DAWSON’S ROOM
Joey leaned against the headboard of Dawson’s bed reading his most recent script. Dawson sat across the room at his desk watching vigilantly to catch any reaction from her. So far he hadn’t seen much. She finally finished the last page, closed it, and set it in her lap. With a straight face she taunted him with silence. Fearing the worst, Dawson raised his eyebrows. "So, what do you think?"
Joey couldn’t hold it in anymore. A crooked, little grin crossed her face as she looked over at him. "I think it’s great."
Dawson let out the breath he didn’t realize he was holding in and crossed the room in two strides.
"Jeez. You could’ve reacted a little there while reading it. I about had a stroke." He planted a kiss and wrapped her in his arms.
"I love to torture you." She returned his kiss.
"So, you really liked it, huh?" He continued, pressing his forehead to hers. She nodded.
"What was your favorite part?"
"The ending was beautiful. I can almost picture it."
He pulled back pleased by the compliment. "Wow, you really liked it?"
"Yes, I did," replied an exasperated Joey. "I loved it. It was better than Cats. I’d read it again and again."
"Ok, ok. I get it. You liked it. Great." Dawson laid his head against Joey’s and they sat there quietly and contentedly in each other’s arms.
"It’s a little more complicated than my last one, but I like the characters a lot more. You’ll make a great Lucy Livingston."
Confused, Joey pulls away from him. "What are you talking about?"
Dawson was surprised by her reaction. "I wrote the part for you. I need you as my lead."
"We never talked about this." He was sure that they had but stammered as he tried to recall exactly when. Joey got off the bed, visibly upset.
"Why do you always assume that I’m going to do whatever you’re doing?"
"I’m sorry, Jo. I just thought…"
"You thought that because we’re together I would naturally be a part of the production."
Dawson rose from the bed and a replied a bit angrily, "No, I thought that because we were friends you would want to be involved. Maybe I was wrong."
"That’s not fair. If I don’t do it, we’re not friends? Is that what you’re saying?" He stared at her unable to answer. Joey moved closer to him raising her voice. "I’d like to be involved with my life. Unfortunately, I don’t seem to have one. It all seems to revolve around you." She immediately regretted what she said as she saw the hurt look in his eyes. She hadn’t meant to hurt him. He turned and sat on the end of the bed.
"I’m sorry." She attempted lamely and sat down next to him. He stared blankly in front of him. "I can still help you out; casting, lighting, wardrobe. I just won’t be in the movie."
Silence filled the room. Joey waited for him to respond.
"What am I doing wrong?" he asked weakly.
"Nothing. You’ve got a great script. You just need to find some great actors and then…"
"I’m not talking about the movie," he said. She looked at him puzzled. He went on, "I’m talking about us." Dawson stood, running his hands through his hair in frustration. "We can barely have a conversation anymore. All we do is argue. What is wrong with us?" Joey, equally frustrated, looked up from her seat on the bed.
"Well, Dawson, I don’t know what to tell you. Things are different now. We’re not just best friends. We’re lovers. Supposedly. Only, we tend not to show much love for each other."
"What are you talking about? We’re always kissing or holding hands or something."
"That’s not what I meant." Dawson knew what she meant. He just didn’t want to admit to it. He looked over at her saddened face and hoped that they could come up with an answer.
"Joey, I do love you."
"I know that Dawson. I love you too, but then why are we so unhappy?" He opened his mouth, stuttering on words that he knew weren’t an answer. Giving up, he sighed and slouched defeatedly into his chair. Joey spoke.
"We’re fifteen years old. We’re just starting to figure life out. We’re figuring ourselves out. We can’t expect to constantly be involved in what the other is doing. There’s just too much change going on in our lives right now. We’re experiencing new things."
"Why can’t we do it together?"
"I don’t know," Joey replied quietly. It was Joey’s turn to stand and pace the room. She paused at the closet with her back to him.
"Joey, I want to make you happy." Dawson said, grasping at straws. Joey slowly turned around.
"I want you to be happy too but," she didn’t want to say what came next, "I think that for us to be happy we have to break up before we’re so unhappy that we’re no longer even friends." Pain washed over his face and he lowered his eyes to the floor. This silence was excruciating.
"So be it," he acknowledged finally.
"Don’t. I’m not going to walk out of here with you pissed off. If you think you can come up with an answer to our problems then let’s hear it. Otherwise, you can’t be angry with me just because of my answer."
"I’m not angry," he said.
"Could’ve fooled me."
He sighed again and looked up at her. "I’m just sad."
Joey stood uncomfortably in the middle of the room. "I’m sad too. This is not an easy decision for me, ya know. I just don’t know what else to do."
Dawson stared at her as if for the last time.
"So, this is it?"
"I think it’s for the best. For now." Joey slowly walked to the window and stepped halfway out before his voice stopped her.
"I guess I’ll see you around."
"Yeah, see ya."
With that, she left. Dawson sat there stone-faced for a moment until tears began forming in his eyes. He leaned over, put his head in his hands, and silently cried.
THE ICEHOUSE
Because she had to work, Joey didn’t have the time to process properly what had happened. She knew she didn’t want to think about it and memorizing orders of seafood was a great, albeit temporary, way to avoid doing that. She was more efficient than usual with her mind so concentrated. She was raking in the tips. Everything was going very well, considering. That is until…
"Excuse me, miss?" a voice interrupted her journey to the kitchen. "Can you tell us the specials?"
She was about to name them when she noticed whom exactly she was speaking to. Pacey grinned widely at her and Andie sat across from him.
"Hi, Joey. Pacey’s just being an ass," stated Andie.
"What a surprise," replied Joey.
"Take your time. We haven’t figured out what we want yet," Andie said over her menu.
"Although a few caffeinated beverages would be delightful to start off with. Now off with ya," Pacey drawled.
Joey glared at him then went to the kitchen. She served another table then came back with their drinks. Pacey was absent from the table.
"Pacey went to the bathroom, but I can order for him."
"So, what would you guys like?"
"I’ll have the chicken salad and he wants the club sandwich."
"Ok. I’ll get that out to you as soon as I can."
Joey turned to leave not wanting to be drawn into a conversation that might lead to address the situation that she was trying to avoid.
"Hey, Joey, when do you get out of work?" Andie called after her causing Joey to turn back. "Pacey and I are going to the movies. If you get done early enough, maybe you and Dawson could go with us."
Joey was never so happy that she had to work until close. "Oh gee, I’ve gotta stay late so maybe some other time."
"Definite rain check then," replied Andie, ever-cheerfully.
Joey picked up some dishes off an empty table and took them inside placing them in a bin. After dropping off their order, she wiped her hands on her apron as thoughts of Dawson and what had happened earlier that day crept in.
"You’ve gotta develop a better work ethic here," Pacey teased. "Take me as your role model."
"Yeah, right. I wish I had a job like yours. Sitting on your butt watching movies all day," she retorted.
"Hey, it’s a living. I’m just waiting to see what kind of retirement package they can offer me then I’m outta there," he grinned.
"Oh, hey, speaking of movies, did Andie invite you and Dawson to go with us tonight?"
"Oh…yeah, but I’ve gotta work late and I’m gonna be dead tired and I’m not even sure if I’ll see Dawson tonight so maybe we can do it another…er, well," stammered Joey, "it’s just not going to work out tonight."
"It was just a yes or no question. What’s wrong with you? You seem a little bent."
Joey sat down on a stool exhausted. She had just hit her breaking point.
"Dawson and I broke up," she stated simply.
Pacey was stunned. "You’re kidding. Man, I’m sorry."
She put her head in her hands on the counter and tried to fight the tears from coming.
Uncertain of what to do, Pacey just stared at her shaking form and then left, looking for Bessie. Joey sobbed quietly into her hands as her emotions overtook her. She suddenly felt someone tugging at her apron. It was Pacey. He was trying to untie it when she looked up at him.
"Come on, Jo. Andie and I are going to take you home."
Unable to speak, Joey quietly finished removing her apron as Andie walked up. "Why don’t you take her to the truck and I’ll get our food to go.."
Andie nodded and put a comforting arm around Joey who surprisingly accepted it.
JOEY’S HOUSE
Pacey pulled up to the porch and got out while Andie let Joey and herself out of the passenger side. Joey had composed herself a little during the drive but was naturally still upset. Recognizing her embarrassment, Pacey and Andie didn’t fawn over her too much while still trying to make sure she was going to be all right.
"Is there anything we can do?" Andie questioned.
Joey turned to them finally speaking, "No, thanks. I just need some time." She turned back and headed up the stairs.
Pacey couldn’t stand to see her in such a state without doing something. He looked at Andie who looked equally helpless and then quickly ran up the porch after her. Hearing him race up the steps, Joey turned just in time to see the look of concern on Pacey’s face as he wrapped her up in a warm bear hug.. It felt good to be cared for in such a way and she found herself hugging him back with equal strength. Tears squeezed out of her closed eyes. She wasn’t crying about Dawson this time. She was crying because she had friends who cared so much about her. Realizing she was getting Pacey’s shirt wet, Joey drew back. He left his hands on her shoulders as he tried to read the expression on her face. He wiped away a tear that had rested on her cheek. She smiled weakly and said, "Thank you, both of you. I’ll be all right."
"If you need anything…" he let go of her and she nodded. She then opened the door and went inside the house and collapsed on the couch. Joey had, for the better part of her life, closed off the emotions that basically defined who she was. It was in moments like these where they flooded her senses. The tears became a torrent as she wished her mom was there to talk to. She silently pleaded for her help. Life was so unfair. She had come so far and dealt with so much. She had even gotten something that she had always wanted, Dawson’s love. Why wasn’t that enough to make her happy? What was she missing?
The questions and pain overwhelmed her. As usual, she bore these thoughts and feelings on her own, not wanting to burden others or reveal her vulnerability. She was intelligent enough to realize that this was not the healthiest of habits but unable to change who she was. She wondered if she ever would, if she would ever allow someone to be that close to her. Dawson was probably the closest, but there were things she didn’t even share with him. And now he wasn’t there. Would they ever be the friends they once were? She wasn’t sure of anything anymore. In her exhausted state, her mind went numb. She stopped thinking. The only thing she became aware of was her weariness. Her muscles ached. Her breathing slowed. She was bordering on sleep. Strangely, she realized that this was the best she had felt all day. She wrapped a blanket around herself and marveled at having such feelings so opposite to what she had just recently experienced. No wonder life was so confusing. She finally fell into a deep sleep.
