CAPESIDE HIGH SCHOOL
Pacey and Joey had stayed at the ruins until dark, talking and touching and kissing. Sunday had passed quite uneventfully. Pacey had gone out of town with his parents so Joey didn't get a chance to see him all day. Having Sunday alone gave her time to think. Unfortunately, she didn't take advantage of it.
It was Monday morning. She walked into school and suddenly reality was hitting very hard. The ruins seemed like a long time ago in a galaxy far, far away. Capeside high school was present day and suddenly, remembering all that had occurred, things didn't seem as wonderful as they had felt. She was going to see Andie in Spanish class second period. How was she going to face her? She felt like she had betrayed her. It didn't matter that Andie and Pacey weren't going out anymore. It didn't matter what reasons they had come up with to rationalize their long, passionate, tantalizing kisses. What were those reasons again? Anyway, it didn't matter. She felt queasy. There was something else that she was forgetting about too. What the heck was it? Oh my God.
"Dawson."
"Hey, Joey. How was your weekend?"
"Oh, um, fine" she stuttered, "….nothing interesting. Worked. Studied. You know. How was yours?"
"It was nice," he said, ignoring her uneasiness. "In fact, I wanted to talk to you last week but partly because I was busy, partly because I didn't know if it would happen at all, and partly because I didn't have the nerve, I ended up not going to you when maybe I should've."
Joey was at first confused until, like a bell going off, she remembered what had triggered everything off in the first place.
"I know about Jen, Dawson."
It was Dawson's turn to be confused. "You know about Jen? How do you know about Jen?"
"Abby told me. So did Andie, sort of."
"What exactly did they tell you?"
"Just that you and Jen were getting back together."
Dawson was stunned.
"It's ok, Dawson. I'm ok with it. Really."
He laughed.
"What's so funny?"
"I just feel like I'm in a bad movie where something incredibly simple got misinterpreted and zany hijinx ensue. Fortunately for us, nothing too zany has gone on."
Joey felt even queasier.
"I'm not back with Jen," he explained. "Andie set me up with her psychiatrist's daughter whose name just also happens to be Jen."
"Oh, I see."
Joey needed a minute to process this new information.
"I had a really good time with her. We caught a movie and a bite to eat. She's intelligent. She's funny. She's nothing like you." Joey looked at him sharply. "Oh, uh, that's not what I meant. You're both just different is all. I mean…..oh, nevermind. I'm sorry, ok. I'm sorry I didn't tell you."
"It's all right." She looked evenly at him and shrugged. "I'm still ok with it. Date all the Jens you want. I'm glad you had a good time."
Dawson smiled at her appreciatively.
"Thanks, Joey. That means a lot to me. You're not just being nice, are you?"
Joey was surprised by her reaction as well. After all, the mere suggestion of Dawson getting back together with Jen drove her bananas the other day.
"No, Dawson. I'm happy for you. I was just a little shocked. It probably would've been best if I had heard it from you, but yeah, it's fine."
"I think we have Abby to thank for that."
"I'm not surprised."
That explained Abby's little visit in the library. Everything was finally making sense to Joey.
"At least, things are cleared up now and nothing too earth shattering happened," said Dawson.
Joey went pale with recollection and Dawson noticed. He touched her arm to pull her out of her stupor.
"You ok, Jo?"
"Uh, yeah," she stuttered, trying to collect herself. "I just remembered about the project that's due in Spanish class this week."
"That's right. Our Cinco de Mayo celebracion," he finished in Spanish. "I'm taking the easy way out. I told Mrs. Westen that I'd video the whole thing. At the very least, I may get some footage of something to send into 'Funniest Home Videos' when they try to break the pinata. So, what are you going to do for it?"
"I don't know. I'll figure something out." She was too distracted to carry on a conversation. "Well, I should get going. I'll talk to you later."
"Ok. See you later, Jo."
JOEY'S LOCKER
There were too many things going through Joey's mind. She was barely paying attention when she grabbed her books and folders. She certainly didn't notice Pacey until he was right next to her.
"Hey, Jo," he greeted her solemnly.
They both looked around nervously as if they had something to hide. If anyone had been watching, they would have noticed the increasing discomfort between the two.
"Hey, Pace. How's it going?"
"Um," he didn't know what to say. "Ok, I guess."
Joey avoided his eyes.
"Did you know that Dawson isn't dating Jen, you know, Jen Jen. He's dating Andie's psychiatrist's daughter whose name is also Jen."
"You're kidding?"
"No."
Pacey shook his head at the new information.
"But how…?"
"Abby."
"Of course." He paused. "So what does that mean for you….and me?"
Joey looked up at him. She opened her mouth to say something when suddenly the bell rang.
"I'm going to be late," she said.
Pacey moved closer to her and lowered his voice. "Joey, please don't avoid me. We promised to be honest with each other."
"I'm being honest, Pacey. I'm honestly going to be late."
Pacey sighed. Joey noticed his saddened reaction.
"I'll catch up with you at lunch and we'll talk then," she relented. He simply nodded and walked away.
When he first walked up, she was too preoccupied with her own thoughts to realize that he was acting strangely. It didn't strike her though until he was walking away that something was definitely wrong. He normally wouldn't have just walked away like that. This wasn't the Pacey she knew. It wasn't the guy who always had something to say. It wasn't the guy who still found a way to joke around even when he had no reason to be happy. It wasn't the guy who only a few days before she found herself clinging to for support and comfort. Oh God. What was she doing? Suddenly concern outweighed her own selfish ruminations. She immediately regretted pushing him away and decided that she didn't care what she was going to be late for. She needed to find him. She closed her locker and headed off in the direction he had disappeared.
PARK
Joey had wandered seemingly everywhere, with each passing hour closing off any opportunity of her returning to school to finish out the day. She would have some explaining to do with Bessie.
Her emotions were as confused as ever. What had happened between Joey and Pacey seemed inexplicable on the surface. Underneath was a different story. A story neither of them understood totally. She couldn't change what had happened, not that she wanted to. She just didn't want to have to lie like she already had to Dawson and how she would have to when she saw Andie. At least Dawson had a new love interest. He still wouldn't understand though. His two best friends kissing behind his back. No one would understand whether it was one or a hundred kisses, even if all they were doing was comforting each other. That's all they were doing wasn't it?
She finally saw him sitting against a tree, staring off into the distance. She approached him slowly. He noticed someone out of the corner of his eye and was surprised to see it was Joey.
"What are you doing here?"
"I've been looking all over for you. I'm sorry I blew you off like that."
He shrugged it off. "That's ok."
"Are you all right?"
"I'm fine."
"Honestly?" she asked, referring to their conversation earlier that day.
"Honestly, no, but I'll probably live," he joked and then turned a little more serious. "Yesterday was just a bad day and I started off today hoping that I could talk with someone about it."
Joey felt awful. She sat down with her legs crossed, facing him.
"Pacey, I'm so sorry. I…"
"Joey, you don't have to be sorry. Just because of what happened the other day doesn't mean you have some obligation to me."
"I'm not here out of some obligation," she responded quickly. "I'm here because you're my friend and I want to help you, if I can."
He smiled briefly. "Just having you here helps."
"So, what happened?" She looked at him attentively as he looked away.
"I spent yesterday at my grandmother's house with my loving parents. Things were fine until we sat down to eat dinner. Pot roast, carrots, potatoes. The food was great but then Grandma asked how things were going in Capeside and dear old dad said, nonchalantly, that we might not be living there much longer. We might be moving to Michigan. He was offered some job with the state police there. I don't remember. I was too shocked. Can you believe that?"
"You're kidding?"
"I was lucky to have heard it. He didn't even look at me. My mom did though but she just looked helpless like, 'oh well, what can you do', and I guess that's exactly right. What can I do? Who cares about my feelings?"
He finished and they sat quietly for a minute, not knowing what to say.
"So, you're going to be moving?" The realization hitting her.
"I don't know," he replied dejectedly. "Anyway, that's what kicked off my present state of depression. It just started this whole self-evaluation of what has been going on in my life of late. It doesn't matter what I do. Life sucks." He paused, looking toward the sky. "To recap, I was recently dumped by the girl who I thought was the love of my life. My grades, while not back in the toilet like they used to be, are still hovering above it like flies waiting to land. My best friend, Dawson, is doing fine and we're getting along as usual but I've taken up kissing his ex-girlfriend, who also happens to be my other best friend." He paused again. "Maybe moving out of state is the best thing."
"Don't say that. I don't want you to go."
"That brings up another interesting issue that I don't think was properly discussed during our, um, meeting at the ruins."
"Pacey…"
"Let me finish, because the drive back from my grandmother's house gave me a lot of time to think. Maybe a little too much time." He drew up his legs and crossed them, unable to look at her. "Ok, well, I think you'll agree that our, shall we say, interlude was a much needed release of some pent-up emotions." She nodded in agreement. "And while everything was wonderful in each other's arms, common sense dictates that it should never happen again. Otherwise, we run the risk ruining some important friendships. Even our own." He paused and sighed. "Nevertheless, I find myself feeling that, despite the risk, I crave having you near me. You seem to be the only one who understands me right now. You're the only comfort I have. Anyway, I need to know how you feel about what's been going on."
"Pacey, we've both gone through a lot, not only recently but through our entire lives. I think that's why we seek each other out for help. The last thing I want to do is hurt someone like Andie or Dawson, but I also want to stop hurting and feeling lonely or sad and unloved. Granted, I know that it's not true. I know that people care about me. I have my family and friends and they all love me, but there's a difference between thinking it and feeling it. Most of the time, I don't feel it. I do feel it when I'm around you and that's something I don't want to change no matter what the risks because I think it's such a rare thing to have. That doesn't mean re-enacting the love scenes from our favorite movies every time we see each other. I just want to be there for you and know that you're there for me and I don't want to feel guilty about it."
He looked at her fondly and reached up to touch her face. "I want to be there for you, Jo."
She took his hand and cradled it between both of hers. "You can't leave. Not now." She kissed his hand gently and looked into his eyes, revealing her sadness. It broke his heart.
"Joey, I can't…"
"No. I know." She looked back down at his hand entwined in her own. "It's nothing you have control over."
"Maybe not. But we both have right now." He gently pulled her over until she was sitting with her back to him. He wrapped his arms around her while she leaned back into him. They sat quietly enjoying the moment.
