When the store manager returned from lunch, he noticed his clerk's hand was bandaged, but before he could ask about the bandage, the clerk said he had some very good news for him. "Guess what, sir?" the clerk said. "I finally sold that terrible, ugly suit we've had so long!" "Do you mean that repulsive pink-and-blue double-breasted thing?" the manager asked. "That's the one!" That's great!" the manager cried, "I thought we'd never get rid of that monstrosity! That had to be the ugliest suit we've ever had! But tell me. Why is your hand bandaged?" "Oh," the clerk replied, "after I sold the guy that suit, his guide dog bit me."
A young boy, about eight years old, was at the corner "Mom & Pop" grocery store picking out a pretty good size box of laundry detergent. The grocer walked over and, trying to be friendly, asked the boy if he had a lot of laundry to do. "Oh, no laundry," the boy said. "I'm going to wash my dog." "But you shouldn't use this to wash your dog. It's very powerful and if you wash your dog in this, he'll get sick. In fact, it might even kill him." But the boy was not to be stopped and carried the detergent to the counter and paid for it, even as the grocer still tried to talk him out of washing his dog. About a week later the boy was back in the store to buy some candy. The grocer asked the boy how his dog was doing. "Oh, he died," the boy said.A dog walks into a butcher shop with a purse strapped around his neck. He walks up to the meat case and calmly sits there until it's his turn to be waited on. A man, who was already in the butcher shop, finished his purchase and noticed the dog. The butcher leaned over the counter and asked the dog what it wanted today. The dog put its paw on the glass case in front of the ground beef, and the butcher said, "How many pounds?" The dog barked twice, so the butcher made a package of two pounds ground beef. He then said, "Anything else?" The dog pointed to the pork chops, and the butcher said, "How many?" The dog barked four times, and the butcher made up a package of four pork chops. The dog then walked around behind the counter, so the butcher could get at the purse. The butcher took out the appropriate amount of money and tied two packages of meat around the dog's neck.
SHENANIGANS IN THE SOUND ... 
... An Irish Shoppe
THE TRAVELING SHOW
For that Perfect Gift ... 
WEST SOUND GIFTS
If you are a dog and your owner suggests that you wear a sweater, suggest that he wear a tail.
Why did the dog feel as frisky as a puppy?
... It got a new leash on life!
Why do some of our canine friends prefer to stay home?
..... Because it's a dog-eat-dog world out there!
What do you call a nutty dog in Australia?
..... A dingo-ling!
What is the dog's favorite city?
Who was the dog's all-time favorite comedian?
What is the height of bad manners?
Two men are sitting on a bench, one man saw a dog by the other man and asked if his dog bites. The man said no. So the other man reaches down to pet the dog and the dog bites him. The man who just got bitten says, "I thought you said your dog doesn't bite". The other man said "That's not my dog."
Bud’s dog had been jumping around all day and looking good; then suddenly passed out. Bud grabbed the dog and headed for the Vet. The Vet examined the dog and exclaimed, "this dog is dead!". Bud said, "Your crazy"! That dog is only two years old and has always been healthy". The Vet said, "Well, I’ll try again". After looking over the dog for the second time, he confirmed his diagnoses, "The dog is dead." Bud couldn’t accept this, so the Vet said he could try one other thing. He went to the back room and came back with a cat. He put the cat on the dog and the cat started biting and scratching the dog—jumping from one end of the dog to the other. No response! The Vet said, "that dog is dead." Finally, Bud said "I guess your right, how much do I owe you?". The Vet said,"$325.00." "Why so much?", asked Bud. The Vet said,"$25.00 for the Exam... and $300 for the Cat scan."
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What do you call a happy Lassie?
..... A jolly collie!
How do you catch a runaway dog?
..... Hide behind a tree and make a noise like a bone!
It was a slow day in heaven so God telephoned Satan to see what was going on. "It’s slow here too," says Satan. "Well," God said, " I think a dog show might be fun. Let’s put on a dog show." "Sounds good," says Satan, "But why are you calling me? You’ve got all the dogs up there." "I know," answered God, "But, you’ve got all the judges down there!"
What dog is always good for a laugh?
My dog can bark like a Congressman, fetch like an Aide, beg like a Press Secretary and play dead like a Receptionist when the phone rings.Return to the HUMOR SCOPEA dog teaches a boy fidelity, perseverance, and to turn around three times before lying down.
A nursery school teacher was delivering a station wagon full of kids home one day when a fire truck zoomed past. Sitting in the front seat of the fire truck was a Dalmatian dog. The children fell to discussing the dog's duties. "They use him to keep crowds back," said one youngster. "No," said another, he's just for good luck. A third child brought the argument to a close. "They use the dog, she said firmly, " to find the fire hydrant."
A guy wanted to take his Chihuahua into a restaurant with him, so he put on dark glasses and "tapped" his way into the establishment. The waiter said "Hey!, you can't bring a dog in here. "The man indignantly claimed, "I'm blind! ... this is my Seeing Eye dog!" "You're trying to tell me" said the waiter, "that this Chihuahua is a Seeing Eye dog?" "What???!!", cried the man, "they gave me a Chihuahua?"
Dr. Cutter is the local Veterinarian, known for his wry humor. He surpassed himself one summer day when a city dog was brought to him after an encounter with a porcupine. After almost an hour of prying, pulling, cutting and stitching, he returned the dog to its owner. "What do I owe you?" asked the woman. "Fifteen dollars, Ma'am," he answered.
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Four workers were discussing how smart their dogs were. The first was an engineer who said his dog could draw. His dog's name was "T-Square", and he told him to get some paper and draw a square, a circle and a
triangle, which he did with no sweat.The other day I saw two dogs walk over to a parking meter. One of them observed, "Dig that, Victor? Pay toilets!"
SHENANIGANS IN THE SOUND ... ... An Irish Shoppe
THE TRAVELING SHOW
For that Perfect Gift ... WEST SOUND GIFTS
