Daria - Hiding the cooking sherry from Dad?

Helen - I'm going to make some bread, Daria.

Daria - Isn't that what supermarkets are for?

Helen - The Yeagers are coming for the weekend and I can't serve them store bought bread.

Daria - Why not?

Helen - I haven't seen them for twenty five years. And let's just say they know a different Helen. A Helen famous for her oatmeal pumpkin seed loaf.

Daria - And just what have you done with this Helen?

(sound of car beeping)

Helen - They're here! I hope they don't think I've changed too much.

Daria - Just be yourself. That's what you've always told me.

Helen - I could kick myself for that.

(outside)

Quinn - What kind of car is that?

Daria - That's not a car. It's a time machine.

Helen - Willow! Coyote!

Willow - Wow, Helen!

Coyote - Man!

Jake - My man!

Helen - You haven't changed a bit.

Willow - And you! Well, just look at you!

Helen - Why, even Leary is exactly the same.

Jake - Come here boy! Don't you remember old Jake?

Helen - Wait, that can't be Leary, he'd be almost thirty by now!

Willow - This is Leary number three.

Coyote - We had to replace the original a couple times.

Jake - If only you could do that with Timothy Leary, huh man? He, he, he, he, he...

Coyote - They're working on it, man.

Helen - Well these two are irreplacable. Our girls, Quinn and Daria.

Willow - You have a very old soul.

Daria - It's just looks mature for it's age.

Quinn - Is this a retro thing or are they serious?

Jake - Let's get your bags man!

Coyote - We travel light.

Daria - In the head. I gotta get out of here before I catch any good vibes.

Quinn - Daria, you can't leave me here with those, those... yuppies!

Daria - Yuppies are from the 80s.

Quinn - So what do you call people in funny outfits who talk about peace and love and stuff?

Daria - Trekkies. Anyway, one of us should stay. It's a rare opportunity to learn more about Mom and Dad.

Quinn - Why would we want to do that.

Daria - To use against them later. Twenty bucks if you dig up some dirt.

Quinn - Sorry, I have a date. You're getting out of this, so am I.

Coyote - Ethan! Come meet the girls!

Quinn - You said twenty, right?

(at Jane's house, in Trent's room)

Trent - Zappa digital, Zappa analog.

Jesse - Sounds the same to me.

Trent - Do you call yourself a musician?

Jesse - No, I call myself an interpreter of sound.

Jane - Top secret experiment?

Jesse - My parents gave me their old records to sell at the flea market. But now Trent wants to keep them.

Trent - It's the warmth of vinyl, man. I'm telling you, it's a richer tone.

Jane - You're tuned to the radio.

Trent - I was wondering why Zappa was selling fish sticks.

Jane - The flea market huh? Need any help?

Jesse - We have to be there by 7 to set up.

Jane - No problem. Daria's an early bird.

Daria - There's nothing like watching the sun rise. Except watching the sun set in reverse.

Trent - Good one Daria.

Daria - Hmm, umm, thanks.

Trent - Okay, this time let's reverse the polarity of the plug. I'll stand facing west.

Daria - Our your nuts?

Jane - Hey, you could always go on home and swap yogurt recipes with the Yeagers.

Daria - And what's wrong with my yogurt recipe?

Jane - You should thank me. It's a chance for you to spend quality time with Trent. The flea market is so romantic this time of year. I hear the chia pets are in bloom. Okay, so the flea market. We're there.

Trent - Okay, now let's try the thing where I stand on the aluminum foil.

(at Daria's house, sitting around the dinnertable)

Coyote - So for the past twelve years we've been selling hammocks made out of hemp through the mail.

Willow - And with all the new breakthroughs with hemp processing, this could be out most exciting year yet!

Helen - Oh! That's fascinating. Quinn, didn't you have a date tonight?

Quinn - I got Stacy to fill in.

Jake - You in to sports, my man? Ethan?

Ethan - Huh?

Willow - We think there's enough aggressive behavior on the planet without creating more with quote on quote, healthy competition.

Coyote - Ethan's gonna rock climb. When he's ready.

Ethan - Whatever. Peas.

Willow - Hmmm. You can always tell when a bread isn't hand kneaded. Hand kneaded bread has more soul.

Jake - This veggie stuff never fills me up. Anyone want a burger? Hey, fair's fair. We'll all be worm food someday.

Helen - Jake!

Jake - It's the circle of life Helen.

Coyote - You know man, you've become kind of aggressive.

Jake- Have not!

Willow - It's the meat.

Jake - Is not!

Willow - What ever happened to that mellow, let it be attitude you used to have?

Helen - Jake?

(flashback)

Jake - Come on everyone, if we focus all our positive energy we can make the Pentagon rise off the ground. Rise damnit! (kicks building) Ow!

(present)

Jake - Stupid five-sided building.

Willow - Remember our group house?

(flashback)

Helen - Don't you see, so called enlightened dudes are oppressing women, just like society is putting down the movement. I want some help! And I want it now!

Jake - Wow, sounds like the girls are getting liberated.

Coyote - Cool.

(present)

Willow - And then, after you guys split, we painted a bus and drove out into the desert. I wish you would've stayed with us.

Helen - Oh Willow, it was time for us to move on.

Coyote - If that's what you want to call it.

Jake - What?

Willow - Honey...

Helen - What do you mean Coyote?

Coyote - Nothing, I love you guys. It's just, I remember the way you were, that's all.

Helen - We're still that way, deep down.

Jake - Yeah men! We're still that way! What way?

Coyote - Free! Of the shallow, superficial value system of a profit-driven culture gone terribly, terribly wrong.

Jake - Oh sure, we're that way!

(phone rings)

Daria - May I speak to the old lady of the house?

Helen - Daria, where are you?

Daria - Jane's. Can I stay over?

Helen - I was hoping you would want to get to know our friends.

Daria - My old soul has already made their aquaintance in a previous lifetime.

Helen - Well, that does free up some space for Ethan. He can take the guestroom and I can put Willow and Coyote in your room.

Daria - You're going to put them in my room? You better tether them to the bed so they don't float away.

Helen - He, he, he.

(at Jane's house, in Jane's room)

SSW - A nightmare story of an enchanted kiss gone horribly wrong! When Sick, Sad World returns.

Daria - Okay, I can stay. You have anything for me to sleep in?

Jane - Don't thank me, thank Grandma.

(commercial break)

(in Daria's house, in the hallway)

Quinn - And this, is where we keep Daria.

Ethan - Cool. Tell Mom and Dad I'm sleeping here.

Quinn - Uh!

(in the bathroom)

Jake - Once you could fit all your worldly possessions into a backpack. Pair of jeans, a few t-shirt, a copy of Steeler's book. And now, look at you. A capitalist cheerleader, a sellout in a monkey suit! Damnit! It's time to take a stand! You're not gonna shave tomorrow.

Helen - Come on Jakey, let someone else have a turn.

Jake - Helen, do you think I'm past my prime?

Helen - Of course not. You're still quite the young buck. Anyway good looking men get even handsomer as they mature.

Jake - Woo! Too bad it's not the same for women! He, he. (in Jane's room)

Daria - That's better. Now I can't see a thing.

(knock on door)

Jesse - Big day tomorrow.

Trent - We'll wake you at six. 'Night.

Jane - Good night!

Daria - Good night, see you in the morning.

(knock on door)

Jane - Come back at six.

Jesse - It is six.

Jane - Then how come you're so damn chipper?

Trent - It was easier to stay up all night then to wake up early.

Jesse - We'll load the van.

Jane - Van?

Jesse - You know, the tank.

Jane - Oh goody.

(Trent and Jesse leave)

Daria - Are they gone?

Trent - Don't forget some money. Hey, doesn't Grandma have a nightgown like that?

(at the flea market)

Daria - Should I file this under self-indulgent posers or under-rated geniuses.

Jane - Ask Trent or Jesse. Which ever one wakes up first.

Daria - I guess they call it a flea market because it makes you want to flea.

Jane - Come on, relax, we're going to do well today. We've got a choiest location.

Mrs. Johanson - I'm looking for snowdomes. You got any girls?

Daria - Sorry ma'am, all we have are these strange flat discs the aliens left behind. You know about the aliens, don't you?

Jane - You enjoy working with the public, don't you.

(at Daria's house, in the living room)

Willow and Coyote - Om...

Jake - Morning! Say hello to a new Jake. An old Jake! The Jake you haven't seen for a while. And goodbye to cookie cutter corperate guy Jake. That Jake is gone, gone, gone.

Helen - You didn't quit your job, did you?

Jake - No, I'm growing a beard again.

Helen - Oh! That's great dear.

Jake - Hey Quinn! How do you like my, new look?

Quinn - Dad, are you growing a goatee? That's so two years ago, right Ethan?

Coyote - I really feel centered now.

Willow - Nice whiskers.

Jake - Thanks!

Quinn - Um, it's kind of getting crowded in here. Why don't Ethan and I go out for breakfast, you guys can sit around and remember things.

Ethan - It's breakfast? I thought it was lunch time. I'm going back to bed.

(at the flea market)

Jane - Why are you staring at my brother?

Daria - Selfless concern? I think he stopped breathing.

Jane - Nah, he's entering a dormant stage. In about ten years he should emerge as a butterfly. I guess you're gonna wait.

Upchuck - Hello ladies! I didn't know you were of an enterpreneur event. Perhaps you would be so kind as to show me your goods?

Jane - Upchuck, what are you doing here?

Upchuck - I am on a quest for the holy grail of fastfood premiums. A complete 1985's California Raison's posable eraser set. Only mint condition will do. Your investors?

Jane - Silent partners.

Guy - Um, do you by any chance have the cast recording of somebody up there likes me?

Daria - No, but we do have, somebody down here doesn't.

Upchuck - I wonder if I may provied you gals with a lesson in salesmanship. It's a one in a lifetime offer.

Daria - How about once in two lifes.

Jane - Now, now, let the boy show us how to do it. Then we won't have to.

(at Daria's house, in the living room)

Jake - It's all coming back. You wanna try honey?

Helen - Ugh, Dog drool. That beast! (to dog) Outside! (phone rings) Hello? Eric? What? They moved the hearing up to this week? I can be there in 20 minutes.

Jake - Talk about uptight.

Helen - Mellow out man, nothing's so important that it can't wait till Monday, and what are you doing in the corporate cage in the weekend. Go take a walk in the park.

Jake - Right on, honey.

Willow - You still have your priorities.

Coyote - Who's up for frisbee. Come on Learny!

Helen - Eric? Yes, of course I was kidding.

(at the fleamarket)

Upchuck - You see ladies, trying to close a sale without the proper technique is like playing cards without a full deck. You must treat your customers like a king. This is the ace up your sleeves. You're a joker if you don't, and you'll be left with jack.

Daria - Wake me when you get to the twos.

Man - FDR? No sir, you won't find socialists on any of my toilet seats.

Upchuck - Now, watch a pro in action. Hey! Mr. DeMartino!

Mr. DeMartino - Well, Charles Ruttheimer. What is it, Charles?

Upchuck - As a man of culture and breeding, I thought you might be interested in some of our audio gems.

Mr. DeMartino - Is this a pathetic attempt at flattery Mr. Ruttheimer? An obvious smoke screen for your calculated attempt to seperate me from my payments I receive each week for babysitting a bunch of determined idiots?!?!

Upchuck - I just wanted to sell you some records...

Mr. DeMartino - Got anything by Annette Funicello?

(commercial break)

(outside of Daria's house)

Jake - Hey man, after you get this baby fixed up, what do you say we go down to the club and play a round?

Coyote - The golf course is an ecological disaster.

Jake - What, you got trouble with your swing?

Helen - Here, we thought you boys might like some refreshments.

Willow - Home bottled berry juice. We're going to start a compost pile. Won't that be fun?

Jake - Wow! This is strong stuff!

Willow - It's got natural pectins!

Jake - I love pectins!

(at the flea market)

Guy - Is this the best you can do?

Upchuck - 'fraid so...

Guy - Well then I'm just going to have to walk away. I'm walking... Okay, fifty cents.

Trent - Thanks man.

Upchuck - What about my commission?

Trent - Hey, we're training you for free.

Jane - Well Trent, now that you've returned to the land of the living, maybe you and Daria can go get us some soda. With caffiene?

Trent - No problem. Coming?

Daria - Sure.

Jane - Take your time!

(Daria and Trent walk off)

Jesse - Hmm. I could use a burger.

Jane - I'll go with you. Upchuck, can you handle the booth?

Upchuck - I can handle much more than that missy.

(Jane and Jesse walk off)

Upchuck - Excuse me! Is that a vintage copy of Eyefull?

Man - 1962.

Upchuck - Where did you find such a treasure?

Man - That booth over there.

Trent - That's okay, I got it.

Daria - I owe you one then.

Trent - Next time. So, Janey says you're avoiding your parent's friends this weekend.

Daria - Their sunny 60s optimism tends to cancel out my bitter 90s cynicism.

Trent - Hold over hippies?

Daria - Yeah, they're big believers in the concept of voluntary simplicity.

Trent - I gotta use that. Sounds much better than broke.

Daria - I guess you gotta give them some credit. Civil rights, enviromentalism, the women's movements. People believed in stuff back then.

Trent - I know. What's up with that?

(outside Daria's house)

Jake - I know what you're thinking, that I've turned into the man!

Coyote - I'd nver call you the man, man. Man maybe, but not the man. I hate this stupid rusty piece of junk! And I'm tired of buying food in bulk! And not flushing every time I go because it wastes water!

Jake - Ewww...

Helen - I'm still young, what happened to my beliefs? What happened to being part of the solution, not part of the problem?

Willow - I hate kneading bread.

Helen - What?

Willow - I hate kneading bread! Damn!

Helen - Oh Willow! Here!

Coyote - Man, can you teach me how to play golf?

Jake - Sure I can, man?

Coyote - And can we ride around on those little carts?

Jake - Sure thing pals! Hey, some kind of organic nutrient steam bath, right? Cool!

Helen - Jake, we fell on our asses on a pile of garbage. I feel like a hog.

Coyote - Hog! I miss bacon.

Willow - Oh thanks so much for your concern.

Jake - Wow, sounds like the girls are getting liberated.

Coyote - Cool.

Ethan - Dad, the berry juice fermented again. You gotta watch that. Come on, I'll buy you a slush cup.

Quinn - It's about time!

Ethan - Got any money?

Jake - Where's my razor?

(at the fleamarket)

Jane - You see, my theory is that our primitive hunting instinct has no outlet in modern society.

Jesse - Cool.

Jane - So rather than stalking animals, we substitute it with the shopping experience. And hunt for objects.

Jesse - Cool.

Jane - And then Jesse while we're asleep those objects come to life and plot their secret take over our civilization. April 1st, 2007. That's the day they make their move!

Jesse - Cool.

Daria - I don't know, all these people swapping useless junk. Maybe the Yeagers are onto something. At least they're not caught up in a constant state of consumer frenzy.

Trent - Yeah, I guess if you're gonna insist on holding on to something from the sixties, peace and love beats a get smart lunchbox.

Daria - Especially if the lunch is still in it.

Trent - Well, let's go give Jesse and Jane a break.

Daria - Too late.

Trent - Who's watching the booth?

Jane - Upchuck.

Daria - I don't think so.

Upchuck - Here Mr. Demartino! I found another issue of bachelor confidential!

Mr. DeMartino - You have redeemed your self Charles. Woof!

Upchuck - Um, less to carry home?

Jesse - Well, we do have three copies left of Boston.

Trent - At least we're not money grabbing capitalist pigs, right Daria?

Daria - Yeah, we're hard core believers in voluntary simplicity.

(at a fast food restaurant)

Ethan - No, they never formally charged them. But they did keep them there in jail for the next day.

Quinn - Wow. Hey, where's my eyebrow pencil... This has gotta be worth at least twenty bucks. Now tell me again about how Mom punched out the cop.

(at Daria's house, in the kitchen)

Willow - You're sure you don't want this?

Helen - I never use it.

Willow - This will cut way down on the time I spending baking for Ethan and Coyote.

Helen - Sister, eat the frozen bagel. Hey guys, it's getting dark, when are you going to come in?

Coyote - In a minute.

Jake - I'm just showing Coyote how to drive without slicing! (ball flys through window) Better!

(sitting around the dinnertable)

Helen - Girls, I expected you for dinner. Before I officially ground you, would you care to account for your whereabouts?

Daria - Sure. But first, a few questions. Number one. Why did you spend a night in jail in Boulder in August, 1969?

(outside)

Coyote - Thanks for that marketing plan, man. We're going to kick the butts of those wimps over at rainbow hammocks.

Jake - Hey, take no prisoners, man. Predatory behavior is all natural.

Quinn - Ethan?

Ethan - Yeah?

Quinn - You never told me whether you thought I was, you know, cute?

Ethan - Oh, well sure. You're cute.

Quinn - Thanks.

Ethan - You know, in a shallow superficial way.

Quinn - Thanks.

Daria - It's very hard not to compliment you, isn't it.

Quinn - Oh Daria, you don't have to say that.

Everyone - Bye-bye! Bye!

Quinn - Daria, what do you think about long-distance relationships are a good idea?

Daria - Yeah. Why don't we try one?

Jake - You know kids, it's pointless to try to go back in time. You have to live in the present. And I'm going to start right now. First thing's first. I'm getting rid of all my vinyl records. Hey Daria! You want them?