Date: February 15, 1999
Entry: Less is certainly better!

Hey there!

I hope you all had a good Valentine's Day. I didn't do much for Valentine's Day. I did a proofread of someone's script and went out to eat at a local restaurant with my wife and two sons.

(I skipped church today! Uh, oh!)

I noticed something as I did that proofread. LESS IS MOST CERTAINLY BETTER!

I'm sure you have heard of "Less is more". I'm just emphasizing that. Here's what I mean:

As you write your script, make sure that you give us important details to forward the plot or the character. Remember, EVERYTHING should serve that purpose.

BUT, realize just what is important and what is not! Don't list actions or incidents that have no value or that can be understood by the context or reading the dialogue.

See if you can determine what is wrong with the following excerpt:

------------------------------
Luke gets up and walks over to the COUNTER. He reaches into his back pocket and pulls out his WALLET. From it, he extracts a crisp FIVE DOLLAR BILL and slides it to the SEXY WAITRESS.

                   LUKE
             (to the waitress)
     Here's a five, for your trouble, doll-
     face.

------------------------------

So what's wrong with it (other than the fact that LUKE is my son's name and that he should never talk to women that way)?

To start with, does Luke have to:

A) "get up"?
B) "walk over"?
C) "reach into his back pocket"?
D) "pull out his wallet"?
E) "extract a crisp five dollar bill"?

These are wasted motions! If he's paying, we know he has to go to the counter, reach into his back pocket for his wallet, and pull out the necessary funds!

This is NOT a stage play where we have to give blocking directions to our actors!

When you were in high school English, you might recall having to write a paragraph explicitly breaking down the process behind walking, or running, or making a peanut butter and jelly sandwich.

Don't do that in your writing UNLESS IT'S CRUCIAL TO THE SCENE, THE STORY, OR THE CHARACTER IN SOME WAY!

Here's what I mean The example MIGHT be acceptable if Luke were originally crippled, and this were the first time he "got up" and "walked over".

This could also be acceptable if the author was trying to indicate something special about Luke actually reaching into his BACK pocket --as opposed to any other pocket. Maybe Luke commonly carried some sort of weapon in his back pocket, and this was a reference to that... or foreboding.

And about the crisp five dollar bill? Maybe he never had money in his wallet... or perhaps he had just finished making it --fake money!

If these things apply to A-E, then by all means, keep them! If they DON'T, then it's waste of space! It makes your readers have to read the obvious!

So in YOUR writing, if you can't answer these kinds of questions for each and every line of action in your script... DON'T DO IT!

Now, I'm sure there will be exceptions... but try not to think about that! Try your damnedest to take the weeds out! You'll be surprised at just how tight your script will become.

But there's more...

F) Is the parenthetical important?

Absolutely not.

In the description/action, you've illustrated the context of the dialogue.

Go through your script and eliminate as many parentheticals as you can! If your character is angry, it should be evident by what he says or does... not by the fact that you said "angrily".

The mood should be there. If it's not, the scene needs to be reworked.

Ok. Here's how I might rewrite it:
------------------------------
At the counter, Luke pays the waitress.

                   LUKE
     Here's a five, for your trouble, doll-
     face.

------------------------------

Try it out!

It'll really clean things up and make your script an easier and faster read!

Ok!

I'm going to go write now!

Have a day!