Mood:  not sure
I'm doing a little better.

Mood:  don't ask
Shoot me plaese!

never was and never will
Mood:  don't ask
I see the light and I enter into it only to relize what seems light only leads to darkness. I am lost in my own world and I seem to me falling. I hurt in ways that no one will ever be able to comprehend. I hate it when you plant one foot but the either one fails you. When does light stay in your soul? I ask you zen buddist when and why does it leave. It never was and never will be. My path is a lonely one and I almost forgot why I meant to do. I do not want to hurt anyone but one can move fater than two. So I set out on my own. I am sad and really fuck up in the head right now. I want to kill something and then cry about it. "Death has no face and should be looked in he eyes."

BlAh!!!
Mood:  quizzical

You're a Winter. You very much enjoy your time
alone but do like other people's company
sometimes. You just need your space. You have a
few priviledged friends who saw past your
colder exterior to find the true you. You can
have pretty bad mood swings (though you hate to
admit it) so you could be soft one second then
storming around the next! But over all, you're
a very pleasant person once people take the
time to get to know you. You're a good friend
for in-depth talks. You're very talanted when
it comes to creative things.


What season are you? (pics)
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7 April 2004 15:02 PDT | Posted by vamp/valkyrie0

Oh my god! I just found this and I am crying and I need to go.

Hey, Charlene.
You left yourself logged in to Angelfire. You are interviewing at Denny's right now. We smoked a lot and went to the marina with Nicole last night.
You may never find this but I need to say some things to you.
I love you very much. we are going through some tough time right now, but I know that we will work through them. I HOPE we will work through them.

I love you more than I thought it was possible to love anyone. I really only think about you. I know you find that tough to believe, but it's true. If you can look inside yourself, I hope you feel the same way about me.

I know you are hurt. I would be too, but if you could just see inside my head for a moment, you would just be mad at me for being stupid, not hurt and questioning my loyalty.

I understand that things are dificult. I have been trying to make them easier.

One day my silence is going to be the end of me. I sit alone in the corner. The light flickers of the window seal and I am cold. Part of me just dies. I want more than anything to gain what I have lost. But without that lost I would not be the person that I am today. Never the less I still hurt. But it isn't all the time it is only when I let myself sit and wonder back in to reality.
I am going to be moving with my family soon. Then I will be entering the military.

Things...
I often find myself asking why. I am going to hit rock bottom soon. I am afriad, yet welcoming it soon arrival. I want my questions to be answered and my mind to be free. I feel like I am a puppet. I want my strings to be cut so I can be free. Why is it that when you think you have everything it all seems to fade away. Why is it I have to subjected to everyone else pain, anger, and faithless way of living. I once was a very happy person. I once was free. Now I sit naked and chained in the dark with the only confrort of my own screams. I have paid my blood, shed my tears and all that remains it the pure essence of myself. I see only the truth when I look in the mirror. I would like to think that their is much more to me. But I can not find it. Things have fallen silent, there are no more conforting words for the ones that I hold dear. I am alone and will remain to be. Until the end of time and then I shall pass only to come back and be come what I am once more. I will be bound to this faith until some force comes and takes me away. I would like to go climbing a birch tree. That would be good both coming and going.
-char

Guitar
I bought my first guitar today and will be taking the guitar class at DVC. I really want to learn the drums but they don't offer it their so my friend tim is going to teach me how. Blah! Being single sucks but I really need to finish my search first.

Movies
Ok so everyone who loves kitties needs to go see catwoman. It is not the batman and robin catwoman but it is still good. It goes into depth on how she came to be and all this cool Eygiptian stuff. So go see catwoman. I only liked it for the kittie scenes but it's worth it.
-charlene

Tears
Today was very sad day in my life. Out of all the years I have worked and been companions with horses I have never seen one cry. Today that happenend. I am really scared for my horses life. She had an accident today. She was running like she always does when I let her lose. This time she was very spirited and bucked with excitement at a full galoop. She didn't land right. She fell head first into the growned and into a fence. She got up and couldn't open her eyes. When she finally did she was crying. That was the most painful thing I have witnessed. I am also all alone once again. I really need...nevermind.