Ok, this is my(well, OUR^_^) first non-humor-y fic. It may be a bit confusing at times, what with the constant verb tense changes and such, but all will be clear in the end.
This is the product of 2 ½ weeks of 3 hour or more a day chat sessions between myself and the immensely talented Aoi Jade.
If you like, please review! If you don’t…well…don’t say anything!
I hope it’s deep and/or freaky enough.
Well…enjoy!
Oh yeah, the disclaimer: DBZ is neither mine nor Aoi Jade’s. Unless she’s been hiding something from me…
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~The source of all wars, the source of all evil, lies in us.~ Pierre Lecomte du Nouy
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Chichi
There he goes again...
Lately that's all he seems to be doing. Blathering away to nobody.
He looks like he's having a grand old time of it, too. I hear him mumbling to himself, and I see his wild gesticulations, as if he's frantically trying to prove a point to someone.
I want to go over and ask what the heck is the matter with him, but then I quickly remind myself that I don't care.
And why should I? He does his thing, I do mine.
We used to be so close....
But things fall apart.
Then again...nothing seems to be the same since the boys left home...Goten off to college and Gohan busy with his family and new job....it just seemed so easy to drift away from him.
More so now ever since he started talking to himself like he does...arguing even...sometimes I think everything that's happened to him in the past is finally getting to him..
He's been doing it for months now. After a while I just stopped asking him about it, since he'd only answer, 'What does it matter to you?', which eventually decayed into the 'dreaded silent treatment' even when I'd ask him any question about the simplest matters.
We don’t speak much at all now....connections between us are completely shattered.
Our marriage is slowly but surely coming apart at the seams and he and I both know it, but neither of us will take the time to sew it back together again.
I don’t know why I haven’t left him yet, or why he hasn’t left me. The question is, do I want things to work between us?
Does he love me still?
I doubt it.
Do I still love him?
I don’t know. I really don’t know.
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If you could read my mind, love
What a tale my thoughts could tell
Just like and old time movie
Bout a ghost from a wishing well
In a castle dark or a fortress strong
With chains upon my feet
You know that ghost is me
And I will never be set free
As long as I'm a ghost that you can't see
If I could read your mind, love
What a tale your thoughts could tell
Just like a paper back novel
The kind the drug stores sell
Then you reached the part
Where the heartaches come
The heroes would be me
But heroes often fail
And you won't read that book again
Because the ending's just too hard to take
I'd walk away like a movie star
Who gets burned in a three way script
Enter number two, a movie queen to play
The scene of bringing all the good things out of me
But for now, love, let's be real
I never thought I could feel this way
And I've got to say that I just don't get it
I don't know where we went wrong
But the feelin's gone and I just can't get it back
But stories always end
And if you read between the lines
You know that I'm just tryin' to understand
The feelin's that you lack
I never thought I could feel this way
And I've got to say that I just don't get it
I don't know where we went wrong
But the feelin's gone and I just can't get it back
-If You Could Read My Mind by Gordon Lightfoot
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I hear it again, a cold, sinister drawl emanating from the back of my mind. It sounds much like my voice, only harsher, and with a certain bitter egotism that makes it all the more frightening. He has been calling to me for years, but I have always been able to push him back into the inner caverns of my awareness. That was, until a few months ago.
~Why not be done with it? You and I both know these pitiful weaklings are not worthy to lay claim to this world, let alone to even exist in the first place!~
‘No! You're wrong!’ I screamed to the voice inside my mind. How can I make him understand?…
~Aww...how sweet. Always playing the hero, aren’t we?~ He snorts. ~You disgust me. You are the most powerful being in the galaxy, and yet you waste your time here? You actually think the humans appreciate what you have done for this world? How many times have you saved this planet from certain destruction, only to once again have your accomplishments go unnoticed?~
“It's not about the admiration! I do it because it's my duty to protect this world!”
~But you weren't sent to protect this planet! You were sent to destroy it! Or rather, I was. But when you fell and hit your head on that damnable rock, I was shoved into the inner recesses of your mind, and out came your simpering idiot mentality!~
“I've lived my life as a human. I know who and what I am....but that doesn't mean I have to act like it by destroying those weaker than myself!”
~ My god, you really are pathetic. Well, you can't hide your heritage forever you know....the saiyajin in you can and will come out. You cant just forget where you've came from all together...it's impossible to get rid of me. No matter how much you’d like to. I’ll always be with you. ~
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Chichi
Goku's movements are getting more and more frantic. It looks like he’s trying to ward off something, but I can't see what it is. I wonder if he even knows I'm watching him?
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~I'm still in awe that at least you haven't left that harpy of a wife. But then, human behavior(and you still consider yourself human, don't you?) has always baffled me.~
“The reason why we are still together is because we still love each other! We're trying to find a way to fix things between us.”
~Hmm...Could have fooled me. She doesn't seem to be interested, and neither do you. How long has it been since she last invited you into her bedroom? Please excuse me for asking, but I do tend to lose track of time very easily, being trapped in the vast wasteland that is your mind, dear sir.~
“What??” I am shocked and appalled by his insinuation. I have always hated that about him. He knows exactly what to say to ‘get a rise out of me’ as it were. I answer back,eHe. “That's really none of your business! It doesn't really matter about that anyway. We still care for each other, and we will find a way to make things work again!”
~Really? Haven't you seen the way she stares at you when we have our little 'chats'? She already thinks you're crazy. It's just a matter of time before she takes off for good.~
I see Chichi standing by the clothesline, watching me intently.
When she notices me looking at her, she quickly pretends to busy herself with the sheets. I turn away from her, but still keep her in the corner of my eyesight. When she is confident that I am no longer watching her, she peeks out from the sheets and goes back to studying me.
~See what I mean? She believes you to be quite mad.'
I want to shut him up, block him out of my mind, but I know that it is impossible.
He knows it as well.
~Humph. As if you could possibly wrap barbed wire around your mind to keep me out..' He pauses, then sighs, as if enjoying a pleasant memory. ~Now there's a thought...your brain encased in barbed wire...~
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Chichi
I don't get what's happening to either me or him. I don't understand why, whenever I look at him, I get this growing sense of unease. He used to be my protector, my friend, and my husband. Now I can't even look at him without this feeling in the pit of my stomach. I want to reach out to him, but I know that he'll just push me away again. I don't know if I can handle it any more.
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Goku
“You’re sick...you know that?” I close my eyes, once again trying to force him back further into my mind, with no luck.
~I know. That’s what makes me so charming.~ He chuckles, making a hideous cackling noise. It is so full of malevolence, spitefulness, and just flat out cruelty that it sends shivers up my spine. Since it is right inside my skull, it is amplified tenfold.
I scream, as I have done many times before, not being able to bear such a repulsive sound echoing throughout my head.
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Chichi
I look from behind the sheets on the clothes line, hearing Goku yell. He’s doing it again. Holding his head, it looks like he was trying to push a demon out of his head or something similar.
These are the times I felt so strange just looking at him, he looks so different somehow....like his entire personality is altered.
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As the ghastly sound of his laughter dies away from my mind, so too do my frenzied screams die from the air around me.
~Oh, honestly.~ he says. I think I can detect the faintest hint of exasperation in his voice. ~If you keep that up, the woman really will send you to the nut house!~
I manage to calm myself down, but am not able to come up with a suitable retort for my unwanted mental occupant. The best I can come up with was “Shut up, you," and even that takes a few moments of intense thought.
~Heh. Once again, dear boy, your sparkling wit astounds me.~
I don't answer to that one , either. I only pray he doesn't start laughing again.
I pause, waiting for yet another barrage of insults and threats.
A minute passes, then five, then ten.
Still nothing.
He must have gone back to wherever he makes his home in the back of my mind, most likely tiring of his little games. I’m glad, but I know that he will come back, as he always does.
He can’t get rid of me, nor I him. Therefore, he’s determined to make my life a living hell.
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Next day:
Chichi
I've had enough. I'm tired of wondering if my husband has had a nervous breakdown, and whether he'll tear the house down and take me with it.
I don't know how Goku will take to therapy, but anything's better than seeing him run off at the mouth to no one. He’s just starting to scare me…
Now, it's not like I actually care(it’s sad, but every time I say that, it comes easier. The words don't choke in my throat like they used to…), but still and all...
The question is, how do I convince him to go?
We've never been big on doctors of any kind. We never needed them. Every time someone got hurt, relief was just a senzu away. But I know this is the sort of thing that a senzu bean WON"T cure.
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I look over at him, sitting at the table. He looks like he’s in some kind of daze. Finally, I swallow up whatever worry I have about him being angry and walk over to him. "Goku?" I ask, sitting down next to him. He doesn’t answer.
"Goku?" I ask again, slightly louder, placing my hand on his shoulder. He jumps and looks at me, almost shocked that I had touched him,
"What?" he asks, his voice sounding a bit on the jumpy side. This was definitely not like him.
I look him over, and he definitely does not look well, mentally mostly. "You know...I was thinking..." I say, keeping my eyes glued to my lap. "Maybe....you should look into-” I pause, then finally get up the courage to speak my mind, “ -seeing a therapist...."
"What?" he spits, stopping me mid-sentence. "Why would I need a therapist?"
"Goku." I answer, glancing up at him, "You know what I'm talking about. I'm not sure just who it is you’re talking to all the time....but, maybe it WOULD be best if you got a little help for it...."
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Goku
I hear that maniacal laughter fill my head again. Then comes his voice again. ~Oh, sure.~ he sneers, ~I told you, didn't I? She does think you’re crazy.~
He laughs again, the sound tearing through my mind and echoing louder than it ever did before.
I look down at Chichi, trying to not show any sign of someone talking to me, knowing it would only make the situation worse at this point. ~Go on Goku...answer me, you know that she already knows....you might as well go ahead and tell her all about how you have a ‘lunatic’ taking up residence in your brain.~
He chuckles, making that horrible noise again. ~This would have never happened if you would have just destroyed this rock like I said.~
I close my eyes, forcing him back as far as I can. Surprisingly enough, he seems to leave by himself, but his demonic cackle is still ringing in my ears.
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Chichi
I look up at Goku, and I see that he has his eyes closed tightly. He looks like he is putting all his energy into willing something away from him. I don't think he realizes I am still in the room, because he starts to chant, "Out, get out," over and over. As he did so, his eyes shut tighter, and he looks to be in terrible pain.
He clenches his fists until his nails dug into the palms of his hands and draw blood. This continues for about 5 minutes, until he finally opens his eyes. I gaze into his eyes, and am shocked by what I see. Gone is the gentle, fun-loving man I had fallen in love with. Now I only see utter misery and weariness.
"Goku?" I murmur, my voice sounding unusually low. "Are you...what just happened?" I’m almost afraid to ask. He looks so tired, as if he is going to collapse. I had never seen him like this before.
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Goku
I can't do this any more. I have to find a way to rid myself of his presence.
For all intents and purposes, he is the reason why my life with Chichi is the way it is. Having the boys gone was only a small part. If it weren't for him, we could still have reconciled.
I wasn't able to get close to her, since he's so unpredictable. There's no telling what he might have done, either to me or Chichi . I don’t even know what his ultimate goal for me is, only that it can’t be good.
I couldn't explain him to her. She would just think what she does now- I'm crazy.
So I put a wall around my emotions, just to make sure that Chichi wouldn't try to get too close to me and possibly bring about his fury.
I did it for her safety.
I'm terribly sorry for what I've done to her, but it's the only way.
Until I can get rid of him.
Maybe going to this therapist is the answer. He or she may be the only one that can help me exorcise the demon that inhabits my psyche .
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Chichi is staring at me, and for the first time in months, I see genuine concern in her eyes.
:
But then as quickly as I notice it, it is gone.
She places one hand on her hip, and wags the index finger of her other hand at me, like a stern older sister would.
'Now you see! That's what I'm talking about! Here you are acting like a fool while I'm here wondering if you've gone off the deep end or not!'
I simply sit there and look at her. I really have nothing to say. I can't tell her what is truly going on, since she won't believe me.
I let her ramble on for a while longer about how much grief I’ve put her through, and that she’s not even sure why she even cares, then finally stop her with a resolute, "All right. I'll go."
"I work my-you'll go??" she asks?
"Yes, I'll go." I say , surprising even myself by how fatigued I sound. "You're right. There is something wrong with me. I admit it. I don't know what it is," I lie(odd how lies seem to come easier and easier to me lately), "but hopefully this therapist can help me find out and make it go away."
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Chichi
I slouch down in my chair, relieved but also stunned. I knew my mouth must have been wide open. But, I would have never thought that Goku would give in so easily.
He turns around and heads into his room. "Goku....?" I ask, standing up again. He turns and looks at me, his face still covered with that distant look. "What?" He asks, blinking slowly. I looked down at my feet and took a deep breath, "N-nothing." I shake my head, not wanting to turn the moment into something emotional. I look up at him, "Goodnight."
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Goku
I stood there for a moment, looking at Chi Chi's face. I saw that compassion coming back to it, like before. I could tell she knew that I saw it, because she turned and quickly headed into her room soon after.
I smiled slightly, the first time I had smiled in a while....as I turned and walked back into my room.
~Aww....wasn't that the perfect little scene...~
I froze, his voice echoing through my mind.
~So...you're going to the loony bin after all... And by your own design! You are even more wretched than I thought!~
"It's not the 'loony bin', it's therapy!" I shot back.
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~Loony bin, therapy, they're all the same. The woman thinks you're nuts, and you're actually starting to buy into it!~
"I don't think I'm crazy, it's just-" I stopped myself just in time. I've never known for sure how far he can pry into my thoughts, but just to make sure he didn't find out about my plans...
~Just what? What are you planning to do, you miserable little worm? Tell me!~ His voice never raised above the mocking whisper I was accustomed to, but the tone changed to one of fury and-dare I say it?- fear.
"Oh ho! Getting nervous, are we?" I had done it! I had finally struck a nerve with him!
~Of course not! Nothing you could possibly say or do can phase me in the slightest! I was just...interested, that's all.~ Even as he said this, I could hear the tension in his voice.
~Anyway, it's not like it's going to help you out any. I told you, we're together forever! Unless...is this only to improve your relations with the bitch enough so you can get her in the sack again?~
I stopped myself from responding to that latest verbal jab. Let him think that if he wants. All the better for me so he didn't find out about my plot to finally free myself from him.
"I'd like it very much if you were to go away now, please." I asked politely. I knew it wouldn’t work, but it never hurts to try...
He only laughed at me again, but the sound did not reverberate in my head as much as usual.
Finally it died down into silence.
~Fine. I'm in a generous mood today. Besides, you aren't as much fun as you usually are. But don't get too comfy, I'll be back.
I want to see what idiotic plans you're cooking up. I'll need a good laugh after spending enough time in the trash bin that is your consciousness.~
His voice faded out into nothingness. Finally, a little quiet. But, like always, I knew not to expect it to last for long.
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The Next Morning:
I awoke from a surprisingly peaceful sleep. I guess he WAS in a 'generous mood' as he said. I walked out in the kitchen and looked at Chichi. She ws silent, same as she was every morning. I cleared my throat, trying to get her attention. She looked over at me, and I gave her a weak smile.
She doesn't return it.
'You made the appointment for 8:30, right?' I asked.
Chichi only grunted in assent, then turned back to the table.
"Well, guess I'll get going then. I'll...see you...this afternoon." I made no move to kiss her, nor she to kiss me.
She grunted again, keeping her eyes on a vase of wilted roses on the table.
I took one last lingering look at my wife, then headed out the door.
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The air car was a more discreet mode of transportation than flying, since after all, it wouldn't be very tactful of me to enter the Satan City Psychiatric Clinic by flying in through a third-story window, now would it?
I arrived at the Psychiatric Clinic and sighed, climbing out of the car. To be completely honest with myself, I was a little nervous about going in....mostly because I knew they would think I’m crazy...but, if it meant I could get this damned beast out of my head, so be it.
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I sat in the room inside the clinic, looking around at my surroundings, until I heard the door creak open. I almost jumped at the sound of the therapist's voice. "Mr. Son?"
I looked over at the entrance to see a rather attractive woman standing in front of me. She wore blue dress pants and a navy blue blazer. Her cherry-colored hair was tied up in a bun at the nape of her neck, and a pair of horn rimmed glasses dangled around her neck.
Ye-yes?" I asked, standing up to shake her hand.
"I’m Doctor Rosencroist.” she said, putting her glasses on, then shaking my hand. “ But, you can call me Doctor R., if you want.”
She smiled politely, then led me into her office. It was small, but not cramped. Lots of antiques which must have cost a tidy sum to acquire. I guessed that meant she had a pretty large clientele, since she could apparently afford such costly furnishings.
The walls were covered with Doctor Rosencroist’s numerous degrees in psychology. Well, at least she knows what she’s doing…
A small couch sat in front of me, against the east wall of the office. Doctor Rosencroist motioned for me to lay down on it. I did so and faced the doctor. She looked me over carefully, her eyes roaming over every inch of my face. I could tell she was sizing me up, making a general assessment of my emotional, physical, and mental well-being.
Oh, you’re going to have a field day with me, sister…
Neither of us spoke for a few minutes, while she was taking in every aspect of my appearance and occasionally making a note or two in her pad.
In truth, the silence was deafening.
“From what your wife tells me, you've been having...episodes...?" she asked finally.
Yeah, that's putting it mildly.
I nodded.
I still remained silent for a moment, collecting my thoughts, and silently praying to Kami that he didn't make another of his grand appearances.
She was the first to speak. "Now, your wife-Chichi, isn't it?-has told me that you've been hearing and responding to non-existent voices for the past few months, and she's worried that this may eventually evolve into more 'aggressive' behavior.
Aggressive? Me? To Chichi? Never!
"Doctor," I interjected, "I would never, in a million years, think of harming Chichi!"
She scribbled a few more notes into her pad and nodded a little. “That may be, Mr. Son, but the mind can work in mysterious ways. I'm certain YOU don't wish to do harm to your wife, but that doesn't mean that the other parts of your conscious and subconscious bear those same feelings. For all we know, those very portions of your psyche could lash out, without you even knowing it.”
I didn't say anything for a moment. After all, he most likely would do something to Chichi if he could take complete control of me. After a few moments of silence, Doctor Rosencroist got the idea and moved on. "Now then." she said, "Tell me about these 'voices' you've been hearing...do you think they’re coming from something that has happened to you in your past? Do you recognize any of the voices as one of your family members that has passed away or something to that effect?"
I sighed and shook my head slightly. "No...I really don't know any of my family members.....and...I'm not quite sure if I can say he's from my past...more like my background..."
Doctor R. raised an eyebrow at this, "Your background? What do you mean by that?"
I sighed again, knowing how hard it would be to tell her about where I came from, but....after all, it seemed like the ONLY way to solve my quote un-quote, 'problem'
“Well, you probably won't believe this, but I am not actually from your world. My true name is Kakarott, and I am what is known as a Saiyajin, which is a nearly extinct species of powerful alien beings.” I spoke calmly and earnestly, but expecting that when I was finished, she would either laugh me off or kick me out of her office altogether.
The doctor gazed at me strangely(which I knew would happen) and re-adjusted her glasses. "I...see..." she said, "Now...how long have you thought that you were a ‘Saiyajin’?"
I looked at her and shook my head again, "I don’t 'think' I'm a Saiyajin, I AM one-" I stopped and looked at her. I knew that this was making the entire situation worse.
"All right. Tell me more about these 'Saiyajin', as you call them.”
"The Saiyajin are a warrior race, known for their excellent fighting skills-" I quieted myself down again when I noticed Doctor R. giving me that odd look once more.
She glanced at her notes and nodded again. "Your wife told me that you were a 'fighter'. Now that I think of it, your name does sound familiar. Aren't you the Goku Son who won the World Martial Arts Tournament ?”
Oh, dear. I can see where she's going with this. But I have to answer her.
"Yes...yes I am.”
“Uh huh. Would you say you...like to fight...Mr. Son?" She posed this query to me in a tone that was genuinely inquisitive, but also had a slight challenge to it.
"Well...I guess so. But it's not that I fight just for the sake of fighting...I also have a duty to fulfill."
"And what duty would that be?"
I'm a member of the Earth's Special Forces." Now why did I say that??
"The...what now?" she asked.
I sighed again(this must have been the fiftieth time today) and started to explain.
"The Earth's Special Forces. We are a very elite group of what most people would deem 'superheroes'. All of us have our own unique special powers and attacks, with which we fight any major threat to the Earth’s peace."
"Like the X-men?" she inquired.
I shook my head exasperatedly. "No, not like the X-men. We're all martial artists, but we've learned to tap into our ki-"
"And what is this 'ki' you speak of? It wouldn't happen to be some sort of illegal substance, would it?"
Oh, great. Now she thinks I'm a dope fiend. How to remedy this situation?…
"No no no!! Ki is sort of like the energy that flows within all of us. Through proper training, I and my comrades have learned to channel that energy and use it to manipulate our surroundings."
She gave me that odd eyebrow-raise once more. Yep, she's thinking I'm a certifiable nut job, all right. All I need is for her to give me the stamp on my hand saying it.
"And who gave you this...training?" Doctor R. asked.
"Master Roshi did. He's a hermit who lives on an island in the middle of the ocean with his talking turtle named…Turtle. My friend Krillin, who is also a member of the Special Forces, and his wife, Android 18, also live there."
"A hermit… who lives on an island with a talking turtle… and gives special martial arts training…" Doctor R. repeated, writing it down in her notebook, "And....your friend is...married to...an android." She said, glancing over at me.
I nodded, "It's not as strange as you might think. You see, Doctor Gero, one of the past threats to the Earth, he created her to destroy me, but, she changed her ways after Cell was destroyed...." I stopped for a second and actually listened to what I was saying. With everything that had happened I really couldn't blame the Doctor for thinking I was going mad.
I see...." She said, laying her notebook on her lap, "Well, Mr. Son, I'd say you do have quite an...interesting...life.”
It’s interesting all right....
The Doctor cleared her throat and looked over at me, "Well, now that’s covered, I think maybe we can try to figure out what is making you hear these voices."
I know what it is, lady. All I want to know is how to make it stop!!
“Do you have any idea as to who it is speaking to you?" she asked.
“It's my other half....well, my ‘Saiyajin’ half , also known as Kakarott. He's angry because I'm not behaving like a saiyajin should, or so he feels.
All my life, I’ve been helping people and constantly saving the Earth from destruction, and he doesn’t like that much.” I chuckled bitterly. “He’s mad that I’m assisting the Earth and it’s people, when, in his mind, I should be obliterating it. Literally.” I finished.
"You’re supposed to be...destroying....the Earth?" She asked, raising her eyebrows again.
"Yes, well, that is, I WAS, when I was sent here as a infant. But I sort of banged my head up when I was little and forgot my mission. That’s another thing he’s mad about. He’s the person-Saiyajin, rather-I was supposed to be, but instead I’m a nice guy. He hates nice."
Doctor R. shook her head and took her glasses off.
"Well Mr. Son, in all my years of being a psychoanalyst...I have never heard of a case like yours."
Don’t I know it. Sigmund Freud would have loads of fun with my medulla oblongata. But…I don’t think that’s what she means…
"But..." She continued, "I think I have an answer to your problem."
I listened attentively. After all, this was my last resort.
"This voice you've been hearing, it is a mere figment of your imagination. We’ll have to dig deeper to find the root of your other delusions, but we’ll save that for another session."
In other words, you don’t believe me either....I should have known...
"However, if you try and realize that you are a human being, and forget about this far-fetched notion of you being a 'saiyajin', that will make things a lot easier. In time, these voices you’ve been hearing will go away…if you can just learn to distinguish fantasy from reality."
I looked at her, this time MY eyebrows raised. That’s what you think....
Really..." I said, knowing that there wasn't much confidence in my voice.
"Well...yes, I've seen cases like this before, but not as serious as yours. So, what I'm going to do is set up an appointment for you to see me once a week so you can tell me about your progress. In a few months, you should be just fine."
I blinked slowly and stood up, "Alright." I said, as she walked me to the door, "I'll give it a try."
She gave me a smile, "I'm sure you'll be fine Mr. Son." she said, "Just give me a call if you need me."
I gave her a short nod and left.
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I walked out of the Clinic and out to where I had parked the air car, all the while thinking to myself, as I had done quite often lately. I really didn't know what to tell Chichi....after all....she thought I was crazy too no doubt, there was no use trying to explain it to her. Explaining it to the therapist was hard enough.
As I made my way back home, I kept on thinking about what Doctor R. said. If I hadn't been a Saiyajin, and lived a life that most think could only happen in fantasy novels, I would think I was crazy too....but, I knew for a fact that NONE of this could have been 'a figment of my imagination' like the doctor had assumed, seeing as how I actually lived out those adventures.
I took my time getting home, after all, I was in no real hurry. Chichi wouldn't be waiting up for me like she used to.
At least, I thought she wouldn’t. When I finally did get home, she was still sitting at the kitchen table, only this time reading one of her books. I wasn't planning on saying anything, but, I knew she would ask me how everything went.
She looked up as I closed the door. "Well?" she asked, putting her book down.
I looked at her and shrugged slightly, "She wants to see me back in about a week....says it’s all in my mind." That was all I said before walking into my room. Sure, I felt bad about brushing her question off like that, but, I really didn't feel like telling another person about what was going on, even if it was my wife.
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Chichi
I sat there, looking into Goku’s room, somehow knowing that there was more said at the therapist’s than ,'it’s all in your head.’
Well, if Goku didn't want to tell me, why should I care? I just sent him to the damned place to make sure he wasn't about to go Norman Bates on me.
I know I should up and leave. I even ask myself, why do I stay? Every rational part of me screams that I should walk out and never look back.
It’s not just the fact that I know the love is gone from our marriage, it’s that disturbing feeling of unease I get whenever I look at Goku. Each day, it seems to get stronger. I know that he would never hurt me, at least that’s what I tell myself. But deep down, I just don’t know anymore.
Now, you think, isn’t that reason enough to just up and go? But the thing is, I CAN’T leave. I’m not able to explain why. I just can’t. Something seems to be holding me to this house, to him.
From the first moment I saw Goku, I knew he was the one I wanted to spend the rest of my life with. He had everything I wanted in a man. Compassionate, dedicated, handsome, and courageous. Sure, he wasn’t the brightest apple in the bunch, but that didn’t matter to me.
When we finally got married, I thought everything in my life was finally perfect. While not a storybook wedding(the ceremony was at the World Martial Arts Tournament), it still felt like things were falling into place.
We were finally going to settle down and raise a family together. No more gallivanting across the planet hunting down Dragonballs. No more fighting ‘villains’ and worrying if we’d ever make it back home again.
Things were going to be nice and normal.
Well, I was certainly wrong about that, now wasn’t I?
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~Every man is his own greatest enemy, and as it were his own executioner.~ Sir Thomas Browne
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There you have it. Chapter One.
Was it angsty enough? Ok, ok, I know it wasn’t that horrifying. But you have to admit, Kakarott is a sadistic mofo, ain’t he?
TBC.
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