Freaks - By Jesse Masten

Freaks

Freaks are stupid people or snobs in general. Stupid people mostly just make the stupid mistakes or comments that everyone does and learns not to do. For snobs it is more the attitude and how you act and what you do to make up for a stupid mistake. For these reasons please take no offense if you have done some of these things, they are all real happenings that I have seen or heard yelled during a game. The general rule for finding out if you are a freak is if you say you haven’t done any of these you must be a freak!

Stupid People (in General)

These wonderful people climb trees without their gun and get shot, climb trees with their gun and fall out hurt their neck for a month and get shot, and people who climb 50 feet up a tree and get lit up when no one heard them call out. Stupid people shoot their own teammates, surrender to their own teammates, and send their teammates wherever they aren’t willing to go. Stupid people find they don’t have CO2 on their first game and have to miss the whole day. Stupid people put others into headlocks, smash paintballs again them and get both themselves and their prey shot up. Stupid people grab other people’s wrist rockets (when charged), break them, and give them back only to be shot by the next guy. Stupid people are experts at defending the most useless areas INSTEAD of their flag station. Last and worst of all stupid people (girls excluded) don’t wear the cup.

Snobs

My favorite snobs are the ones who…

Beg for supplies constantly when they wouldn’t think of letting someone use theirs.

Whine about everything from the weather to how bad they are!

Brag without end proving their worth during an actual game.

Snobs make those extremely memorable statements that go down into history such as:
“I’m a sniper” (When they play point every game and earn the nickname, kamikaze)
“I will just climb trees and shoot everyone” (Just before they fall out!)
“I’m going to make a gattling gun it will shoot 50 per second and be to heavy to carry!”
“Lets just hide so we won’t get shot!”
“I don’t want to get into a fire fight,”
“I’m the best and most perfect defender.”
“I AM THE RUSHER.” (Next 4 games they got lit up!!!)

Snobs also brag about how they never get shot. Until you ask them how many people they shot. Snobs hog all the free food, hide any spare food in their pockets, and ask to borrow paint so they don’t have to open their other case of 2000. Snobs go around picking up every gun they see to ask if they can borrow it.

Snobs always make the loudest screaming noises when shot! Here are some examples:

“Ow OW OUT!!!! I said I Was OUT!!!”

"WOW that Hurt!"

"Ouch, darn. Hey I said OUCH I AM OUT STOP SHOOTING!!!!!!! I SAID OUT!!!"

"Am I out? Hey you! Can you check me? Am I ou- OW STOP SHOOTING!!! I just OUT I SAID OUT!!! I wa- OUT… I AM HIT!!!!!!!!!"

"Hey, you are on my team, right? Oh yeah, I remember you, where is that guy in the white shirt? What? You are on the white shirted guys team? But that means OW OW OUT!!! I SAID I WAS OUT!!"

"Chaaarrrrgggeeee!!!! I am going to get you! Huh? Wait! I am out?"