am a very unusual looking person anyway, but when I awake, I look like some kind of movie monster, I have hair all over everywhere. I made my eyes real piercing, and stared past them. I knew who they were, you can tell, they look so cute in their getup and their bland faces.Well the female one obviously is supposed to do the introduction because she sort of panicked, and said: "We're...we're...we're..we're....we're...."And then she staired helplessly at the other one and he said: "uh... uh.... uh... uh..."I then did a really fierce grin and stuck out my hand in a very fast gesture, and opened all my fingers, and in a voice sort of a mixture between Peter Lore and Lurch, I said:I...WILL...TAKE...YOUR...LITERATURE...AND...GIVE...IT...TO...MY...MASTER. The male one quickly handed me a copy of whatever rag they were peddling. they did not ask for a donation.They ran.It's a true story, and they never came back.
A friend claims that when Jehovah's Witlesses knock on her door,her first response is to ask for their address. When they ask why she wants to know, she says it is so she can visit them to push her beliefs. So far, none of them have given their address.It also marks the end of the interview. SLAM!
A guy goes up to my friend's friend and asks, "Can I talk to you about God?" She says, "Sure, what would you like to know?".
JW ladies come to the door. One of them has small child in tow. Interrupts SIW's dinner. If you knew SIW like I knew SIW, you wouldn't do that. SIW: Thank you, but I already have a religion. JW: May I ask what it is? SIW: I'd really rather not say. {Pregnant pause} I'm not sure if it's legal in this country. Supposedly they gave her a real strange look on their way back down the stairs.
I answer the door with a bloody knife and say, "I'm sorry, could you come back in a half hour? We're not done with the virgin yet."
Keeping in mind is was 1969 and we were both nineteen. My wife at the time could not tell these people to go away, I would come home from work and they were there since 2pm. Finally we got a plan that worked. Lynettta saw them coming up the walk, we stripped, threw the door open and said " Come on in the orgy is just starting". We lived there two more years and they never came back.
I was home one bright and sunny afternoon, when JW's stopped by, all happy, peppy, bursting with love and joy. "Come Right on In" I said... and they sat down right there in my living room.
Best one I did was a few years ago, Sunday morning, knock on the door, bathrobe on - answered door : "Are you concerned about the state of the world?" Without a moments pause (I'm proud of that) - "At the moment, the only thing that worries me is the wind whipping round my balls." "Ooo - ahhh - we'd better go then....."
"So, what are you doing home on such a lovely day like this?" One of them asked.... "Well, yesterday, the Doctor told me that all these little red spots are Chicken Pox and I should stay home because I'm highly contageous right now....now what was it you'd like to talk to me about?" Even "I Dream of Jeannie" couldn't make people vanish that quick!
I an usually get rid of them by saying I'll be happy to listen and buy several Watchtowers AFTER we all recite the pledge of allegiance to the flag. If that doesn't work I turn on the lawn sprinklers. I keep thinking I'll see them melt.
They cary a picture of paradise where lions seat next to sheep. Ask them to explain.
#1 lion nutrition #2 why is the grass green and please explain chlorophyl and photosynthesis.
