Tom's Infinite Simpson Archive: Professor John Frink

NAME: John Frink

OCCUPATION: Professor/Inventor

MARITAL STATUS: Discrepancy. Professor Frink states in one episode that "Oh dear, my wife is going to kill me" and is also seen with a presumed wife when he drinks the Simpson and Son Tonic. However, he is also seen at the bachelor auction with all of the rejects in the episode when Apu gets married.

CHILDREN: At least one. He has a boy.

WIFE'S OCCUPATION: she is also a professional, presumably a doctor.

PASTIMES: For leisure, he enjoys chess, watching sports, attending rallys and general social events. However, it is fairly obvious that his passion is his work.

INVENTIONS:

Gamble-Tron 2000

Death Ray

Children's Remote Control Airplane

Killer Mechanical Bear

Advanced Home Security System

Super Sour Lemon Ball

Flying Motorcycle

Frinkahedron

Frinkiac-7

AT-5000 Autodialer

Virtual Chili Simulator

Mood Pants

Floyd The Robot

That Doohickey

Teleporter

Hamburger Earmuffs

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Here are some of the words that come from "JOHN FRINK"

FLOYD Floyd is one of the more recent brainchildren of the Frinkian family. Floyd is not merely a robot: He is a robot with hopes and dreams as exhibited by his attempt to escape the compound. With the ingenuity of putting a SOLD sign on himself at the yard sale, Floyd seems to be asking the world, "Won't you let me live?"

This is one of the neatest items for sale at the Frink yard sale. Where else but planet Frink can you defy the laws of physics for only 12 bucks? THE POIUYT(?!)

MATTER TRANSPORTER The Matter Transporter is an item that was found in the Treehouse of Horror. It was one of Frink's inventions up for grabs at a yard sale. The asking price was $2, however Homer bought it for 35¢. Later after the cat and dog went in simultaneously ("twice the pet and none of the mess") Bart ended up going through with a fly. However the outcome, as shown here, was not as he expected.

This prototype was brought to Abe Simpson when Abe inherited $106,000 for further funding. The Deathray, Frink was confident he could destroy an area the size of New York City. Unfortunately, Abe was only interested in helping people, not killing 'em!, so it never went any further. Fortunately Frink's wife would have been happy; "She's hated this whole death ray thing from day one." THE DEATHRAY

THE BEAR When Mr. Burns was longing for his teddybear Bobo, Professor Frink came up with a replacement teddybear. Although the bear was designed to be cute and cuddly, and do a little dance, the invention backfired and went on a tirade.

For your amusement, this dimensional object is known as a Frinkahedron. It is supposedly a third dimensional object. This object comes from THOH, where Homer took his chances in the mystery wall. Seeing as this is more of a theory, this would be a discovery as opposed to an invention. FRINKAHEDRON

GAMBLE-TRON 2000 Capable of calculation at MIPS speed, the Gamble-Tron 2000 was designed to accurately predict the outcome of sporting events, most notably football. This box is scientifically advanced, however the logic that was put into this machine was less than perfect... in the prediction by Professor Frink on the Cincinnati vs. Miami game, the outcome was "Cincinnati by 200 points!" In the words of professor Frink, this invention as a whole can be best described as a "worthless hunk of junk."

This invention could make a wonderful playmate once honed... In an obvious attempt to beat Deep Blue, who can look at more than 100 million postions a second (Deep Blue - the so called 'chess champion of the universe' although it did just loose to Garry Kasparov, the chess champion of the world). Frink has designed this: the Ultimate Chess Machine. However, in somewhat typical Frink fashion, there are still some bugs to be worked out, as evidenced in his yelling at the machine, "Pawn can't move that way, you stupid arm!" CHESS-MASTER

FLYING MOTORCYCLE "Hey son, wanna try this flying motorcycle I just invented?" was Professor Frink's query to Bart. Only a stupid little boy would pass up the chance to ride on this baby, capable (I'm sure) of near-Mach speeds. This motorcycle is set apart from many of Frink's other inventions: It apparently works!

AT-5000 Autodialer It is Frink's very first patent! This is the AT-5000 Autodialer, in the words of Frink "designed to alert children of snow days and such." It is preprogrammed with all of the telephone numbers of the residents of Springfield. Homer ended up picking it up after a bust where the AT-5000 was used illegally. Homer used it to call everyone and request that they send $1 to "Happy Dude" for eternal happiness. When Frink was called by the autodialer, he tried to retrieve it, however Homer caught it in the process of going back to Frinky and broke off it's legs.

HAMBURGER EARMUFFS What better way to keep your ears warm and have a little snack than these? These earmuffs are the latest in Frinkian headgear and are sure to be all the rage. Frinky will have these on the market while his competitors are still figuring out the pickle-matrix.

"Professor Frink, Professor Frink, He'll make you laugh, He'll make you think, He'll do the stuff, with the...thing...and the.....
"These unfortunate people here will be instantly killed. This circle, which I am sad to say we are in, will experience a slower, considerably more painful death." Kent: "Good Lord!"
"Brace yourselves, gentlemen. According to the gas chromatograph, the secret ingredient is... Love!? Who's been screwing with this thing?"
"Although we can't reach the boy, we can freeze him with liquid nitrogen, so that future generations can rescue him."
"This radio controlled plane gives your baby the chance to fly, just like my son here. He can execute the barrel-rool, loop-de-loop, then bring it in for the perfect landing." (plane crashes through the window and out of sight) Crowd: (gasps) Frink: "Oh dear, my wife is going to kill me."
"I have and unorthodox solution. A "Fantastic Voyage" if you will. Three scientists, one a beautiful woman, will be shrunk to microscopic size. They will then rendezvous in Mr. Simpson's lower colon." Everyone: "eeeeeeewww!" Frink: "Well, we have had a little trouble finding volunteers."
"And if we freeze on frame 138, we distinctly see a puff of blue hair coming from the grassy knoll."
"Well, as you can see, when the burglar trips the alarm, the house raises from it's foundations and runs down the street, round the corner to safety... well the, the real humans won't uh, won't burn quite so fast...in there..."
"You've got to listen to me. Elementary chaos theory tells us that all robots will eventually turn against their masters and run amok, in an orgy of blood and the kicking and the biting with the metal teeth and the hurting and shoving." Scientist: "How much time do we have professor?" Frink: "Well, according to my calculations, the robots won't go berserk for at least 24 hours" (all robots turn against the humans) Frink: "Oh. I forgot to carry the one"
"As you can see, I have created a lemon ball so sour it can only be safely contained in a magnetic field. The candy, known as 77x42... where the hell is the candy?" Homer: (with complete face puckered in) "I don't know."
"Good evening ladies and gentlema..." Man: "Quit stalling, what's the plan?!" Frink: "Alright, just take your seat, just take your seat. Now, working with former Carter administration officials and military men who were forced into early retirement for various reasons which we won't go into here, we have planned this defense for the city. As the comet hurdles toward the city, our rocket will intercept it and blow it to smithereens." (model rocket blows up the comet, debris falling on Moe's tavern and catching it on fire) Moe: "Oh dear God no!" Mayor Quimby: "And that will be the end of our Mr. Comet" (applause and cheering)
"The compression and expansion of the longitudinal waves cause the erratic oscillation, you can see it there, of the neighboring particles. Little Girl: "Eh!" Frink: "Yes... what is it, what, what is it?" Little Girl: "Can I play with it?" Frink: "No you can't play with it. You won't enjoy it on as many levels as I do... The colors children!"
"I doubt very highly that one elixir could boast so many fantastic properties." (drinks the tonic, turns into handsome stud) "Let's say we amscray out of here and have a wild wing-ding at the Cyclotron, doctor?" Mrs. Frink (assumption) "Anything you say, professor!"

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All of the following sounds are in zip form, you must have winzip on your computer if you wand to download them.

Episode	Appearance	Sounds	Pictures
Second Season
7F17	Proposed Grampa invest money in his Death Ray	WAV (193KB)
7F21	Can be seen in attendance at the comic book convention	Did not speak
Third Season
8F04	Technical advisor during nuclear scare	WAV (88KB)
8F08	Tried to analyze the Flaming Moe drink for the secret ingredient	WAV (79KB)
8F11	Proposed freezing Timmy O'Toole so that future generations could save him	WAV (52KB)
8F12	Created the Gamble-Tron 2000 to predict the outcome of football games	WAV (132KB)
Fourth Season
8F23	Invented a radio-controlled airplane for babies	WAV (136KB)
9F11	Appears on the cover of "101 Frozen Pops", the sperm bank catalog	Did not speak	JPG (75KB)
9F10	Passenger on the Springfield Monorail's first run	Did not speak
9F17	Suggested a "Fantastic Voyage" into Homer's colon	WAV (164KB)
9F20	Showed Marge's blue hair on the grassy knoll at the assassination of J.F.K.	WAV (63KB)
Fifth Season
1F01	Invented a robot bear for Mr. Burns	WAV (165KB)
1F05	Can be seen talking to Ned Flanders during the Do What You Feel Day	Did not speak
1F09	Invented a house that runs down the street in order to get away from a burglar	WAV (125KB)
Sixth Season
2F01	Technical advisor at Itchy & Scratchy Land	WAV (193KB)
		WAV (45KB)
2F06	Invented 77X42, a lemon ball so sour it can only be contained in a magnetic field	WAV (72KB)
2F07	Doubted the Grampa's elixir could boast so many fantastic properties	WAV (126KB)	JPG (77KB)
			JPG (88KB)
2F11	Proposed a plan to destroy comet	WAV (173KB)
2F15	Tried to discover the cure for seventeen stab wounds in the back	WAV (71KB)
	A fish in the stream near the nuclear plant bears a striking resemblance to Frink		GIF(18KB)
2F19	Worked as a substitute teacher during the strike.  Trips out on a vaccuum toy	WAV (163KB)
2F22	Invented a flying motorcycle	WAV (58KB)
		WAV (40KB)
Seventh Season
3F04	Explains the theory behind the hypothetical Z-axis and the third dimension	WAV (325KB)	JPG (53KB)
			JPG (66KB)
3F18	The Tom Foolery Of Professor Frink	WAV (220KB)
3F20	Presented the Frinkiac 7 and made a computer prediction	WAV (212KB)
	Can be seen during the picnic when Homer gives his "No on 24" speech	Did not speak
Eighth Season
4F02	Invented the De-big-ulator in order to shrink Lisa into her microscopic world	WAV (29KB)
	Discusses the possibility of making a Re-big-ulator	WAV (164KB)
3F23	Said goodbye to the Simpsons as they drove out of town	WAV (216KB)
4F03	Can be seen in the crowd at the boxing match, yelling for the final blow	Did not speak	JPG (70KB)
4F05	Can be seen dancing in the street during the party at the end of the episode	Did not speak
4F06	Can be seen helping to destroy Springfield's only burlesque house	Did not speak
4F01	Receives a call from the AT-5000, Homer's automatic dialer tele-scam machine	WAV (234KB)
4F07	Is part of the restoration crew for the Flanders house	Did not speak
3F24	Set up "Professor Frink's Virtual Chili" booth at the annual chili cook-off	Did not speak
4F13	Seems to be in a wheelbarrow at Dr. Nick's office after having an explosive accident	Did not speak
	Oddly enough, he also appears at the Springfield Squidport moments later	Did not speak
4F09	Can be seen in crowd as Principal Skinner professes his love for Mrs. Krabapple	Did not speak
4F21	Is attacked by his octopus after Bart's bullhorn prank shatters the tank	Did not speak	JPG (75KB)
Ninth Season
4F23	Can be seen cheering for Arman Tamzarian, the fake Seymour Skinner	Did not speak
5F02	Sold a matter transporter to Homer for 35 cents at his yardsale	Coming soon
5F04	Gets thrown in with the rejects at the bachelor auction	Did not speak
5F05	Can be seen in Homer's garage when Lisa is bad-mouthing the angel	Did not speak
5F23	Becomes one of the Movementarians and passes out from eating low protein gruel	Coming soon
5F13	Had a display of "The Visible Computer" at Springfield's Knowledgeum	WAV (194KB)
5F14	In line at the Post Office, gives Lenny a hard time because of his poor math skills	Coming soon

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