A product of SyberKat and Nightflower,
a collaboration of the damned
For a basic introduction into what a Mary Sue is, click here
Stryk12 created by Syberkat. Used by permission.
Note: The following parody was meant for
entertainment, and possibly education on the
evilness of Mary Sue-ism. It is NOT targeted at
any fan character in particular, and frankly, the
Mary Sue factor in the C6 community is low, which
is why I am writing this in the first place.
There's lots of controversy here, but thankfully,
Mary Sue isn't one of them.
Stryk and Kayla were sitting on a
roof on their break. Cybersix was out that night
and their creators were busy.
“So…” began Stryk,
“What’s going on with you?”
Kayla shrugged. “I dunno,” she replied
dully, “My author’s done messing with
my life. I think she’s moved on to other
things and left me alone.”
Stryk laughed. “Yeah, Syberkat hasn’t
touched me for a while.” (HINT, HINT)
“But she’s very busy so I can
understand.”
Suddenly, a beautiful figure bounded up to them
and landed beside them. Stryk and Kayla looked at
the mysterious shadow in surprise.
She stepped forward to reveal a beautiful young
woman in her teens. Her long shining mass of
golden curls framed her beautiful face and
highlighted her gold and purple eyes.
“HI!” she bursted out cheerfully,
“I’m the new unit, Mary Sue 1.”
Stryk and Kayla looked at each other warily.
“Mary Sue 1?”
“Sure!” she beamed, “Von Reichter
made me, but I escaped.”
Stryk and Kayla sighed in relief. “Oh
good,” said Stryk, “We thought you were
sent to destroy us.”
“Oh no,” laughed Mary Sue (Her laugh
resembled a crystal bell), “I’m friends
with Cybersix. I help her all the time. I’m
a lot stronger than her.”
Kayla looked interested. “You must be
stronger than me then. Tell me more.”
“Well,” said Mary Sue smiling
(revealing a straight set of beautiful white
teeth), “I’m stronger, faster, and more
agile than a cyber. I have an intelligence of 289
and I can work any form of machinery on the spot.
I’m eternally young and beautiful, I can fly
and I smell like roses. Oh, and I have a
crossbow.”
Stryk and Kayla looked at each other again.
“You’re strong, smart, beautiful AND
you have a crossbow?” asked Stryk
incredulously, “Why are you so perfect?
Perfect characters are, well, BORING.”
“Oh, I’m not perfect,” bubbled
Mary Sue, “For example, I get really angry
and I’m not compassionate like Cybersix! I
kill people!”
Again, sideways glance between Stryk and Kayla.
“Well, what are we waiting for?”
chirped Mary Sue 1, “Let’s get our
creators to create some sort of global
catastrophe so that I- I mean we- can save
the world and look like a hero!”
“Let’s not and say we did,”
mumbled Kayla with a sarcastic tone that would
rival Daria’s (TM emotion of Daria).
There was a loud bumbling noise. Mary Sue of
course anticipated the sound with her ultra
sensitive hearing but Stryk and Kayla were taken
off guard.
A disheveled Von Reichter appeared, looking very
desperate. An equally desperate-looking Lucas
crawled up the roof, panting (TM action of
Lucas).
“Oh no!” growled Stryk, “It’s
Von Reichter!” She bounded up and her claws
ripped out of her hands.
“I noticed,” muttered Kayla preparing
to run away. Unfortunately, Stryk grabbed
Kayla’s arm and held her there (being
stronger than the normal cyber).
Von Reichter collapsed in front of Mary Sue and
burst into tears. “Please Mary Sue!” he
begged, “Please come back to me. I can
change! I can be good just for you! We can get
married!”
Stryk stared (again). “Von Reichter’s a
wuss!”
Kayla pointed to Mary Sue, perpetually smiling
like one of them CRAZY freaky clowns. “Not
only that, he’s drooling for Mary Sue.”
“OUR Von Reichter? The egomaniac? The
control freak? The guy who ruined our
lives?”
“Ahhh,” grumbled Kayla, “He’s
a 90 year old freakin’ mummy! Let her have
him!”
Lucas threw himself on her. “No, don’t
listen to him, Mary Sue! Marry me!”
“Now I’ve seen everything…”
muttered Stryk.
“She can have him too. But Cybersix might
not like that…”
As if on cue, Cybersix leapt gracefully on the
roof (but not as gracefully as Mary Sue did!)
She shook her hand at Mary Sue. “Curse you,
Mary Sue, you ethereally beautiful genetic
experiment! I am so jealous of you!”
Kayla looked strangely at her sister. “Are
you okay?”
“Apparently she’s jealous of the
ethereally beautiful genetic experiment,”
explained Stryk wryly. She shook her head.
“What am I saying?”
Mary Sue smiled kindly. “I would love to
marry you, Von Reichter, and Lucas. But I already
have an undying love!”
She stepped back to reveal a hunky man with
windblown auburn hair over his sun-tanned face; a
fine specimen straight off a romance novel.
Mary Sue threw her arms around his muscular
chest. “This is my soulmate, Paolo Joshua
Fitzgerald! He and I will never be separated
because we were created for each other!”
“Does that mean I have absolutely no chance
of receiving your hand in love, Mary Sue?”
mourned Von Reichter.
“No,” replied Mary Sue. She turned to
Stryk and Kayla who looked somewhat pissed.
“Let’s RPG!”
Stryk looked at Kayla. Kayla looked at Stryk.
Together they moved and pushed Mary Sue 1 off the
roof onto the ground where she just happened to
land in a den of angry lions.
“And that’s the end of that
chapter,” said a satisfied Stryk, dusting
off her hands.
Mary Sue trembled (but still looking beautiful)
at the roaring, snarling lions. One of them
slinked towards her, liking his lips, but when he
saw the compassion in her (beautiful) gold and
purple eyes, he purred and curled around her
feet. Awww. Cue crappy music. (TM Raja Chahal).
“It’s not working!’ cried Stryk in
horror, “Damn you stupid lions!”
Kayla ran forward and threw a blue aura-ed carp
into the lions’ den (TM Nightflower).
BOOOOM!! The den exploded, lion guts flinging
everywhere.
“Yay!” cheered Stryk, dancing with
Kayla. “We killed her, we killed her, la la
la la la la!”
Suddenly, from the smoke, a beautiful figure
bounded up to them and landed beside them.
“AHHHHHHH!” screamed Kayla in fear,
“YOU’RE SUPPOSED TO BE DEAD!”
Mary Sue shook her head, still smiling.
“No,” she said perkily, “A common
characteristic of the Mary Sues is that they are
usually immortal, invincible and eternally
beautiful (or somewhere close to that). Unless in
the event that they die heroic and tragic deaths
saving the hero of the story. I’m one of the
immortal, invincible and eternally beautiful
types obviously!”
Stryk looked in sheer terror at Mary Sue 1.
“You’re annoying, boring AND you
can’t die?!”
“Nope,” bounced Mary Sue, “Come
on, let’s RPG!”
“This is one of the most horrible toughest
creatures we’ve ever had to face!”
gasped Kayla.
Mary Sue pouted, looking more beautiful than
ever. “Why don’t you like me? Everyone
likes me! I’ve already won fifty-five beauty
contests across the state!”
“Because you’re TOO perfect!”
burst out Kayla, “No one is that perfect!
You’re not a character anymore, you’re
an embodiment of your creator’s unfufilled
dreams. I mean, me being a character made in five
minutes and intended to be killed off is bad, but
you! You’re so much worse than me!”
Mary Sue began to cry beautiful diamond-like
tears, that shone and made her more beautiful
than ever.
It was at that moment that Dailu the big ass
dragon decided to come to Meridiana for a snack.
She stretched her huge neck down and chomped up
Mary Sue 1.
“MMmmmmm…..embodiment of creator’s
unfufilled dreams.”
“Whew,” sighed Stryk in relieved,
“She’s gone.”
“She may be invincible,” snickered
Kayla, “And beautiful. But she’s still
in a dragon’s stomach!”
It was at that moment that a brooding, mysterious
shadow decided to bound up to them and land
beside them.
“Hi,” said the man angstily,
“I’m the new unit, Gary Stu.”
That of course is an EXTREME case of Mary Sue.
But she's everywhere. Lurking and bothering
people. If you think you may know one, or you may
be one yourself, seek help.
SyberKat and Nightflower:
Together, we can beat this thing.
