Trying To Remember
by Hayley

Chapter Seven

The sun was shining brightly when Faith opened her eyes again. She was lying on her stomach and for a moment didn't realize where she was. Her eyes wandered the parts of the room she could see without moving and quickly remembered.

She was in Buffy's room. Going on what she could see, she knew it was the only place she could possibly be. Faith also realized she could remember what had just happened between her and the blonde slayer. They had just had sex: amazing, incredible sex. Her thought was reaffirmed as she felt a hand softly rubbing her back.

Faith smiled slightly and turned on her side to face the blonde slayer. Buffy was resting on her side, one hand behind her head, and smiling sweetly at her. Her eyes practically glowed as she looked at her and the younger slayer could see she felt the same as she did. She could tell the blonde still wanted her.

"I'd say 'good morning' but that was a couple hours ago," she said, keeping a hand on Faith's side.

"Little tired, I guess," Faith said groggily, rubbing her eyes. She also wanted to make sure she wasn't dreaming. When she brought her hands away, everything was still there and she breathed an internal sigh of relief.

She looked around the room, taking in the surroundings since she didn't bother when she came in. It was a little girly, but the weapons that were visible near her closet canceled out any overt girliness factor. Faith looked back at the blonde and saw she was still very naked. She also made no move to cover herself. The brunette eyed her up and down and Buffy blushed.

"Do you realize what happens to me when you do that?" she asked, trying but failing to lose her blush.

"No," Faith smirked, "what happens?"

Buffy swatted her arm and giggled. "Stop it." She leaned in and lightly kissed the brunette, moving away after only a moment but staying within inches of Faith's face. "I was so angry when you didn't remember."

Faith furrowed her brow. Buffy never ceased to confuse her but at least now she knew she could ask the questions she'd wanted to for days. "Why didn't you just tell me what happened?"

"Lots of reasons," the older slayer sighed. "At first, I didn't think you'd believe me then when you did kind of figure it out, start to remember, I didn't think your reaction would be all that great if I filled in all the blanks."

Faith nodded lightly, knowing that Buffy was being honest with her about everything. She could see why the blonde might be nervous telling her everything, especially given how she felt. Faith knew she hadn't helped any with how openly she talked about her view of sex: no attachments and no commitments.

Right now though, Buffy was doing her best to distract her from asking the questions she wanted. The blonde's hand had never left her bare skin and her fingers were currently lightly drawing patterns up and down her side. Faith did her best to block it out as she spoke.

"I guess that sounds about right," she commented. "I didn't realize you felt that way. It's kind of a shock."

"I didn't think you did either," Buffy smiled and closed the distance between them.

Faith accepted the kiss but panicked on the inside. The blonde thought she loved her. Faith could swear she was in lust, not love. That was all she ever felt so she didn't see how this would be any different. Sure, it was Buffy but she still didn't see how that would change her feelings.

She knew it would be so easy just to agree with her. She could go along and tell Buffy she felt the same. The problem was the older slayer was being so honest with her and Faith couldn't bring herself to lie even if it meant the end of whatever it was they had. It wouldn't be fair to either of them.

They broke apart easily and Faith just looked at Buffy steadily, preparing for the worst. "I don't love you, B."

It only took a moment for Buffy's face to fall and she turned to get out of bed. Faith knew right away she said phrased it all wrong. She didn't want Buffy to think she felt nothing for her, which is what she obviously thought now. She quickly reached and pulled the blonde back, making her face her. She had to make sure Buffy knew she wasn't there just for the amazing sex.

"Hey," she said easily, "I didn't mean that like it sounds." She sighed. "I reason I came over this morning is because I remembered what you said."

Buffy scowled, visibly angry and Faith thought she might even be a little embarrassed. "And you thought you could get lucky."

"Granted, bonus, but that's not everything," Faith protested, looking at the blonde's unconvinced face. "I wanted to know why."

Buffy shrugged, looking away. "I don't know. I just do."

"That's not a good enough answer," Faith said, placing her hand on Buffy's chin and making her look at her again. She needed to know why she loved her. She always thought she just wasn't lovable.

"It's just . . . everything," the blonde said quietly, her eyes tearing up just a little. "I love the way you approach everything. You don't overanalyze the situation, you just react. I love how you tell people exactly what you're thinking even though it's killing me right now. You make me laugh, you try to cheer me up when I feel like nothing I do is right. And . . . you look so hot in leather pants."

Faith just grinned as Buffy listed off her qualities. She wanted to say she loved her back but she wasn't sure if she did. She didn't know what it would feel like. The fact was she had never even said those words before and even though she hated to admit it or feel it, she was afraid to.

"Damn, B," the brunette said in awe, "I didn't realize."

"Now you do," she said, looking away again, "and now if you don't mind, I'd like you to go."

"No," Faith said calmly, causing Buffy to stare at her, "I think I need to explain something to you." She paused. "And I hate talking like this so if this gets brought up ever again, no matter what the circumstance, someone will die."

"What are you talking about?"

Faith sighed. "I can't say those words to you because I've never said them. Ever. To anybody."

Buffy's eyes widened and her jaw dropped slightly, shocked by Faith's words. "Never?"

Faith shook her head. "Never needed to." She chuckled sarcastically. "Never had the opportunity."

The blonde's eyes were still tearing up but she moved closer to the other woman and didn't look like she was going to get up anymore. "Do you even like me?"

"Yeah," Faith smirked at her, "I do. I mean, you're wicked hot."

"Why does that not feel like a compliment right now?" Buffy asked, still not looking very happy with the brunette. She did look calmer though, and that gave Faith a little hope that Buffy wasn't too angry with her.

"It is," Faith confirmed and took the chance to lean in and give Buffy a light kiss. "I can compliment you in many other ways, too."

Buffy groaned and moved away. "It's always about sex with you, isn't it?"

Faith grinned. "That's the part I'm good at and I think you'd agree with me," she said running her fingers down Buffy's side and causing her to shiver. "I just don't know about everything else."

Both slayers looked down, each trying to think out the situation. Faith didn't know what Buffy wanted from her and that scared her more than anything. Her mind only went to the worst possible solution: the blonde slayer didn't want to be anywhere near her now because she didn't feel the same way.

Buffy spoke up first. "You have some feelings for me, right?" Faith nodded apprehensively, not sure where this was going. "You think that maybe we can try, I don't know, dating?"

"You want to date me?" Faith asked, raising an eyebrow. That was the last thing she expected to hear.

The brunette had never dated anyone, at least not for more than a few nights. The fact that Buffy wanted to date her told her without a doubt the blonde's feelings were real. She just hoped she wouldn't let her down if this went forward.

"Yeah," the blonde said shyly, "I can show you the 'other' in the dating world since you already seem to have the sex part down."

Faith laughed. "Damn right." She moved a little closer to Buffy, lightly putting her arm around her. She wanted the older woman to know she wanted to try. "Are you okay with what I said?"

"No," Buffy responded, "but I think it's just 'cause you don't realize it. I just have to show you."

The younger slayer pulled Buffy to her and kissed her slowly, wanting to show her she cared for her, even if that didn't mean love yet. "Lets start showing."

"I don't mean like that," Buffy giggled, but rolled on top Faith anyway as the brunette arched an eyebrow at her. "Well, yeah, like that, but other ways, too."

Faith put her hand on the back of her head and pulled her down as a response. Buffy kissed her so tenderly Faith was sure the blonde loved her. She tried to just enjoy it but her mind kept doubting the situation Buffy was proposing and she had to say something. There couldn't be secrets between them if this was going to work.

"Mmm, B," the brunette broke away and put her hands on Buffy's face. "What about everyone else?"

Buffy furrowed her brow, giving Faith a cute but confused look. "What do you mean?"

"Your friends, your mom . . . Giles," she explained. "You have to tell them. This can't be a secret."

Buffy froze and probably would have rolled off the younger woman if Faith hadn't moved her arms so they were wrapped tightly around her, not allowing her to move. The blonde slayer looked down, away from Faith's face, like she was trying to back out and finding a way to say so.

Faith didn't want Buffy to back out but she didn't want to be the blonde's dark secret, something she was ashamed of. It would kill her if that was the case. Even she could admit to herself she was better than that.

"I . . . I don't know what to say," Buffy said, looking back at her. She looked so conflicted Faith almost regretted she brought it up. "I don't know what they'll say."

"If they really love you, they'll deal," Faith said uneasily. She really had no idea what she was talking about and was pretty sure the blonde could see that, too. "They won't care."

"You think so?" Buffy asked, settling down to rest her chin on Faith's chest. The brunette could feel just how naked they both were now but refused to act on it. They needed to clear the air first.

Faith nodded. She moved a hand into the blonde's hair, waiting for her to say something.

"Can we just tell the gang right now?" she asked, looking through her eyelashes into Faith's dark brown eyes. "I mean, test it out and see what happens. I find that less horrifying than having that conversation with my mom."

Faith thought for a minute. It wasn't exactly what she wanted hear but thought maybe that would be good enough for now. The fact Buffy was willing to tell her friends had to be a big step in her mind. She just hoped she could trust the blonde would tell everyone else in time.

"Yeah, that can work," she smiled at her, pulling her back up to kiss her. Buffy grinned and kissed her back, sliding her tongue into her mouth. They stayed in that position, just kissing and touching each other, not caring if they were wasting away the day.

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