"Brian, lets leave the two alone for a while." Howie told him softly.
"Leave him alone with her?!" His head shot up. I felt a sharp pain in my heart.
"Come on Bri. We'll be right outside." Brian looked at Nick for another minute then left.
"Oh Nick, I'd do anything to be in your place right now. You don't deserve this. It should be me. I love you so much. More than you'll ever know. Yes, we've only been dating a little while but we've always been together in one way or another." I held back my tears. "If only I had listened to Brian, if only I hadn't danced last night. God this isn't fair. You DON'T deserve this!" I played with his hair while looking at him. His once smiling baby blue eyes were now shut. The color of his face was drained. He looked so weak, like an innocent child. My finger traced the outline of his lips. I slowly pushed myself up so that I was standing. I bent over and gave him a soft kiss on the lips.
"What are you doing?!" Surprised at the coldness of the voice I turned around quickly towards the door. I turned so fast I fell because of my back.
"What's going on Brian?" Kevin asked walking in.
"She was going to do something to Nick." Kevin came by my side and helped me back in the wheel chair.
"Don't be serious. Ana would never hurt Nick."
"If that's true why, just tell me why he's laying in this hospital bed, hanging on for his life." Brian broke down in tears. I wanted to give him a hug and tell him everything was going to be all right. I understood why he hated me. Same reason why I hated myself. And he'd continue to hate me until Nick is back onstage, playing basket ball and goofing around. I had my eyes fixed on Nick and didn't even notice people come in.
"What's all the yelling about?" Lena asked holding A.J.'s hand. All their eyes were on Kevin who was hugging his cousin. After things settled down, Brian sat across the room in a chair and I was by Nick's bed holding his hand. I wasn't going to leave his side.
Some point I had fallen asleep. I was dreaming about Nick and I at the beach. Having fun, watching the sun set. Everything was perfect. Just as we leaned in to kiss eachother, Nick disappeared. As if he had been some kind of spirit.
As soon as Nick had faded away, I was woken up to a loud buzzing noise. My head shot up and everything happened fast yet in slow motion. Brian was yelling for Nick's name. A doctor came in saying 'get the pedals' and calling orders. Someone pushed me out into the hall. A nurse maybe, or a doctor? "Nick nooo!" Brian was screaming with tears running down his cheeks.
"Come on Bri let them do their work." That was Howie's soothing, calm voice.
How in the world was he so calm? That was something Howie was always good at.
I had stood up and walked to the door. It was open a little and I looked in.
"One-two-three CLEAR!" Nick's body bounced off the bed.
"No pulse."
"He's still not breathing."
"Again!" I leaned against the wall and slid down to the floor. Nick wasn't really being brought back to life. 'I wasn't really hearing the flat line of Nick's heart. Brian wasn't hysterical over his best friend. This all didn't really happen.' All those thoughts, along with a million others ran through my mind.
"Nooo!" I screamed at the top of my lungs. My knees were at my chest with my arms wrapped around them. My body was rocking back and forth. This was all too much. I couldn't lose Nick. If he were to die and leave me, I'd die. I couldn't think straight. Too many thoughts ran through my mind. My parents, dancing, Keith, Samantha, the rest of the guys, Nick and I...Tears fell freely down my face. My body was shaking now and I felt so light headed. Just as I thought that I was going to pass out, I felt a pair of strong arms around me. I looked up and it was Kevin. I buried my face into his shoulder and wrapped my arms around his neck. Kevin picked me up and brought me over to some chairs and set me down. Howie was pacing back and forth, Brian was praying, tears still slipping down his flushed cheeks. A.J. kept fidgeting, Marie was trying to get Howie to calm down. Even though it was clear she was just as upset. Lena was crying quietly. Kevin held onto my hand and I stared out into space. Ten minutes later a doctor walked around. I tried to read the expression his face but it was expressionless. We all stood up and walked to him.
"He's going to be all right." We all sighed in relieve and hugged the person next to us.
"Nick had a kind of brain seizure. It may have caused him to be in a coma longer than we anticipated. If he made it through this, I have a good feeling he'll pull through. I'll be in to check on him every half hour."
"Thanks doc." A.J. shook his hand. We all walked into Nick's room.
It was almost as if we needed to see if he was breathing or not. The rest of the day went by slowly. I felt bad for the Carter family. Due to bad weather, all planes were down. And here was their son, brother, nephew, grandson lying in a coma. They called every hour checking in on him. Day soo turned into Nick, night turned into morning. I hadn't slept at all. Afraid that his heart would go out again. Brian fell asleep a few times for only about a half hour each time. The others would be in and out of the room.
The guys sang "Don't Want To Lose You Now" and changed some of the lyrics, hoping Nick would come back to his life as a Backstreet Boy. Night fell again and I was talking to Nick with A.J. "Hey Baby, A.J.'s here with me now."
"Yo Kaos wake up you lazy @$$. Y know if you wanted a few day's off this bad, you should've said something."
"Yeah Nick. You've been in this for about three days now. Come back to us."
I held Nick's hand. "I'm not giving up on you. Nick you know I can't live without you. Not after we've been through so much. Don't you want to come back to all of us? Your family needs you so much too." I felt anger rising in my voice. I wasn't mad at Nick, was it God? I was already hating myself. I felt A.J. put both of his hands on my shoulders. Then out of know where my hand was lightly squeezed.
My eyes widened and I looked at Nick. A small gasp came from my mouth.
"What?" A.J. asked.
"He-Nick just squeezed my hand. Baby if you can hear me, squeeze my hand again." He squeezed it. A.J. had him do the same thing then ran out to get a doctor.
" Nick you're going to be just fine! BRIAN wake up!" I yelled.
"What's wrong?" He jumped up from the chair.
"Hold Nick's hand." He looked at me weird but took it. "Nick, Brian's here now." Nick squeezed lightly again.
"Oh God, Nick!" Brian gave me hug not even thinking that he was mad at me. A few doctors rushed in and told us to wait outside. So we found everyone and told them what happened. Ten minutes later the doctor walked out.
"He's fully awake now. Dazed but awake He's going to be back to his old self in a few days. Just let him get plenty of rest. You may go see him now but be easy."
So we all went in, Brian going in first.
Brian walked by his side.
"Thank God you're okay. Don't ever ever do that to us again!" Brian gave him a small hug.
"K Bri, I'll keep that in mind." Nick responded weakly. "Where's Anastasia?
She's okay right?" I walked up from behind the guys. As soon as I saw the blue of Nick's eyes I started crying. "Oh Stacie, come here." He reached out his arms. I gave him a gentle hug and he winced.
"Sorry." I whispered.
"Just a few sore ribs." He pulled a small smile.
"Nick I'm sorry for everything. I really am." He took my hand.
"Stacie, I love you. This wasn't your fault."
"I love you too, but yes it was."
"Nick how are you feeling?" Kevin asked.
"Very tired...and sore."
"Tired? You slept for three days straight!" A.J. remarked. Nick laughed but then said 'ow'.
"Yeah that's what you get for being tired." A.J. laughed. The guys continued to talk and joke around. My eyes stayed on Nick and different things raced my mind again. I felt my body getting warm It was like I couldn't breathe. I started breathing harder.
"Hun you okay?" Everyone's eyes were on me. How long had I been breathing that hard and them staring at me?
"I-I'm fine. I need some air." Nick's eyes showed concern and that he knew something else was bothering me. I stood up and walked out.
"Do you guys know what's wrong?" Nick asked.
"She's probably stressed, no I know she is." Howie told him.
"Was she hurt at all? Or was it just another back spasm she had?"
"She had back surgery. Two discs were pinching her spinal cord. I think one was removed."
"She will be able to dance again right?"
"I don' think so."
"Man, how did she take it?" Nick asked Kevin.
"Her only concern was you. She said she doesn't care but I know he does."
Nick brought his hands to his head.
"Ugh."
" Your head killing?" Brian asked him. Nick nodded his head.
"We'll let you get some sleep."
"Actually is there a phone? I need to call my parents." Brian handed him the hospital phone. The guys said their good byes, glad you're okays and left.
"Brian?" Nick asked before Brian left.
"Yeah?"
" Will you go check Anastasia. Your the closest to her, next to me. Or just tell her to come see him." Brian hesitated but promised Nick he would.
Brian found me sitting outside on the curb.
" I know you're thinking I'm being selfish and I already know that its my fault. I'm no in the mood for lectures."
"I cam to see if you were okay." I looked up at him. "You can tell Nick I'm fine." My eyes went back to staring up at the stars.
"Okay he did ask me to come check on you. But I wanted to." Brian's voice still didn't sound like the Brian I once knew. "Brian, I'm sorry for hurting Nick, for hurting you, Howie, Kevin, A.J., and his family. No to mention the fans! I'm going to live with this for the rest of my life. All of the "what if's" questions will be constantly be running through my mind. Right now the most important thing is that Nick all right. I'm sorry you feel so much hatred towards me. If I could turn back time, I would in a heart beat. But I can't. I hate myself. Your not losing anything except for a few concerts but I'm losing a great friend. Whom I love...you." I stood and walked back inside.
Chapter Thirty-Five (not up yet)
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