Here we are, the beginning of a new collection of poems. I still have a ton to add to "Sin City Exposure" but I wanted to start this section. I'm not sure what to call it.

Ideas such as "Rain Soaked" and "In My Rearview" have come to mind or maybe "Apparently You Can Go Home Again." I dunno. Anyway. Read. Thanks. kh

Run Away

Funny how some people never want to go home

Because they want to forget what made them who they are

Even I wanted to shut away the past

But afer I ran away I discovered

All I wanted to do was get home

And find myself all over again

Never could convince myself

My memory was so bad

Didn't take much to remember my home

Or any effort at all that as much as I complained

That I loved this rainsoaked corner of the world

Of course I came back and found you

Only to realize how much I'd changed

But not so much that my love

Which I thought meant so little to you

Isn't exactly the same to me

Maybe as much in your heart too

Who knows for sure though

I guess I like you better the way you are

A man of few words

Good to be home

Right where I belong

Standstill

Here we are in awkward silence

Shuffling our feet and not looking at each other

How is it that I have forgotten everything about you

Better question is will I ever get the chance to get to know you again

Days, weeks, even months slid by

As the world continued to spin on its axis

Life revolving ever forward irregardless of our distance

Many moments were spent wondering if you just chose to ignore me

Or if you just never really knew what to say

Both options mystify me

So is there another explanation?

Doubt I'll ever know

Because though our lives overlap again

Everything about you seems different

But our entire relationship seems the same

High Maintenance 7/4/02

You hurt me again and I go back for more

Again and again though I know what's in store

Do as you ask and you stomp on my heart

Connect on a whim, you act as though we've not been apart

Months and months of silence fly by

And for you it seems that's quite alright

Things are so very different now

Unlike before I won't try to deal somehow

One man has won with romance

Another could be better than you if he just took the chance

The paths of our lives have finally separated

A time I dreaded so long now anxiously awaited

You can't come back in my life whenever it suits you

A two-way street requires your effort too

Our friendship has been up on the shelf for a while

Time now for it to go into the circular file

Now I must move on and let go

Don't worry anymore I'm in good hands you know

Just can't force this feeling on us

When in you I have so little trust

Know there will always be someone in life

Filling the shoes you reluctantly wore through so much strife

They never did fit you all that comfortably

I know I should not have asked you to be that for me

In fact from that I learned

How to handle the situation I've most recently earned

No man could ever be the parent I ever lost

Can't force a square peg into a round hole at any cost

How do I handle these older men I've collected?

When I know in the end I'll only be rejected

No more will I grab and hold on too tightly

Just let go and see if it's been taken too lightly

I only hope they understand how I feel

Friends that I love you must know this is real

Not a single regret for whom my heart has attached to

Just wish I had known what better to do

Immortal 2/12/03

In a moment life turns

From a celebration of victory

To disaster and uncertainty

When we were young our parents seemed immortal

As we grew we decided they weren't perfect

But still pretty close to invincible

Not until we have children of our own

Do we realize that they are are vulnerable

Still the idea they might be fragile

Hard to believe because they were our heroes once

We knew they weren't well

As we watched the boney hands holding the sickle creep closer

His shadow grew longer

Passed over me and changed my life

Pray he gets distracted now

Even though we know the reality

They're still our heroes

And when breath gives way to memory

They will remain immortal

Standing at a Fork in the Road

I wish I could go back and start our relationship all over again

Armed with the knowledge and experience I have now

Perhaps I wouldn't be fretting over your inattention

Because I would know better than to believe you would honor your vow

Maybe I could be more sympathetic and understanding

So the stretches of non communication wouldn't be frustrating

And likely I could try not to be so childish and demanding

But there are moments where I am so distracted it's irritating

Just have to remind myself to inhale, count three, and exhale

Not personal I remind myself repeatedly

Life isn't so easy right now I tell myself so my patience won't fail

Maybe you could let me help, let me listen, you can talk to me

True that'sa reversal of our established roles

But you were always the one saying teacher and student can also be friends

Despite all the obstacles there is a connection between our souls

Let me be what you need and for past transgressions make amends

Not claiming to be better than before, only older and smarter

So can a grown up me find room in your daily routine

Just don't want to take you for granted as I grow wiser

Because I'd like you to be there as I head toward something more serene

Mistaken Identity

All these years I built you up in my head

As something you could just never be

Now I've come to realize who you really are instead

Just don't know how to reconcile the fantasy with the reality

Perhaps my teenage naivete prevented me from seeing you any other way

Perfect through and through no wrong could you do

Continually optimistic, don't be afraid of challenge, it's good for you I'd hear you say

But all the time you pushed me to open up and try harder I never got to know you

Here I am more than a decade after we first met

Thinking to myself that you never offered as much as you wanted me to give

Somehow I still feel as though I owe you some great debt

And always feeling as though I'll never be free of you is no way to live

Truly though do you believe either of us will ever let go?

When I was in Vegas I was just fine, hardly missed you at all

Here I am 20 minutes away by car and there's little to show

Should know better than to expect anything from you, not a letter, e-mail or call

Getting older doesn't seem to mean outgrowing this so-called need for you

Finding patience and a small chunk of wisdome hasn't seemed to help

You still drive me crazy and I don't know what to do

All I want is this insanity to be quelled

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