THE FIRST COMPUTER IN KLUNKERVILLE

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FIRST DAY

     I remember the first day when I got a computer. It was a nice 286, which is the one I use now. When I had gotten one and started using it the word spread far and wide around Klunkerville about my new device. No one could believe there was such a thing. Different ones around town would say to each other,

     “ A machine that you push a bunch of buttons on and writing appears all by itself on a screen! It is impossible.”

     “ I didn’t believe it myself either Harold until I, one day looked into the winder of Me’s house and there he was. I just simply couldn’t believe it.”

     “You are full of bologna”

     “Well come see for yourself.”

     And come they did. They started starring into my window at night. I would push a button and type something and then outside my window I would hear someone yell, “Hey did you see that? If I didn’t see that with my own eyes I would never have believed it.”

     I thought to myself, “Wow, If they think this is fascinating maybe I can put on a show.” I decided to try that and see what would happen” 

 

 

SELLING TICKETS

 

     I sold tickets and put up posters saying come and see Me’s famous computer. You will not believe your eyes at to what you are about to see. It was like a sideshow at a circus. Everyone in town wanted to come and check it out. I bought a very large magnifier to magnify the screen so everyone could see it. Set it up in our large building which holds approximately 30 people and I was in business. I filled that place up for several weeks. I would start with something simple just to get everyone going. I would start with typing a few simple words onto the screen. They would be extremely amazed and holler wow; Can you believe what you just saw? It’s as if someone is writing the words on that there screen.

     The next part of the show practically brought the house down. I would say,

     “Ladies and gentleman, now I will perform the impossible. I will play a game of solitaire with my computer. You may wonder how can I do such a thing? I have no cards. I have not a thing. Are you all ready?” There would not be a noise in the building. It would become completely silent. I then made the cards appear. Everyone would stare in amazement and not believe it. I played the game. Some had to get up and walk around the screen to make sure that someone wasn’t hiding on the other side. They scratched their head and were stricken with amazement. Everyone clapped so hard I thought the building was going to come down. How long would my fame last? Only time would tell.

 

FRAUD?

     It seemed like everything was going great with my show and all. I knew eventually my popularity would soon die out. I mean after all just how long could someone stay interested in something as this? Little did I know things would take a turn in a direction I least expected.

    Some Started talking and saying things like, “You know something guys? I have a feeling that this sideshow of his isn’t as what it seems to be.”

     What do you mean by this? I mean we saw it with our own eyes.”

    “That’s just it. I don’t think you saw what you thought. I have a feeling that he tricked us. I think there is someone else in another room someplace making those numbers appear like that. Or maybe it could even be a videotape and that is a t.v. screen he is using there.”

     “What is a videotape?”

     “I am not too sure myself. I just heard rumors that there was such a thing, that’s all.” But whatever he is doing I do not believe it is for real.”

     “You know something? You are right. I am with you there. What shall we do?”

     “Well just this. What he is doing is tricking us to get our money and that is fraud, and that is a crime. We will get him arrested and take him to court. That is what we will do.”

     That sounds good to me. Let’s do it. Trick us will he? We’ll see about that.”

TROUBLE

     The townspeople worked themselves up completely. I was relaxing at my nice house having my favorite meal of peanut butter and cheese sandwich on rye bread with prune juice on the side when I heard a bunch of stuff going on outdoors. I opened it up and was surprised and shocked.

     Right at my door there was the Sheriff and several of the towns people.

     “What is wrong?” I asked.

     The sheriff responds, “You are under arrest and are to be held at jail until you have your court case. So there.”

     “What did I do?”

     “You know you dummy. That crazy thing you call a computer you tried to fool us with.”

     “But it was on the level.”

     “No, no no no it was not. You did something stupid and you are a bad boy and now you are going to jail. Come on!”

     “But what I did on the computer was for real.”

     “Oh come on…….Pleeeeeeese? Come onnn. everybody makes my job so harrrd.You bother me.”

     “O.k. I’ll come. I have no choice.”

     “Oh goody, goody, lets go.”

     So I was on my way to jail, then court to later prove my innocents.

 

MEETING WITH LAWYER IN JAIL

 

     A lawyer was provided for me. His name was John Crunch. He was part of that popular firm called Crunch, Clunk and Crow. He was very serious with me.

     “Mr. Me,” He says, I honestly don’t know how much of a chance you do have. I will try my best”.

     “But my show was real. The cops could have examined my equipment and that would have proved it.”

     “That was impossible because everyone knows that would be too easy, and besides, I wouldn’t have a case and I need the money. I just made a purchase on a new car and if I don’t make my payment this month the finance company will take it. So you see where I stand?”

     “But what about the sheriff?” He could have looked into it further”.

     “Well he has to have something to do. He can’t just set in his office all day and play cards. Not only are you helping him out but you are also helping the judge. You are giving him some work, and it also gives the newspaper reporters something to report on. So you see, this case is very important”.

     “O.k. then”

     “Well I hope this was comfort to you. I’ll see you during court day. Just in time too. It’s the day before the finance company comes around.”

 

 

COURT DAY

Court day finally arrived. My lawyer John Crunch was by my side. The judge was taking his seat.

“Now where is the guilty party that tried to fool us with this so called computer. Oh there he is. First lets get a witness up here to this.

The first witness shows up. His name is Harold diddlewatt. He promises to tell the truth and then he takes his stand

     The lawyer starts out. “O.k. Harold diddlewatt. What makes you suspect that this was a hoax to begin with?”

     “Well it was like this. I went over to see this so called sideshow of his, And it was obvious it was a hoax in the beginning because I saw him press some buttons on some kind of flat switchboard like and then click some kind of round thing he called a mouse. I feel that all this device was is a signal maker to signal someone in another room to play the trick on us by making all those numbers and cards appear on that so called screen of his.”

     Someone else hollers in the room, “That’s exactly what I think too.” Then another, “you are right. Make him go to jail.”

    The judge calms everyone down. “Now order in the court. I agree with you all but I must give this crook, I mean Mr. Me a chance. It is obvious there are plenty of witnesses to convict this man here. So I feel that there is no need for any further witnesses. Lets let Mr. Me tell his side of the story.”

    So I do. I get up there and tell them everything there was to say, How I wanted to make the computer a side show for extra money, and How I thought people would like to see it. Whatever I said no one paid any attention to at all. I was just mainly wasting my breath. How would this case turn out for me? It resumed for the day. I would have to wait and find out.

 

Court  Case Resumes, Happy ending

    Well it took a lot of explaining on my day of court but it did pay off. They examined my equipment; they brought it into the courtroom in person on my court day just to prove to the people that it was for real.

                  “Ladies and Gentlemen, As you can see and especially after examining my equipment as you did this is for real and there are no tricks involved. I just again showed you everything I had shown in my sideshow. The police in the building made sure there was no broadcasting from another room onto this monitor, there were no tricks up my sleeve. They searched me even before I came in here. You have all the proof before you. Now all you have to do is make your decision to decide weather I am really innocent or guilty. I will take my seat now.”

                Everyone talks it over, the judge with the Jury, and the final verdict is finally announced. “Mr. Me. After examining all the evidence before us I find you not guilty. You are free to go and carry on as before. We never get any good cases anymore.

                  Well that is the way it went. My lawyer was a little upset because he didn’t get to make his payment he needed to make. He retired as a Lawyer now anyway and became a Waiter at the Klunkerville Grease and Grill restaurant. Me? Well I retired from the show business. Besides that I had to. My neighbor down the road just outdid me. He got himself a 486 computer with a whopping 400-megabyte hard drive. It will be a while before I outdo him. What an experience it has been for me in Klunkerville. See you good folks later. Thank you for reading my experience.