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will you think I'm worth your affection
if I throw away my makeup,
buy army fatigues
and listen to Jimi Hendrix?
will you fall for me
if I curl my hair
learn ballet
and tack Mary Cassatt prints to my walls?

I know I don't want you anymore
but still I want you to see
how good I am without you
I want you to feel for just one moment
the aching longing that consumed me whenever I glaced your way
I want you to worry
because maybe I've found the perfect fit somewhere else
or is that unfair?
I'm selfish to wish you jealousy and yearning
but what do you expect?

none of us can get to the surface

10 December 2000