It took me most of the morning but I managed to get Willow alone. Ever since I woke up this morning Faith's words have been in the front of my mind. I know I've been acting weird 'cause of it, too. That's why I need to talk to my best friend.
Willow sits down on my bed as I close the door behind us. She's giving me a look that she thinks I've lost it so I better explain quickly.
"Buff, what's going on?"
I sit down next to her and take a breath before speaking. "Faith said something last night and I'm freaking out."
"What did she say?"
"She said she loves me."
Willow's mouth drops open and I'm hoping that's a good thing. "What did you say?"
"Nothing." She starts to respond but I hold up my hand to stop her. "She thought I was asleep."
"Okay," she says, shaking her head. "Start from the beginning."
"I was half asleep when Faith got back from patrol and I figured she was tired so I didn't say I was awake or anything. She didn't try to wake me up either. She just got into bed, put an arm around me, kissed my cheek, told me she loved me and went to sleep."
"What happened this morning?"
"Nothing out of the ordinary: I woke up, she woke up, we had trouble getting out of bed . . . normal."
Willow looks down and seems to think for a moment before meeting my eyes. "Do you love Faith?"
I have no idea how to answer that question and that's my whole problem. "I think I do but I can't seem to fully think it, let alone say it."
She sighs and I think I'm about to get a lecture. "From what I've observed, Faith'll do whatever you want but if she thinks you don't feel the same way she does . . . well, she's gonna leave."
Great, now I'm more freaked out. This is not what I hoped would happen when I dragged her up here. Willow was supposed to help me calm down but I'm anything but calm now. "She won't leave, will she? I mean, she can't."
"Okay, I didn't mean to scare you." Then she failed miserably. "But you're gonna have to tell her how you feel eventually or she's going to think you don't feel anything for her."
"But I do feel something for her and that's part of what scares me."
Willow looks at me seriously. "Think of it this way: how long would you stick around if you thought Faith didn't have any real feelings for you? That she wasn't falling in love with you?"
Damn. "Okay, I get it. I have some thinking to do."
There's a knock on the door and Faith slowly walks into the room. She tries to look suspicious but isn't doing a very good job, not with the grin threatening to form on her face. "What's going on? Should I be jealous?"
"No need. Just a little girl talk," I say with a smile.
Faith looks at Willow first then at me, a smile on her face. "I don't know. You two have been up here awhile."
I put on a little grin and stand up, walking over to my girlfriend. "You should know I like my girlfriends of the slayer variety."
"You have multiple slayer girlfriends?" Faith asks with a raised eyebrow.
"You should know the answer to that."
"Yeah," she agrees and wraps her arms around me. "Close your eyes, Willow. I'm about to molest my girlfriend."
"Okay, I'm leaving."
Faith laughs as Willow moves around us to leave. "We'll be down in a sec."
What? We're not staying up here for longer than a minute? "What do you mean we'll be down in a sec?"
"I came up to get the two of you. Things are getting a little out of control down there food-wise. We need some help."
Cooking for Thanksgiving has been a team sport over the last couple years and all of us help out. We need everyone to help or something is bound to get caught on fire and that normally happens anyway. It's not that any of us are horrible cooks. We just have a lot going on.
"All right," I say as I kiss her softly and she returns it. "Are you and Dawn getting along?"
She nods. "She likes me and she'll get over the whole 'I'm sleeping with her sister' thing. I think she is already."
I move out of her arms even though that's the last thing I want. We do have a lot going on downstairs. "Come on."
Faith doesn't say anything in response, only allows me to take her hand and lead her down the stairs. I really hope nothing's on fire when we get to the kitchen.
It's been a week since Thanksgiving and everything should be going great but it's kind of not. Dawn's already back at school but only for a few weeks and then she's back here for a month which should mean I can focus on Faith. I am, too, but not in the best way. Faith's sick and she's been nothing but crabby.
My girlfriend started feeling not so good yesterday and she called in sick today. I did, too, so I could look after her but she's not making it easy. She's been whining and getting all irritated the entire day. I get that she feels awful but she's bordering on bitchy and that I don't want to deal with.
I walk into the house from picking up some medicine and things for Faith to find her lying on the couch and not in her room where I left her. "Faith, what are you doing down here?"
She turns her head to look at me. Her body is wrapped in a blanket and she's resting her head on a pillow. "I got bored up there."
If she didn't look so miserable, I'd probably lecture her that she should be upstairs sleeping. I set my bag on the coffee table and kneel next to her, putting a hand on her forehead. "Feeling any better?"
"No," she responds and sounds all stuffed up. She has a fever, too, and has looked pale for the last couple days. "Slayers aren't supposed to get sick."
I smirk and kiss her forehead because her pouting is so cute. My hand goes straight for my bag, grabbing the cold medicine, and I display it in front of her face. "Got ya something."
Faith raises an eyebrow. "That stuff won't work," she says quietly.
"It'll take the edge off so you can get some sleep," I respond as I stand up and slowly pull her up with me. "Come on. Let's get you upstairs."
There's no complaining finally and for that I'm grateful. She follows me up the stairs, blanket still wrapped around her, and we walk into her room. It looks like a disaster area in here but she's been sick for a couple days and she's been starting to throw things around the room 'cause she's bored. She almost broke a lamp this morning because she was throwing a ball against the walls of her room.
I use my hand to caress the side of her face as she lies down. "Get some sleep, okay?"
"Yeah," she says as she smiles and curls up in a ball, probably trying to relax enough to go to sleep.
I run my fingers through her hair lightly before walking out of her room and down the stairs. I crash on the couch with a sigh as Xander walks in. He takes one look at me and grins.
"Faith still sick, huh?"
He laughs quietly and shakes his head. "I'm gonna go up there and cheer her up."
"Xander . . ."
"Just for a few minutes, mom," he says, grinning, and shakes his head again as he walks up the stairs.
I sigh and watch whatever Faith had on for a few minutes. I can't believe she was watching all this daytime TV. Once she gets better I'm so going to tease her about this. My eyes wander away from the TV to the bottle of cold medicine I forgot to get Faith to take. Grabbing the bottle, I walk up the stairs, hearing Xander and Faith laugh.
"Don't make me laugh. I feel like shit."
"At least you have a hot caretaker. Too bad you don't have a nurse's outfit."
I hear a smack and it doesn't take a genius to know what happened. I stop at the top of the stairs since I'm kind of wanna know her response. Maybe I need to buy a nurse's outfit.
"Don't think that shit about my girlfriend, Xander," she says and she sounds more serious than I thought she would. "I think I might need to wipe that thought from your brain."
"Sorry, it's in there forever." No one says anything for a few seconds until Xander speaks up. "You love her, don't you?"
Wow. Right now I really want to know what look Faith has that made Xander say something like that. Not that I'm gonna walk into the room now or anything. Now that I'm here I want to know Faith's answer.
There's another moment of silence before Faith says anything. "Don't tell her, okay?"
"'Cause she doesn't love me back."
What? The only thing I wanna do right now is go in there and tell her how crazy that is but then they would know I've been listening. I'm also scared to death that I wouldn't be able to say it if I went in there. That would make everything way worse.
"Faith, please don't hit me when I say this but you're an idiot."
"Anyone with eyes can see that she loves you. Just like everyone can see you love her."
"Doesn't matter. She can't say it."
"I say it almost every night."
She says it every night? How come I only heard her the one night? I feel like an idiot now.
"Can she hear you?"
"I bet if you say it when she's actually conscious she'll say it back."
"What if she doesn't?"
I can't listen to any more and silently walk back down the stairs. I have no idea what to do now. Faith loves me and doesn't think I feel the same. I'm pretty sure I do but I'm petrified of saying it. It's too big a step for me right now.
I guess for now I'll just have to show her I love her until I'm able to say it. I hope that's enough.
"Are you sure you're feeling better?"
"Yeah, B. Good as new." She grins and I know she's not lying. She can never look me in the eyes when she's lying.
I smile as we walk through a dank alley. It's cold out, being December and all, and we both have leather jackets on not to mention gloves, scarves and caps. I don't think I'll ever get used to the cold weather. It makes me wish there was still a hellmouth in California.
It's been two days since I heard Faith tell Xander she doesn't think I love her and I still haven't figured out what to do. Even this situation, patrolling with her alone, isn't helping me in getting over my fear of telling Faith I love her. I can't seem to get the words out.
Faith hasn't been acting any differently which makes sense I guess. I have a feeling she came to her conclusion long before she told Xander. I wonder how long she's known she loves me. I haven't noticed any real change in her since we first started dating.
"Why don't vamps and demons and whatever learn to hibernate so we can have winters off?"
I shrug. "They'd just go south and we'd have to follow them."
"Least we'd be warm," she comments as she stuffs her gloved hands into her jacket pockets.
I think of something for the first time and now have a very dumb blonde feeling. "You grew up in Boston."
She gives me a "duh" look. "Yeah. I don't use this accent just to pick up girls, you know. I'm kinda stuck with it."
"So you grew up with snow and cold."
"Yeah, doesn't mean I like it," she responds. "You're big with the revelations tonight, aren't you?"
Faith only laughs and puts an arm around my waist. It's been an active night, about a dozen vamps and a couple hard headed demons, but it's starting to wind down. We should probably start back toward home anyway. It's almost one in the morning and we both have to work tomorrow.
"Wanna call it a night?"
Faith pulls me closer as we walk toward the direction of the car. "Sounds like a plan. I want to get someplace warm."
"That can be arranged." I wiggle my eyebrows, trying my best to flirt. I've been attempting to learn from Faith and that's my best right there. I'm still awkward with all the flirting, especially with her, but at least most of the time Faith does enough for both of us.
"Let's go home then." Faith's dimpled grin is all I need to race to the car.
We get in the car, turn up the heat to high and race home. I know we're both incredibly worked up and wanting sex but I for one am okay even if we didn't. As long as I can feel her next to me I can relax and sleep. I don't know why that's so easy for me to think, an obvious sign I love her, but I can't say anything like it. I can't simply tell Faith all I ever want is to be next to her.
Neither of us say much of anything on the way back. I'm trying to think of what exactly I want to do to her when we get home, the after-slaying side effects getting to me, and Faith must be thinking the same thing as she places a hand on mine on the way back.
When I look from our hands to her she's grinning. "What?"
"Nothing. Just the slay, you know."
She is so lying but I'm not going to call her on it right now. I don't know where my doing that will take our conversation so I'm just not going to say anything.
I pull up to the house and we damn near run to it, not just because we're horny but also due to it being so cold out. The house is dark and looking empty when we get in but I know Xander and Willow are home. There's a small light in the kitchen that they turn off once they get in. It's one way to keep track of them. Of course, they also called my cell when they got back, too. Anything to make sure they're okay.
We take off our jackets and other winter wear before starting to walk up the stairs. Faith stops me before I get too far though and I look at her questioningly.
"You hungry at all?"
I raise an eyebrow. "You want to eat?"
She shrugs but then looks a little confused, which only shows how cute she is. I have to try not to laugh at her expression. "I dunno know. I'm kind of wired, newfound health and all."
Taking her hand, I pull her to me, instantly feeling her warmth. Once her body's pressed against mine, I put my lips to her ear. "If you're still hungry after we can eat."
Faith doesn't say anything else as she follows me but she seems nervous and I don't know why. The only thing that's different is that I tried my best to take care of her when she was sick. The last couple nights after patrol I even moved her to my room so I could keep my arms around her the entire night. I didn't care if I got sick or anything. I couldn't bear the thought of her feeling miserable in the next room alone.
Her nerves seem to only be temporary, however, because by the time we got to the room her hands are all over me. We move into my room quickly because I do not want to get into any nakedness in the hallway. I'd be too embarrassed if anyone caught us and the ridicule would never end.
Once I close the door, I turn to my girlfriend and she's already trying to get me naked. Not that I mind since I'm doing the same. In under a minute everything above the waist is gone and we're working on everything below the waist.
"I want you so bad," Faith mumbles in between all the kissing we're doing. "It's been forever."
I have to laugh at that. "It's been three days."
"Too long." She grins as we wiggle out of our jeans. "Having you next to me the last couple nights, knowing how horny you were and being too sick to do anything about it was driving me crazy."
"Really?" I ask, a smirk firmly on my face.
She looks me up and down as we're now both naked. "You always drive me crazy. You know that, right?"
I nod. "I kinda like that."
Faith grins and the next thing I know we're on the bed. As always, I'm on my back and she's on top of me but that seems to be how we start out. Lately I've been able to change that. She trusts me enough to let me take control and I love it. I would do just that, take control, except Faith is sucking on my neck in just the right spot and she's moving a hand over me slowly. It's enough to distract me from what I really want to do. For now, anyway.
After a minute of Faith's kisses, she lets up just enough so I can think again and I successfully roll us so I'm on top of her. Before she can respond, say any one of a number of remarks she would say in this situation, I press my lips tightly against hers.
Thankfully, she wraps her arms around me, pressing our bodies together. I can feel already hard nipples rubbing against mine as we slowly move. She's also very wet and I wanna taste her. I've wanted to since we walked into the house.
I grin down at her as we break away. "Relaxed?"
"I don't think that's the right word."
"Well, maybe I should try something else." I kiss her nose lightly and I can feel her hand in my hair.
"What do you have in mind?"
I look into Faith's eyes and I love the fact I can see she trusts me. That's a definite plus for me 'cause I really wanna go down on her and I don't think I'm very good at it. I've only tried a couple times before and I have a feeling Faith was being nice about my past performances. It was not good.
This time will be better. I know it will because I love her and I need to show her. It won't make up for not being able to say it right now but I'm hoping it'll help.
I start to kiss slowly down her body, making my way to her delicious breasts. One of my hands is holding me up, making sure I don't crush her, while I use my other one to fully feel her up. She's already starting to sweat so my hand glides all that more easily and my body slides against hers better, too.
"B, that feels so good."
I place a couple kisses around her breasts before looking up at her. "I'm just getting started."
"I was hoping that's what you'd say."
She is so damn hot and she knows it, too. I wink at her and lower my head, wrapping my lips around a hard nipple. Faith gasps as I start to suck and it's an incredible sound. I use my teeth and tongue as I continue and she grips my head, trying to keep me from moving. I hope she realizes I'll need to move eventually, especially if she wants some release.
It takes some strength but I do manage to move, lavishing more attention on her gorgeous body. Her grip on my head lets up, which I appreciate 'cause she has strong slayer grip, and instead moves her hands over my upper back and shoulders.
Once I reach her stomach, I start to feel nervous. I don't want Faith to be disappointed. It's my worst fear, really. Thinking about something like this is only making me more nervous though so I try to concentrate on the quiet sighs she's making and how her body moves as I inch my way toward her pussy.
I finally reach my destination and she's so wet for me. I take a breath and start to lower my lips to her but I feel her start to pull me up. I look up at her to see her staring at me. "What is it?"
It feels like she's staring into my soul as she looks into my eyes. I think she's trying to see if I'm comfortable with what I'm about to do. Faith opens her mouth to say something but stops and smiles instead. "Nothing."
I grin and look away from her eyes to her pussy. I can't get over how wet she is and it's all for me. It takes a moment but I lower my lips to her, placing a light kiss on the top of her pussy.
The taste of her is beyond anything I can ever describe. It's so addictive and suddenly my nerves are gone for the first time. I bury my face more into her, moving my tongue around her hard little clit. Faith arches into me in response and her hand's clamping down on my head again. I'm gonna take that as a good sign as I wrap my lips around her clit and start to suck.
"Shit, B . . ." Faith moans loudly and thrusts her pussy more into my face. Not that I mind though. I'm hoping it means I'm doing something right.
She moves her thighs apart more, giving me more access. She just opens up for me and I use that to my advantage, moving my tongue more to explore her. I'm slowly making my way to her wet hole and she knows it, too. Faith moaning louder even though I bet she's trying hard to keep quiet. I'd laugh about it if I wasn't so preoccupied and it a safe bet she wouldn't appreciate my laughter at the moment so it's for the best that I concentrate on what I'm doing.
I tease her a little once I reach her entrance, only dipping the tip of my tongue in a couple times. She moans again and I know what she wants me to do because it's what I want, too.
"Buffy . . ." her voice is so deep and throaty, her accent thicker than normal. It's so erotic.
Not taking another second to tease her, I push my tongue into her fast. I hear her cry out as her thighs clamp against my head, keeping me right where I am. I can't really hear much after that. I move my tongue in and out slowly, savoring the feel of her around my tongue. Faith begins to move with me and I use my hands to feel her up as I eat her out.
Maybe this is a better experience now because all my nerves are gone. The first couple times Faith and I had sex I wanted so much not to be awful that's all I would concentrate on sometimes. Faith's more experienced than me, though she never brings that up now, and I never think I'll measure up to that. I wonder if that doesn't matter anymore because she loves me.
I move my tongue faster and Faith continues to move with me. I know she's ready to explode all over me, too. The thing about Faith is when she get turned on and worked up fast she comes just as fast. It's a pattern I've picked up on and can use to my advantage.
I swirl my tongue inside her and Faith bucks her hips into me hard but nothing I can't handle. I've learned how to keep her where I need her. I use a couple fingers to rub against her clit and that does it. She comes into my mouth and I swallow it down hungrily. Faith tastes so good.
I'm sure I heard Faith cry out but her thighs are still clamped against my head so I really can't hear. Not being able to hear is just one of the consequences I guess and I don't mind. The feel of how her body is responding to me is incredible. Her inner walls are convulsing so hard against my tongue right now so I move my tongue inside her slowly, letting her come down slowly.
When I think she's calmed down enough, I remove my tongue from her but I'm not done. I want this to be memorable so I keep going, moving up to suck on her clit again.
Faith moans out and her hands grip my head and shoulders tightly. Her thighs ease up on me so I can hear again and I can hear that she's moaning almost constantly. I must be doing something right.
"Damn, B . . . that feels so good."
I almost stop and say something but I'm too set on what I'm doing. I keep sucking on her clit, feeling her get worked up again, and slowly push two fingers inside her. They move in and out fast and it only takes another minute for her to come again.
Faith writhes on the bed and I slow my actions little by little, trying to keep her high going as long as possible. I keep drinking her down, too, and as I feel her muscles start to relax I start cleaning her off. I lick her everywhere 'cause I can't seem to get enough of her and start on the inside of her thighs when she starts to pull me up.
"Come up here, baby."
I kinda want to stay right where I am for a little while longer but I do what Faith wants anyway. I can't say no to her right now. I kiss my way up her body, tasting the sweat on her skin.
When I'm level with her I can see she's exhausted. Her eyes are closed but her arms embrace me gently. I kiss her tenderly and she responds, kissing me back and tasting herself on my lips.
We break away after only a couple seconds and I rest a hand on the side of her face. "You okay?"
She opens her eyes and grins which I'm taking as a good sign. "I . . ."
Is she going to say it? I really want her to say it and I think I've forgotten to breathe while she pauses.
"B, that was amazing." Okay, I guess she's not but I'll take the compliment. "I think you wore me out."
I laugh quietly and move off to her side, as much as Faith will let me anyway. She's not letting me out of her arms and I have no problem with that. I kiss her cheek lightly and smile at her. "Not so hungry anymore?"
"If I know you were gonna do that I wouldn't have even suggested it." She kisses my forehead as I settle in next to her. "You're going to have to give me a minute here."
There are so many jokes I could make right now. Faith, who always brags about her abilities in the bedroom, needs a break. I won't tease her but only 'cause she looks so hot right now, all tired. "Sure, baby. Take your time."
Faith sighs and closes her eyes. She loosens her hold on me enough so I can reach over and pull some blankets over us. It's winter so it could get cold sleeping without them, even with our body heat helping to keep us warm. I snuggle up to Faith once I wrap the blankets around us and nuzzle her neck as she drifts off to sleep.