Really Dumb Quotes
- ''You give a hundred percent in the first half of the game, and if it isn't enough, in the second half you give what's left''(Yogi Berra)
- ''Things are more like they are now than they have ever been''(Gerald Ford)
- ''If i enter into an agreement with that man, i would be sticking my head in a moose''(movie director Samuel Goldwyn)
- ''That's part of American greatness, is discrimination. Yes, sir. Inequality, I think, breeds freedom and gives a man opportunity''(Lester Maddox, ex-governor of Georgia and dumbass)
- ''Arnie Palmer, usually a great putter, seems to be having trouble with his long putt. However he has no troble dropping his shorts''(golf brodcaster during a tournament)
- ''A man could not be in two places at the same time unless he were a bird''(Sir Boyle Roche)
- ''I introduce to you the reverend father Mcfadden, known all over the world, and other places'' (introduction in parliment, 1800's)
- ''Mantle's a switch hitter because he's anphibious''(Yogi Berra)
- ''This country need a spear chucker, and i think we've got him up on this platform''(speaker introducing presedental candidate Jesse Jackson, the speaker later said he meant to say ''strait shooter'')
- ''A nickel ain't worth a dime any more''(Yogi Berra)
- ''Our comedies are not to be laughed at''(Samuel Goldwyn)
- ''That lowdown scoundrel deserves to be kicked to death by a jackass, and I'm just the one to do it'' (Congressional candidate in texas)
- ''Half the Lies our opponents tell about us are not true''(Sir Boyle Roche)
- ''I want to hear it so quiet we can hear a mouse dropping''(Director Gregory Ratoff)
- ''We need laws that protect everyone. Men and women, straights and gays, regardless of sexual perversion...ah, persuasion''(Bella Abzug)
- ''Smoking kills. If you're killed, you've lost a very important part of your life''(Brooke Shields)
- ''Beware, To touch these wired is instant death. Anyone found doing so will be prosecuted''(sign at a railroad station)
- (Yogi Berra on the phone to a lost Joe Garagiola)
Yogi:''Where are you?''
Joe:''Some guy says to tell you i'm at the library''
Yogi:''Oh, you ain't far, just a couple of blocks away. Only don't go that way, come this way.''
- ''They always bite the hand that lays the golden egg''(Samuel Goldwyn)
- ''It could only happen in America''(Yogi Berra, on the first Jewish mayor of Dublin, Ireland)
- ''Even Napoleon had his Watergate''(Danny Ozark)
- ''The united states had much to offer the third world war''(Ronald Reagan, during a speech about what America can offer the third world, he repeated this error 9 times in the same speech)
- ''I am speaking of a great man who should have been president and would have been one of the greatist Presidents in history-Hubert Horatio Hornblower'' (Jimmy Carter, who evidently forgot that Hornblower was a fictional character)
- ''For seven and a half years I've worked alongside President Reagan. We've had triumphs. Made some mistakes. We've had some sex....uh...setbacks.'' (George Bush)
- ''It's about 90% strength and 40% technique''(Johnny Walker, wrist-wrestling champion)
- ''I belive that, next to God, Andrew Jackson was the greatist man who evr lived''(John Trotwood Moore, Tennessee state historian)
- ''[a gun is] a recreational tool, like a golf club or a tennis racket. You can kill someone with a golf club, you know.''(Mariel Lovelace, NRA official, saying
what has to be the stupedist justification for guns I have ever heard)
- ''No unmet needs exist..current unmet needs that are being met will continue to be met.''(Californian Transportation commitie)
- ''Retraction: The 'Greek Special' is a huge 18 inch pizza and not a huge 18 inch penis, as described in..an ad. Blondie's pizza would like to apologize for any confusion friday's ad may have caused'' (Correction printed in the Daily Californian)
- ''They pushed the nomination down my throat behind my back''(J. Ramsey MacDonald)
- ''Warning, never use while sleeping''(warning put on hair dryers)
- ''I had a great idea this morning, but i didn't like it''(Samuel Goldwyn)
- ''Due to a typing error, Gov. Dukakis was incorrectly identified in the third paragraph as Mike Tyson''(correction in the Massachusetts Enterprise)
- ''The doctors x-rayed my head and found nothing'' (Dizzy Dean)
- ''(resolution by the board of councilmen, Canton, Mississippi, during the 1800's)
1.Resolved, by this council, that we build a new jail.
2.Resolved, that this new jail be built out of the materials of the old jail.
3.Resolved, that the old jail be used till the new jail is finished.''
- President Richard Nixon:''Do you think we want to go this route now?
Let it hang out, so to speak?''
John Dean:''Well, it isn't really that.''
H.R. Haldeman:''It's a limited hang-out.''
John Ehrlichman:''It's a modified, limited hang-out.''
(from the Nixon tapes)
- Policeman:''What countryman are you?''
Sailor:''I am sailor belong to the Golden Eagle, the British ship''
Policeman:''Why do you strike this jinriksha man?''
Sailor:''He told me impolitely.''
Policeman:''What does he told you impolitely?''
Sailor:''He insulted me, saying loudly 'the sailor, the sailor' when i am passing here''
Policeman:''Do you striking this man for that?''
Sailor:''Yes.''
Policeman:''But do not strike him for it is forbidden.''
Sailor:''I strike him no more''
(from a book of japanese to english phrases for policemen)
- ''If Lincoin were alive today, he'd roll over in his grave.''(Gerald Ford)
- Yogi Berra:(during a 20 questions game)''Is he living?''
Teammate:''Yes.''
Yogi:''Is he living now?''
- ''Why call him Joe? Every Tom, Dick, and Harry is called Joe.(Samuel Goldwyn)
- ''They couldn't hit an elephant at this dist-'' (General John Sedgewick's last words, said about enemy troops)
- ''I think space exploration is very important and can yield a lot of knowledge''( contestant for Mr. New Jersey Male, responding to the question, ''What would you do with a million dollars?'')
- ''Work is the cure of the drinking class''(Rev. William A. Spooner)
- ''I am the Emperor, and I want dumplings.''(Insane Emperor Ferdinand's only coherent remark on any subject)
