Alligator Tears
What do I want?
What do I want?
I don’t know. What do you want?
Do you want somebody to comfort you when you’re sad?
To call the night before your exam?
To always be there when you need a date to a family reunion?
I don’t know what you want.
I don’t know what I want.
Maybe I don’t want you at all. Did you ever think of that?
That maybe I hope you fall into the fucking river tomorrow
And that you would never call me again.
That maybe I would be ecstatic if you left me
And I would cry huge alligator tears to all my friends.
What would you say if I said I didn’t want a relationship anymore,
That I’d had a “change of heart.”
Would you still wonder?
Would you still think what does she want from me
Even if I’d told you straight out?
I bet you would continue to be the same oblivious, naïve sap that I claimed I loved
But maybe I don’t at all.
Why do you keep asking?
How the hell should I know what you want
When I don’t know what I want?
-MWE
30 May 1999
