I walked into the hall of my school on Monday morning feeling like death warmed up. I really didn’t want to come today. I should have been happy today. I should have been walking into the hall with a massive beam on my face that said "I shagged Nick Carter" all over it. Instead it said "Nick Carter broke my heart." I held my head down as I walked past the school bitches. Some people waved and said "hi." I managed to say hi but I couldn’t smile.
"Kate!" Sophie shrieked. Her, Jodie, Sam and Leighanne all ran over to me which I didn’t need right now. I managed a smile not wanting to have to tell them the story but they saw through it.
"Kate what’s wrong?" Sam asked fakely which made me want to punch her.
"Nothing doesn’t matter." I smiled.
"Is it something to do with Nick?"
"What that twat why would it have anything to do with …." I trailed off as the tears started rolling. I was suddenly attacked with hugs which just made me feel worse.
"Oh my God Kate’s back." I heard someone say from behind me and I turned around to see Heather there. She ran over to me seeing me crying.
"What’s the matter?" She hugged me.
"She hates me." I croaked through tears.
All my friends had gathered around me except Sarah who wasn’t here yet.
"Jane, she thinks I’m a slut bag and she can’t trust me. I left on Friday ‘cause I heard her dissing me but Nick didn’t do anything." I burst into tears.
I felt weak. My legs could hardly hold me up as I hadn’t eaten anything for ages.
"Do you want to go somewhere and talk about it?" Heather asked while the others looked in amazement.
"No it’s best I get on with my life. I’ve got to forget about him. Do you know if Ben’s here?" I whispered to her.
"Yeah he went to the classroom." I closed my eyes and tried to imagine I was somewhere else. I didn’t need to see Ben right now but I was going to have to.
"I’m going to the base now are you coming Kate?" Leighann asked.
"Yeah." I linked arms with her and I tried to talk to her as if nothing had happened. But something had happened. I was reminded everyday by Nick’s hordes of phone calls.
I walked in and Ben was there. He looked over at me but quickly turned away. I could still see the hurt in his eye. The hurt that I’d put there. I sat down in my normal chair like I normally would. Lauren came in late like she normally would. Tasha was getting picked on like she normally would. Sarah came in and hugged me excitedly waiting to hear my news.
"So what happened over there?" She squealed.
"Nothing." I lifted my head to show my tear stained face. The bags under my eyes from loss of sleep.
"Kate what’s wrong?" She ran over to me. I looked over at Ben to see him watching me. I grabbed her hand and pulled her out of the classroom and down the corridor out of sight of any teachers and Ben.
"Everything was fine. No great, wonderful even."
"What happened then. What did he do to you then the bastard."
"I overheard a conversation he was having with his Mum. She was calling me."
"Calling you what?" Worry was in Sarah’s eye.
"A slut bag, a whore, she was saying how she didn’t trust me. But Nick. He just took it all in. He didn’t protect me or anything."
"So you left?"
"Yup. Spent a night in an airport. It sounds funny now but it wasn’t at the time."
"Has he tried to get in touch with you?"
"Yeah everyday."
"Why don’t you talk to him?"
"Because I can’t face him." I paused as a sixth former went by.
"His Mum hates me. We can hardly have a relationship if I’m gonna have a mother-in-law from hell."
"Hmm. I heard you’re gonna be on the MTV Awards." She tried to change the subject.
"Yeah." I burst into tears again.
"What’s the matter? Did I say something wrong?"
"It’s just Nick introduces me on it as his wonderful girlfriend and how he can’t live without me." I half smiled.
"I can believe that."
"What do you mean?" I turned to face her.
"Well I couldn’t live without you." We both laughed. "And I saw him on a TV programme on Sky yesterday and he looked awful."
"If I could give some advise to teenagers it would be never fall in love with a popstar, they only break your heart and take away your virginity." I was so depressed that that sounded funny.
"What?" She asked intrigued.
"That’s it. I gave it up. I always told you I would shag Nick Carter." I smiled mischievously but my smile quickly faded as I remembered all the love we made.
Chapter 31
No Hiding
I shut the gate at my house and walked up the path. I could see my Mum inside and I waved and smiled for her sake. I opened the door and dropped my bag. It felt weird coming back inside after staying at Nick’s house for so long.
"Hi." I smiled and removed my shoes. The smell of my Mum’s cooking was wonderful. No-one could cook better than my Mum.
"Hi."
I looked on the work top to check the mail and saw one addressed for me. I knew who it was from before I opened it. My Mum didn’t say anything because she thought I’d be upset. Instead she told me she would be in the lounge if I wanted her.
I picked it up and chills ran down my spine to be holding something Nick had touched. I ran my finger over his writing and smiled at how he still couldn’t spell Horsewood-Heyes. I felt the tears welling up but fought them back. I wasn’t going to loose anymore over him I had promised myself. I reached for my Dad’s comb to slice the letter open and sat down at the table. The letter even smelt of him. I closed my eyes and again sent a telepathic message to him to tell him how much I missed him.
"Oh what’s the point." I told myself. "How can I send messages to someone with my brain. I put a finger into the letter and pulled out a plane ticket for Thursday. I stared at it for a while then noticed a letter in the envelope.
Dear Kate,
There is no way of you knowing how I feel right now. Like I told you, without you I can’t eat or sleep let alone perform. You were my world, are my world. Nothing I can do or say can express how sorry I am. My Mom was way out of order and I was a fool for not realising that. Just so you know I was under no circumstances influenced by her. She is also really sorry for calling you and now knows that you are no way like Mandy and you do not want to hurt you. She has seen the way I am when you are not around and truly wishes that you would come back. Please x 1000 take that flight and come to see me before I leave on a world tour. In fact I don’t know if I can make that world tour without your love. I am sending my love and my hope that you will come.
Love Nick.
PS. Scruff has had his jabs and is fighting fit with Willy and Mikey.
I threw the letter on the table and buried my head in my hands. I wanted to hide from him and forget him. I couldn’t go. I wouldn’t go. Although I wanted to so badly it would be against all my principles. No. I wasn’t going to give in. I reached for the ticket. I was about to rip it up but something inside me stopped me from doing it. I looked at the cupboards hungry. I grabbed everything I could and went for a binge down my room.
Chapter 32
A Change of Mind
I sat with my Dad watching the MTV Awards. I thought it would be good for me to get it out of my system.
"It’s freezing in here can we have the fire on?" I asked rubbing my hands together.
"No you bloody well can’t. You need to get used to the English weather, and if you’re cold then put a jumper on."
I laughed at how he was acting so, normal. Everything was back together again. It was Wednesday night. I still had the plane ticket down my room. I don’t why but I just had to keep it.
My Dad got up to pour himself another glass of wine. A clip of Fatboy slim was showing and my Dad did his over the top, taking the piss out of, impersonation.
"Dad get out the way I can’t see the telly." I waved my arm in the air.
"Ay, ay, ay. This can be off at a moments notice."
"Whatever."
"And now the award for best video." Pamela squealed.
Pierce Brosnan walked on with a lady.
My heart raced as I knew what was going to happen.
"Dad put a video in want to tape this bit." I ordered.
"But.."
"Do it." Normally I would get told off for that but I think he knew what was going on.
"And the winner is…" Him saying that was bringing it all back to me.
"Backstreet Boys!"
In the corner of the screen I could see the top of my Stetson and Nick being hugged. I couldn’t take my eyes off the screen.
Each of the boys said there thank yous then it was Nick. I was hypnotised by his eyes. They looked so sincere and innocent.
His words rung in my ears.
"Well I’d like to thank everyone on our management team, my Mom, Dad, the rest of my family, the big guy up there and last but not least I’d like to thank my wonderful girlfriend Kate, couldn’t do it without you babe."
This triggered the tears and I burst out crying and ran to my room. I did still love him. I pulled out the ticket from my drawer and looked at it. If I was to go I would have to be at the airport by 2:00pm tomorrow. I could make it. I thought. My mind raced. I would get a taxi to the airport. I jumped up and started packing my things.
Chapter 33
Returning
The flight seemed to take ages. I couldn’t eat or sleep, all I could do was think about Nick. I arrived in the arrivals section and collected my luggage. I looked at my watch. It was half 12 in the afternoon. I was regretting coming and was about to back out of coming but talked myself back into it. I went over to the public telephones and called myself a cab.
The cab arrived and I got in. The butterflies in my stomach were horrendous. We pulled up at his house and I got out. I walked in the gate and BJ saw me. I held up a finger to my mouth to tell her not to say anything. She ran over and hugged me. Quietly she said, "I’m so glad you came. Nick rally misses you and my Mom is so sorry." I smiled excitedly.
"I wanna surprise him. I’ll go round the back while you distract him then tell him to go outside." We hugged one last time then she ran inside.
I hid my luggage in a bush and crept round to the back. I knew exactly where I was going. I took off my shoes and climbed onto the massive trampoline.
Nick moped in the lounge wondering if Kate was coming. She should have arrived at 1 if she was but it was now 2.
"Hey Nick will you go outside to get me something?" BJ batted her eyelashes.
"No why?"
"’Cause I left my shorts outside and I’m too tired to bring them in."
"So am I leave me alone." He grunted.
"Please I’ll make it worth your while."
"How?" Nick asked, slightly more interested.
"You’ll see when you get out there. Pleeeeeeeease."
"OK, OK just stop whining."
Nick got up and made for the door. BJ prayed that Kate was in place.
My heart raced. I don’t think I have ever been so nervous before, I didn’t know how I was going to bounce. I heard the door open and shut and saw Nick trudge outside. He did look awful. His hair was dull and his eyes lifeless. I started to bounce to get his attention. Nick looked up and smiled. Suddenly a change took place and the twinkle in Nick’s blue eyes was again sparkling.
"Kate!" He shouted.
He raced over to me suddenly energised and jumped on the trampoline. I practically jumped on him and hugged him so tight.
"I missed you so much." I whispered.
"Me too. I didn’t think you’d come."
"I wasn’t going to. Then I saw the MTV awards on TV."
We hung onto each other for dear life. I pulled my head out of his shoulder to look into his brilliant blue eyes.
"You got your twinkle back." I grinned and bit my lip contemplating whether to kiss him or not.
The sun shone down on us and I realised how much I missed this place. I could hear Aaron playing with his sisters in the pool round the corner. We both stared into each others eyes longingly for the longest time ever. I was still thinking about kissing him and I think he had the same thing on his mind.
"What the hell." I grabbed his neck and pulled his warm, full lips to mine. They felt like heaven. I was melting away and didn’t want to loose this moment. He pushed my lips open with his tongue and I slid my tongue into his mouth. He was so warm that my heart raced furiously. I forgot everything around us and just concentrated on him, on the kiss. His fingers ran through my hair making the roots stand on end. We pulled away at the same time breathless.
"I love you so much. I’m so glad you came back."
"So am I. I love you too Nicky."
"Kitty kat?"
"Yeah?" Our eyes never left our gaze.
"I’m hard." I laughed and looked down.
"Those bushes look inviting don’t they?"
"Oh baby."
Chapter 34
I Need You Tonight
It was the last night of my return to Tampa and Nick had arranged for us to have a candle lit dinner near the pool.
"You’re highly honoured you know." He smiled.
"Oh why?"
"This is the most romantic thing I’ve ever done for a girl."
"Not even Mandy?"
"Not even Mandy." He held my hands in his, the candles illuminating his eyes.
"So, now you have a different answer to the question "what is the most romantic thing you’ve ever done for a girl?" You can get rid of the "taken her to Burger King" answer." We both laughed.
"You wanna dance?" He asked me.
"But there’s no music."
"Yes there is." He took my hand and led me to the grass.
"I don’t here any." He pressed against me and I wanted to faint.
"It’s in your heart, listen hard." I concentrated hard.
"Open up your heart to me." Nick sang. "You hear it now?"
"Nick you’re singing." I playfully tapped him on the chest. The stars looked down on me tonight and shone. They lit up the sky in a magical way. The candles still burned and glowed leaving me feeling tingly.
"And say what’s on your mind." He sung soft and emotionally. He showed the effort he put into it and that he was singing to me only.
"I know that we have been through so much pain." The tears started streaking down my face.
"But I still need you, in my life, this time." He squeezed me tighter to him so once again our hearts touched.
"And I need you tonight. I need you right now. I now deep within my heart, it doesn’t matter if it’s wrong or right. I really need you.." All other sounds around me were drowned out. The crickets, the breeze. All I could hear was Nick singing.
"Tonight." I was sent to heaven. His voice was of an angel, soft, sweet. He stroked my hair as I rested my head on his chest.
"I need you tonight Kate." He hushed. "I love you."
My now the tears were pouring out.
"Hold me Nick. Never let go of my heart."
"I won’t."
Chapter 35
Epilogue
As I sat in tutor period on a high Sarah walked in.
"Kate how did it go?" She hugged me.
"Great. I have so much to tell you, but not here. Come round tonight."
"OK great."
It was hard for me to say goodbye to Nick on the last day but we knew we would see each other again. I was to go round to his house every holiday when he wasn’t working. We knew we wouldn’t see each other in a while this holiday though as he was going on his world tour but he would phone me when he got the chance. Anyway I had the memories and a reason to torture my friends with stories for the rest of their days.
We made our way to art and stood in the corridor.
"Oh my God." I stated referring to Richard’s strange ways.
"I think it has something to do with you. he acted lets say, half normal when you were away." Sarah and me laughed. I’d seen Ben fleetingly this morning but we didn’t talk. We acted as though nothing had happened. As far as anyone knew we were still as each others throats.
"I thought you were supposed to line up outside." Miss Bates the art teacher snapped.
"But Miss it’s.." Will started.
"Out!" She shouted and we were forced to go outside to line up in the bitter cold.
After 5 minutes of lining up outside we were allowed in. I sat down and tossed my bag I to the table. I sat between Sarah and Leighann. I pulled out my planner, sketchbook which I had put some drawings in when I took it on holiday and my pencil case. I opened up my book to look at my sketches and found another sketch in my book. I quickly closed it so to not let anyone else see it. I held it under the table and looked at it. It was of a boy and girl dancing under the stars. It was beautiful and I realised it was of me and Nick. I looked at the bottom of the page and saw Nick’s signature.
"Hmm, Carter original. I ought to keep that, might me worth something one of these days." I thought and shut the book.
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