JOEY'S HOUSE
Joey lay in the dark with her eyes wide open. Her day kept replaying in her mind. First, she found out the news about Dawson and Jen getting back together. Later, when she had gone over to Pacey's to find out what he knew about it, she was in such a state. She couldn't calm down. It was as if all her feelings had suddenly surfaced in one hyperactive fit. Was it jealousy? Was that what caused her to kiss Pacey? It didn't quite make sense.
She thought back to what lead up to the kiss. They had wrestled briefly, not accomplishing a whole lot. When they relaxed, she started to realize that it was the first time in a long time that she had touched someone and they had touched her back. Someone she cared about. Her feelings simply overtook her and she kissed him. She didn't exactly regret it. To be perfectly honest, she needed that kiss. In fact, she would have preferred it if he had kissed her back. She needed that more. It wasn't that she was in love with him or anything. It was just that they both had been so lonely after their breakups. It was natural to have these feelings, right? God, she did sound like some horny high-schooler. But if they were able to help each other get over their breakups then what was so bad about it?
Joey couldn't believe what she was thinking. What was going on with her? She continued staring wide-eyed at the ceiling hoping to find some answers.
PACEY'S ROOM
Pacey lay in a similar state as Joey, staring at the ceiling. He couldn't believe what had happened. Everything had been so great between them, as friends, but with one simple act it all had become very confused. She had kissed him. Why? It had to have been because of Dawson and Jen.
He had frozen when he realized what she was going to do. It had caught him in complete surprise. Otherwise, he would have tried to stop her, right? Who was he kidding? He didn't want to stop her. Her lips felt so wonderful. He couldn't remember how long it had been since somebody had made him feel that way. He had wanted to kiss her back, but there was something wrong about it, wasn't there?
He cared about Joey but it wasn't really anything beyond the love for a friend. They were just there for each other. That's it. They were just filling a role that they needed filled. Simply to have physical contact with someone you cared about and shared things with. He had definitely needed someone like that ever since he and Andie had brok… Holy cow. He hadn't thought about Andie the entire day.
This new revelation kept him awake for most of the night. He couldn't get Joey out of his thoughts. They needed to resolve this or he was never going to sleep again.
ICEHOUSE
The next day was a Saturday. Joey was delivering a tray of food to a table when she noticed Pacey enter. She wasn't ready to talk to him. He immediately saw her from across the way and stood there briefly just watching her. This made Joey nervous. She walked back to the kitchen and he followed.
"Hey, Joey."
She had trouble looking him in the eye. "Hi, Pace." She continued to go about her work.
"We need to talk."
"Um...yeah, just not here or now. I'm kinda busy."
Pacey tried to read her expression. She just looked flustered.
"When and where?"
"Well, I get off work at four. So, why don't we meet at the ruins a little after that."
"Ok," he replied. "I'll see you then."
"Yeah, see ya."
She hurried off to take more orders. He watched her again, wishing he knew what she was thinking. The tide on their relationship had definitely taken a turn. It scared him to think that he could lose the close friendship that they had developed. He was determined not to let that happen.
THE RUINS
Joey stood pondering. She had tried to sort through her feelings as best as she could, but a lot depended on Pacey's reaction. What was she going to say? Would they be able to still be friends? And, where was he anyway? Great. Maybe he wasn't coming.
Pacey came up from behind. "Hi."
Joey jumped. "Don't do that."
"Sorry. I'm s…um, so how are you doing?"
"I'm fine. I'm sorry I kissed you," she declared bluntly.
"Oh."
"Wait, no. I'm not sorry."
"You're not sorry?"
"No, I'm not sorry. Look, maybe it's similar to what you said once about how just because we're in high school doesn't make our feelings any less real.. Well, at that moment I felt the need to kiss you."
"Because of Dawson and Jen."
"Maybe because of Dawson and Jen. Maybe because I'm lonely. Maybe none of this makes sense at all. I don't know the cause. I just know how I felt and I know that it felt good, and I haven't thought of much else since."
Trying to comprehend what was unfolding, Pacey could only stare at Joey.
"I know what you must think of me," she continued. "You think I'm lonely and I'm just kissing the first person who comes along. That's partially true, the lonely part. We've already established that fact. As for kissing the next person who comes along…I don't think I would've just kissed anyone.. I think because I needed someone who understood, who cared about me….. I mean, I don't want you to get the wrong idea or feel that you have to reciprocate my actions, but I care about you….I…I'm sorry. Forget it. I don't know what I'm saying anymore."
She wanted to walk away but Pacey grabbed her arm and turned her to face him.
"Joey, listen to me. I'm lonely too. And believe me, it was scary how much I wanted to kiss you back. I just……there are several people who could get hurt, Dawson, Andie, myself, you. I don't want to hurt anybody."
The turmoil each felt filled the air around them. Joey looked at the ground, still searching for some explanation.
"We've become so much closer lately. I don't know. Maybe this was just some natural progression. Maybe…maybe this is something we both need right now. To have someone in our lives, someone we trust and care about."
"What are we saying?"
"I'm not sure…" She looked up into his eyes. He was so close to her. She could feel the heat from his body. An overwhelming need to touch him engulfed her. Almost unconsciously, she reached up and gently touched his face with her fingertips. The moment was mesmerizing. He froze again, uncertain of what to do. His mind saying one thing and everything else saying another.
"Joey…" he whispered huskily.
The moment her hand left his face all thinking ended. His eyes widened in clarity. He needed to be touching her. He pulled her to him and brought his lips to hers, kissing her hungrily. She responded with equal passion. They wrapped their arms around each other, pulling each other closer, tighter, as if they might never have another opportunity to feel this way again. Time stood still as they lost themselves in the moment.
When the kiss finally broke, they stood out of breath, still wrapped in each other's arms. Without speaking, they simply held each other close, enjoying the feel of his arms as they caressed her back, enjoying the smell of her hair as it tickled his face.
Neither wanted to be the first to say anything, but something needed to be settled.
"I love you, Pacey…" Joey stated apprehensively, "…as a friend."
He chuckled softly. "I know, Jo. I feel the same way. That's what's so confusing."
"Then what are we doing?" questioned Joey.
"I don't know," he replied, closing his eyes in hopes of some divine guidance. "I just know that I don't want to let go of you."
That made Joey smile as he nuzzled her ear.
"Maybe it's like that Billy Joel song," he said and began singing quietly, "they're sharing a drink they call loneliness, but it's better than drinking alone."
Joey took up where he left off, "La la la di de da, la la di de da da."
It was his turn to smile. "So…" he hesitated. "Do you want to continue sharing?"
They pulled back from each other for the first time to stare into each other's eyes, searching for any misgivings.
"Do you?" She responded.
There were no misgivings.
"We can't let anyone find out."
"Of course not."
"And we've also got to make sure that we don't end up hurting each other. We have to be completely honest."
They couldn't take their eyes off each other.
"We have to realize right now that this won't last forever. When things come up or…..somebody else comes along, we have to stop." They both let that thought sink in for a second. "In the meantime, we can try to bring a little happiness into each other's lives."
They had spent too much time alone and sad. Motives aside, here was the opportunity for them to let their emotions take over where thought and reason usually governed.
He brushed the hair out of her face and tentatively leaned down. She met his lips with her own in a gentle kiss. They drew back only slightly to look at each other once again before yielding to their drunken emotions. Closing her eyes, she ran her hands up his chest and curled them around his shoulders as he thoroughly kissed his way up her neck. Their lips finally met in an embrace of souls. Hands roaming. Senses flooded. They didn't come up for air until passing out became a definite possibility. Breathless, they stood forehead-to-forehead with their eyes half-closed.
In their exhausted state there was no way for them to fathom the path that they had chosen. Despite their pledge of honesty, truths would soon be revealed. Truths that had already existed but were all too often hidden by pain and loneliness.
There was also the underlying realization that no matter what they did to try and avoid it, somebody, somewhere down the road was going to get hurt. The only question was who, when, and how bad?
