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Alligator Tears

What do I want?
What do I want?
I donít know. What do you want?
Do you want somebody to comfort you when youíre sad?
To call the night before your exam?
To always be there when you need a date to a family reunion?
I donít know what you want.
I donít know what I want.
Maybe I donít want you at all. Did you ever think of that?
That maybe I hope you fall into the fucking river tomorrow
And that you would never call me again.
That maybe I would be ecstatic if you left me
And I would cry huge alligator tears to all my friends.
What would you say if I said I didnít want a relationship anymore,
That Iíd had a ďchange of heart.Ē
Would you still wonder?
Would you still think what does she want from me
Even if Iíd told you straight out?
I bet you would continue to be the same oblivious, naÔve sap that I claimed I loved
But maybe I donít at all.
Why do you keep asking?
How the hell should I know what you want
When I donít know what I want?

30 May 1999