"As I was walking up the stair,
I met a man, who wasn't there.
I met the man again today.
I wish I wish he'd go away."
-Hugh Means-
"You want me to speak of my past? You mean plunge into recollection of those memories I did strive to cast away for so long? Agh, very kind of you indeed, but what can I say to someone who feeds on someone else's torments. No, I'm not accusing you of anything. Shut up. Im speaking in general terms. Look around, your friends....your prince...Can't you see them growing stronger as you fall? Well...That's a shame....Yes, where were we? me....That's right. I was born in Kiev - the old Russia. I didn't stay there very long. What? When was I born? I don't know, its been too long. I left because since my birth I saw nothing but death. All I wanted was to see life around me, but it seemed that everything wrinkled and died at my touch. After me, my mother miscarried every 3 months for couple of years; they wanted a boy, you see. They got him, 3 years later. I was seven. They were happy. I was happy...happy happy happy indeed happy. Yes, I was happy even though it was after I lost my chastity to some drunk stranger. He was really drunk...he thought I was a woman, and I thought I was six. But again, I was happy when he was born, and I squeezed him so hard that his little fragile life perished within my embrace. My mother didn't know, he killed her as he was trying to crawl out into this life. I was not happy anymore. I ran. Not far, just into the woods. Two bodies in a household, not somewhere I wanted to be. It was dark then, and I thought I saw the drunk man again, but it was just a shadow....his shadow accompanied me pretty much everytime I was alone, and that was quite often. His breath too, sometimes I would wake up catching a scent of his foul breath. I might of been scared, bus as you look back at your past, you never know if you were scared that first time you were, because later you compare it with all the other times, and the intensity of that terror can not be measured. "
"Don't look at me like that. I had a Toreador sobbing oceans to me already. Just look over there at the pretty stars. I returned, only to find my dead mother and brother arranged in a way that it seemed that they were watching a spectacle that my father has created for them. He laid at the dinner table, the artery at his neck carved out.....And everything was crimson, like a modern painting ...a big scene painted in red. What did I do? I ran again to my aunt, she drank a lot, so did her son that I've never met before....well...how can I say it? I lived with them....and her son was drunk...and again he thought I was a woman. He thought that many times after.When I grew into a woman by all standards...he died. It was another gruesome crimson picture...and I painted it." "I don't know how, I don't remember how - probably through Armenia, Turkey and Greece - I ended up in Rome. I got pretty good with a sword on that trip. I had to. But I made good money there, giving strangers what was already taken from me. Too bad for them, they never knew. Then someone important traveled from Cairo and I was assigned to "take care" of him. For the first time, I screamed at his caress.....my lips bled from his kisses. All night we explored each other, falling asleep by day. Sometimes, he'd beat me almost to death and then enter me until I collapsed within his arms. I wanted more. I never complained and we never even spoke to each other. He knew more then. I knew me better then I did myself, he knew every thought that passed through my head since my birth. It went on for 3 months...I did not eat...there was blood everywhere...his ...mine...- all combined into this fireball of lust we have created. And when he did speak, his voice echoed with the same delirium I knew so well. He spoke of eternity as his pointed teeth raked across my skin.....just like before...but deeper. He drank. I drank. And I was no longer scared."
"We left Rome for Paris. I was happy again, psychotic, yet happy. We lived in happiness only an insane mind can build within its own membrane. He taught me much of everything I know now; but he had to go. Remember? I knew if I didn't kill him, someone would. I told him. He said he understood. I didn't diabolize him. I don't play those games...Yet his death was something I had to do. Thats when I followed a doctor around. Not some random act of mine, we shared the same interests, that old myth about the green bitter leaves of absinthe. The doctor, doctor Pierre Ordinaire fled France to settle in Couvet. It wasn't me who spooked him, the French Revolution though would do that to you. We found it. It spread. It created. It ruined."
"In 1940's I returned to Russia - Moscow, the new old city. I found my dwelling within this hospital for crazy people. I was fascinated. They didn't have those facilities back when I needed it. I studied every patient's record that I could get my hands on. Then as I learned more, I knew something was wrong with those records. I realized later, that much of those were altered by the Communist Party....What else can you expect from them? Especially during World War II. I went to the States. I believe I broke into every major clinic in the big cities. Then they started to teach it in schools....psychology....The degrees I earned through night classes....." ::she pauses and laughs softly to herself:: "They should have not given me those in the first place."
"What? The position among the Camarilla? Hehe, well what can you expect from a Malkavian? I am no Prince....I've never met an unwise enough childe of Cain to bestow me such title ...that would be in your terms, right? We all descended from that sucker who killed his brother because he wasn't good enough? Sorry, I didn't mean no disrespect to your beliefs....I guess am an atheist in Kindred religion....But we're all allowed to have our own opinions? Even Russia is no longer a communist party....What can I say...The Traditions make sense. They hold our "society" together....and those who disobey shall be punished...It all makes sense, it has reason. I'm blabbering now. Speak to me"
