This won't normally be the case, but I unfortunately did not record the first few minutes of this episode. So I can't summarize that part. In short: the kids are back in school, and everyone's moved up one grade, except for Joey Jeremiah ... who's still in Grade Eight. There are also some new faces, such as Bartholomew Bond, whom Arthur and Yick see their Last Year Selves in ... and lock in a broom closet, a la Joey. Bartholomew's response? "That wasn't very funny!" Speaking of Arthur, his sister Stephanie Kaye has gone off "to boarding school." Rick Munro and Susie Rivera don't even get excuses; they just vanished! And since Stephanie's gone, Degrassi Junior High is without a School President, so Nancy and Kathleen start battling it out for that position. Finally, Lucy "Minor Niner" Fernandez has a dull new boyfriend.
So let's pick up at the Room of Grade Eight, shall we, where class has just ended and students are pouring out of the room, totally not listening to The Invisible Principal's voice that drones over the intercom, urging them to, "Get involved in this year's school election!" There's Arthur Kobolowski-Not-Kaye in his gray T-shirt and brown bomber jacket and white towel-scarf draped around his neck, walking and talking with Yick Yu, who's wearing a geeky teal polo shirt. There's Anna or Vicky, or whatever that perpetual glorified extra's name is. The Invisible Principal drones on about, "Where they're running ... where they stand ... how they sound," and Candidate Kathleen must think his voice is summoning her or something, because there she goes all briskly out of the classroom, in her blouse and headband and floor-length brown skirt. Joey "Everybody" Jeremiah has left the classroom, too, in his jean ... vest? ... and loud Hawaiian shirt and Matt Drudge-esque fedora; he's standing by his locker giving the eye to Caitlin, who's dressed in her own bizarre '80s getup (which she complements with a red Caitlin Headband that has this gold tassel hanging off the back of it!) Trudie Red-Streak Girl is trying to pal around with Caitlin by her locker. Maybe Joey's checking out her?
Then along come Wheels "Wants" Wheeler and Snake "Something" Simpson, ambling their way down the hall amongst all those strange students who never get subplots. Snake, all shaggy-haired, is decked out in a pair of wacky printed shorts, with a clashing Big Dog T-shirt and his blue windbreaker. Wheels, of course, is wearing tight-tight jeans and a bluish-white "blousey"-looking shirt. The Zits exchange "Hey!"'s, then Snake goes, "How was it?", and Joey goes, "What do you think?" ... before confirming his newfound interest in Caitlin, who's still chatting away at her locker with The Red Streak. "Hey, tell me what you think about that Caitlin chick over there," Joey says, gesturing to Caitlin. Snake'n' Wheels obediently look over their shoulders, before Snake turns back to Joey, shakes his shaggy head condescendingly, and says Caitlin "isn't [Joey's] type." But Joey, gesturing with indignance, protests, "Who said anything about my type? Can't a guy ask a question around here?" And I guess his "type" is that blonde bimbo taped inside his locker door above all that Zit Remedy graffiti (which is written pretty unsloppily for somebody with dysgraphia.) But why is there a mustache and beard scribbled on the bimbo's lips and chin? Horrors. Meanwhile, Raditch is walking all stone-faced out of the classroom. And The Invisible Principal is STILL droning on about elections: "It's YOUR vote that counts!" And after the most recent U.S presidential election, I'll have to agree with you there, Mr. IP. Anyway, Snake leans toward Wheels and stage-whispers conspiratorially, re:Joey, "He'd go out with anything with legs, I swear", and Wheels is all thankless, "I know." Which is a somewhat horrific thought, and could also be taken as an insult toward Caitlin, if you look at it a certain way. But Joey just grins with pride at how well his buddies know him and goes, "Leave me alone, okay?" Then, with his skateboard under one arm and gesturing and pointing with the other hand, he says to both Zits, "Let's get out of here," and to Wheels specifically, "What time are you calling me tonight?" To which Wheels replies, "Ah, when my parents go out." For some reason, this response thrills Joey, who does his three-syllable "Ah-hall-right!" and adds, "The Zit Remedy lives!" in the first possible foreshadowing of Wheels's Parents' Fate. Then they all slap and clutch each other's hands, and Joey cackles. And I have to say that Joey Jeremiah talks with his hands even more than I do.
Okay, now we must be at the local radio station, for there's the board and the reel-to-reel player ... NO, it's just the basement of Joey's Joint. And there's Joey "It Takes a Brave Man to Wear Pink" Jeremiah himself, in a HOT pink sweatshirt, no less, with black letters that spell out The Zit Remedy! and this picture of a head, with a scribble of dark hair and sunglasses. Joey's playing his Yahama keyboard, a burgundy fedora atop his real head. And there's Snake, jamming away on his guitar, and wearing a rather frightening pair of flowered shorts with a sweatshirt exactly like Joey's, except his is yellow with an orange head and writing. And there's the audience, Joey's teddy bear. Wheels is there, too, with his bass, but his turquoise sweatshirt is bare, so I guess they couldn't find a marker to match his dishwater-blonde mullet. Anyway, I don't have to tell you which song they're playing, do I? They sing "take your mun-ay ... " and play about six-hundred notes, Joey's fedora-ed head all bobbing to the music. Finally, they sing about never giving up, blah blah blah, and Joey does that swirly conclude-the-song thingy on the keyboard before lifting his finger for silence. Then he stops the reel-to-reel tape, and when it's safe to talk, everyone ad-libs, "Alright! Yes! That was perfect!" Apparently Joey's Mommy doesn't agree, however, for her voice yells (her only line) from upstairs, "Joey! I think that's enough!" And Joey calls back all wrap-around-finger-ishly, "Okay, Mom. Just five more minutes, okay? We have to hear the playback!," as he starts fiddling with the reel-to-reel player.
But Wheels is too busy putting his bass away to listen to any playback. "Ah, I'll hear it tomorrow, okay? I've really gotta go," he says. Joey and Snake? They won't allow that! "Wheels, you can't leave now," Snake protests, but Wheels replies, "I have to, I'm already really late!" ... and adds, in the second foreshadowing of His Parents' Fate, "My parents are gonna kill me!" Then Joey goes into the Logic mode of the peer pressure cycle and coaxes, "Come on, Wheels, if you're already late, what difference is five more minutes gonna make?" And Snake chimes in with, "Seriously, Wheels, come on. Five minutes, alright?", and adds the killer, "Please?" So Wheels sighs, smiles, takes the cigarette and says, "Okay." And Snake is like, "Alright!" in this bizarre-o deep voice. Joey, still fooling with his equipment yet grinning hugely, echoes, "Alright! This is gonna be the best demo tape in the world!" And I have to ask, uh, Joey? Don't you want to make a real tape or record, AFTER the demo? But Joey's a short-term goals kinda guy, or maybe he truly thinks a demo tape is the only necessary ticket to success (for all I know, it is.) He starts pointing and bending his finger back for emphasis as he muses, "I figure, we'll sell it around school ... sell it to some radio stations ... by Christmastime, we're gonna be famous! I guarantee it, groupies everywhere," then cackles. And Wheels, who was listening dreamily to this little scenario, suddenly realizes, "Don't you think we should be hearing [the demo] by now?" So Joey turns back to his reel-to-reel player, revealing the back of his hot pink sweatshirt, which reads Alias, Joey the ... Something, but I can't tell if it says Joey the Keyboard Player or Joey the Farmacist or Joey the Ignorant Cockroach, or WHAT'S on there, 'cause the rest is obscured. Anyway, Joey groans, "Aw, man!" which makes Wheels respond with a suspicious, "What?" And Joey says sheepishly, "I forgot to press record." And I don't know much about reel-to-reel players myself, but wasn't the tape rolling at the beginning of this scene? Weren't the sound keys in that board flicking along to the music? Just what did Joey stop after the Zit Remedy finished playing?!
But whatever. Wheels just shakes his head, as Snake, not on camera, goes, "Jo-ey! I thought you said you knew how to work that thing!" And Joey starts gesticulating away as he protests, "I do, it's just that I was so excited, I ..." blah blah blah. Snake (on camera again) and Wheels both are MAD, though ... as evidenced by their "Joey! I don't believe you! You're an idiot!" ad-libs. And Wheels, now in a hurry again, heads for the stairs with his big old bass case and goes, "We'll do it again tomorrow after school! I've really gotta go." Joey calls back, "Sorry, Wheels!" but Snake is too busy glaring fire at Joey to do anything except wave and mumble a farewell. Even after Wheels goes, "Yeah", and disappears, Snake is STILL fuming ... like, RELAX, Snake! But then he shows he's not really angry, for he reaches down to shake Joey's shoulders exaggeratingly, and Joey in turn reaches up to pat Snake's reptilian cheeks.
The next scene finds Wheels's parents in their living room, engaged in one of their Last Good Times as they put together a jigsaw puzzle (those squares!) But they only have the edges and a few select middle pieces in place, so I can't tell what the puzzle is supposed to be. Anyway, jovial dad John is all laughing at protesting mom Helen, telling her to "Just do your section, okay?" Then Wheels comes through that stained-glass door and ruins their fun, with his guilty, "Hi." Helen, in response, takes off her glasses and goes, "Young man, do you have any idea what time it is?" Wheels apparently doesn't; he just looks at the ground, shame-faced. Poor, peer-pressured Wheels. He didn't mean to come home late! But Jovial John jerks his thumb toward the hallway and barks, "Bed, Derek!" And Wheels gets all huffy and snaps, "Parents! So unfair!", before storming away to his room. Hey, Wheels? Might want to watch what you say!
The following morning, on the steps of Degrassi Junior High School, are Nancy "The Heavy One" Kramer and Tim "Everyone's Best Friend" No Last Name, handing out fliers together, all synchronized. Nancy, in her pink blouse and navy sweater (with non-matching red and white patches on the sleeve) hands some kid a flier and tells him pleasantly, "Hi. I'm Nancy Kramer. I'm running for student body president." Then, out of the blue, wearing a long grayish skirt with a light brown sweater and pulled-back hair, Kathleen comes running full force down some steps and demands, "Vote for Kathleen Mead, student body president!" They continue like that for a moment or two, Nancy repeating herself and adding something about responsibilities, and Kathleen screeching, "STRONG CHANGES ... ", blah blah.
Then we move to the front lawn; walking across it, looking about nine years old, are Bartholomew "Brillo Pad" Bond and Nerdy Little Scooter. Nerdy Little Scooter cranes his nerdy little neck, looks at Bartholomew's back, and asks Bartholomew if he likes Superman. Bart, who doesn't at all seem to find this an odd way to introduce oneself, replies, "Yes. I prefer heroes with super powers." Nerdy Little Scooter knows he's pegged a true fellow Nerd now, so he formally extends his nerdy little hand and says, "Me, too. My name's Nerdy Little Scooter." And Bart shakes the hand and goes, "Bartholomew Bond. Pleased to meet you." Says Nerdy Little Scooter as they reach the stairs, "Pleased to meet you, Bartholo ... Mister ... Bond." Then Nancy shoves a flier in Nerdy Little Scooter's hand and goes, "Hi, I'm Nancy Kramer. I'm running for student body president. I stand for responsibility in your student government." And they both stare at her in horror, and decide to vote for Kathleen.
Back inside the Room of Grade Eight, there's this big closeup of the Dow Jones page of a newspaper; the paper belongs to Arthur, once again in his Cubs T-shirt and bomber jacket and towel-scarf. Arthur's lips are moving as he tries to understand the Business section (but only succeeds in looking super-baffled.) Then "Ick! Ew!" Yick Yu enters the classroom, wearing a geeky red striped polo shirt. Yick's like, "Hi, Arthur." Arthur folds his paper and returns Yick's greeting. Yick, the ever-evolving Bad Boy, has already seen the paper, though; he looks at Arthur the same way most people look at cockroaches and goes, "What are you reading the business section for?" And Arthur, responding very strangely, stretches his mouth into a wide grin and chirps, "It's my new hobby!" Uh, cool, Arthur. Anyway, Yick just sits down next to Arthur, gives him more cockroach looks, and says (with all the emotion of a roomful of catatonics), "I thought we were friends." And Arthur says back, "What do you mean, we are friends." But Yick counters, "Friends tell eachother stuff." So Arthur presses his lips together, sighs, leans toward Yick, and goes, "Okay ... if I tell you ... will you promise to never, ever tell anyone?" And Yick, baffled, is like, "Yeah, sure." So Arthur leans his big face even closer and lisps, "This summer ... my mother ... won a lottery." And Yick, trying (feebly) to appear awestruck, goes, "Wo-ow, your mom won a lottery?" ... and his tone is not one notch louder than before, yet the extra by the door with the lavender beret glances over, and the extra by the window who looks like but isn't Tessa glances over, and all of the other extras glance over. Arthur puts his finger to his lips and hisses, "Sssshhh!!!" So Yick snaps his neck around to glance at all the extras glancing at him, then asks in the very same caliber voice, "How much did she win?" Which makes Arthur reply in this weird, wise-to-the-world way, "A LOT. Over a million dollars." Then Yick, who I'm sorry to say is more wooden than my dresser and bookcase combined in this scene, goes, "Arthur, this is fantastic. Do you realize what the odds were?" And then Arthur, oddly bitter, says pensively, "Yeah, like being struck by a bolt of lightning." Whatever that means. So Yick gives Arthur one more cockroach look, then stares straight ahead, licking his lips with puzzlement.
Okay, next we see this big orange bushel of hair ... is it a pomeranian? We must be at the pet store. Maybe Phil will come back. NO, there's a hospital gown and an incubator ... Spike in the hospital? NO, there's Liz's ring-on-each-finger'd hand holding a picture of Spike in the hospital, who's leaning down and grimacing at Baby Emma. Which, sorry to say, was kind of an unintentionally funny picture. And crowding the Indoor Staircase of DJH are Liz, Spike, Tim, Alexa, and one or two other kids. The Voice of Alexa (who is holding another picture) asks, "How long was she in there for?" Like, nice grammar, Alexa. And Spike "Teen Mom" Nelson, in her gold-green mock turtleneck and blue plaid skirt over black tights and mega-jewelry, says with her little-girl voice, "Six weeks. She was hooked up to a heart monitor and everything! She almost died." Behind Spike, Everyone's Best Friend breathes, "Wow." Tim? PLEASE don't try to have a line! Then Liz mumbles something-or-other, in her salmon-colored V-neck sweater over white shirt and her mega-jewelry. And Alexa states the obvious: "She's so small, Spike!" To which Spike responds with the obvious: "Well, she was premature." And Liz mumbles something-or-other about all of Baby Emma's tubes, and somebody asks about the delivery. Spike, who's absolutely relishing this attention lavished upon her, emphasizes that the delivery was, "REALLY painful. I was in labor for almost TWELVE hours." And somebody, I can't tell who, must think that Spike is overdramatizing, because this voice repeats all skeptically, "Twelve hours?" But before we can see who this cynic is, along come Amy'n'Allison, snobs extraordinnaire, with their preppy sweaters and their big earrings, and Allison's barretted hair and Amy's Miss Piggy hair. They totally peer over Spike and her audience's heads, then at the top of the stairs Allison "whispers" to Amy, "Can you imagine having a baby at fourteen? It's so gross!" As she says this, she's purposefully eyeing Shane "Emma's Daddy" McKay-Not-MacGowan, who's suddenly standing at the top of the staircase in his tie-dyed Bad Boy T-shirt. But Shane glares right back, so Amy mumbles something in response to Allison, and both snobs disappear through the doorway that Shane came from.
Back at the bottom of the stairs, Spike really is exaggerating, because somebody's now screeching, "THIRTY HOURS!" and everyone else is like, "Whoa! Wow!" Uh, why were an extra eighteen hours suddenly tacked on? And Shane's coming down the stairs to his Poor Misunderstood Shane music, but no one notices yet except for Tessa, who's Being an Extra at the top of the stairs in her turquoise sweater (GIT, Tessa!) yet nonprofessionally looking down at Shane while she talks to some other extra. And somebody else, Alexa I think, asks Spike, "Is she okay now?" To which Spike says mournfully, "Well, she's still sick a lot. But at least she's home now." Then Pro-Life Liz says, "You know, I'm glad you kept her." And Spike replies wistfully, "Yeah, I guess." She GUESSES?!
Shane chooses this moment to reach right over Spike's shoulder and pluck an Emma picture from her hand. Shane NEEDS someone to state the obvious, because's he's all, "Is that Emma?" DUH, Shane!!! But Spike just yanks the picture back and huffs, "How nice! You're interested! After hiding all summer!" Which makes Shane retort defensively, "I wasn't hiding, I told you, my parents sent me to camp!"; and, shaking his head for emphasis, he adds, "I didn't want to go." Spike gives him this I'm-so-sure look, so Shane rambles on, "Didn't you read my letters?" And at this point, I'm imagining Spike tearing open and envelope and reading: Deer Spike, Camb sux. How si Ema? But instead she says, with great scorn, "I didn't open them!", and gets up to leave, as Shane looks at her all pathetically from the bottom of the stairs. There's this other group staring,too, which includes Michelle ... like, since when did Michelle become such a social butterfly? Why is she with those strange kids and not her best friend Alexa, listening to the trials and tribulations of Spike's labor?
Anyway, then Shane says sadly, "Spike, please. She's my responsibility, too." I wonder, did seeing a picture of Emma on the stairs right now just out-of-the-blue remind Shane that he was a Teen Father? Couldn't he have called or visited Spike when he got home from camp? Spike must be wondering the same thing, for she turns and snaps, "YOUR responsibility? Why don't you come over sometime and change her diapers!", her eyebrows dancing Scott Scanlon-from-90210 style. Meanwhile, Liz and her ugly long flat bangs and tiny ponytail are giving Shane a look of Sheer Disapproval ... like, go away if you're not going to contribute anything to this conversation, Liz. And the back of Shane's head says, "Let me see her, at least. Spike!" But Liz just gives Shane one last disapproving glance to correspond with the Poor Misunderstood Shane music, before she and Spike disappear into the crowd.
Over at Joey's Locker, Joey is gesturing and whining to Wheels, "Can't'cha talk to them, man?!", while wearing the same clothes he wore yesterday. Wheels goes, "They never change their minds!"; and he's wearing the same clothes, too, but 1.)What else can you expect from Wheels "Three Outfits" Wheeler?, and 2.)He has an accessory now to complement his clothing, a nice graffiti-ed backpack slung over his back. (The only graffiti I can make out, though, is The cat. Whatever THAT means. Does Wheels even have a cat?) So spoiled Joey is like, "So argue with them!", to which Wheels retorts, "I'm tired of getting yelled at." And this time, Snake is playing the part of Mr. Useless and Thankless, as he looks back and forth ping-pong style at his two fellow Zits with this amused expression. And then Rebel Joey suggests that Wheels "sneak out", which makes Snake chime in with an enthusiastic, "Yeah!" But Wheels, completely ignoring Snake, goes, "Joey." Joey, leaning against the music note scribbled inside his locker door, continues to pressure Wheels: "You can't let them run your life forever. You're almost fifteen!" Thankless Snake shakes his head with agreement and stares at Wheels, who's beginning to fold. And Joey, on a roll, pressures, "I just wanna finish our demo tape. It'll take an hour!" ... and Wheels glances over at Thankless, who murmurs, "Come on!" So Wheels reaches his hand out tentatively for the beer can and goes, "One hour ... you promise?" And Joey "Trust Me!" Jeremiah gestures with his palm and vows, "I swear on my mother's grave!" Snake, all dense, looks at Joey witheringly and says, "Your mother's not dead." (Foreshadowing of Wheels's Parents' Fate #3.) Then Joey goes, "It's an expression, okay, bozo?", and tosses his locker lock or something to Snake, who perplexedly catches it, making Joey snicker. Joey turns back to Wheels and begs, "C'mon, man, please?" ... and Snake parrots, "Come on!" ... so Wheels takes the beer and complies, "Maybe tonight." And Joey and Snake slap hands over their latest Wheels Succumbs to Peer Pressure victory and go, "Ah-hall-right!" ... but Wheels interrupts their jubilation with a, "MAYBE, okay? My parents are going to a movie ... I said I'd go with them, but I don't have to. They'll be gone a couple of hours." Yeah, Wheels, that's what you think. Joey and Snake know they Have Wheels, though, so Snake is like, "Great!" ... as Joey, gesturing of course, exaggerates, "Oh, thanks, man, you saved my life." Only at the expense of his PARENTS, Joey! Little do you know. Joey and Wheels slap five as Joey makes sure to veil his Peer Pressure with an oh-so-charming, "You're the best friend a guy could ever have!" And Wheels, completely swallowing this, flashes his fixed, polished teeth into a cheesy smile. Simultaneously, Snake sneaks Joey his own secret marveling-at-their-masked-manipulation Cheesy Grin.
Later that day, over at Wheels's House, Helen is gazing into a full-length mirror at her Very Last Outfit, which consists of navy slacks and a size-small yellow'n'brown'n'navy striped blouse. The, while attempting to squeeze a pair of earrings into her pierced lobes so she'll look nice and pretty for Jovial John, she saunters into the living room -- where Wheels is pretending to do homework -- and goes, "Derek, why don't you change your mind and come with us?" But Derek ignores her, so Helen persists, "What are you going to do at home alone all evening?" Bratty Derek snaps, "I don't wanna go to a movie!" So Helen asks, "You're not still sulking about Joey, are you?", all wise and knowing. Loyal Zit that he is, Wheels responds, "You don't even know Joey. He's nice underneath!" And Helen, shaking her head and smiling at the very thought of That Joey Jeremiah, goes, "Well, we like him, too, but he's a bad influence on you!" And, STILL trying to jam that earring in her ear (fix your closed-up holes already, Helen), she brings up the time Joey took Wheels (and Snake) "joyriding."
Then Jovial John bursts in from the front hall in his black aviator jacket, bellowing, "I can't find the car keys!" Helen points to them wordlessly, and Jovial John picks them up and goes, "Ah!" Then he looks at Wheels and says, "You sure you won't change your mind, Derek?" And I realize that although Wheels's parents might assemble jigsaw puzzles together, they're NO Ward and June Cleaver; they call Wheels by his Given Name, not by some silly nickname! Anyway, Derek just nods at his father, so Helen informs him, "We'll be home by ten." And Jovial John, grinning maniacally for who-knows-what reason, points his finger in Wheels's face and goes, "You behave yourself, now, okay?" Naturally, Wheels refuses to dignify anything his Square and Unfair 'rents say with a reply. But as Jovial John is grabbing Helen's jacket for her, Helen turns to speak her Very Last Words to Wheels: "About Joey ... we just want to do what's best for you. You know, we really do love you very much." And Wheels actually gives a little smile and nods! So his old man and his old lady smile back, then leave, as a Foreshadowing Siren wails in the background. Then, for reasons beyond me, Wheels gets up and RUNS to the hallway ... as if his parents will leave, see a movie, and come home in the time it takes for Wheels to go call Joey, or whatever he's doing.
Outside Wheels's House, his mother is all, "I just wish he'd come with us." Jovial John goes, "Don't worry about him. Don't worry about him", then turns off the porch lights after Helen demands, "Porch lights!" And then John says Jovially (re: Wheels), "He'll be okay on his own. And we'll have fun on our own!" That last sentence is arguable, but I think we can safely assume that Wheels's dad dies happy. And Wheels's mom, all smiles, is like, "Yeah ... " Meanwhile, Wheels himself has stuck his big old head out the upstairs window, to make sure his parents really drive away in their square white car, and don't hide in the bushes prepared to pop out if he tries to throw a party or something. They indeed drive away, so Wheels smirks and runs back downstairs, his mullet bouncing.
Over in the basement of Joey's Joint, Joey is fooling around with some equipment, wearing the same outfit as before, minus the vest. I'm surprised Snake isn't wearing Joey's vest, because he's for some reason wearing Joey's burgundy Performing Fedora as he plunks away on the keyboard. Mr. Poor Phone Manners doesn't even stop plunking after the wall phone rings, and Joey runs to answer it, all, "Hello?" And back at Wheels's House, an ecstatic Wheels is like, "Yeah, Joey! I finally got rid of 'em." In more ways than you know, Wheels. Then Wheels says, after a split second of silence, "Yeah ... I'll, I'll be right over." And back in the basement of his Joint, Joey goes, "Ah-hall-right! Okay," and hangs up on Wheels. Then he claps his hands together and whoops to Snake, "He's comin' over, man!", and Snake is like, "Alright!" They whoop some more. Then Snake, multi-instrumentalist extraordinnaire, gives a celebratory swirl of the keyboard keys.