Title:What it takes:The Pain of the Young
Part: Two
Disclaimer: I don't own DC or anything associated with it. (except a few taped episodes) Don't sue me.
Category: P/J
Notes: In case it wasn't mentioned earlier, this takes place right before Dawson's Birthday party. He doesn't like Joey, Jack is gay, Jen is not with Ty. Everybody get it?
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Joey awoke slowly, she was warm and content, if a little uncomfortable. The four of them had cried themselves to sleep right there at the foot of Dawson's bed. Everyone else was still asleep, emotionally and physically exhausted. She opened her eyes to see Pacey curled between her and Jen almost in Joey's lap. His head was resting on her chest, it would have been indecent, but circumstances being what they were, she didn't care. Jen had an arm behind Joey's neck and the other was wrapped around Pacey. Dawson was on Joey's other side, he had fallen asleep with his long arms trying to enfold all three of them.
What time is it? she scanned the room for Dawson's clock. 11:49am. I have to be at the Icehouse in half an hour. She felt Pacey stir in her arms, I can't leave, Bessie will understand. Joey tightened her arms around Pacey. He moaned Andie's name and turned his head upward before slipping into unconsciousness again. He had turned his face so Joey could see it clearly. She gazed down at him. His hair was ruffled and matted to one side, his cheeks were red and tear-stained. His face was relaxed, but Joey noticed a few creases in his forehead that hadn't been there before.
His long eyelashes fluttered open, revealing his bright green eyes. He looked up at Joey startled but made no move to release her from his arms, as his confusion subsided his eyes clouded over. His gaze flickered to Jen and Dawson. Thank God for my friends, he thought. His gaze went back to Joey she met his eyes with her own and just looked down at him. The arms of an angel, Pacey thought, searching her eyes, for what though, he didn't know. The golden-brown pools gave away her every emotion, a fact Pacey had often used against her in the past, but never again. Now he saw compassion, concern, pain, sorrow, grief, worry and love in their depths. They didn't say anything, they just held onto each other for dear life.
Gail had been checking on the kids every few minutes since she had first found them a few hours ago. Eventually they had cried themselves to sleep. It made her wonder what had happened to bring all four of them to hysterics. They're only 16, they shouldn't be in such pain, Gail thought as she paced in the kitchen. But then, none of them have exactly had ideal lives. Capeside was a small town and everyone knew almost everything about everyone else, Andie and Jack have lost their brother and even, in a sense, their mother. Joey has lost her mom and her dad. Pacey lives with a family who hates him, in a town that has branded him a loser. Jen was kicked out by her family and has had a sordid past that has been continuously used against her. Dawson hasn't had it easy with the divorce either. They shouldn't be on a first name basis with pain, hurt and disappointment!! Mrs. Leery agonized. It wasn't fair for them and again she rejoiced, as she climbed up the stairs, that at least they had each other to turn to for unconditional love.
She poked her head around the door and saw that Joey and Pacey were awake and seemed to be lost in each other's eyes. Her curiosity and desire to help led her to interupt.
"Pacey, Joey?" she whispered. They looked up at Mrs. Leery. "Do you guys want to explain what happened? I saw Jack storm out of here. And now you guys are . . . What happened?" she asked softly. Joey looked down at Pacey who nodded almost imperceptively.
"We should wake them anyway." Joey said, but she was reluctant to move from her haven in the arms of her friends. She was worried about Pacey, he had yet to say a word since he heard the news three hours ago.
Gail moved into the room and sat in the chair next to the bed. Joey tried to nudge Dawson awake and Pacey tried to get Jen to move. Neither moved an inch which meant that Joey and Pacey couldn't move either. "I guess we'll explain from here." Joey declared sheepishly.
Joey tried to explain without crying, but almost as soon as she began, Pacey started to cry and he buried his face in her neck, which got her started, she rubbed his back with her one free hand. Joey told Gail everything through choked tears and Gail felt silent tears run down her cheeks as she listened to her explanation. Jack, what about Jack? He's lost both his brother and sister in car accidents. The other kids didn't seem to concerned about him, but then again, they all had their own problems to deal with. They have suffered so much in their young lives. I pray that they get what they deserve as adults. Lord knows they aren't getting it now. To Joey she said, "I'll make you guys some breakfast, see if you can wake the other two up," and she left.
"Pacey, come on, we can't stay like this forever." Joey said in a soft voice she usually reserved for when her baby nephew was fast asleep. Pacey sighed and maneuvered under Dawson's arm and moved him so Joey could get free. They stood up and looked at the other two. Jen was proped up against the bed, her hair was a rat's nest and her mascara left trails down her face. Why did she put make-up on so early in the morning? Joey thought absently.
Dawson's eyes were red rimmed and he had a deep frown etched on his face. They shook them awake so hard that Joey was afraid she'd hurt Jen. They finally awoke. Joey told them about her talk with Gail and they all left to wash up and eat, no one said a word as each was lost in their own thoughts.
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The church wasn't very crowded on Tuesday, a third of the pews were empty. The McPhee family hadn't lived in Capeside long enough for the community to feel like they belonged. Jen, Dawson, Joey and Bessie sat in the fourth row back during the service. Jack sat with his mother and father in the first row. Pacey was no where to be found.
At the end of the service Joey pulled Jack aside to talk.
"Jack, I am so sorry, I know what it's like to lose someone you love. And it must be horrible for you to lose both Tim and Andie the same way, and with your mother . . ." Joey trailed off.
"Thanks, Joey. That means a lot to me. I've been so busy packing and with Mom since this happened . . . I haven't let myself process. Thanks for helping out yesterday, we really needed it. You'll thank Dawson and Jen for me, right?"
Dawson, Joey, Pacey and Jen had taken Monday and Tuesday off from school. Dawson, Joey and Jen had spent Monday helping the McPhees' get ready for the move. Pacey hadn't been there.
"Jack just out of curiosity, have you seen Pacey around these last two days?"
"Nope, I was hoping that he would come over yesterday to help. I thought he might want some of her things . . ." Jack trailed off.
"I haven't seen or talked to him since you told us. After we ate breakfast, he got up and left." She hadn't followed because she knew he needed time alone, but he hadn't spoken to any of them in three days. She remembered that she had done the same thing after her mother died. She hadn't spoken to anyone until Dawson came and held her hand for what seemed like hours, then she had finally spoken to him, "I miss her so much", She had said and hugged him until the tears had ceased to flow. I needed him so badly then.
"I'm worried about him, he should have come today." Joey continued.
"Look, I've got to go, we're leaving in a few hours. There's still so much to do."
"How is your mom taking this?" Joey asked with concern.
"She seems to be getting better," Jack said as he spotted his mom over Joey's shoulder, she was hugging the guests as they gave her their condolences. "It's like Andie's death has reversed the affect that Tim's death had. It's like she's finally grieving for both of them now." Joey gave him a funny look, "I know it seems unlikely, but I think that's what's happening."
"I hope so, Jack. Maybe you'll at least get your mother back. You'll write?"
"Yes, of course." He hugged her tightly and kissed her cheek, "Bye and thank you."
"Good-Bye, Jack." She watched him walk away. Then turned to catch up to Dawson and Jen who were already out the door. "Wait up, guys." They stopped and continued to talk as they waited for Joey to join them. The snow from a few days ago had melted leaving the town cold, wet and overcast.
"We were talking about Andie." Dawson filled her in. "It's hard to believe she's gone. I mean, like, she's gone . . . forever." It was hard for Dawson to get beyond the fact that death is final and that they weren't all immortal. It just didn't fit into his picture of the world. His words were followed by silence, as they three walked the path to Joey's house, the closest to the church.
"She was so . . . different from the rest of us." Jen broke the silence, "Cheerful even when she had nothing to be cheerful about. I feel like she brought some of that to the rest of us. Just like you, Dawson, bring your idealism and imagination, Pacey brings his humor and easy-going nature to the group and Joey, you bring us back in touch with reality when Dawson gets too starry-eyed or Pacey gets too laid-back." Jen explained. "We all have these roles . . . but what's gonna happen now that she and Jack are gone?" Jen spoke of their friendship, knowing each person had a critical place, she just didn't know where she fit in.
Joey knew exactly what Jen meant. They all had roles that made the tight-knit group so special. "Jen, you're the shoulder that everyone leans on, we come to you with our problems." Joey reminded Jen, then in answer to her question. "We may be one less without Pacey, if we don't figure out a way to get through to him."
They walked on in silence.
"I'm going to miss Andie, why did she die? She was so young. She had so much life to live." Dawson asked in an agonize tone. He was searching for answers that were not to be found.
"Some guy felt he needed to get drunk on Saturday night and then decided that he was still capable of keeping control of his car." Joey told him bitterly. "He robbed us of our friend." She stated coldly.
They each let their minds drift. Joey let her thoughts drift to memories of Andie. Every time she saw Andie in her minds eye it was always with Pacey's arms wrapped around her and huge smiles on both their faces.
"You guys?" Joey broke the silence, "What are we gonna do about Pacey? He's really hurting right now. And as bad as we feel now, he's feeling a million times worse."
Dawson and Jen didn't have an answer for her. They neared Joey's house. "Do you know why he didn't come?" Jen asked as she climbed into the rowboat that would take her and Dawson home.
"Nope." Dawson answered.
"I don't know for sure, but I can guess." Jen and Dawson waited patiently for her to continue, "He's probably just in too much pain," Joey said a far away look in her eyes, "His world has come crashing down around him. He's not ready to accept the reality that she's really gone. He's numb. He'll won't be able to begin to heal until he accepts that she's gone. Going to the funeral would have meant acceptance, and he's not ready for that." She paused and lost the far away look in her eyes. "He needs us. His only source of comfort and strength are his friends, the three of us." Her voice turned sour and bitter, "Lord knows his family isn't any help."
"But he hasn't come to us," Jen pointed out, "doesn't he know that we're here for him?"
"He knows." Dawson said confidently, then he paused, " . . . At least he should know."
"We can only be there for him," Jen said more to herself than to the other two. "I wish we could do more."
"Andie would know what to do for him," Joey added softly, "she always knew."
"She was so good for him, I haven't seen him that happy since we were eight." Dawson recalled. Only the lapping of the waves against the shore followed Dawson's words.
"Jo, can I use your bathroom?" Jen asked breaking the delicate silence.
"Yeah sure, it's the door on the left." She pointed to the house.
Once Jen was out of earshot Dawson spoke. "You and Jen seem to be getting along better now."
"There just doesn't seem to be a reason to fight anymore." Dawson tried not to analyze what that meant. He knew the reason they had fought before was because of him.
Joey sighed as Jen approached, "We'll talk about this later."
"We'll meet at my house in an hour or so right?" Dawson looked at Jen and Joey and they nodded. Dawson and Jen began to row up the semi-frozen creek and Joey went inside to change.
Joey went straight to her room kicking of her black sandals as she went. Unlike Dawson, she did want analyze what she had said to him. If she focused on that she wouldn't have to think about Andie or Jack or Pacey. Why don't Jen and I fight anymore? she repeated Dawson's question in her mind as she changed her clothes. Because my feelings for Dawson don't compare for my concern for Pacey. Ever since Jack told us he was gay, I've been avoiding facing the whole Dawson issue. He hasn't really hinted that he wants me back, but then again, it's Dawson, he probably doesn't know if he wants me back, why would he?
She looked at herself in the mirror and instinctively focused on all her flaws, she frowned and turned away. Grabbing her jeans and sweater and pulled them on. I'm not sure that I want to get back together with him, anyway. There didn't seem to be much chemistry between us. Sure things were romantic and I love him, but do I love, love him, not just the love you feel for a friend? I don't feel that way about Pacey, she told herself. Her thoughts took a turn, Oh, Pacey. I wish you didn't have to go through this. Your life have been so hard already, . . . all of our lives have been hard so far, . . . except for maybe Dawson, but even he hasn't had it that easy. Her thoughts returned to Pacey, I'd save you from the pain if I could. You weren't here that summer my mother died, but I can be here for you. I will be here for you if you'll let me. She mentally told him. Her concerns over her relationship with Dawson forgotten. She resolved to help him through this weather he wanted her help or not. She knew that he needed it.
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