Janus' Shadow

by
Lit Gal

Part Thirteen

Xander stirred his mashed potatoes, blending the flecks of brown and black as he tried to achieve a perfect even gray.

"I burned them. I can't believe I burned them," Buffy complained. Buffy glanced toward Angel, and Xander flinched. If he hadn't gone over the deep end, Spike wouldn't have called Angel, and Angel would be playing babysitter to make sure he 'fessed up, and then Angel wouldn't be here looking miserable and making Buffy look even more miserable.

Heck, Xander hadn't seen Buffy look so frazzled since she'd done the dead thing; in fact, when she opened the door to see Angel, she lost so much color from her face that she looked near dead. And Angel's hands fluttered. Literally. He finally shoved them deep into his pockets, and Xander could almost taste Angel's need to touch. Yeah, this was turning out pretty well sucky all 'round.

"They aren't burned; they're just... a little crunchy," Willow came to her defense. From the couch, Spike snorted. He'd been exiled from the kitchen and table after trying to slip blood into the cranberry sauce. Xander pushed his potatoes closer to his green bean casserole and watched over his shoulder as Spike dipped strips of turkey into his cup and then pulled them out dripping blood. Angel sat in the chair, choosing exile over sitting at the table with his mug of blood.

"They're burned," Buffy insisted. "Don't try to make excuses, I have officially ruined Thanksgiving."

"I hardly think burned potatoes spell the end of civilization," Giles offered, but Xander noticed that he spent more time pushing potatoes around than actually eating them.

"But it's Thanksgiving, and I wanted it to be perfect, and instead the potatoes are burned, and I don't think pumpkin pie is supposed to be that color. I wanted this to be traditional." Xander gave up Spike watching to focus on Buffy, who could take an apocalypse in stride but was clearly losing it on the burned potatoes.

"Hey, considering my mom's tradition included reheated KFC mash potatoes and a cans of beets, I'm calling this perfect," Xander added as he scooped up a big load and shoved them in his mouth.

"I still think we should have done something to honor the millions of Native Americans who died as a result of European invasion," Willow softly whispered.

"Oh, no, you are not starting that again. No discussion of disease, genocide or conquest at my table," Buffy threatened as she made stabby motions with her fork in the air.

"I rather thought it was my table," Giles said at the same time Spike blurted loudly, "Blood and genocide's a fun way to spend a day. Used ta amuse Dru no end to pull someone into bloody bits."

"You're ruining the day. I had this all planned, and you're ruining it," Buffy said as she stood up quickly enough to make her chair bounce backwards and nearly fall. Xander swallowed quickly. Buffy's eyes darted between the table and Spike and Angel, and Xander could practically feel the pain from her.

"Not ruined, the day is definitely not ruined. Is it?" Willow turned her best challenge face to each person in turn. Only Spike glared back at her without ducking his head.

"Not really one ta judge since any day with the slayer's a bit of misery for me," he offered with a smile. Willow's face froze and then she looked to Xander in horror.

"So, anyone up for parade fun? We could count the number of fake smiles," Xander suggested. "Or maybe play 'spot the giant animal naughty parts'," Xander added in desperation. Okay, so there had only been one float in the parade that one year that had a boat placed in a suggestive position, but the sight of a giant flower bear with what appeared to be a giant bear penis sticking out in front had been worth many years of mocking.

"The parades were this morning," Willow said in her disappointed voice that always made Xander feel about two inches high... well, either that or it made him want to eat her, and he really did need therapy.

"Angel, you can come back to the table. The comment about the yuckiness of blood was for your idiot childe," Buffy said as she stood beside the table looking somewhat lost.

"Oi, watch your mouth, slayer. Not the broody one's childe, am I?" Spike's glare made it very clear that he hadn't intended the comment as a question.

"I'm fine here," Angel demurred. "And Spike really can't be called my childe any more, Buffy."

Xander watched through his lashes as Giles snatched his glasses off his face and polished them as he looked from one to another. Oh yeah, the man knew way too much. Xander found himself wanting to eat nosey watchers who recorded in books exactly how vampires changed sires.

"I don't know why he has to be here at all," Buffy sighed under her breath, and Spike crossed his arms and sneered her direction.

"He came with me," Xander said quietly. A parade of inappropriate jokes trotted through his mind, but he actually managed to keep his mouth closed as he let his words sit in the air without even trying to distract or apologize.

"Oh yeah, like that makes it so much better. I still don't understand why Giles pushed him off onto you, because chip or no chip, he can't be trusted." Buffy crossed her arms, and Xander bit his tongue to keep from pointing out that she was only getting all cranky because she was strangely insecure about her potato skills.

He glanced over and Spike had a closed expression. Xander paused for a minute, wondering why Buffy's words would even bother Spike, and then it occurred to him that he wasn't exactly sticking up for Spike. He glanced at Angel, who had narrowed his eyes. Part of Xander wanted to hide in the mashed potato castle he had created on his plate. Okay, he could do this. He just needed to do this in front of Buffy. Funny how Buffy make him want to hide under jokes and brightly colored shirts.

"Yeah, 'cause he's a vampire," Xander said softly, daring Buffy to walk out onto that thin ice.

"No, because he's soulless," she insisted before she snatched the bowl of flecky mashed potatoes and disappeared into the kitchen. Plastic rustled, and Xander just wished his own personal castle of gray charcoal mush had joined its mother in the trash, preferably with him still in it. Buffy came back without the bowl and practically threw herself down in a chair. Her eyes focused past Xander toward the living room. From her sad sigh, Xander guessed she wasn't looking at Spike. Xander never thought he would miss his mother's Thanksgivings, but drunk people slobbering over fast food and dry turkey was way better than this.

"A soul doesn't make a person perfect, or even good," Xander stated quietly. He shifted a little more, sitting sideways in his chair so he could see Angel and Spike better. Angel studied his mug, and Spike watched, the closed expression replaced with curiosity.

"But not having one, that's a guarantee that a person is bad," Buffy countered. Willow stirred her potatoes; Giles put his glasses back on his face and then immediately removed them again.

"It means a person doesn't care about right and wrong--doesn't understand right and wrong," Xander admitted slowly. "But a person can be big with the not understanding and still not kill."

"Yeah, right," Buffy snorted as she stabbed several green beans. She shoved them in her mouth with enough force that Xander worried about things like her stabbing herself in the back of the throat. Xander glanced over at the vampires, but Spike looked confused and Angel just continued to stare at his mug silently. No help there.

"Just because a person has a soul and wants to do the right thing doesn't mean that he always does... do the right thing I mean. A soul can't keep a person from screwing up," Xander tried again. "And hey, why do we always screw up instead of screwing down or screwing sideways?" Xander bit his tongue. While Giles stared at him intensely, Buffy just kept glaring at her plate as though it was about to grown horns and try to suck the world into hell. He actually would have preferred hellsucky distraction.

"Are we talking about Faith, because if I can't talk about genocide at the table, I don't think you should bring up Faith," Willow interrupted with a near whisper.

"In my family, having serious conversations over a large dinner was very traditional," Giles answered as he busied his hands with polishing a fork with the pink paper towels Buffy had put next to each plate. "Thank god we rarely had dinners together," he added.

Everyone fell silent. Xander worked the turkey with his knife and fork. He could practically feel Angel silently glaring at the back of his head, but Xander needed to mentally practice some more. 'Hey, Buff, I killed someone.' 'Guys, I've decided to check out Faith's side of the moral fence.' 'I killed someone, but don't worry, I don't plan on going full-out evil.' Yeah, he needed a better line. Outside of his head, the sound of tapping silverware filled the air.

"I'm glad you could come to dinner, Angel," Buffy finally said as she stared at the plate.

"I told you that I would be here whenever you needed me. I just couldn't--" Angel stopped. Buffy's fork smashed a pea and then pushed the remains around on the plate.

"I know," she said softly. "I guess I just didn't expect you back so quickly."

"Xander needed me," Angel offered, and Buffy looked up, trapping Xander in a confused gaze. With the heat rising to his face, Xander glared over his shoulder at Angel who looked back with calm certainty.

"Xander?" Giles asked sharply.

"You got fired again, didn't you?" Willow asked. "I tried to see you the other day at the hotdog place, and they said the manager fired you for missing shift, and I didn't say anything because I know you're all sensitive, but you just need to find a job that fits what you do. Have you tried phone work? You have a good voice, and I bet you'd do well with phone work, and you wouldn't smell when you got off shift." Willow managed to get all that out in one breath, and Xander could feel his face turning a darker shade of red. God, how many lies did he need to confess in one day?

"Um, I might have another job," Xander admitted. "I do some translating and I don't have to do anything smelly. Well, usually," Xander admitted after a pause. "There was this one book written on Drayack dung that kinda smelled bad."

"Drak dung? What?" Buffy's skin wrinkled between her eyes, a sure sign of worry. But then again, she also narrowed her eyes, which meant pissed, and Xander stirred his green bean casserole into his mashed potatoes.

"Xander works for Uick," Giles said softly, and Xander could see Angel's eyes going wide. Of course, his own eyes went wide at the thought of Giles knowing. From the look Giles gave him, a cross between annoyance and sympathy, Xander suspected that the man was big with the knowing.

"Oh goddess. A demon?" Willow squeaked.

"He's not a bad guy," Xander hurried to defend his boss. "And I'm fairly sure he has a soul because he does worry about right and wrong and not doing anything to blow the world up, especially if he's still on it," Xander pointed out, waving a bit of turkey on the end of his fork, and he really wished he could find some vampire cool because he could feel every insecurity blowing up like a balloon until it pushed all the cool out through his pores.

"I'm afraid the Council would disagree with you, Xander," Giles commented right before he shrugged noncommittally, "but then I've had more than enough evidence to suggest the Council is full of shit." Giles' words made everyone look at him in shock.

"Please, people, your generation did not invent profanity," he said as he stood and took his plate with most of the food still on it to the kitchen. Xander took that as permission to give up and he followed with his own mangled dinner even though Buffy and Willow both glared fire at him.

"Oi, you tell 'em Rupert," Spike added from the couch. Xander finished scraping his leavings, and he passed the table on his way back to the living room, dropping down on the couch close enough to Spike that their hips pressed into one another, and he put a hand onto Spike's thigh. If he was going to torpedo the dinner, destroy his friendships, and incur the wrath of the slayer over a ruined Thanksgiving dinner, he might as well do it with style.

"Um, Xander, touchage," Willow choked out, her eyes wide as she stumbled over her words.

"Think he noticed, ducks," Spike offered with a happy leer.

"Oh no. No, no, no. What have you done to Xander because Xander is not gay. He had a crush on me!" Buffy protested.

"That'd be enough ta make a man bent," Spike shot back, and Xander moved his hand off Spike's thigh long enough to slap the vampire up side the back of the head.

"Oi, just saying the truth, and I didn't even point out that chattin' up that lanky streak of piss doesn't prove your heterosexuality."

"Listen, you castrated--"

"Spike, keep a decent tongue in your mouth or I'll rip it out," Angel interrupted Buffy as he stood up and glared down at Spike.

"Bloody bog-trot--" Spike started, and Xander slapped one hand over Spike's mouth before Angel completely lost control.

"Hey, no bloodshed. Bloodshed bad," Xander insisted as he held his free hand out toward Angel placatingly. The suction and delicate trace of a tongue over his palm simply made him blush darker.

"Perhaps we could get back on topic without any violence which might threaten my living room furniture." Giles leaned against the wall looking both tired and ready to snap.

"Xander, why did you call Angel for help?" Willow asked as she abandoned the dinner table and the hacked turkey and the pile of brown rolls.

"Um, I didn't?" Xander said, even though he knew he was only delaying the inevitable. Surprisingly, Spike remained silent and Angel sat back down in the chair. For a second, Buffy remained dangerously close to Spike, her back stiff with anger. However, then she stepped back to Angel's side, leaning against his chair. Angel stared at his hands, crossing and uncrossing his fingers in his lap.

"Xander?" Willow asked, and while he could stand up against everyone's anger, he had no defense against Willow's worried face.

"Whatever happened, you can tell us," Giles assured him.

"Spike happened. I don't know why you let him anywhere near Xander. Angel, you need to take Spike with you or I'll just stake him right now." Buffy went so far as to reach for her trusty stake, and Xander could feel a sire's anger rise like a fire doused in gasoline.

"No!" Xander growled as he stood up. Buffy physically started before crossing her arms. And that was Buffy's cranky expression. Part of Xander wanted to crawl into a corner, but for the first time Xander braced himself. Okay, most of him braced himself while a little part ran and hid. "Not happening," he repeated.

"Buffy, it's not my decision to make. If Xander wants Spike to stay here, I won't get in the middle," Angel said softly. Xander felt a bit of smugness.

"Okay, I'm feeling out of the loop here. Is anyone else feeling out of the loop," Buffy asked the whole room.

"I rather wish I were more out of the loop," Giles commented, and Xander eeped as he felt Spike's hand grab his ass. Willow made a matching noise and sat down in the dining room chair Xander had just left.

"Spike," Xander said from between clenched teeth.

"They seem so bloody clueless, just thought I'd hand 'em a clue," Spike said and then he ran his tongue inside his lower lip in a way that made Xander want sex. A Giles-cough reminded Xander of the audience, which killed the lust-itch.

"Oh goddess," Willow breathed. "The kiss." Even though shock had reduced Willow to incoherent fragments of sentences, Xander blushed as he realized what she realized, which was entirely too much realizing going on.

"Kiss? What kiss?" Buffy asked.

"Halloween. I saw Xander… vampy Xander… kissing Spike."

"Yes, I think we can, given vampire natures, assume that more than kissing happened. I really do need to go kill Ethan Rayne."

"You mean you two—" Buffy stopped as she looked from Xander to Spike with wide eyes. "And I am getting the wiggins here." Buffy sat down on the arm of Angel's chair.

"I'm already there," Willow added. "Not that there's anything wrong with the gay thing, because I'm all for gayness… or straightness. Either one is just fine. But you hated Angel being with Buffy." Xander flinched. Of course it had to come back to that.

"I hated Angel being with the slayer," Xander corrected her. "Okay, at the beginning I just hated Angel because he had the cool going and I didn't, but then I found my cool, which is about the same time I found my inner bloodthirsty demon, and then I just didn't like the slayer thing. It's a little too Romeo and Juliet, and unless I slept through the wrong part of class, that didn't end well."

"Always preferred Titus Andronicus myself," Spike said with a shrug as he sprawled on the end of the couch looking more and more comfortable.

"Yes, that's hardly a surprise," Giles commented. "However, none of this explains why Angel would feel a need to come back to Sunnydale."

"Um." Xander stopped. This was not how he'd practiced this speech. "Uh."

"Bloody hell, mate, just cough it out so we can bunk off and head back to the flat. Soddin' stinks in here with all the burnt food."

"Watch it," Buffy threatened as she reached behind her, but at least this time she looked like she was joking… mostly.

"Um, how far back should I go?" Xander asked as he glanced toward Angel looking for help. Instead Angel just clenched his jaw and refused to say anything as Giles suggested that they start back on that Halloween.

"Xander, we all love you, you know that, right?" Willow asked seriously, and Xander closed his hand around Spike's knee until his knuckles turned white.

"Um, you might want to wait until the end of the story to say that. I think I may need to hear it then," Xander admitted as he felt an almost overwhelming fear at the thought of letting these people see how much of the vampire he still carried with him. He looked over to Angel, and the older vamp turned his head and stared at a wall. Right, really no help there.

Taking a deep breath, Xander started with capturing and raping the two Aurelius demons. At one point, Buffy gave a small sob and reached down for Angel's hand, twining her fingers with his.

Xander went on to the night when minions had dragged him back to the mansion and he had played for time as he distracted Angelus with his own body while Spike went to find Buffy. While Giles' hands curled around the back of the chair hard enough to cut off circulation in his fingers, Willow sat with silent tears. Xander stared at the floor, feeling like he was betraying his friends by putting his own pain off onto them. When he stopped telling the story, Spike's hand reached out and curled around his arm, pulling him into a loose embrace that Xander leaned into.

Xander then went into how he had forced Spike to submit. Well, mostly. He left out the parts with the sex, but from Angel's yellow tinted eyes and Giles furious wiping of glasses, Xander didn't think he'd fooled anyone. When he got to the part where he and Spike were running from the soldiers, he stopped. His mouth got drier than Buffy's turkey, and he found himself utterly out of words. Nada. Zitch. Not even a conjunction.

"Xander, you can tell us," Willow said as she leaned forward on her chair, one hand reaching toward him and then pulling back when Spike growled. The arm around Xander tightened, and he could feel a jealous protectiveness in every tense muscle in Spike's body. It gave Xander strength to take a deep breath and try again.

"I just," Xander stopped again, and Spike's arm around his waist tightened. "I went walking on the Faith side," he whispered.

"Oh good lord." Giles sat down quickly.

"Xander!" Willow wailed softly. Buffy didn't say anything; she just leaned back into Angel who continued to look at the carpet even with his fingers still curled around Buffy's hand.

"Bloody hell, I've eaten thousands of the bloody happy meals, don't know why you lot are getting your knickers in a twist over one soddin' soldier boy," Spike snapped back, and Xander could feel himself harden. It was as though the pain and guilt and shame curled up like a hair set on fire, and he sat up on the couch.

"I did what I had to. He was after us," Xander calmly insisted.

"They were after Spike," Buffy shot back as she stood up and stepped toward them. Xander could feel pins and needles prickling down his back as Buffy stepped closer. Standing up, he met her eyes without flinching. "They were after Spike for a good reason; he's a killer." Buffy put her hands on her hips, and the guilt and tears she had shown earlier in his story disappeared under shock and more than a little anger.

"What exactly did you do?" Giles asked.

"I hit him with my car, and then I accidentally ran over him," Xander admitted, and for the first time, he said it without any guilt at all. The human attacked him, he killed the human. Simple.

"Did you stop and check him?"

"Right, we just pulled the car over and asked his mate if everythin' was okay," Spike sarcastically bit. "I'm deeply ashamed that you lot ever managed to stop my plans."

"So you don't know whether you killed him or not," Giles said, ignoring the sarcasm.

"Um, hello, I hit him with a car and then ran over him. I'm thinking dead," Xander sat as his knees became suddenly weak. "And I'm thinking therapy."

"For a dead guy?" Willow asked.

"For me," Xander corrected her as he leaned back. Spike's hand immediately found his neck, rubbing at the sore muscles.

"Xander, how fast were you going when you hit the soldier?" Giles had his teacher voice out now, and Xander sighed in frustration. He could feel guilt and pain circling the edge of something hard that made him not really care.

"Wasn't really paying attention, G-man."

"Bastard stepped right out in front when Xander tried to pull onto the curb," Spike said for him.

"So, even assuming that you floored that old banger of yours, you couldn't have gotten over ten miles an hour."

"And then I ran him over," Xander pointed out. Willow finally closed her mouth, which had been formed into a perfect oval since the big revelation.

"Xander, the human body is rather remarkable. It is entirely possible to survive such an accident, especially with immediate medical care."

"What? You mean… Wait, we didn't stop to help," Xander could feel the babble rise as relief washed through him so suddenly that his muscles seemed to turn to big, soft, overcooked noodles just like his mom used to make.

"The other soldier was right there to take him to hospital," Spike pointed out as he rolled his eyes. Xander sucked air in to quickly, making him light-headed. Then he planted an elbow in Spike's stomach for the whole eye roll thing.

"Not to be the one with the but, but that still doesn't change the fact that Xander would have killed for Spike," Buffy pointed out, her hands still planted on her hips. Xander wondered if it was just him or if the room had actually started shrinking. He felt the room shrinking. "Does anyone else have a problem with—?"

"I think I would have done the same," Angel cut her off as he pulled his hand free.

"You wouldn't have killed an innocent person," Buffy insisted.

"I killed a demon who was trying to protect a girl. I let a human die and then fed off his body. I've done things that I'm not proud of, and I had the soul the whole time." Angel stood.

"You wouldn't," Buffy turned to look at each member of the room, clearly confused. Willow just looked back with her mouth open again. Giles returned to cleaning his glasses.

"I really think we've outstayed our welcome. Buff, I'm much with the sorriness about the dinner."

"Oh no. You do not get to drop verbal napalm and run for the hills."

"Yeah, no running, mister," Willow backed Buffy. "But maybe we could talk this out with just us," she added sheepishly.

"Perhaps it would be best to have a discussion without quite so much aggression in the air." Giles didn't name names, but his eyes focused first on Angel and then Spike. Part of Xander could understand that since the vampires weren't part of the Scooby gang. Most of him just wanted to growl at Giles, though.

"Xander, I'm sure they would feel better for talking to you without us. Spike and I can patrol a graveyard or two," Angel commented without emotion. Xander wondered how he managed it with his hands dug so deep into his pockets and his body practically radiating shame.

"Oi, that's the bloody slayer's job, and unless someone pays me, I'm not doin' it," Spike instantly complained. The hand on Xander's neck tightened, telling Xander his childe's real concern.

"Spike, I'll be fine. You and Angel go do something vampiry, and I'll be back at the apartment in a couple of hours," he promised. Spike's leg started bouncing, and as Xander leaned against Spike, he could feel the body tighten.

"Willy owes me a few drinks for nearly turning me to dust," Angel said as he took a step toward the door. "I think it's time to collect."

Xander looked over suspiciously. Angel typically avoided Willy unless he wanted information, and the innocent expression didn't make him any less suspicious. Spike's leg stopped bouncing, and he cocked his head as he looked up.

"Right then. You're buying," Spike announced after a second. Standing up, he cracked his neck first one way and then the other before heading for the front door. Angel followed, and Xander was left with his oldest friends in the world. As the door closed, he found himself wishing he was facing a mob of angry townspeople—pitchforks, torches and all.

Part Fourteen

"But you aren't a vampire anymore," Buffy objected again, and this time even Giles sighed.

"Still with the vampy thoughts," Xander said for the hundredth time. Buffy looked constipated, and Xander waited for round billionth of 'just ignore the feelings'.

"Maybe we can magically block the memories," Willow added hopefully as she curled in her chair, her knees pulled up to her chest.

"Um... I'm thinking NO!" Xander protested.

"I do tend to agree with Xander on that point," Giles added as he sat on the opposite side of the couch from Xander, his forehead resting in his palm, and Xander picked a thread on the bottom of his shirt. He knew there'd been a reason he'd hid the spell's effects, and avoiding a scene like this had been at the top of his list.

"But you aren't a vampire. I don't go running around acting like a lady," Buffy said as she completed another paced circle around the couch. Xander choked on a half-laugh as he considered just what Spike would say to that.

"I rather think that 900 years of memories would be harder to dismiss," Giles said. "But then I've said that at least a dozen times already, so feel free to ignore me again."

"Buffy, it's part of who I am now. It's been a part of me for years." Xander focused on the long thread between his fingers.

"The memory of killing and torturing and... raping, that's just a natural part of you?" Xander could hear Buffy's voice break on the last word, and he could almost see her real pain as though she had taken out a billboard and planted it right over her head. He could sympathize with the feeling more than she understood.

"Buffy," he said carefully. He really didn't want to get knocked on his ass. "What happened was about vampire structure and society. It doesn't change the fact that his soul loves you and probably always will."

"What?!" Buffy stopped her pacing to plant her feet in a pose that looked suspiciously ass-kicking-ready. "Don't even go there," she warned with her eyes narrowed. "I am worried about a friend because he seems to have lost his mind," Buffy took two steps forward and pulled Xander's arm hard enough that he nearly fell off the couch. She twisted his wrist, and for a brief flash of blind panic, Xander thought she was attacking him. When she just stood staring down, he eventually looked at the inside of his wrist.

The bruise Spike had given him the first night in the bathtub had darkened to a deep purple with wisps of green along the edge. The crescent fingernail marks were dark with scabs, and two tiny circles of clear skin marked the entrance of fangs.

"Xander! Good lord, what were you thinking?"

"Hey, you're on my side here," Xander objected as he yanked his hand back, or at least as he tried to yank his hand back. Unfortunately, he just managed to wrench his wrist as Buffy held him in a vice-like grip. "And no fair using slayer-strength on the average-guy."

"Average?" Buffy huffed her disbelief. "Average wouldn't look like a chew toy."

"At least mine won't scar," Xander shot back, and Buffy instantly let him go as though burned. "Of course, I heard scars are the new pink this year," he instantly tried joking even as he pulled his sleeve down to cover the bruised arm.

"Xander, this is... this is too big to have a name," Willow spluttered. "You let Spike bite you. Wait. Spike bit you? What about the chip?" Willow uncurled, and leaned forward in the chair.

"It didn't exactly hurt." Xander could feel his skin grow warm under all their glares. "And hey, I'm not the trailblazer with the getting bit. I'm just following the fashion trail Buffy set down." A small part of Xander felt guilty for using Buffy's own scar to distract from his wrist, but all was fair in love and family fights; he'd learned that at an early age.

"I had to do it to save Angel," Buffy said tensely as she crossed her arms and glared down. Xander suddenly felt sorry for the fledges who crawled out of their graves to find that face looking down at them. A coldness wrapped itself around his spine as he looked up and struggled to not flinch.

"And I had to save Spike," he answered calmly.

"So, your blood has magical properties?"

"Not exactly."

"Point made," Buffy snapped in triumph. "Letting him feed... just... disturbo time."

"The feeding is not your concern," Xander let the coldness down his spine seep into his stomach as he leaned back against the couch and spread his arm over the back.

"I think we are all concerned about the possibility of Spike turning you. If, as you say, the biting is consensual and not painful, what prevents Spike from feeding until he kills you?" Giles' voice sounded rough.

"I do. He asked to turn me, and I said no," Xander answered flatly. "He does not make such decisions on his own." Willow made a noise that sounded as if she had accidentally swallowed one of her goldfish and gotten it stuck half way down.

"Xander," Giles said, and then the glasses were off, and the watcher fell silent again.

"Am I the only one who thinks he's lost his mind?" Buffy asked. She didn't get to finish that thought because the phone chose that moment to ring. Xander didn't move, watching carefully as Buffy backed away and headed for the phone.

"If it's those bloody telemarketers, tell them to stop calling or I will not be held responsible for my actions," Giles said tiredly as he again rested his forehead on the palm of his hand.

"What?" Buffy answered as she picked up the phone. An immediately look of annoyance slowly faded into something darker as her mouth moved into a frown and her stake hand closed to a fist. Xander shifted on the couch, sitting forward as he watched the slayer's body slowly tighten like a spring.

"Where did they go?" she demanded of the phone. "Don't give me that; I will come down there and blood will be had," she almost immediately snapped. Xander stood, his body reacting to the slayer's anger with his own flood of adrenaline that left him moving toward the wall where he could have cover at his back, and yeah, he knew that reaction was stupid even as he did it, but he did it anyway. His nerves at least settled once he could clearly watch the other three and the door.

"Well you'd better find something," Buffy nearly growled into the phone before slamming it down so hard that plastic cracked.

"Buffy?" Willow asked.

"Angel and Spike... they were at Willy's asking questions about missing demons. The Initiative raided."

"Spike," Xander felt his own anger burn through him, turning all other feelings to ash.

"He and Angel ran out the back with soldiers on their tails," Buffy admitted quietly. Xander didn't comment as he went to the weapon's trunk and pulled open the heavy lid.

"Perhaps we should wait to see if they contact us," Giles suggested. Xander ignored the man as he considered his weapon choices. He would have preferred his own, but he didn't have time to get them. Instead he chose a crossbow and a long sword to go with the various knives and smaller weapons he always carried.

"Maybe I could scry for them. I have a demon locating spell," Willow suggested. When Xander stood and turned, he found himself inches from a very angry looking Buffy.

"No way you get the crossbow," Buffy said as she reached for the weapon. "That is so mine." As she grabbed the weapon, Xander could see the same cold fury in her eyes, but then she felt just as strongly about Angel as he did about Spike. He surrendered the weapon and reached down for a replacement, a set of throwing knives he could slip into his waistband.

"Willow, you try to find them from here," Buffy ordered as she found a short sword to slip into place next to the crossbow. You had to love a town where you could wear medieval weapons without anyone commenting.

"And if I find them?" Willow asked.

"Call my mobile phone," Xander offered as he pulled a Xan Nusa card out of his pocket. Willow took the card and opened her mouth in the shape of an "oh," but no sound came out.

"You ready?" Xander asked Buffy.

"Totally," she agreed, "just don't think you're getting out of this conversation because I still think you've lost your mind," she said as she headed for the door. Xander rolled his eyes at her back and then tucked the throwing knives into his waistband as he followed. Let her think she led, he would do what he had to in order to save his childe.

After parking his car a safe distance from Willy's place, Xander stalked the street, avoiding the pools of light under the lamps. "Anything?" he asked Buffy as she walked beside him, peering down alleys.

"Just rats. I hate rats," she answered. Xander could have growled his frustration as he closed his fist around the hilt of his sword. Hunting normally excited him, but all he could feel was a rising frustration with the lack of Willow callage and the dullness that hung over his senses making him squint at the dark and the fear that he had failed his childe.

Xander stopped as he considered a form leaning against the side of a building. The limbs canted out at awkward angles, and Xander headed across the street, ignoring the cars that had to stop for him. When he got half way across the street, the creature looked at him, and then turned to run with long loping strides that didn't even come close to human. Xander sprinted after.

"Hey!" he yelled as he ran after the creature. It leapt a brick wall, and Xander scrambled to the top of a utility box and then struggled to the top of the wall before falling down onto the far side and rolling down a grassy slope. And of course it had to be a tombstone that stopped the roll, he thought as he ignored the sharp pain in his elbow and got to his feet. The creature had quite a head start, and Xander threw himself forward until his calves burned and the tops of his thighs burned and his side cramped. Still he ran.

They reached the far side of the cemetery where the creature again used long limbs to vault the wrought iron. Unable to stop himself, Xander flung himself into the fence hard enough to force the air from his lungs. A flash of passed him as Buffy went up the fence like some sort of blonde Spiderman. Xander leaned against the fence just to stay upright as he looked up. Yeah, he was not making it over that.

Rubbing the cramp that threatened to rip the muscles out of his side, Xander shuffled along the inside of the fence to the gate. Still muttering curses at his own body, he reached the arching entrance just as Buffy came back across the street dragging a lanky kid with a face that was too thin and a nose that hooked under at the end. In any other city in America, Xander would have just assumed the kid was ugly. Buffy kept him bent over in a headlock, and long, twig fingers clutched her arm.

"Didn't do nothing. Didn't. Didn't do," the kid-like creature complained as Buffy dragged it to the entrance of the cemetery. Xander stood up straight, ignoring the spasm in his side as he looked down at the half-demon in Buffy's grasp. Given the pale blue eyes that shone under the yellow of the streetlight and the unnaturally thin body, Xander guessed the creature was at least half Elak.

"Ve never said you did anything," he commented as he reached over and took off the ball cap that covered the white-blond hair. When he gently finger-combed the long, silky strands, the Elak jerked in Buffy's grip, nearly pulling the slayer off her feet.

"You have, however, seen something," Xander said confidently as he continued to play with the creature's hair. Buffy looked at him strangely, but Xander ignored her as he stroked. As he expected, the Elak's body eventually started relaxing under the touch. Elak were such predictable, social creatures.

"You vatch for someone, yes?" Xander asked softly. The Elak jerked again, but with far less energy. Buffy simply grunted and tightened her hold until the kid made a half-choking sound.

"You stand on the street and watch. So much watching, and surely you must see something."

"I didn't do anything. Nothing," the Elak protested again as he squirmed ineffectually.

"I do not doubt that, child." Xander allowed his hand to wander down under the demon's chin, cradling his face and tilting it up slightly.

"But you saw two vampyra running from soldiers."

"No. I didn't. No vampires. No," the demon chattered. Xander knelt down so he could look into the creature's eyes.

"Tell me vhat you saw, little one," he said, and he tightened his hold on the creatures chin until his fingers dug into the skin, making white islands of flesh around each finger. The Elak shivered.

"I saw soldiers," he admitted, and then his eyes closed.

"Vhere?" Xander asked.

"The college. Near the college. Holes in the ground."

Xander looked up at Buffy in surprise.

"The college? You're sure?" Buffy asked as she tightened the arm she had around the Elak's neck until long fingers scrambled and scratched at her arm.

"Yes. Yes. Told to watch. I make sure they aren't near," the creature cried out. Xander put a hand on Buffy's arm, and Buffy loosened her hold.

"Listen to me, little one," Xander said as he again smoothed hair away from the creature's face gently. "The soldiers have taken our friends, and you vill show us their holes. Otherwise, the slayer and I will track down your nests and we vill not stop until every one of your nest mates lies in a pool of darkened blood. Your whole clan vill suffer unless you can show us the soldiers so that they might suffer in your place." The demon's eyes grew large. Xander struggled not to ruin the moment with a sneeze as the musk of Elak distress filled his nose.

"But help us, and the slayer vill give your clan free passage. They will valk the Hellmouth without challenge." Buffy made a small noise of objection, and Xander closed his eyes and sent up a quick prayer for her to trust him just this once. It must have worked because she didn't say anything even though she stared murder down on him as he crouched in front of the frightened Elak. "Vill you show us?" Xander asked. The demon's eyes were watery with fear, but he nodded.

"Good, child," Xander offered as he returned to stroking the young Elak's hair with one hand as he used his other hand to pull Buffy's arm away from the creature's neck. "They have taken our clan. You help us to find our clan, and ve shall owe a debt to your clan," he added as the Elak slowly stood and looked from one to the other with wet eyes. Buffy stood with her hands crossed over her chest in clear annoyance.

"And if you make me run again, I will not be pleased with you or your clan," Buffy added, and Xander smiled that she had picked up on his own threats against clan.

"No running. No," the Elak agreed. "This way. They have holes."

"Wait," Xander stopped the Elak with a hand on his arm. "A vampire came out of the soldier's burrow. Do you know where that hole is? The hole where the vampire came out?" Xander asked.

"Yes. Far hole. I know that hole. This way." The Elak bent over and grabbed his hat from the ground, putting it back on and pulling the brim down to cover his eyes. When the creature started walking in a casual human stroll down the street, Xander followed with Buffy at his side.

"Do you have any idea what you're doing?" she whispered as they crossed Third Street. Xander flinched since the whisper was as good as a shout considering an Elak's hearing.

"I am getting Spike back," he replied in a conversational tone. Buffy gave him a strange look before she glanced up toward the demon that led them past the Espresso Pump toward the south end of campus. Luckily, Buffy's dumb blonde routine only covered trigonometry because with a knowing look she nodded and fell silent.

A brick wall marked the edge of campus, and the Elak neatly scaled the obstacle.

"Up you go," Buffy offered as she made a cradle out of her hands. Xander rolled his eyes at the indignity of getting tossed over the wall by a slayer, and Buffy's quick smirk looked almost like Spike. Since he didn't have another choice, he put his foot in Buffy's hands and braced his hands against the wall right before she heaved him up into the air.

Xander missed the top of the wall and tumbled right over, falling to the ground where he lay with his sheathed sword poking at his ass and his lungs empty of air.

"Xander?! Are you okay?" Buffy asked as she dropped down to the grass beside him. Xander struggled to breathe as Buffy set about poking his body looking for broken bits.

"I'm fine," he finally managed to wheeze out, despite the fact that most of his body had a different opinion.

"Maybe I should take it from here," Buffy suggested, and even though she sounded helpful and caring and worried, Xander nearly growled at the suggestion he was weak.

"I'm fine," he insisted again as he rolled to his side. His body growled back at him.

"Yeah, right, 'cause you look really fine," Buffy said as she stepped back and watched Xander's struggles to get up.

"I'm going to get Spike."

"Would now be the time to point out that we don't even know the Initiative has them?" she asked as she held down a helping hand that Xander ignored.

"No because if the Initiative doesn't have Spike, I'm going to kill him for worrying me this much," Xander groaned as he forced himself back to his feet despite the stabbing pains down his back.

"Now I know you're under a spell, you're turning into my mother," Buffy offered as she started walking toward the Elak who had stopped under a tree, leaning into the trunk until he almost disappeared into the shadow.

"Not funny," Xander said as he limped after them. His phone made a strangled chirp that made Xander think he might have landed on the thing, and he pulled it out of his pocket.

"Xan Nusa," he snapped quietly as he tried to find a walking motion that allowed him to put more weight on his left side.

"Xander?" Willow asked.

"Please tell me you've found them because I could do with good news right now," Xander said as he limped a little faster after Buffy and the young Elak.

"They're on campus, somewhere near the chem lab, so they must be following--"

Xander must have made a noise because Willow stopped. "That's not good. Why did you make that sound. I'm not liking that sound."

"The Initiative is buried under the campus," Xander admitted as he pushed through a line of neatly manicured bushes right behind Buffy.

"Oh goddess. This really isn't turning out to be a very good Thanksgiving," Willow suggested.

"I'm having trouble imagining a worse one," Xander agreed, and then he bit his tongue for even thinking that on the Hellmouth. "But the good news is that we have a line on a way into the Initiative.

"Go Hometeam! We'll show them that it takes more to hunt demons on the Hellmouth than just hunting demons!" Willow cheered him on. "What do you need from me?"

"A new back?" Xander suggested first. Willow was silent on the other end of the phone. "But really we're going to need some magical intervention to get into the Initiative if Spike and Angel are down there. Any chance you and Giles could meet us by the chem lab with some basic spell materials?" Xander asked as Buffy stopped in front of him so quickly that he ran into her.

"No problemo. Spells extrordinare on their way," she promised.

"And bring nightshade," Xander whispered as he watched Buffy and the Elak crouch on the ground and pull aside bushes to reveal an air shaft. The edges had the blobby, charred look of newly welded metal, and the grate stayed firmly in place even as Buffy pulled as hard as she could. Xander flipped off the phone and slipped it back into his pocket about two seconds before he realized he hadn't said goodbye.

"No go," Buffy finally admitted as she let go and considered the white grooves in her fingers from straining against the metal.

"So we wait for backup," Xander said as he carefully sat down using a tree to lean on.

"What's your name?" Xander asked the young demon whose eyes continually bobbed from one distant point to another. He was probably listening to conversations on the other side of campus.

"Peter," he answered quickly.

"Your real name," Xander demanded as he watched the Elak's body tense. Suspicious blue eyes turned to him.

"I am Xan Nusa. I was a primal until my friends removed the offending spirit, and I still carry the memories of a millennium-old vampire, which gives me the knowledge of a mage and allows me to be sire to William the Bloody, also known as Spike. My friend is Buffy the Slayer. She is the oldest slayer to exist in several millennia, and she defeated the Master of the Aurelius line, and the man who founded Sunnydale." Xander made his words casual, but blue eyes now definitely focused on them as long fingers twitched nervously.

"I am Eoptra. Line of Not. I am offspring of Adoab, keeper of eggs. Borne by Charlotte of Clark," he finally admitted, and Xander nodded his acceptance.

"The line of Not is honorable, and you do us honor. Our clan comes to our call, and we will recover our missing members. If you will to ally yourself with us, tell your clan leaders to make a distraction far from here at dawn."

"And if they do not?" Eoptra asked, his fingers continuing their twitches.

"Then the line of Not has assisted us, and we vill remember," Xander answered calmly. Eoptra nodded his own head, and his eyes returned to searching the distant darkness.

"Of what clan are you?" the demon asked. Xander opened his mouth to say Giles' clan since the older man had played clan leader to the group since he first arrived, but he couldn't make his words form. He belonged only to one person. "Nusa," came from his mouth. Buffy looked over at him, but didn't argue as the Elak straightened up and started wandering toward the main exit looking like one more college student wandering home after a long night.

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