A FEELING

I woke up the next day at noon. Tay and Isaac were watching Jerry Springer.

"Jerry! Jerry!" I mock chanted when I noticed what they were watching. I hate Springer.

When it switched to commercial, Taylor asked how my date last night was.  Ike and Tay nearly killed me when I walked in at 2 AM last night.  I guess I don't blame them.

"Good, good. Even though it really wasn't a date." I answered. Taylor frowned.

"Going out for coffee and staying out that late talking sounds like a date to me."

"Yeah, but I didn't pay."

"Bonus," Taylor said, "A cheap date."

I grinned. "But I am seeing her tonight."

"Well, in that case," Isaac joined in, "it was a date."

"Did you get ass?" Taylor asked the typically Taylor question.

"No," I answered. Unless you counted the dancing. Which was arguably, almost as good as full-out booty.  I didn't feel like getting into it with my brothers though.  I never got details of their dates.  Not like I ever asked.

"Tell us about her anyway. What was her name?" Taylor questioned. I laughed at, 'anyway'.

"Well, her names Anna. She has dark brown hair, and its wavy-like. She's thin, and shorter than I am, and my age. She's funny and smart too." I listed.

"Gonna ask for her number before we leave?" Isaac asked me. Notice the difference in the maturity level of my brothers' questions.

"I don't know," I answered truthfully. I think she just wanted someone to hang out with last night. Maybe I did too. I really don't have the option to like a girl as more than a friend though. It's not fair to call a girl your "girlfriend" if your touring the world for six months, and when you come 'home' you're still millions of miles away. That's the trouble with dating fans. Even the ones that aren't stalkers. If the circumstances were different, I wouldn't think twice about calling a pretty girl like Anna my girlfriend, and maybe making a move on her on our second date.

I kinda tensed when I got that thought. Dating's so damn confusing.

I eyed the clock. 7 hours. It'll be 7 before you know it, I told myself. I was anxious now. More so than I was last night.

"What'd you do after the concert last night, Taylor?" I asked.

He grinned.

***

The chairs in the lobby are really comfy. They're a deep red color, and are the kind when you sit down you feel like you sink.

I had my hair pulled back off my face, and I was wearing a pair of cords and a white t shirt that Taylor let me borrow. Well, I'm sure he would have let me if I asked anyway.

I kept checking my watch. I came down here 5 minutes early so she wouldn't think I stood her up or anything. Now it was five after. I hope she didn't forget. I was sick of the hotel. I sat in there with my brothers all day. A whole other evening would be torture.

And just like it stereotypically happens, just when I thought she wouldn't show, she walked through the door of the hotel.

She looked beautiful.

Her long hair, in thick bouncy curls now fell all over her shoulders, and her green eyes spotted me across the lobby. I stood up when she caught my gaze. It felt involuntary.

She had a little make-up on. But you could really barely tell. Anna was wearing jeans with a deep maroon colored sweater on underneath. A wool pea-coat jacket covered her, and a baby-blue scarf topped off her appearance.

"Zac!" she said, excitedly.

"Anna..." I answered her, breathlessly. Her smile was contagious, so I grinned to. I told her she looked nice, because she did. And she blushed when I said it. Despite what magazines say, you can almost always know that if a girl blushes when you give her a complement, she likes it. I donno, maybe that's just Zac-logic.

"Thank you," she answered. "Not so bad, yourself."

"Can I take you out to dinner?" I rushed out of my mouth. I had the money to take her to any restaurant this town could afford to put up, and I had every intention of doing it.

"Ah....yeah, sure. Of course!" She stuttered, surprised I asked in the first place. This was a good sign. If she wasn't interested in me like that, she would have said "no thanks".

And when we walked out of that lobby, I felt like I was walking next to freakin' Miss America, and I smiled my ass off.

***

"What'd you do today?" she asked me, starting the conversation in the restaurant. She asked me to take her to the Outback Restaurant. It wasn't too bad. Not bad on the wallet either, as the only thing Anna ordered was a salad. Girls are weird.

"Hung out in my hotel with my brothers. It was boring. You?"

"Well, I had to watch my sister all day. It sucked. And then I had to do chores, which sucked even more."

"Chores definitely suck," I agreed.

The conversation turned to chores and cleaning, then to school and learning, and then to anything else either of us felt like saying. Even though I just met her, she made me feel comfortable. Like, sometimes when I was with girls I felt like I had to watch what I said.

I didn't feel that with her. And the more and more I looked at her, the more I liked her. Just the cute way she'd do little things, like stir the ice cubes in the glass with her straw, or smile when I tell one of my cheezy jokes. The way she didn't feel intimidated with me either. And everytime I looked at her, I'll swear she got prettier and prettier.

After dinner, I suggested the only other date-alternative I could think of. "Wanna go see a movie?" I asked Anna. She kinda frowned.

"There's nothing good up."

"Oh.... Well, what do you want to do?" I asked her for suggestions.

She looked at the ground, and had a thoughtful expression on her face. Then she smiled.

"Lets go to the beach."

"In the middle of January!?" I asked her.

"No, there's a big tower right on the edge of the land. Its open year-round. It's a beautiful view from up there. I want you to see it," She told me. She wanted me!... my brain echoed..

To see something.  Heh.

I agreed, and after paying for our meal, I proceeded to follow her through the streets. Traffic was picking up. It was about nine, or close to nine, on a Saturday night. It was dark, and the skies were clear.

As we walked, Annas paced picked up. Soon it was a walk-run. Then, it was a full out run. She giggled and started going faster. I laughed, for no other reason than at her eagerness, and followed her as fast as I could, smiling. When a building  that stood out alone on the edge of a rocky shoreline appeared in view, she broke into a full out sprint. So did I.

And I ran and ran, and the only time I came to a full stop was after we were inside, and up the huge stair-case to the very top.

When I looked out beyond, I don't think any words came out of my mouth. Just a breath. It really was beautiful.

The cities lights danced in the lake beyond, and the stars specked the sky endlessly. It was hard to tell where the sky stopped and the water began. The moon casted a glow, and seemed to spotlight Anna on this night. Could've been my imagination though.

"It's nice up here, Anna..." I said.

"I know. I think I could stay here forever. Just listening to the waves, and the city live."

We had the place to ourselves, which didn't surprise me for a cold night like this. With so much to look at though, you hardly noticed the chill.

"You feel like, you can touch the stars.." she said, almost whispering.

Anna stared out into the lake. I sucked in a breath, before I stood next to her. She looked up to me and smiled. I reached down and took her hand in my own. It was cold, but soft. She squeezed my hand gently, and we both watched together.

***

"Ever see a sunset in Arizona?"

"I think you forget sometimes that not everyone has toured the world, Zac."

"Yeah, yeah, I know but like-- even on a postcard or something?"

"I heard they're pretty in the desert," was all she said.

"Its like... the sun sinks into one of the canyons, and hides. And when it goes down it leaves a trail of every color in the rainbow behind it. The skies not all blue, at sunset, its purple and orange and--" I realized I was rambling. "It's just pretty."

Anna and I layed next to eachother on the cement floor of the building. My arm, wrapped around her shoulders, allowed my hand to gently rub her upper arm. She cuddled next to me, her head against my chest. I can't explain my immediate attraction to Anna.  I've never experienced anything like it.

We'd been talking for a long time. Since after dinner till now-- almost 1 AM. Well, not the whole time of course. Sometimes It'd get quiet, and we'd just listen to the lake for a time period instead of saying things. Then one of us would speak up again.

"I wish I could see what you've seen." she told me. "Have been where you've gone..."

"I've seen alot. I guess I've come a long way from 'average'."

"Definitely. I want to go to Europe and see the stars there. And I want to go to California to see what the people are like, and go to Japan to see what sunrise looks like from Tokyo." Anna declared, the volume of her voice decreasing.

I couldn't think of what to say. I have seen all of those things I guess.

"Anna, the stars in Europe are amazing, because there's thousands, and from the fields there, you see every single one. In LA, you can be yourself. Everyone lives inside out, its the most free place in the world. And in Tokyo, when the sun comes up, its so refreshing because Tokyo sees daylight before the rest of the world. And you feel like the day to follow it, truely is the first day of the rest of your life..."

I looked over to see her, listening intently on my every word.  I lowered my voice.

"...But, I swear, Anna. Right now, if I had one more day to stay here and watch the stars with you, I'd give up all of it."

I looked at her in the eyes. I meant every single word I said.  Honest.

In a whispery voice, even softer than the one I was using she spoke again.

"How can you possibly mean that?"

I shifted myself so I leaned on my side against her, still looking into her eyes. I began to stroke back her hair. I talked back, still in a whisper.

"Because your eyes are brighter than a thousand stars from Europe. When I'm with you, you make me feel more free than a bird. And your lips..." I moved down, and gently kissed her lips, "..are twice as refreshing as any Japanese sunrise."

"Zac..." she whispered to me, pulling me down, to kiss her again. This time, she opened her mouth, and deepend our kiss. My tounge eagerly found its way to hers. I kissed her like it was the sole reason I was put on this earth.

Maybe this wasn't my first kiss, but it sure as hell felt like it should have been.

When we broke apart, Anna ran her fingers across my cheek and through my hair.

"..And you are a million times more beautiful than the clearest  night in Buffalo." I held her, and my eyes got drowsy.

***

The sun splashed across my face, and I winced. It took me a minute to remember where I was.

"Oh, shit..." I said aloud. This woke Anna up.

"Hmn...?" She asked, seeming to have the same problem I did. I checked my watch. 7:39. Shit, we had to be on a plane by nine this morning. My brothers were going to kill me.

Anna sat upright quickly, and looked around herself.

"My mom is gonna..." she trailed off into a yawn. I wiped the sleep out of my eyes and opened them wide, trying to adjust to the light.

I stood up.

"Zac?" Anna asked me,"Where are you going?"

"Back to my hotel, I've got to be on a plane in..." I swallowed hard, "an hour or so."

It was time.  Her eyes welled up with tears. It broke my heart, it really did. I didn't want to leave her like this.

"Anna, I don't want to go, but I have to.."

"No you don't, Zac," she answered my softly. "Stay here, with me, in Buffalo. You can stay with me, and everynight we can come here and watch the stars.  I promise."

"I can't," I answered.

"You can, Zac." She said, standing up. she walked dover to me, and held my hands in hers.

"Zac, you're chained to the life of a celebrity. Be free, and stay here. You don't deserve the pressure. You'll be with me, and other kids your age. You'll live a normal life, and you can do what you want. We can do what we want. That doesn't sound nice to you?"

"It does, Anna. Really. But my brothers need me. And the rest of my family. I love the music I make, Anna. As much as I'd love to live the average life.." I paused, "...it wasn't meant to be that way."

"You're in charge of your own destiny."

"I'm sorry," I said softly. It was quarter to now. I knew if I waited much longer, might miss my flight, and it really would only be harder to leave.

"I understand. Take my number and address," she said, thrusting a piece of paper into my hands, without looking at me. "If you ever change your mind."

I accepted it and nodded me head.

"Thank You, Anna. I really will be forever grateful to the girl who showed me what it was like to be free.  I promise."

"I'll never forget you, Zac." She answered me. Her voice trembled, and tears rolled off her cheek.  With that, I kissed her on the cheek, and then smoothly on the lips.

I took two steps back, and turned my head so she couldn't see the tears that were forming in my own eyes.  It'd only make it harder on her.  She stared off into the lake, and I turned and jogged down the stairwell, thinking of her sad face everytime my foot hit the ground.

Walking away from Anna, leaving her to watch the rest of the sunrise, was the hardest thing I have ever done in my entire life.

I felt I had made the right decision, though. It was foolish to waste everything you had on one feeling. Trust not one nights ice, or something like that. I loved music. I loved the way I felt right before a show. And the view from on stage in front of a sold out audience.

But Anna's smile, and her by my side on a clear night in Buffalo could well rival both of those. And in that moment right then, the only thing I wanted to be was a normal teenage boy. I wanted it bad. More than anything.

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