This is for strchsr. Hope you like it luv! Many thanks
to tabaqui and kitty_poker for helping me with the concept, and to
my wonderful beta kyrieane for telling me the smut was okay. I
really tried to be different with this so let me know what you
Rating: NC17 for language, violence and smut
Spoilers: Up to beginning of Season Five
Warnings: hurt/comfort, Bloodplay, minor Scooby-bashing of a
Summary: Umm, really hard to say without giving plot away.
Everyone remembers how Xander was invisible in ‘Fear,
Disclaimer: I don’t own Spike and Xander, Joss and other
people and corporations do.
Author’s Notes: This…is odd. I got this bunny and it
wouldn’t let go so I decided to write it for the Xander
Ficathon for strchsr on Live Journal. She wanted blood and comfort
but no non-con or spuffy. I really hope she liked this, cause I
like this. So much so that it went from a ficlet idea into this
monster length of a story. Please…let me know what you think.
This fic starts after ADAM has been defeated but before Glory comes
Should have been my name
'cause you can look right through me
walk right by me
And never know I'm there . . .
From Chicago the musical.
"Well, yeah, I would give anything to be able to turn
Well, I wouldn't use my powers to beat people up, but I'd use my
to protect the girls' locker room." ~ Xander from Out of Mind, Out
"All right, which one of you lot are eating chocolate and not
sharing with the vampire?"
"Shut up Spike, no one is eating chocolate! I think that chip has
fried your brain worse than the peroxide."
"Oh like Miss Clairol does you any better Slayer! Come on I know
one of you do-gooders is holding out, I can smell it, vamp senses
remember? It isn’t nice not to share with the class and all
that." Spike threw himself onto the Watcher’s couch and put
his feet on the coffee table, much to the man’s displeasure.
He loved getting the white hats riled up, they were too goody-goody
to stake him, and it was something to do now that he had this
fucking leash stuck in his head.
"Spike, I am quite sure we all care about sharing with you, and
put your feet on the floor please before I decide a holy water foot
bath is in order. And where did you put my glasses this time? I
swear to god Spike you’re so childish, since you can’t
kill us you’re going to annoy us to death by hiding our
Spike stood up and faced the Watcher, he was tired of being accused
of things he didn’t do. Not that he wouldn’t do it,
evil here, but he’d admit it damn it.
"How many times do I have to say it Tweed Man? I don’t
bloody well know where your glasses are, or Red’s spell book
or the Slayer’s Mr. Pointy. If I did it I would say so! I
admit to mugging the kiddies of their lunch money when
they’re out at that hideous place you lot call a hang out, I
admitted to helping ADAM, fuck I admit that the second this chip
quits working I’m going to paint the walls in you lot’s
blood. So if I’m going to do something so trivial and steal
your bloody glasses I’d fucking well admit it!" By the time
he was finished he was snarling in game face.
The witches had come out from snogging in the kitchen looking
alarmed and ready to cast a spell and he could see the Slayer ready
to start another game of pound on the helpless. Even the Watcher
looked surprised at his anger.
And it wasn’t like he wasn’t a victim of whatever it
was that took stuff around the Watcher’s house. Lost his
favorite lighter, and a good knife. He’s maintained there was
some sort of spirit haunting the place, except instead of cold spot
Spike ran into warm ones.
Problem was he was the only one who noticed. He was the only one
that heard whatever the fuck it was snickering, or felt the heat it
radiated like a sun, or caught it’s scent. Like tonight, it
was chocolate and salt and earth.
But did anyone listen to him? Fuck no. Just because he was evil.
Well he was, and yes he’d lie but you think they’d at
least give some thought to it. Ever since he’d come to the
good guys for protection he’d sensed something, but they
either didn’t believe or didn’t give a shit.
He turned to the door. "Fuck this I’m leaving. Get some
other vamp to be your attack dog for the night!"
"You can’t leave Spike! We need someone for bait!"
"Fuck you and your ideas of me being bait Slayer. Wait, fuck
yourself, I wouldn’t go after you with a twenty-foot pecker.
Better yet why don’t you use your soldier boy as bait? Just
because your four give me the odd bit of blood every once in a
while you think I’m your pet. I may have a chip but I’m
not tame. So the lot of you can go to hell."
With that he left, making sure to slam the door on the way out. He
might not be able to hurt the humans but he sure as hell piss them
off by knocking pictures off the walls.
Later that night, while lounging in his crypt the scent is there
again, more salt that chocolate this time. Whatever it is it
wasn’t tied to the apartment the Watcher lived in because
Spike had caught scent of it before.
"Who are you? Why are you hanging around that lot? Bloody well
boring they are, if they aren’t killing something the bints
are talking about school and boys. Can’t believe I hang
around them. Maybe you’re like me, got nowhere else to go eh?
Still wish you’d stop knicking things, I always get the
He stopped and listened and he could faintly hear the sound of
laughter, as if it was being filtered through cotton. He got up and
wandered around the crypt. Sure enough there by the door there was
a warmer spot, and the scent was stronger.
Suddenly he heard a noise behind him and he turned around. There
on his recliner was his lighter.
"Well guess that’s a start at saying you’re sorry.
Can’t just talk to air though, should give you a name. But
you probably have one already don’t you? Gonna tell it to
He waited, straining his ears to hear anything. But the faint
sound of laughter had gone taking the scent with it. He guessed he
"Fuck. Guess you’ll have to do with what I name you then,
gonna call you Harvey. If you don’t like it let me know and
we’ll find something else. And why the hell am I standing
here still talking when you’ve gone? Could have said good-bye
at least Pet. Next time steal the Watcher’s wallet will you?"
He had raised his voice, hoping that whatever it was heard him.
He picked up his lighter and sat down, flicking it on and off to
see if it still had fluid. Whatever it was wasn’t evil, just
bored he would guess, bored and lonely. He could understand that,
some nights he was so lonely he could tear his hair out.
Couldn’t go play with the humans that well, too tempting.
Wasn’t welcome to play with demons because he helped the
slayer and her motley band.
And it was a pain in his undead arse to go and visit with the
Scoobies. Most night he’d have to watch the Slayer and her
boy toy go at it, and the witches being all cute and cuddly. He
didn’t know how Rupert could stand it; you’d think the
man would be grateful for having another bloke around. But no, he
was treated either like a fucking child not old enough to be in
long pants or like a rabid dog, sometimes both.
Yeah he could see how easy it was to get lonely. He’d sure
like it if someone still would at least act like he was a threat,
or snarked back. Maybe if he could find out who Harvey was. Had to
be a clue somewhere. Weird spirits that were warm rather than cold
didn’t just pop up. Maybe some snooping around the
slayer’s groupies would help.
Making up his mind he got up to put on his duster. Something was
in the pocket. A Chocolate Hurricane bar, something that was only
sold in specialty shops anymore. He smiled to himself. Whatever
Harvey was, he had good taste.
He found himself sitting at the counter, a cup of hot cocoa with
marshmallows in front of him. He was lucky; Buffy was spending the
night with her boyfriend. In fact the Slayer spent more time with
her friends and her toy soldier than she did her mother, which was
a bloody shame. Mrs. Summers was a lady to the tips of his fingers
and was kind to anyone who needed to talk to her.
She reminded him of his own mother when she was healthy and able
and was the one human he knew of that he’d would never hurt.
In fact he came by the house a few nights a week to clear out the
fledges that staked the house out hoping the Slayer’s Mother
would be stupid enough to take out the trash at night. Wasn’t
like Buffy did anything about it. And the woman was living
"So what’s on your mind tonight Spike?"
They’d had their small talk; talk of the book she’s
reading for her club or the latest gallery project. So now the only
thing left was asking for information straight out.
"It’s like this Missus. There’s something hanging
around the Scoobies. I can only sense it now and again but I know
it’s real. I’ve tried to bring it up but they
don’t listen to me. Do you know…know of anything like
She sighed to herself and sat across from him, looking into her
own cup of cocoa as if she was looking for an answer.
"Sometimes I hear things…footsteps or like the sound of
someone singing to themselves but it’s so faded I can’t
tell what. I think… I think its Xander. He used to be friends
with Buffy and Willow but since last Halloween he hasn’t been
around. Don’t tell Buffy but I’ve even gone to the
graveyard looking for his headstone but I can’t find
anything. It was like he was here one day and gone the next.
I’ve asked but the girls and Mr. Giles just avoid saying
Spike thinks back, remembers seeing brown hair and brown eyes
staring hatefully at both him and the ponced-up version of his
Grandsire when he first came to Sunnydale. They boy had smelled of
fear but then again who wouldn’t be when in the grip of a
master vampire and about to be handed to another.
But overwhelming that scent was the scent of anger, musky and
sharp and he could almost hear the boy calling the older vampire an
"undead liar guy."
"Dark boy? More mouth and courage than sense?"
"Spike!" The woman reprimanded him and he found himself ducking his
head in apology. "Xander was extremely brave and loyal to his
friends. He used to do all of our yard work for me and
wouldn’t take a dime, said he knew it must have been
expensive for me to keep Buffy in clothes and to fix everything
broken in the line of slaying. The boy needed money too, poor thing
ate supper over here every once in a while and I swear I think
he’d never seen a salad. From what little I could gather from
him his parents were not the type to make sure he even ate, much
less had a balanced meal."
"So the boy was quiet then?"
"Xander, and no he could talk like you can fight. And yes I saw you
out my window one night taking care of some of my…admirers,
thank you for that. Xander could talk about anything and nothing
just about, but he never talked about his home unless it was to
make a quick joke about it. I met his Mother once in the
supermarket. It was not the most pleasant experience I’ve
Spike sighed and sipped at his cooling cocoa. The more he thought
about his time before he was chipped the more he remembered about
this boy, but he’d save that for later when he didn’t
have anyone to talk to.
"Well I can’t help but wonder if it’s him."
"I hope it’s not."
He looked at the woman and saw she was serious. "Why not?"
"If he’d died and he’d just hanging around here, that
would be sad wouldn’t it? If anyone deserved a reward it was
Xander, he did more for me that he realized sometimes, especially
when Buffy disappeared. Giles may have looked for Buffy, and Willow
may have tried to reassure me she’d come back but it was
Xander who told me the truth. Said he didn’t know if Buffy
would come back or not but either way he’d be there for me.
Sometimes…sometimes when I get that feeling when he’s
here, you know like you know you’re being watched? Well I
talk to him, tell him what’s going on with the girls or with
my life. You don’t think that’s silly do you?"
"No Missus, I don’t. Was talking to the air earlier tonight.
And your right if he was a white hat he should have moved on."
"Will you…can you help him Spike? I’ve tried talking to
Buffy but she gets so angry about it. I don’t even know how
Why should he try to help the spirit of some dead boy? Was just
something to do? Maybe because they had something in common?
Or maybe because the one person, both living and undead that
didn’t treat him like an idiot or mad dog had asked?
"I’ll figure something out luv, just you wait and see."
A week later and Spike still hasn’t figured it out yet. As
Joyce had said there were no stones in any of the graveyards with
Alexander Harris listed. He’d tried to ask the white hats but
they shoot him down every time. What’s odd is the scent he
gets is anger and not sadness and if he died with his boots on why
would they be pissy with the boy?
So he’d been trying to get information other ways, asking
some of the fledges that were the right age to have known the boy.
Not one of them knew what happened to him and what few memories
they have were filtered through a demon’s point of view.
He’d been told the boy was a geek, a loser, a hanger-on, a
leader, and a brave man for a human. One fledges even told of how
the boy had tried to save her before she died, all on his own
against four vampires. Not that she cared now, but what human
memories she had were thankful to the boy.
He’d searched his own memories for Xander. Remembering the
human when Peaches tried to fool him and use the boy as a decoy.
How the boy fought by his Grandsire’s side even though he was
pissed as hell. Course that was before he met up with the Slayer
and got an ax upside his head courtesy of her Mum.
He remembered Halloween and watching the boy fight, arms bared and
muscles flexing. Was a nice sight, too bad he wasted the night
playing with the Slayer. Other memories, most of them while there
was fighting going on and he had to admit the boy had balls.
He’d called Angelus’s bluff at the hospital one night,
while Spike was still trapped in that damned chair. It had been the
first real laugh he had in weeks, the thought of a human boy making
the great Angelus back down.
Tonight he was going to ask for him at home and see what kind of
answers he got. He’d been watching the house he’d grown
up in and can’t imagine anyone good coming out of that
hellhole. Sure compared to Angelus and Darla the elder
Harris’s were relaxed but for humans they were downright
He walked up to the front of the house. It looked normal from the
outside, needed painting somewhat but not bad. Average house in an
average neighborhood; but the sounds he’d heard while
watching the place told a different story, one of alcohol and abuse
He knocked and listed to the sounds of a man dragging himself out
of the chair he had collapsed in, heard the unsteady steps as he
tried to make it to the door without falling. Even before the door
opened Spike could smell cheap whiskey and beer and it was obvious
the man was well and truly drunk off his ass.
"What the fuck do you want?"
Spike bit back a growl and tried to ask nicely. "Looking for
Xander, met up with him when I was in the States last year and
thought I’d look him up."
"The little asswipe doesn’t live here anymore so fuck
Charming human, nice how he cared about the fruit of his loins.
"Where can I get in touch with him then?" Spike let the growl he
was feeling out and the man flinched for just a second.
"Don’t know, don’t care. I don’t have to put up
with the little shit anymore that’s all I care about, so buzz
A few minutes of discussion later and Spike was storming away from
the house, lighting a cigarette and considering trying to use what
little alcohol was in his flask to burn the place down with the
Harris’s in it. Angelus might have beaten him six ways from
Sunday but at least the elder vampire had cared in his own way. The
human he’d just threatened with disembowelment really
didn’t care about his son at all.
He felt like a complete and utter idiot but he was going to attempt
to contact the spirit of the boy. Two weeks now since he’d
set out to figure what had happened and all he knew was snippets of
Xander’s life. Now he found himself sitting on the bed in his
crypt with a fucking oujia board and a candle trying to talk to the
Problem was he couldn’t let it go. He now remembered quite
clearly the boy with brown eyes that sparkled and smelled of
chocolate and sunlight and life. The boy was strong, had to be to
grow up in that home, and brave and loyal and Spike thought he
would have made a wonderful childe. He probably had a wonderful
darkness under that white knight mentality.
It was sad, thinking that the boy couldn’t go on or even
enjoy his unlife, or whatever it was he had.
He had run into the warm spot last night at the Slayer’s
house, watched as one of the vampires attacking him tripped over
nothing. After the fight he had made quite the arse out of himself
talking to air and inviting the spirit over to chat, but it was the
only thing he knew to do.
The scent of chocolate came to him once again and Spike heard
faintly the sounds of someone climbing down the ladder in his
A few moments later and Spike found a warm spot that moved closer
to him, not quite touching. Not that he was eager to touch,
wasn’t polite to put one’s hand through someone after
"You’re Xander right mate?"
The pointer moved across the board and pointed to yes.
"Well I guess you know who I am, and why I’m trying to talk
to you I don’t really know." That wasn’t really true
but it wasn’t like he was gonna declare his admiration to a
dead boy now was he?
The pointer moved on it’s own, spelling out a word,
"Well yeah, but it’s not like I’d do it just for her,
not a nice vamp am I?"
He could have sworn he heard snickering. "Ha ha, very funny mate.
Glad I can provide you with entertainment. You know those friends
of yours keep blaming me for the crap you pull right?" No movement
of the board but more laughter. It had a slightly insane sound to
it, not much but like the boy was starting to go crazy from the
lack of having a body to talk to.
He remembered the small amount of time he spent in the
Initiative’s hands, alone and in the cell with no one to
comfort or talk and he could understand somewhat. No wonder the boy
went around stealing things from his friends, it was the only
attention he got.
"Okay now, truth time mate. I want to know what happened? How did
The pointer moved around the board at a furious speed and suddenly
Spike could scent the boy better than ever. Chocolate and salt and
frustration and anger. He watched the pointer spelling words
"Not dead bleach job just not here"
Spike was confused, either the boy didn’t know he was dead
or he was something else. "If you’re not dead then what are
After of what seemed like hours of trying to tell him what happened
the boy had given up, grew frustrated and Spike could smell more
and more the acidity of salt and tears. Finally the boy had given
the last message of the night, "Giles diaries" and had left.
For some strange reason Spike found himself even more lonely than
before and feeling oddly bad for upsetting the boy that much. It
was true he felt he had a lot in common with Xander from what
little he knew of the boy. Maybe it was because he remembered so
well what it was like to be ignored, at least Angelus had come by
and taunted him while he was in that fucking chair.
After a few minutes of pacing and smoking like a freight train he
put on his duster, gathered up the board and pointer and left. A
few minutes later he was outside of the watcher’s house and
was looking through the windows. Everyone was in but it looked like
they were getting ready to go into battle. Good, that meant Rupert
would be out as well and he’d be able to sneak in.
He waited till they had all gone and the street was quiet.
He’d half expected the door to swing open all on it’s
own but that he’d had to pick the locks. He made his way to
the back of the living room where the Watcher kept his diaries
locked up and picked the lock in the trunk as well.
All of the Watcher’s diaries were in there but he
didn’t know where to start. He didn’t have time to sit
and read all of them so he grabbed up the first one and set the
board up so Xander could use it to talk.
"Xander? Mate you there?"
Nothing, no scent, no warmth, nothing. In fact the Watcher’s
apartment felt as cold as his crypt and Spike realized how often
he’d felt the boy’s presence there. Sighing he gathered
up his things, grabbed the second diary and moved the others to
cover the petty theft. He’d return them later and grab up the
He only hoped he’d learn something of use.
It takes him two days before he finds anything. Two days of reading
script that’s too small in the dim light of his crypt. Of
course the fact that Buffy burst in on him during the first day to
beat him up for not helping enough set him back a bit, till the
swelling in his eye went down.
The Watcher was precise, but unemotional in his recording. He
noted the fact that Xander had to stake his best friend but not the
probably mourning that followed. These are official Watcher Diaries
after all, wouldn’t want their bloody council to known their
people had feelings.
Spike had read how the boy had hated his poof of a Grandsire from
the beginning and had laughed. He’d read how the boy had been
almost eaten by first a giant mantis and then a mummy and how the
boy had been possessed and almost taken the Slayer out and wished
he could have seen that.
He would have loved to see the boy hunt; it had to have been a
He’d read to the end of the two diaries, ending up where the
boy, barely sixteen, had faced down Angel armed with nothing but a
cross and forced the brooding vampire to help his own girl.
Freaking coward. It was a sad day when a human boy had more balls
than a Master Vampire, soul or no.
Still there’s no clue that he can see, but when he goes to
leave to take them back suddenly Xander is there, tripping him.
"Damn it whelp! A little more warning eh? Whistle or something
since I can’t bloody well see you!"
Again he goes to leave but there’s a tug at his duster.
"What? There’s nothing in here about your…being gone!
Damn it I looked!"
Before he can move again the books are knocked from his hands,
spilling to the floor and he could hear the Watcher’s groan
about mishandling books ion the back of his head. He watched, as
the pages seem to flip by themselves before coming to a stop. He
picks up the book, reading the entry.
"Whelp t his isn’t about you, this is about that…"
Spike realizes then what has happened. "Invisible girl.
You’re invisible aren’t you?"
He heard nothing but can almost taste the sadness radiating off the
Spike dug out the last bottle of Jack he had and wasn’t it
odd to see the bottle float all by itself as the boy had his share.
But if anyone deserved to get roaring drunk it was Xander. As far
as he could figure out for some strange reason the Hellmouth had
fucked him over eve worse than that Marcie bint, his friends
couldn’t even hear him. And it seemed they didn’t even
notice when he moved their stuff.
Add to that he didn’t even get to go to his own funeral, no
one had cared he was missing. Not his parents, not his so called
friends, and the girl he had hooked up with left town right before
he faded out so even she wasn’t around to miss him.
And Spike couldn’t help but wonder if anyone would notice he
was missing if it happened to him. Probably not.
They don’t talk much, mostly because after a few drinks
Xander is too drunk to spell. Still Spike finds himself in the odd
position of wanting to comfort the boy but not knowing what to
So Spike offers the only thing he can. He finds the boy in the
dark and can now feel the warm body and smooth skin. Drags him into
his lap and rocks him like he used to Dru when she was upset and
pretends he doesn’t feel the shudders racking the too-thin
Spike growled as he was thrown against a headstone, the demon he
was fighting hadn’t even been phased by his best kick.
It had been a month since he’d figured out what had happened
to Xander. While the boy hadn’t gone totally round the bend
like that Marcie girl, he wasn’t right either. There are
times when Spike can hear him and even then he didn’t talk
much, as if he’d forgotten how because he had no one to talk
The first thing that Spike had done was moved the boy into his
crypt, for safety reasons of course. He’d been living in the
ruins of the old school, and that proved he wasn’t all right
in the head. Only someone who was touched would live directly over
The biggest problem with the boy had led him back to the Scoobies,
hat in hand once again. Despite being invisible the boy was too
much of a good guy to steal unless he had to. That meant for months
the boy had been living off of what he could scrounge from
dumpsters and bins and by the time he came to live with Spike
he’d been rail thin.
He wouldn’t even eat food if Spike stole it, which was
damned inconvenient. In the end Spike had swallowed his pride and
called his Grandsire to release his family funds that had been put
aside when Angelus actually gave a damn about him. Which led to
helping out the sodding Scoobies once again. But it had been worth
it listen to the scrawny boy eat damn near two pizzas before
falling into a deep sleep now that Spike could hear him half the
Spike picked himself off the ground and charged the demon just as
Buffy finally came out of her hiding place to get in the fight.
Once again he was thrown like a rag doll and Buffy wasn’t
doing much better. The two witches were doing their best but
whatever it was they were fighting was armor plated and magick
seemed to bounce right off. The Watcher had gone down with another
head wound and it looked like the slayer’s toy couldn’t
even keep up.
In short they were getting their arses kicked royally.
The first time Spike realizes that Xander is there is when
invisible hands help him up and for a moment Spike faces a blinding
fear for the boy. He couldn’t see the whelp, which meant he
couldn’t protect him.
"Fire Spike, use fire!" The boy is shouting to be heard, usually
he fades out worse around the white hats and Spike knows this
invisibility has more to do with the boy’s head and
self-esteem than just physics.
Still Spike doesn’t hesitate when the boy shoves a dried
branch at him; in fact he goes directly for his lighter and sets it
to flame before approaching the demon again. He waits till the
Slayer has been thrown to the ground, partially so he doesn’t
burn her but he can’t help the surge of absolute glee that
fills him seeing her nearly unconscious. As soon as he has a clear
shot though he shoves the branch at the demon’s face.
The demon roared and reared back. Spike used his speed to keep the
fire in it’s face, and the suddenly the demon was collapsing,
the armor around his head had softened from the heat. Finally the
Slayer woke up enough to be of use and came over, using her stake
to kill the thing but not before getting burned.
"Ouch Spike that hurts! Enough of the pyromaniac impression,
it’s dead now. Fire bad, remember?"
Spike rolled his eyes; the girl could be so dense sometimes. "Yeah,
yeah fire bad, especially for vampires. But fire is a good thing
when it kills the sodding demon that’s waltzing all over
"Buffy? Are…are you okay?" Red comes over to check on the
Slayer’s bruises and Spike fades to the edge of the
Now that the fight was over the bloody white hats would check
everyone but him for wounds and comfort and congratulate each other
without even looking at him. It’s times like these when he
knows exactly what made Xander invisible; it’s hard to be
seen in this lot when everyone is looking to her Blondeness.
He wants to light a cigarette but he can’t because the boy
coughs from them, too much time sleeping where he can outside, and
he can feel Xander behind him. He’d roll his eyes if it
wouldn’t draw attention. An invisible boy hiding behind a
vampire just because he was afraid of his old friends. Still it was
nice to feel invisible fingers clutch at his duster, using it as a
He watched as the witches bind the Slayer’s arm, a sprain
only, and help the Watcher sit up. The former soldier boy had a
limp, and Spike chuckled to himself. The man hadn’t even
gotten the injury from fighting he’d tripped in an empty
grave. Couldn’t have happened to a nicer Nazi.
"Giles, are you going to be okay? Do…do you need a hospital
or something? Riley?"
Suddenly Spike couldn’t take it anymore, their convenient
memory that let them forget he’d helped making him bitter and
"In case anyone gives a damn I’m fine thanks for asking.
Despite the fact that I met a headstone or two intimately. Is that
is for tonight? Cause I’ve got places to be that isn’t
with you lot."
"Aww, does Spikey have a date? With someone that isn’t brain
dead like Harmony? Right, like I’d believe that. You
don’t have any friends even." The Slayer’s voice is
sarcastic and skitters down his backbone like nails on a
"Buffy let’s not fight…Spike did help." Red, always
the peacemaker, except this time he’s not feeling like being
"Fuck ‘help’ Red! If it wasn’t for me finding
out about the fire thing we’d be pieces in this bloke’s
digestive tract right now!" He snarled at the shy girl and enjoyed
the flinch before he turned his gameface towards the Slayer. "And
for your information girlie I have a friend who is a fucking lot
better than you people are! He actually gives a rat’s ass
about me and I care about him. Unlike you ungrateful lot!"
"What? What’s that supposed to mean Spike?"
"What I just said Watcher! You lot don’t even care that one
of your own has been missing for months! You know Slayer your Mum,
she worries about Xander, and she’s the one who started me
looking for him. Has even combed the graves looking for his resting
He realized then he’d gone too far; the Slayer had that hard
look around her eyes like she was about to try and stake him again.
But he still doesn’t regret it because it’s the fucking
truth and she didn’t even know it, didn’t care! He
dismissed Riley and Tara with a glance, they never knew Xander
before. It’s Willow, Buffy and Giles that he looks at in
What made it worse is that he could feel his boy behind him,
shaking. He’d promised not to tell them, Xander didn’t
want their pity and he didn’t want their friendship if it
wasn’t real. Which made Spike even angrier, to know that his
boy had been following this lot out of misplaced loyalty all this
"What the hell do you know about my Mother Spike? Have you been
pestering her, cause if so I swear to god I’ll stake you chip
or no chip!"
"Not bothering Slayer, I visit. Have cocoa in your kitchen, keep
the fledges from having the Missus for a snack if she has to go out
nights. Not like you care, you’re never even there. I thought
after psycho-slayer came to visit you’d spend more time with
her but you haven’t. Still haven’t answered our
question though, what happened to Xander?"
Three voices arguing fill the graveyard but it’s the
Slayer’s that has Spike snarling, ready to kill. Pain flashed
through his skull just thinking of what he’d like to do to
the stupid bint. He fell to his knees and could feel Xander rubbing
his back, trying to soothe him.
But it was the feeling of hot tears on his neck that made him get
He stood up and looked at everyone. They had all fallen silent at
the sight of him roaring at Buffy’s statement.
"You know Slayer, from what I know of the boy, and I’ve
found out a lot looking for him on behalf of your Mum, is that
Xander Harris has never been a coward. I remember the great Angelus
coming back from a hospital roaring mad because a human child had
bigger stones than he did, so I know what I’m talking
"Then why did he run out on us last Halloween? One minute he was
there the next he was gone, we looked around after we killed the
fear demon and he wasn’t there."
Spike felt a jolt of pity for these ignorant people, they’d
missed out on a lot by not thinking better of Xander. He turned to
leave, his boy a constant heat source at his back and Spike had to
fix him, keep him from crying over these idiots any more. He
started walking back to his, their, crypt, throwing a last comment
over his shoulder.
"I don’t know Slayer, it is the Hellmouth after all. Perhaps
something happened to him eh?"
"Shit Spike! Why did you do that! I didn’t need to hear again
that they think I’m a chicken; I’ve heard it all
before! And Buffy was about to kill you for talking about her Mom!
You should just leave it alone it’s not important, I’m
They had walked back to the crypt in silence and Spike was glad to
hear the tirade because that meant Xander was still with him
mostly. He hadn’t been shocked further into himself till
Spike couldn’t hear or scent him like the boy had been at
But that didn’t mean Spike had to like what the boy said. He
walked around the sleeping area of his crypt till he found the
corner the boy had retreated to, found his arms and shook him
"Don’t you ever fucking say that! It’s important to me
because it is hurting you! And you are important to me! Fuck it all
Xander you are one of the most brave, loyal, kind, smart people I
know of! A lesser person would have gone insane with what you have
to deal with! You’ve got me, Master Vampire paying for his
cigarettes and smoking them outside out of kindness to you so that
says a hell of a lot about how good you are! Those tossers
aren’t worth the spit it would take to shine your shoes! If
they could see your shoes. Don’t know why you haven’t
just up and left the Hellmouth and left them to their fate and I
don’t know why you followed them around like a little puppy,
but you are better than they are! Don’t ever think
He could feel the boys heat and hear his heartbeat speed up. Feel
the breath ghosting over his shoulder from where the boy was
standing looking over it.
"Wasn’t following them."
"No Pet? Then why were you at the Watcher’s all the time? I
could feel you there."
A small voice, so faint that for a moment Spike was worried the boy
was fading out again.
"What was that whelp?"
"I said…I was following you."
"Me?" Spike finds himself mostly speechless. That has happened more
and more this past month, this human boy he can’t even see
has made some observation that has stunned him with it’s
clarity. Seems being invisible gave one a lot of time to think
about life and how it worked.
"Yeah, I was…I kinda felt sorry for you at first, when the
gang took you in with the chip and all. Then I realized you
probably wanted pity even less than I did. And they
just…treated you like an animal, it wasn’t right."
The boy’s soft voice made him remember made him think back
to when he was chained in the bloody bathtub and still had
nightmares of white coats drilling into his skull. He would wake up
smelling his own blood sometimes, even though he wasn’t in
there anymore, wasn’t bleeding.
He remembered times when it seemed there was a soft voice, telling
him he was safe, and warm hands rubbing his back.
"It was you, you’re the one who helped me after
they…you’re the one who left the key where I could find
it that night I was so bloody hungry I was biting myself in
desperation. It was you…"
Spike couldn’t talk, and couldn’t see this lovely boy
who’d cared about a soulless monster enough to try and
comfort him. He reached out, found his shoulders and used his
fingers, followed the line of them up Xander’s neck, stopping
to feel the boy’s pulse racing. Moving up to feel the heat of
the blush, using his fingertips like a blind person was to see
Xander’s face. Feel the eyelashes flutter.
He cupped the side of the boy’s face and Xander leaned into
it, nuzzling like a cat and Spike could hear the sigh, smell the
pheromones beginning to fill the room from the simple touches. He
used his thumb to trace lips that parted just slightly before
leaning in, meeting those lips with his own and kissing them gently
at first only to be met with a passionate heat from his boy as he
opened his mouth and groaned.
Invisible hips thrust forward and Spike thrust back, thrilling in
the feel of the hard cock covered in denim. Their tongues met and
Spike closed his eyes, enjoying the feel of the two muscles
slipping and sliding off of each other, their teeth grazing every
once in a while.
Finally they had to stop, Spike could hear his boy’s lungs
laboring for air. He walked backwards, bringing them to the bed and
sitting down, dragging Xander so the boy was sitting in his
"Xan…Xander, I can’t tell you how bloody important you
are to me."
"Why? You can’t even see me."
"I can see you Love. I can see your soul and it’s beautiful.
Coming from a vampire that’s saying a fucking hell of a lot.
I can see you and you’re mine. And one day, one day
I’ll fix it so everyone else can see you too."
Three months with Xander, two of them as lovers and it was the most
wonderful thing Spike could imagine. Sometimes, when they’re
making love it’s almost as if he can see Xander’s
outline. It’s as if Spike is filling the boy with love,
making him whole, making him real.
And Spike does love him, as much as any demon can love a human if
not more. He’d kill for his boy, in fact has plans to visit
his parents first thing when the chip stops working. He’d die
for his boy. Which makes what’s happening right now all the
He’d gone out, gone to buy food, and chocolate for his boy,
and ran into some of the leftovers from the Initiative. Boys
playing soldier still that remembered that he was Hostile 17.
He’d been beaten till even his strong constitution
couldn’t take anymore and he was on the ground in the alley,
trying to roll away from the worst of the kicks.
What makes it worse is the fucking chip firing, even when
it’s the humans that are hitting because one broke his
knuckles and another hurt his knee while kicking his stomach. Add
to that the fact that at first he’d tried to defend himself
Spike felt like someone had set fireworks off in his head and the
pain is incredible.
As the darkness fell across his vision he hoped with his last
thought that his Xander didn’t think he gave up on the boy
Xander found himself pacing in the
crypt, back and forth as he worriedly chewed on his fingernails.
Spike was late, should have been back hours ago and he knew, knew
the vampire wouldn’t leave him. He’d promised.
In the past three months Xander had finally started feeling like a
person again; Spike had remade him. Before he just drifted, never
there, never apart of anything and always alone. There had been
days when he’d wished he wasn’t such a coward like
Buffy said he was.
If he would have been braver he would have put an end to his
misery the easy way.
But now he had Spike and Spike was all that had mattered. Spike
who fed him and kept him clothed and Spike who helped the Scoobies
to do that, even though he hated them. Spike made him feel loved
like he’d never been in his life, not even Willow or Jesse
filled the hole in his heart quite so well.
So he knew, he knew Spike wouldn’t abandon him. The vampire
knew what that would do to his fragile heart. Spike loved him he
wouldn’t do that. Xander looked at the clock and it was only
an hour and a half till sunrise.
Something had happened. Hopefully Spike wasn’t dust, then
he’d never know for sure what had happened. The best he could
do, Xander decided, was to go out and look for him. Despite the
fact the vampire had made him promise not to go outside at night
without him. The only reason he hadn’t gone with his lover
earlier was the fact that it was beginning to be fall and
he’d caught a cold living in the damp crypt. Spike had gone
out for juice and stuff for him. And now he was gone.
Xander grabbed up the coat Spike had bought for him and some
weapons and headed out the door. It always amazed him how after
just a few hours of him wearing a shirt of something that it would
go invisible too, like he gave off invisibility vibes that infected
his possessions. He was just glad they hadn’t affected Spike,
which was odd considering how much time he spent being on, in or
around the vampire.
An hour later and he was really panicking. He’d retraced
Spike’s usual path from the store to the crypt, checked the
graveyard and the next one over, even snuck in to Buffy’s
house thanks to the loose window in the attic to see if the Slayer
was celebrating the downfall of his lover. He knew those two hated
each other with a passion. Still he had found nothing and was back
at the store.
What really sucked is that he couldn’t go in and ask if
anyone had seen Spike, because nobody fucking well heard him even!
No one but Spike. Finally he just decided to check all the alleys
between here and home. Hopefully he’d find something.
Find something he did. A bloody pile of leather and bones sticking
out at odd angles.
"Oh god! Spike!" He was alive. Well as alive as he ever got, but
in very bad shape. Unconscious and it was almost dawn. There
wasn’t enough time for Xander to carry him all the way
Shit. He’d have to think of something else. He ran back to
the parking lot of the supermarket and thanked whatever god looked
after invisible men and their vampire lovers when the third car he
tried not only opened but also had keys.
False dawn was turning the sky pink by them time he picked Spike
up and laid him carefully in the back of the car, covering the
vampire with his coat and a blanket he found in the trunk. He just
wished the trunk had been bigger so he could have put Spike in the
safety of the darkness but the back seat would have to do.
He got Spike home as quickly as possible, trying not to jostle
broken bones or hurt him any worse than he already was. He laid him
on the bed, working quickly with strip his lover and straighten the
bones in his arms and legs. He only hoped the ribs would fall back
in place he didn’t know how to fix that.
Once he had done all he could Spike did look a bit better.
He’d cleaned all the blood off and he looked more or less
like his arms only bent one way now. The only thing left for Xander
to do was get blood. He ran back out to where he had stashed the
car he had stolen and hoped he had enough time.
Two days of feeding Spike by hand, using his own mouth to transfer
blood while he massaged his neck to force him to swallow at first,
till finally the vampire would suck through a straw even though he
wasn’t really awake.
Buffy had come by and threatened to beat the already unconscious
vampire up for not helping like he promised Angel, until she had
climbed down the ladder to look for him. She had seen how pale he
was, how unresponsive and didn’t even try to help. Xander had
the illogical urge to trip her as she was going out.
Finally his vampire showed signs of being better. He was less pale
as if the blood did more than just work on healing him for
"Spike? Spike please wake up. I need you; I can’t do this
without you. Spike?"
The vampire moaned but didn’t wake up. Still he didn’t
look quite as…well quite as dead. And that was an improvement
Spike opened his eyes; somewhat surprised he had eyes to open. He
remembered the alley very well. Well enough to worry that he was
going to wake up in yet another cage courtesy of the U. S.
So he was very surprised to see the inside of his crypt, and hear
a familiar heartbeat nearby.
"Spike! You’re awake! Here let me help you sit up."
He found himself lifted and propped up against the pillows on the
bed. A cup of warm blood made its way over and he sipped it
"Xander? This…this is human."
"Well duh. You were pretty bad off Spike, you’ve been out for
four days now and I know pigs blood not only tastes like crap but
doesn’t help with the healing too much. I kinda…stole a
blood drive truck. It’s okay, I got rid of the truck but it
had like 100 pints from getting blood from the bums on the other
end of town. Guess they sold it to get Krispy Kremes or something.
I know that it’s not all clean probably but hey lets just
consider the heroin and other stuff to be flavor enhancers and
I’m babbling so I’ll shut up now."
Spike laughed and put an arm out till he found his boy’s
face, running his finger over his lips before pulling his hand
back. "Never stop babbling on my account Pet, I think it’s
He heard Xander snort and felt the bed dip as he sat down on the
edge. Invisible fingers found themselves on his knee and he could
feel the heat of his boy, could smell the worry and the love. "Glad
you came looking for me Love, I was afraid you’d thought
I’d left you."
"No. I knew you wouldn’t." Xander’s voice is quiet
though, which meant he at least thought about it.
"I’ll never leave you Xander, if something would have
happened my dust would follow you around. Love you Pet."
He felt Xander’s heat before he felt his wonderful mouth.
Lips opening and tongue coming out to meet his own. They kissed for
a while, and Spike thought it was a damn fucking shame he was too
injured to do more.
In the end he laid back down, pulling Xander with him and
encircling him in his arms, holding him close and delighting in his
scent. It had changed, less salt and more like Spike’s own
scent of leather and musk. Combined with the boy’s natural
scent of chocolate and happiness it was a heady mixture that never
failed to warm his dead heart.
"I kinda…sorta stole something else."
Spike laughed. Only Xander would worry that Spike would be
disappointed in him for stealing. "What did you nip off with this
time? Get the Watcher’s wallet finally? We could order you
pizza for dinner."
"No I stole a spell and all the ingredients to do it from Willow
and Tara. It’s a spell to deactivate your chip."
"Bloody fucking hell Xander! Are you sure?"
"Yeah. After day three of you laying here like an anatomically
correct Ken doll I got to thinking and I know a demon
couldn’t have hurt you that bad, that it had to be humans and
I got scared. I can’t survive like this without you,
can’t go back to being alone. I eavesdropped and heard about
it, Willow has had it for a while but was afraid you’d kill
them all so she didn’t use it. I’ve been looking at it
and I think if you help me learn how to say the words right I
could…do it. Turn it off and make you safe."
"You sure you wanna do it? You know more than anyone what I am
"Yeah I wanna do it, it’s not right. Just… I know
you’ve promised you would but please don’t kill them. I
know they’ve hurt you and me but…I would feel guilty if
you did. I know you’re going to kill and I’ll try to
deal with it, maybe help you find wife beaters or child molesters
in the paper and you could eat them. But if you hurt the gang
I’ll feel like it was my fault, you know?"
God. It was times like these when Spike wished more than anything
to be able to look in Xander’s eyes and see what he was
feeling. Instead he took a deep breath, scenting the boy as well as
He sensed nervousness, but not fright. Worry and love. Spike could
feel the heartbeat pounding in the boy’s chest waiting for
his answer. But could he do it, walk away from hurting the slayer
just because his boy asked?
"You mind leaving Sunnyhell after it’s done?"
"Gods no! I really don’t want to be here for another
Halloween, knowing my luck I’d get my dick shrunk off or
something, and it’s not been exactly a lucky time for you
either. So you’ll…kinda not paint Giles’s house
in their blood?"
"No Xan, I won’t. For you. But I do want to let them know
I’ll be leaving, that way Peaches won’t spend time
tracking me down. We’ll figure it out Xander. Maybe
we’ll go to Chicago, all that good food to get you a bit
fatter and plenty of bad guys for me. What do you think?"
"You’d do that for me?"
"Of course Xan. Told you git I love you. I know you’re a good
guy, which means I’m off my fucking rocker for taking up with
you evil vampire that I am, but I don’t want you feeling
guilty that you helped me Pet. We’ll work it out you’ll
Spike could feel the boy lean curl even further into his embrace
as they lay together talking the rest of the night. Planning a
future with no chip and away from the Hellmouth. Spike wasn’t
even going to chance staying on the West Coast, he’d take his
boy far away from Sunnydale and the Slayer and they’d have a
life together. Might not be a normal life, but it would be
It took three weeks. Three weeks for Spike to recover and teach
Xander the Latin he’d need to know. To wait for the dark of
the moon and for Xander to use his energy to charge the loadstone
that was the key component to the spell. Every time he did it he
put every bit of his energy into the small stone, till he was weak
and Spike would hear his breathing even out in sleep and pick him
up where he’d been meditating and carry him to bed.
Finally it was time. Xander had cast the circle with hands that
shook ever so slightly, not enough to disturb the herbs he was
using but enough that he worried. Then again he worried as he
called the four quarters, and he worried as he invoked Athena and
Mercury, the closest gods they could find with dominion over
computers and technology.
And if his voice shook as he spoke words in the ancient language,
asking for the gods help to disable the chip there was no one to
tell. Because all the energy he’d put into the loadstone
discharged at once during the spell and Spike arched, screaming
from the pain before falling unconscious.
This time it only took a day for Spike to heal. It was as if the
magick that deactivated Spike’s chip helped him to heal as
well. And while Spike was hunting for his own meal for the first
time in almost a year Xander was packing the last of the stuff they
wanted to keep and shoving it into the DeSoto.
And if Spike looked healthier than Xander could remember and was a
bit warmer to the touch when he kissed him when returning home he
wasn’t going to ask. He trusted Spike to keep his word.
They made only one stop on the way out of Sunnydale and Xander
knew Spike had planned it without telling him. In the end though he
gave in and told Joyce and Dawn what had happened. Little Dawnie
had cried into her cocoa while Xander tried to sooth his surrogate
little sister about his invisibility and his leaving while Joyce
promised Spike to not say anything to Buffy in return for his
promise to keep in touch through letters and phone calls. Before
they left both men helped tuck the little girl about to turn into a
woman into bed and Xander found his only regret about leaving
Sunnydale would be never seeing her grow up.
Finally they were leaving, and Spike goes out the same way he came
into Sunnydale, running over the sign with his punk rock blaring in
the speakers and Xander finds himself laughing hard enough Spike
could hear him over the Sex Pistols and the vampire was grinning
back at him.
For the first time Xander felt the weight of the Hellmouth lifting
off of his shoulders. He’d tried to escape once before, but
had ended up down the road; in Oxnard doing work with was demeaning
and embarrassing. He’d ended up coming back home, back to
Sunnydale hoping to lick his wounds but that wasn’t how it
This time he was leaving in style. Okay maybe not high style, but
living with Spike was certainly a statement. The vampire drove like
he did everything else, speeding, nearly running other cars off the
road, singing along with the music and obviously having the time of
his unlife. Just being with him made Xander grin and gave him a
warm feeling in his heart.
With Spike driving, the four to five hour trip from Sunnydale to
San Francisco is mostly over in three and it was starting to get
light. They stop in San Jose for the day, Spike filling out the
papers with false names while Xander moved around the lobby of the
cheap, trashy motel making the night clerk jump. Xander may have
hated being invisible but sometimes it sure was fun.
He waits till they reach their room before bursting out in
laughter and Spike picked him up and threw him on the bed. It
always amazed Xander how Spike could almost always find him; it was
as if the vampire had a sixth sense for where he was at all times.
Despite not being able to see him Spike always read him right, and
could even find the hidden tickle spot on his side that even Willow
had never found.
"God I love you Spike, so very much."
He is rewarded with one of Spike’s smiles, not a smirk or
anything like that but a rare and precious smile that lights up the
vampire’s face as if he were in sunlight and it makes
Xander’s heart melt even further. He can’t remember
being this happy or content in his life, ever.
Spike’s fingers find his face and Xander knows Spike sees
him. Cool fingertips trace the lines of his face and when a thumb
runs over his lips in a now familiar gesture Xander opens his
mouth, pulling the thumb into his mouth and sucking on it.
"God Xander…" He smiled around the thumb in his mouth and
ran the tip of his tongue over the tip, nipping at the digit till
he sees the gold enter his lover’s eyes. He loved getting
Spike out of control, teasing the vampire. It made him feel so
special, that he had such a fierce creature to love him both in and
out of the bed.
Spike pulls the thumb out of his mouth and Xander made a pouting
noise and watched as Spike’s eyes dilated even further in
desire. Fingers made their way down his jaw line to his neck and he
knows that the vampire above him is feeling the blood running
through his veins, pulsing. Instead of making him afraid it made
him feel wanted, hardening his cock even further till it was
pressing against the zipper of the pants he was wearing
Spike straddled him, moving down so that his legs were pinned and
he couldn’t even move his hips to gain relief. He leaned
forward, putting his face in the crook of his neck and took a deep
breath before flickering out a tongue to lick at the base of his
Xander felt himself get even more excited, he felt like his body
was on fire and he groaned, tried to wiggle to touch Spike more
than he was already. "God Spike, want you. Naked now please?"
Spike laughed and they started to strip, taking time to tease each
other with brief touches and caresses. Finally they are naked and
Xander opens his legs wide so Spike can lay in between them,
gasping as their cocks rub against each other. Xander spared a
thought for the poor mirror above the bed, reflecting nothing but
the movements of the covers before his breath is taken away as
Spike pinches a nipple, bringing his attention back to the
"God Pet, love you so much it’s not even funny."
"Tell me, please?"
Once again his neck is the center of the vampires attention and he
bared his throat even more, arching into the touch of a cool tongue
that was making little cat-like licks.
"Wanna mark you as mine Xander, mark you as Consort. Make you mine
forever, make it so everyone knows your mine even if they
can’t see you. Keep you with me always. Love you always.
Xander you have no idea…"
"Really? You can do that? Spike you’re not joking are you? It
would make me live as long as you?" Xander feels the breath catch
in his throat the question. The thought that anyone, that Spike
wanted him that much was…amazing to him. For once he had no
"God Xander I’d do it in one of your heartbeats if I though
you’d let me."
"Do it Spike. Do it, now do it."
This time it’s Spike that looses his breath. "Xan love, you
don’t know what you’re saying yes to."
"Don’t know anything but I want to be yours, belong to you.
It feels right Spike, do it."
Spike moves faster than he can comprehend while having a boner the
size of Texas and Xander found himself with his legs over
Spike’s shoulder and a slicked finger in his ass before he
can even think. He thrust back on the finger, enjoying the feeling
of being stroked from the inside and knowing that it would be
replaced with something bigger and thicker that would make him feel
so very good.
Two fingers now, and he was begging for Spike to just fuck him.
Without the chip the vampire didn’t have to worry so much and
Xander wanted to feel this for days, wanted to be sitting in the
car leaving the state and wriggling because he was sore in such a
very good way.
Suddenly he felt a sting and looked down. Spike was in gameface
and had bit at the inside of his leg. The demon between his legs
lapped up the blood flowing from the puncture marks with his eyes
closed and added another finger to the two already stretching him
and Xander had to grab for his cock to keep from coming too
"Let go Pet. We both know you’ll be up to it again in no
"No. Wanna…wanna come with you; wanna come with your fangs in
my neck and your cock buried deep in my ass."
Xander gasped as evidently that was the magic words and spike
pulled his fingers out and pushed his thickness deep inside in one
"God you’re so fucking tight Xander. I could live in your
ass and you’d still be tight."
Xander gave a gasping little laugh. "Hey you think we could try
"Hmm, we get to Chicago and get set up, get some food in wherever
we end up and I’m not letting you out of bed for a week.
Gonna fuck you so many ways you’ll forget your name."
"I’ll answer to Mine then I guess. That’s what I want
Spike pushed in even harder at that and Xander can’t talk
anymore, can hardly breath. All that he is, is centered on the hard
cock taking him, marking him as Spike’s over and over.
"You’re right Pet, you’re Mine. Mine."
The last is said with a growl as Spike speeds up even more. The
cheap bed is hitting the wall over and over with a rhythmic thump
and Xander is thankful that these are the kinds of noises people
expect in this type of a place; otherwise he’d be
Finally, when Xander thinks he had to either come or die, Spike
pulls his hand away from where he was clutching his dick, entwining
their fingers together and Xander knows it’s time.
He turned his head and felt one more lick before fangs pierced his
skin. The pain fading quickly in the face of the heat and desire he
felt at this most intimate act. Spike had never tasted his blood
before tonight even though Xander had offered. Said it wasn’t
right to take with a knife when it could be with teeth and tongue
and now, now Xander knows why. A knife would never feel the same
and Xander screamed in ecstasy, arching his back and his hard cock
spurting its fluids in between them as he came.
Spike was still thrusting but he pulled his fangs out, licking his
lips of blood before leaning in to kiss Xander. He could taste his
own blood in his lover’s mouth, could feel the fangs nipping
his tongue and lips causing small cuts that were licked closed just
as fast as they opened.
He found himself getting hard again at the taste, at the evidence
that this was a vampire in his bed, owning his body and soul.
Finally Spike pulled back from the kissing and strong fingers
pressed deep into his hips, marking him even more as Spike came,
his bowls filled with Spike’s semen till he is overflowing
and Xander came again at the feel of it dripping down his
His eyes close in sleep and the last thing he heard was Spike
purring and saying his name in wonder, calling him Mine.
Xander felt himself waking up and burrowed deeper under the thin
spread. He could feel Spike lying next to him and wondered if the
vampire had even slept or if he’d just stared at the place on
the pillow that was indented where his head lay.
He couldn’t remember being this sore, not even when
he’d worked out to join the swim team. Everything ached, but
in a good way and he could feel his mark on his neck like a brand.
He searched his mind to see if he felt any different either and
there is was, a sense of Spike and of wonder and absolute happiness
that made him smile.
"Xander…wake up. Know you’re awake Mine, quit
"Nope, not awake. Someone fucked me through the bed and I’m
still sleeping." He kept his eyes closed but couldn’t help
the smile that seemed to have become a permanent part of his face.
Lips pressed to his forehead in a kiss and he snuggled to the cool
body behind him even closer.
"You are so fucking cute when you’re all well-fucked and
cuddly. Think I like that smile on your face, telling everyone what
you’ve been up to. Gonna have to fuck you every day till you
look like this all the time."
Xander smiled and shook his head. "For all you know Spike
I’ve got my eyes crossed and I’ve got drool on my chin.
I probably have bed head too."
"Nope. You look beautiful Pet. Really, really beautiful. The most
gorgeous thing I’ve seen in over a hundred years."
Spike words find their way through a sex and sleep induced fog in
Xander’s brain and he almost stopped breathing. Didn’t
open his eyes to see the cheesy mirror above the bed.
Two kissed, pressed against each of his eyelids.
"Open those pretty eyes of yours Pet. See what you look like with
my mark on you." The sheet and covers are thrown off of him and he
was manhandled till Spike had him flat on his back in the center of
He opened his eyes and saw the cheap purple carpet, covering the
floor. The nightstand with the itty-bitty lamp and the remote to
the television stuck onto it. Saw the covers at the foot of the bed
I the pile. Saw the place in the bed that was Spike, lying there
Saw himself, for the first time in almost a year. The love bite
where Spike first nipped him on his inner thigh, the finger shaped
bruises, the mark that had already scared on his neck. The look of
wonder in his own eyes that he’d almost forgotten what color
"Oh god Spike! That’s…that’s me! In the mirror.
Strong arms gather him up as he starts to cry; this time in
happiness and he felt like he could fly he was so overjoyed. And
over and over an accented voice is saying, "I see you Xander. I see
you." And he knows Spike is as emotional as he is.
Finally Xander pulls away and peppers Spike’s face with
kisses all over. "It’s you Spike, it’s all you. You
made me real. Thank you, thank you, thank you!"
"Gonna take you out tonight Pet, let everyone see you. We’ll
stop in San Francisco and I’m gonna buy silk and leather and
dress you up like you deserve. We’ll take a picture and send
it to the Niblet and her Mum. Then I’m gonna take pictures
for myself, sexy pictures. And everyone, everyone who sees us
together will be jealous because I have you and you’re
handsome, and gorgeous and beautiful and sexy."
Xander laughed because it’s Spike who babbling this time,
and because he knows that the vampire is going to do what
everything he says and Xander knows he is going to be dragged
through half the leather shops in the city in the next week.
Laughed because he was in love and happy, and the person he loves,
loves him back and it’s wonderful and amazing.
And he knows it’s because of Spike that he can be seen now,
that it’s Spike’s love and caring that has made him
real and that there is nothing he can do to pay his lover back for
But they will have forever for Xander to try.
Happy Halloween everyone! This is something for bloodclaim's anniversary challenge. Hope ya'll like, it takes place after the events in Mister Cellophane There is even a treat at the end!
Xander looked around their apartment in Oak Park, one of the suburbs of Chicago, and decided everything was ready. They had gone out the day before and bought everything they’d need: food, Guinness, chili fixings for dinner and about thirty bags of chocolaty goodness. Their building had a lot of kids and more might come by so they had stocked up.
They hadn’t left the Hellmouth that long ago, but already the little apartment felt like a home. Since neither he or Spike had much in the way of belongings they spent two days shopping for the apartment, things like electric blankets for the coming winter and warmer clothes for Xander and other necessities. Xander had never felt so happy in years.
He walked over to the oven and pulled the cookie sheet out. They had bought a pumpkin and he’d had the immense joy of watching Spike carve it, his mate making crude comments about past killings and disembowelments but instead of finding it terrible he thought it was hilarious, especially since Spike had pumpkin slime on his face.
Then Xander had gotten nostalgic, remembering Halloween at Jessie’s house and his Mom toasting the pumpkin seeds and he’d gone down the hall to old Mrs. Rhoades place and asked her how to do it. She was the apartment building busybody and they’d taken great care to make sure she thought well of the both of them, especially since they both “worked” nights and only Xander was available for errands during the day.
So he had toasted pumpkin seeds, and Mrs. Rhoades had given him a homemade pumpkin roll and the apartment smelled nicer than he had ever remembered a holiday smelling with all the spices from the roll and the chili. He set the tray on a rack to cool and sighed in contentment.
Arms wrapped around his waist and he leaned back into his lover. “You okay, Xander?”
“Better than okay, I do believe I’m great.” Xander smiled. Vampires weren’t big on Halloween but Spike had indulged him. Truth be told, this was the best one he’d had in years. He wasn’t being possessed by anything except Spike, he wasn’t getting beat up for his choice of costume and he wasn’t tagging along to a frat party and going invisible.
They were staying at home, eating dinner and watching bad movies while answering the door and giving out candy. Just like millions of other couples. It was so nice to do something normal. That was the best part about living in Oak Park, they did normal things. Oh, they still patrolled, Spike liked to kill things. But they went on dates and walked down the street hand in hand, looking at the falling leaves and went grocery shopping.
They had a life together.
Later, after Xander had laughed himself silly over Spike giving out candy in gameface and the kids not even screaming, Xander cuddled into Spike’s arms and watched as Jamie Lee Curtis tried to escape Michael Meyers. They’d been eating some of the candy and the wrappers littered the coffee table in front of them.
“Spike, I’m glad I went invisible last year. Well, I hated it but I’m glad because without that I might not have you. Love you.”
Spike pressed a kiss to his temple. “Yeah, I know what you mean. It was about a year ago I got that freaking chip. Hated it, but then I wouldn’t have you. Love you, Xander.”
“I guess good things do come out of bad. You just have to look for it. Spike? Can we do this every year? You carving the pumpkin while telling awful stories and I’ll make the seeds and we’ll eat chili that’s too hot and watch bad movies and it just be us? I like this.”
“I like this too. Don’t see why not, every family has traditions, right? This’ll be ours. Better than getting my ass kicked or getting possessed or what have you.”
Xander turned and pounced on Spike, kissing him with all his might. Tongues and teeth and licking and finally Xander had to pull back to breathe.
“Gods, Xander, glad you like the new traditions! We’ll have to make more so you’ll do that to me again. Come here, pet.”
Xander fell into Spike’s arms and cuddled even closer, copping a feel of his mate’s bulge as he did. “Wasn’t that, Spike, you called us a family. I just…I like that. I’ve never liked my family before.”
“Met your parents pet, so I can see why.”
“Can we do it Spike?”
“You lost me Xander, do what?”
“Make other new traditions, like for Thanksgiving and Christmas and all year round. Just for us?”
“Don’t see why not. You do remember I’m English, right? We don’t do Thanksgiving.”
Xander actually giggled at that. “So if I learn how to roast an actual turkey and cook dressing, that means you won’t eat it? And you won’t sit here and call the Bears pansies for playing with padding unlike the really tough rugby players? Or say that’s not really football?”
Spike squeezed him even tighter. “Well…I might.”
“Then that will be our tradition.”
As Xander got up to answer the door again he thought there was always the sex-after-too-much-chocolate tradition to start tonight as well. He was looking forward to finding all sorts of new things for them to do with the licorice laces he’d hidden.
Toasted Pumpkin Seeds
2 quarts water
½ cup salt or to taste
2 tablespoons olive oil
2 tablespoons of dried rosemary
Rinse pumpkin seeds. Boil water. Pour seeds into boiling water. Boil until seeds are soft. They should turn brownish-gray and many will slip to the bottom of the pot. Drain the boiled seeds and pat them dry. Put in a bowl with olive oil, salt and the rosemary. Mix lightly. Preheat your oven to 350 degrees. Spread the seeds out in a single layer on a large cookie sheet covered with foil. Put seeds in oven for 20 to 30 minutes. They should look dry and white. You don’t need to turn or stir them. When finished take them out and let them cool off a bit before sliding them off the foil into a bowl. Enjoy!
Whee!! My contribution to the Christmas Schmoopfest! It goes after Mister Cellophane and New Traditions, which can be found here. I blame this on watching Chicago twice and two different holiday movie’s in-between on Sunday. Thanks to kyrieane for the beta and sukibluefiction for the help with the title!
Xander walked hand in hand with his lover, happier than he had ever been in the month of December. Chicago and the surrounding areas had become their home, and they were going shopping for decorations and a tree to fit in their apartment.
While they would probably end up buying everything somewhere else Xander had shamelessly batted his eyes at Spike and asked if they could walk down Michigan Ave. before going anywhere else. Being new to Chicago they had missed out on the lighting of the Magnificent Mile, but that mostly meant they had missed seeing Disney characters and way too many people.
Still this was great. Walking along, looking at all the brightly decorated shop windows, his breath hanging visibly in the air in little white clouds. In Sunnydale it never got cold enough to snow naturally, there had been just that one time when the Powers or whatever had stepped in to save Angel’s ass. Didn’t matter to them about some kid sleeping in the backyard.
But this year there had been real snow, and rain, and ice and sleet and all the joys of a midwestern winter. And they had enjoyed it, going out hunting with Spike in the snow and coming back into the apartment to snuggle together under a heating blanket in their bedroom.
The only problem had been when Xander got sick right before Thanksgiving. It was a virus and he’d had a deep cough and a high fever. Mrs. Rhoades had even come over to check on him and brought homemade soup.
Spike had been in a tizzy, if Master Vampires would admit to having a tizzy. Xander’s loss of usual health was nothing like anything his lover had to deal with before. Xander was too sick to laugh then, and afterwards while it was slightly funny it made him realize how scared Spike was of loosing him to death.
Ever since then Xander had made sure to watch the sunrise and set as much as possible, because one day Spike would ask and Xander would say yes and after that, well Xander would join Spike on his hunts as a partner instead of a watcher.
As it was to go out at on cold nights anymore Spike insisted he bundled up, almost to the point where Xander felt like that little kid in The Christmas Story. He’d almost welcome being turned if that meant he didn’t have to wear three shirts and a scarf to go out.
"Here Spike, we need to go in here!" Xander pulled his lover to a stop in front of Westfield Shoppingtown, making people bump into them or go around since there was quite a crowd.
"Bloody hell pet, you’re wanting to torture me aren’t you?"
"It’s just a mall Spike, not a Slayer convention or something. Not that there could be a Slayer convention. Besides they have a Harley Davidson shop. I want to look and see if they have any little motorcycle ornaments for our tree."
Spike snorted at that and allowed himself to be dragged into the crowded building. "Only you Xan, would think of that. I don’t know if I even want to know what your decorating plans are."
"Don’t worry Spike, you’ll like it. And just think how jealous Buffy will be of Dawn if we send her something from the Armani Exchange." He knew that would get Spike’s full co-operation. Even though they had moved to Chicago not a week went by where they didn’t phone Joyce and Dawn, and they had even gotten a computer so they could take turns talking to the girl they both considered family for hours at a time.
When Joyce had fallen sick and everyone was worried about patrol and keeping Buffy sane they had spent hours on the phone with Dawn and had been ready to go back to Sunnydale. The surgery had helped Joyce though and she was getting better. The only problem had been she had lost money due to her gallery being closed.
The week after hearing Dawn talking about her Mom’s bills they had visited Detroit and Spike had all but started a gang war by killing key drug dealers and gang leaders. The money went to purchasing a rare Monet and donating it to The Summers Gallery to be auctioned.
If Joyce realized where the money came from she never said; but ever since both men had started to spoil Dawn as if she were their little sister or child.
"Maybe we can find something in a leather coat for her Xan, what do you think."
"I think only vampires and anemic people wear coats in Southern California Spike. It’s not that cold."
"It’s about style luv, not about function."
Xander just shrugged as they moved through the crowds. "Sounds good to me." After all, Dawn had hinted at how much she loved Spike’s duster.
The next night found them decorating the tree. Xander had been too excited to sleep and had stayed up half of the day working on some plain glass balls that you poured paint into to make your own designs. He’d wanted a tree of their own that would make a Master Vampire proud and they just didn’t sell red and black ornaments.
Spike had been worried about his plans for decorating but once Xander got on a roll his lover had followed along, rolling his eyes at Xander’s antics. The garland was a silver and red, and the lights were a solid red as well. The ornaments Xander had made were interspersed by silly ones they had found in their many hours of shopping the night before. Figures of comic book characters in Santa hats were interspersed with penguins and reindeer and other Christmas figures giving the tree a cheerful look.
Best of all though was the ornament Spike had bought while Xander was in line at the California Pizza Kitchen. A silver star engraved with their names, the year and the words "First Christmas Together." Xander’s breath had caught when Spike had unwrapped it and hung it on the front of the tree.
Later, when all the trash was picked up and the apartment was lit with only the glow of fairy lights, they made love under the tree. A long, slow, fucking with Spike nipping here and there, drawing blood from different places to taste Xander till all he could do was go with the flow and beg for more.
Spike pulled Xander into his lap, making Xander groan as his lover’s cock was buried even deeper than before. He could do nothing but hold on, his hands clutching and Spike’s back as he was pounded into. Xander howled as he came when Spike finally sunk his fangs deep into his claim mark. Through the haze of his orgasm he could feel Spike follow, his come filling Xander’s insides and making him groan.
After coming back down to earth, Xander laid down with his head on Spike’s chest as cool fingers played with his hair.
"Mmmm, if this is the kind of thing we do after shopping all night I might let you drag me out more often."
Xander smiled and pressed a kiss to Spike’s chest. "Yeah, well it’s kind of special, our first Christmas. Got to make plenty of good memories."
"So it was a one time thing then pet?"
"That would be a big NO lover, although I’m sure shagging under the tree gets you straight to the top of Santa’s naughty list."
"Guess we’re getting coal then?"
Xander laughed at the fake pout Spike was putting on and crawled on top of his lover’s body and leaned forward and kissed him. "Cheer up Spike, if we’re really naughty we’ll get switches and paddles too."
Spike took hold of his arms and rolled them away from the tree until their positions were reversed and Spike was straddling his hip, his renewed erection rubbing against Xander’s groin. "Guess we’ll have to do it a few more times just to make sure, eh Xan? You’d look lovely with your bum all rosy and squirming underneath me. You’d like that, wouldn’t you Xander?"
Spike’s voice purred in his ear as he ground against Xander, and the image that flit through the human’s mind had him almost loosing control.
"God, Spike, I’m so glad I have you for Christmas this year!"
"This year and every year Xander. Forever."
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