What it Takes-Part 4

By: Erin (RinnyJJ@aol.com)

Disclaimer: I don't own the show, characters, actors or anything else you can think of that relates to Dawson's Creek. Kevin Williamson and the WB do.

Notes: The song is I'll Stand By You by the Pretenders. The poem is by someone anonymous, but for our purposes Pacey wrote it, K? If you do know who wrote it, please tell me so I can give them credit (my friend sent it to me and we don't know who the author is).

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Part Four - Cutting the Family Ties

Joey had followed Pacey to the ruins and had watched silently as he pulled out a notebook and a shoebox from his bag. She watched as he gazed out across the pond and began to write in his notebook. He was so enthralled by what he was doing that he didn't notice Joey's approach.

Joey looked over his shoulder and was surprised to see a sketch of Andie and her brother. It was beautiful and there was no picture near him, it looked as though he'd drawn it from memory. "Pace?" she laid a hand on his shoulder. He immediately jerked and closed the notebook. She sat down next to him on the bench. He put both the shoebox and the notebook back into his bag. She took his hand in hers when he leaned back into his seat. They sat like that for a while enjoying the calm serenity of it. The real world seemed far, far away.

"Pace?" He nodded his head in acknowledgment, "Pacey you have to talk about it. It will only eat away at you until you have nothing but pain inside you. You'll be a shell with nothing inside. You'll have nothing to live for." She pleaded with him.

"I have nothing to live for now!" He burst out and stood up, "the best thing that ever happened to me is dead, my family hates me, and you and Dawson have each other! You don't need me! Nobody does." He looked accusingly at her.

"How can you possibly think we don't need you?" Joey yelled back. He didn't answer and turned away he walked a few steps to the shore of the pond. She lowered her voice and walked towards him as she spoke. "Pacey, you, me and Dawson have been the Three Musketeers since we were in Pre-school. Now with Jen we're the Fab Four. We need you. You are the one who always makes the tense moments easier. You make us laugh when we're down and help us when we need it. I know you're family is far less than perfect," she stood next to him and placed her hand on his arm and turned him to face her, "but Pacey, you have a whole different family with us. Dawson, Jen and me. We all love you. Mr. and Mrs. Leery love you like a son, Dawson and Jen love you like a brother. Bessie and Bodie love you and Alex adores you. . . and I love you."

"But you don't need me." He insisted his voice had softened to a whisper.

"Pacey, we do need you, we need to love you and we need you to love us."

She hugged him and he returned it and squeezed her tight. They stayed like that for a while, she massaged his neck with one of her hands and he listened to her breathe. A song could be heard drifting over the water from a nearby boat:

"Pace, Please talk to me, you have us all so worried with your silence. Please tell me what your feeling. You'll die inside otherwise." she added. They moved back to the bench to sit. She held his hand as they talked. It seemed important to her to maintain physical contact with him. As a physical sign of her caring, love and support of him.

"I loved her so much," his voice broke. "She was everything to me. She was the reason I got up in the morning, the reason I went to bed smiling. She helped me to be a better person. She helped me deal with my family and school. She brought what was left of my self-confidence up. She made me into a better person. I had lost myself and she found me, she gave me myself. It doesn't make sense . . ."

"No, it does. I am so glad, because Dawson and I had no idea."

" . . .And now she's gone." He paused, "I'm giving up on love, it's brought me nothing but heartache. All of the women I've ever loved have been out of my grasp. First you, then Tamara and now Andie. There's no point anymore. It's not worth it. I . . ." He fell silent. Joey couldn't make out what he'd said very easily, but she thought she'd heard him say that he'd loved her. *Not likely. Pacey Witter in love with me? Ha! But there was that one kiss at the carnival. Passing attraction that's all, we could barely tolerate eachother for more than an hour until recently. Must have been my ears playing tricks on me.* She regretted the fact that they had spent most of their lives as enemies rather than friends. She realized that there was so much more to this man than she'd ever imagined. She felt guilty about the kind of person she'd been around him. Never again.

Joey just sat there and held his hand. She didn't know what to say to him, life had treated him bad, and love had treated him worse. Tamara had left him brokenhearted and Andie had left taking his heart with her. She pictured Andie, her sparkling blue eyes and blonde hair, she was always with Pacey looking adoringly into his eyes. *It's hard to believe she'll never smile again. It's hard to believe I'll never see her again.* Joey thought. They hadn't been particularly close, but they were friends. *I can't believe she's gone.* She felt Pacey shift on the bench, At least he's talking again.

They sat there for a long time, watching the wind make waves lap against the sides of the pond and talking about Andie and Joey's mom and death.

"Jo, you should go, it's getting cold." Pacey said eyeing Joey's outfit. She was wearing jeans, a T-shirt and a jean jacket. "That can't be keeping you warm. You go. I'll be fine."

"You can't stay here you'll freeze. I'll walk you home and then you can give me a ride to my house."

"No."

"Yes," She insisted and pulled him up with her and grabbed both of their bags and began walking. He followed and took his bag from her.

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Pacey got out his keys as he neared his house. He lifted the key to the lock. It wouldn't fit. He tried and jiggled and maneuvered and even tried his other keys. He finally rested his hands to the side and dropped his chin to his chest.

"Pacey what's wrong?"

"They changed the locks." He said in a whispered in defeat and rang the doorbell. His father answered.

"Where the hell have you been? You missed dinner, not that we really wanted you there, but I have something I want to give you." He spotted Joey standing behind Pacey, "What the hell! What gives you the right to bring her here!" He yelled, "You know better than to bring trash home with you. Your the only trash aloud in this house. But then that won't be a problem much longer." He smiled.

Joey and Pacey were still standing on the porch. Joey watched Pacey's body jerk with every insult, like he was being stabbed. Joey was fuming. Pacey remained silent.

"Here," his father handed him an envelope. Pacey just held it, "Open it. Merry Christmas," Mr. Witter smiled, enjoying the pain he saw pass over his youngest son's face as her read the envelopes contents.

"Emancipation papers." Pacey said quietly.

"You are no longer my son." He said triumphantly. Pacey's body went taut.

"As you wish, It doesn't surprise me to be kicked out. But I'll be damned if I know what great crime I've commited. I've never understood." He said bitterly.

"Go upstairs and pack your things, I want you out of this house by tomorrow, but you're not to stay here tonight. I never want to see you again. And take your little slut with you." He moved to let them pass. Joey could see Doug standing nearby smirking. The rest of his family watched from the kitchen.

Once they were safe in Pacey's room, which was the size of a closet, Pacey spoke. "I'm sorry, Jo."

"For?" she prodded.

"For having to witness that, for what he said about you."

"Pacey, it's not your fault. All the blame falls on the man whose supposed to be your father. I'm surprised you turned out to be such a compassionate and caring and wonderful person with him as a role model and authority figure."

"Well, you heard him, I'm not his son anymore." Pacey was glad Joey was there with him, she knew exactly what to say and do. She walked over and gave him a quick hug.

"Come on, let's get you packed and out of here. Will you get some boxes and the phone for me? I don't really want to go down there. I'll call Bodie and he'll pick us up and we'll get you packed and you can pack a separate overnight bag and stay at my house for the night."

He nodded and left. Joey took the time to look around his room, she hadn't been there since 5th grade, now she knew why. His room had changed since then. Instead of comic books there were books on psychology and classics. He had a deep maroon blanket on his bed and an old ratty looking teddy bear that was missing an eye, *well loved,* she thought, *he still sleeps with a teddy bear.*

Joey could hear muffled shouts coming from downstairs and she winced. There were some pictures on his nightstand, one of her and Pacey, one of all four of them and one of her with Dawson. There was one face down on the table and Joey lifted it. It was of Andie. She put it back the way she found it and sat on his bed. She lifted the picture of all four of them. They were at the beach, earlier that year, Pacey's hair still looked like a helmet and Jen's was still long. *We all look so happy. Too bad it never lasts.*

Pacey returned carring a bunch of boxes and the portable phone. His face was contorted with pain, anger, hate and humiliation. He dropped the boxes on the floor and gave Joey the phone.

She dialed the number for the Icehouse.

"Hey, Bodie, My favorite boss." she said sweetly when he answered, "What time do you get off?"

"Okay, great. Could you pick me and Pacey up at his house when you get done? . . . It's a long story. I'll explain later. . . Yes, he'll stay the night. Is that okay? . . . Great, I'll see you in a few hours. . . And Bodie? Thanks." She hung up and turned to Pacey who was sitting next to her on the bed.

"He'll be here in about two hours. That'll give us plenty of time to get you packed and out of here." She gave him a small smile. He returned it with a fleeting smile that looked more like a grimace. "I'm sorry Pace, I know this is hard. Let's get you outta this hell hole as soon as possible. I'm sure the Leery's will have you stay with them. But tonight you'll stay at my house. Why don't you pack your overnight bag first and I'll get started on your book shelf." He nodded and dug in his closet for a large bag. Joey dragged one of the boxes closer to his book shelf.

She began on the bottom shelf and stacked the books in the box. Pacey left to get some things from the bathroom. Joey came across a fabric covered book, which she opened to see Pacey's small cramped handwriting scrawled in it. She flipped through it, some pages had poems, some quotes, others had small drawings or cartoons. She stopped at an entry dated May 12, 1997. *8th grade,* she calculated and read the poem on the page.

*Who?* Joey thought back to 8th grade she struggled to try and remember if he'd had a crush on anybody then. *Who could it have been? He never told me or Dawson about it.* She went back to reading.

Below was a sketch of her and Dawson together. It looked like they were posing for a picture. Dawson didn't look right in the drawing- his eyes were to far apart and his nose was to small for his face, but it was remarkable for an 8th grader. Joey on the other hand looked so perfect it was creepy. It looked exactly like her right down to the tilt of her chin. He had captured the sadness and mysteriousness in her eyes.

Pacey entered then and Joey quickly shut the book and put it in with the rest.

Later Pacey noticed that she had packed one of his journals and he prayed that she hadn't read it, almost the whole thing was about her. They finished packing all of his things into boxes around 11 o'clock. They stood in the doorway and looked around them. The boxes were stacked next to the bed.

"It looks pretty bare." Pacey said. Everything was packed away. His entire life was in those eight boxes.

Joey put her arm around his waist. "I'm glad you're leaving. I had no idea it was so bad." A horn could be heard from outside Joey moved to look out Pacey's only window. "It looks like Bodie's right on time. You ready Pacey?"

He nodded and lifted his bag over his shoulder and Joey grabbed a box. "You know I can stay with Dawson," Pacey said, giving her a way out of her obligation.

"No, he wouldn't be any help. Besides it's late and I don't think Mrs. Leery would appreciate you barging in and begging for couch space."

"It wouldn't be the first time."

"Stay with them tomorrow night, I don't think you can handle two nights of Alex anyway, but tonight you're staying with me. Dawson won't be much help later tonight when this sinks in. I can help. I want to help." she added softly.

He nodded, "Time to face the firing squad." He led the way down the stairs.

Pacey's family waited at the foot of the stairs leading to the door. First, his youngest sister, Caroline,19. His other sisters Tina and Morgan were away at college, but Pacey would bet they would have given anything to have been there. Next was his mother, she wouldn't even look at him. *Thanks mom,* Pacey thought bitterly, *At least you could say good-bye.*

Doug stood between his mother and father. Doug couldn't keep the grin off his face, his arms were folded and he stood straight and proud. He couldn't have been happier.

Pacey's father stood holding the door open. *Don't look at him, don't look at him.* Pacey told himself. "Everythings already packed so I'll come get it soon." He told them.

"Soon, as in tomorrow, Pacey." His father ordered.

"Right, Dad." he mumbled

"What did you call me?" Mr. Witter screamed at Pacey, a vein popping out of his forehead. "I am not your father anymore! You are not my son and this is not your family." Pacey paused and closed his eyes as his father yelled, Joey could see the muscle in his jaw jump with every sentence. "You don't belong here. You never did. You're a loser and everyone in this town knows it. Exept for your little friends. But they will, one of these days they'll get off the drugs and realize that you are worthless and then you'll have nobody, nobody" He screamed. When he paused to take a breath, Pacey calmly turned and walked out into the snow, every muscle in his body taught.

Joey was left standing facing Mr. Witter. "You don't deserve to be his father! I have known Pacey my entire life, and for that entire time the only thing he ever, EVER wanted from you was your approval! He didn't even want your love, he must have known you weren't capable of it, he just wanted your approval! For you to be proud of him! You just sent your own flesh and blood away without so much as a good-bye. You don't deserve to be his father! You don't even know your own son, what's worse, you don't even want to. Let me tell you--" She took a deep breath there was a lump in her throat and her eyes were tearing up.

"You're wrong about him. He is one of the smartest people I know, his grades may not show it, but he is. He is undeniable loyal and caring and responsible and trustworthy and funny and perceptive and strong and selfless and determined and charming and courageous and patient and unique and he's a bigger man than you ever were or ever will be. He doesn't need you or this family, he has a family of his own with his friends, the people who will always love him!"

"Get the hell out of my house!" Mr. Witter yelled back when she paused. "That boy is nothing but a stupid, lazy, good for nothing, smartass loser!" She stormed out of their house and to Bodie's truck yelling as she left.

"You don't deserve to be his father!" She was shaking with rage as she put the box into the back of the truck and climbed in next to Pacey. "How could you live with that monster for 16 years?" She asked Pacey, who just shook his head. She looked at Bodie, "You get the gist of what happened, Bodie?"

He nodded he had heard everything, the whole neighborhood had, "I'll get the details later. Let's go home."

To be continued . . .

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