Things...
I often find myself asking why. I am going to hit rock bottom soon. I am afriad, yet welcoming it soon arrival. I want my questions to be answered and my mind to be free. I feel like I am a puppet. I want my strings to be cut so I can be free. Why is it that when you think you have everything it all seems to fade away. Why is it I have to subjected to everyone else pain, anger, and faithless way of living. I once was a very happy person. I once was free. Now I sit naked and chained in the dark with the only confrort of my own screams. I have paid my blood, shed my tears and all that remains it the pure essence of myself. I see only the truth when I look in the mirror. I would like to think that their is much more to me. But I can not find it. Things have fallen silent, there are no more conforting words for the ones that I hold dear. I am alone and will remain to be. Until the end of time and then I shall pass only to come back and be come what I am once more. I will be bound to this faith until some force comes and takes me away. I would like to go climbing a birch tree. That would be good both coming and going.
-char

Guitar
I bought my first guitar today and will be taking the guitar class at DVC. I really want to learn the drums but they don't offer it their so my friend tim is going to teach me how. Blah! Being single sucks but I really need to finish my search first.

Movies
Ok so everyone who loves kitties needs to go see catwoman. It is not the batman and robin catwoman but it is still good. It goes into depth on how she came to be and all this cool Eygiptian stuff. So go see catwoman. I only liked it for the kittie scenes but it's worth it.
-charlene

Tears
Today was very sad day in my life. Out of all the years I have worked and been companions with horses I have never seen one cry. Today that happenend. I am really scared for my horses life. She had an accident today. She was running like she always does when I let her lose. This time she was very spirited and bucked with excitement at a full galoop. She didn't land right. She fell head first into the growned and into a fence. She got up and couldn't open her eyes. When she finally did she was crying. That was the most painful thing I have witnessed. I am also all alone once again. I really need...nevermind.

whats goin' on
Well things have been ok. I am still really sad and missing Dan alot. I haven't said it out loud but I have nothing to hide anymore. Anyways, I have been going to SCA sword practice and yesterday was my first day in armor. I should have been killed but I was wearing armor thank gods. I also made a trip to th back doctor today. My word I'm sore. My mom wants me out of the house and out of her life. So I will be moving soon. I start DVC soon but doubt that I will be transfering to a four year in two years unless I become incredibly rich soon. Hope all is well.
-char

Blah
Well I have come to a point in my life where I just can't hang anymore. I need something in my life that will make me happy. I have been searching and searching but I can't seem to find anything or anyone. I am at a draw with people I lose or I lose in both situations. I want everything and nothing at the same time.
I just don't knbow anything. I am so confused and I can't stop hurting myself. I am delibratly trying to kill my body. There is something inside of me that needs to go. I have a feeling that someone had purposely tried to hurt me. There are a few people I have in mind.
I guess I will never really know. I am lost in this world of Khaos. I was not built to handle all of lifes misfourtunes. I want to go back to being sheltered and safe.

Today
Just as it is there it isn't.

I hate people who are immature and have to be disgraceful to women. Its ok that we be put before then on the day of judgement. I guess it just proves that people are pathetic. Oh well. Oh mental note to people out there. Don't bother wasting your rude words on my blog. Show some dignaty.

Absent
I am over come with my emotions and there is no one to help me. No one know's how I really feel and no will because I can not tell anyone my true feelings because I can not commit to the way I feel. I will soon be going to my true home and I will be at ease their. I wish for just one day I could show those I love how I really feel. But that would only be one day in eternity. I would seem so short but would stay with me forever. I am nothing to those I care for and to the people who want to know me I am everything. I have shared my love with too many. The one's that have it kept it all to themselves and left me with nothing. I believe that that was the intent. I can not say that I am happy but I can not say that I have nothings so I will remain in the state of grey. Until someone might stumble upon me yet again like one person did. I can only hope that this time I will not be taken for granted and left with nothing in return. I want what I had. Even though that is impossible, I can still want it. I was left in this world alone because of a promise that was broken. I guess it was ment to be because apprently I am worth leaving for I must be nothing.

Change
Well I haven't been very clear lately to anyone or anything. I am well alone. I am attached to no other. I am single and doing pretty good. I have gained a spiritual knowledge and walk down many paths. I am growing and becoming what I was meant to be. I am different shall I say. I am not the same and it is nice.