Trying To Remember
by Hayley

Chapter Four

It was nine in the morning and Faith still hadn't gotten back to sleep. The first couple hours she spent tossing and turning and then the rest of the night pacing around her apartment. She thought about going out for a run or to see if there were any vamps still roaming around but she just wasn't in the mood.

She felt as though her mind was playing a really sick joke on her. The brunette couldn't understand why she was only remembering parts of the night and little by little at that. She knew if this kept up she would remember the entire thing eventually but Faith wasn't the patient type. She wanted to know now.

The brunette wanted to race over to Buffy's immediately and talk to her about everything, whether or not the other slayer was willing. Talking was the last thing on her mind, however. All she wanted to do when she saw her was to do all the nasty little things currently roaming her mind.

Her dream had left her so turned on all she wanted to do is find Buffy and fuck her senseless. She wanted Buffy naked on her bed and waiting for her. She wanted the blonde tight against her, wanting her. Faith knew without a doubt the pair must have had mind-blowing sex. She could just sense it.

Faith also spent a good part of the night wondering why Buffy was so embarrassed about being with her. The fact the younger slayer was a girl probably had something to do with it but that was something Buffy could get over, or at least Faith thought so. It wasn't like the blonde was even cheating. She wasn't with Angel anymore and there really hadn't been anyone else since. In fact, Buffy was practically a nun when it came to any kind of sexual activity.

Finally, the brunette decided to use food to try and distract herself. She walked over to the fridge and frowned when she realized she only had milk, ketchup and a six pack in there. She sighed, knowing she have to leave the sanctuary of her apartment now.

After a long, cold shower, Faith got into a fresh change of clothes and ventured out of her apartment. It was a cooler morning than usual so the younger slayer wore a light gray hoodie over her normal tank top and short shorts.

She walked down the street, feeling the need to go to a small dive toward downtown. It had decent food and it was cheap, which was the most important thing. Faith only worked when she needed to, most of the time just finding an odd job here and there. Because people tended to go missing in Sunnydale, day labor was easy to find. The pay was better than great and usually in cash. It was a perfect setup, paying her rent and other expenses easily and left the brunette with a lot of spare time to do whatever she wanted.

Of course, at the moment the only thing she wanted to do was Buffy.

Faith leaned back in the booth, closing her eyes as she relaxed. She had just finished eating a very large breakfast and normally would now feel as close to peaceful as she ever did. Today was not treating her the same way though.

The blonde slayer was still on her mind. Faith couldn't, in fact, think of anything else. She opened her eyes and thought for a moment she was hallucinating, that her dreams were invading reality. Buffy had entered the small diner and Faith blinked and shook her head a few times to make sure she was seeing correctly.

After making sure she wouldn't be addressing thin air and have everyone in the place think she was insane, Faith called out to the blonde now making her way closer to her without knowing it. "Hey, B."

Buffy looked at her, both startled and surprised, for a second before giving her a shy smile. "Hi, Faith." She paused. "What are you doing here?"

"I'm here all the time," the brunette grinned, "but I've never seen you in here before."

She shrugged. "I wanted to go someplace where I didn't think I'd see anybody I knew."

"I don't suppose you'd want to sit down then," Faith commented, nodding toward the other side of the booth. She hoped more than anything the blonde would sit down.

The older slayer just looked at her for a minute as though she was contemplating the entire situation. Finally, she eased herself into the other side of the booth. Faith motioned for the waitress to bring her a menu and smiled at Buffy.

"Pretty much everything's good here," she said easily, "very greasy."

Buffy just nodded and quietly looked through the menu for a couple minutes, almost as though Faith wasn't even there. The brunette let her take her time, not wanting to push her just yet, and only spoke up after Buffy had ordered.

"So," she drawled out slowly, "why did you want to go someplace where no one would know you?"

"I just needed to think," Buffy responded, not looking Faith in the eye.

"About?" Faith asked, knowing deep down the answer.

"Everything," the blonde sighed. "I can't do that with any of the gang around. They'll want to know why and I don't feel like sharing."

"I'm not one of the gang," Faith said simply, stating a fact she knew to be true.

"You're a slayer," Buffy said strongly. "That's different from being one of the gang."

"Uh-huh," was all Faith responded with, thinking Buffy was a complete liar. She didn't want to get into that right now though. She decided to go back to the first topic quickly before they got sidetracked. "Are you thinking about us?"

"Faith . . . "

"B, you can't avoid it," the younger slayer said quickly. "I won't let it go until you do."

"What does that even mean?" Buffy asked, furrowing her brow in frustration.

"You're not talking to me about it," Faith said, leaning into the other woman. "I'm starting to remember what happened but it would be nice if you just said something." She groaned. "Throw me a fuckin' bone here, B."

"I don't know what to say," she responded, "and I don't know why it happened. That's what I'm trying to figure out."

Faith was about to respond when the blonde's food arrived, effectively stopping their conversation. Buffy slowly started to eat, avoiding all eye contact with the brunette. Faith only let that last for a few minutes before she decided she needed to get the older slayer to react again. She refused to let the conversation rest so she grabbed a fork and nabbed some of Buffy's eggs.

"Hey!" the blonde protested. "You already ate."

Faith grinned. "I figured once you're done we can talk again. I'm being helpful."

Buffy groaned but continued eating. "I'm here, you're here. Talk."

"I want to tell me what happened that night, B," she said. "Nothing you say's gonna piss me off, but you saying nothing really does."

"I don't want to think about it," Buffy said dismissively, still not looking at the younger slayer.

The brunette sighed. "It really couldn't have been that bad," she said with a smirk, "I've got mad skills." She paused. "The parts I remember are pretty fucking hot, B."

Buffy blushed, her whole face turning bright red. "Yeah," she said softly, so much so Faith barely heard her.

Faith brightened, grinning excessively. "Now we're getting somewhere."

"No, we're not," the blonde responded, pushing her plate aside. "I've got to get out of here."

"B, stop," Faith gritted, getting frustrated, "do not leave."

Buffy looked her in the eye and the brunette saw the conflict and pain residing in the older slayer's eyes. The problem was she had no idea why it was there.

"I gotta go," Buffy said, getting up and rushing toward the door. Faith had enough sense to toss enough money for both their meals on the table before running out after her.

"B, wait!" She ran out of the diner and down the street, trying to catch the other woman. Buffy had a good lead on her but she was faster, catching her by the time the blonde reached the next block. "B, stop!"

Faith grabbed her, turning her around and finding tears rolling down her face. She stopped, not knowing how to react. The brunette was never good with tears and she response was usually to run away. She couldn't run from this, though. She needed to know what was going on with Buffy.

"What's up with you?" she asked, looking at her quizzically. She kept her hands on the older slayer's arms, making sure she wouldn't run.

"Just . . . just leave me alone," Buffy replied weakly.

"That's not a very clever comeback," Faith smiled, trying for friendly but knowing it probably came off sexual. She still wanted Buffy so badly she could barely think.

"Let me go, Faith," the blonde looked at her pleadingly. "I don't want to talk to you and I can't be near you right now. I want to be alone."

Faith let go of her, furrowing her brow. "I'm not gonna let this go, B. You can't run from this."

Buffy scowled at her. "Just leave it." She shook Faith's hands off. "This is one thing I can run from."

She turned and quickly walked away. Faith just stood there and watched her go, unable to think of anything to make her stay.

After Buffy turned the corner, the younger woman looked away and started walking back toward her apartment. She couldn't understand why it was so important to remember one night of sex, even if it was with Buffy, but something just told her the entire night was important. Part of it just wasn't enough.

To take her mind off everything Buffy, Faith actually went to the docks and asked around until someone decided to throw a little work her way. Of course, the guy who did hit on her first but one cross look from the tough brunette stopped him in his tracks. A few hours later, she walked home dirty and sweating but with some cash.

It also took her mind off the blonde, if only for a short amount of time. Even with that while she was working if she stopped for even a moment, Buffy popped right back into her head. All she could think about was their kiss, how the other woman's lips felt on her own. The experience was beyond anything, ever. Buffy was so soft and gentle, even the one Faith had initiated in the cemetery was tender.

There was nothing Faith could compare this situation to. All her experience consisted of one night stands and kicking the other person out the door once she got what she wanted, sometimes literally. She knew deep down it wouldn't be that way with Buffy. Buffy liked relationships, she didn't do sex without consequences or complications.

That wasn't something Faith wanted to think about. No matter how much she lusted after the older woman the last thing she wanted was a relationship. She didn't want to let another person get that close. She figured they'd just fuck with her head then leave.

Maybe that was the reason Buffy was avoiding everything involving that night. Faith thought for a while about the possibility of the blonde wanting a relationship with her but the idea seemed so out there she erased the thought quickly. It seemed so impossible. With the way the older slayer was acting, Faith was beginning to doubt she even liked her all that much. It didn't matter that Buffy had said otherwise: her actions spoke volumes.

After going a longer than usual patrol, Faith found herself back at her apartment, alone and incredibly horny. She thought for a moment about going to the Bronze and trying to hook up but she couldn't risk seeing Buffy there. The brunette hadn't seen her on patrol but she couldn't handle another confrontation, especially if the gang was there. She wouldn't get Buffy to say anything around her friends and that would only further frustrate her.

Faith immediately went to her fridge and down a bottle of beer in seconds. Buffy was fucking with her head without even trying. There was nothing the younger slayer could do to get her out of her mind. It did nothing to help her with her after-slaying hornies.

She took an incredibly cold shower, trying to calm herself any way she knew how, and slipped under the cool, clean sheets of her bed. Thinking about the blonde and the night she couldn't remember was so draining all she wanted to do was sleep. The "hungry and horny" she normally felt every night didn't stand a chance in the wake of thinking about her fellow slayer. Buffy won out easily and Faith knew once she was asleep, she might remember more.

Sleep came easily and for a while, it was actually peaceful. No dreams, bad or otherwise, invaded her sleep and Faith felt relaxed for the first time in days. It didn't last for very long.

Sure enough, Buffy invaded her dreams again. That night started to appear in flashes here and there, nothing Faith could decipher aside from the fact she could see the blonde in them.

Soon she started to have more concrete images. It started right with her and Buffy kissing on her couch. Her fellow slayer had her arms around her and her own hands were firmly placed in blonde hair. They broke apart, breathing heavily, and Faith waited for Buffy to back away even though she knew she didn't. Instead, she just smiled and started to kiss her again.

Faith could feel her own tentative movements, like she really didn't know what to do. She figured even in her intoxicated state she never would have expected this from Buffy. It was so unlike her. It was only as the blonde pulled her closer still that she started to react.

Slowly but surely, Faith pushed Buffy back until she was lying on the couch with Faith hovering over her. She could tell she was still being apprehensive about everything so as not to scare the other slayer off, but still started to move her hands over her body.

Buffy had started to move her hands over her back and Faith was starting to notice just how soft the blonde was. Every spot of bare skin she touched was so soft and smooth against her callused hands. She knew she wanted to feel every inch of her skin.

When they broke apart again, Faith could feel her hormones start to take over. She moved her lips from Buffy's and started to kiss down her neck. The younger slayer moved a hand into her hair, holding Faith's head in place as she sucked on her pulse point.

Faith was shocked at how Buffy seemed to be so into everything she was doing. The only thought Faith had on that was that the blonde must have been very drunk. There was no other way she would have done this with the brunette otherwise.

They seemed to be on the couch forever, Faith slowly working her hands until they were under Buffy's shirt. She kept all her movements slow, surprising even herself as she was never one for slow. The older woman wasn't exactly just lying there either. Her hands were moving all over Faith body, only over her clothes. Faith really couldn't hear anything still, but she could swear Buffy was moaning.

She could feel herself getting restless, like she knew she wanted more of Buffy, of everything. She got up and pulled the older slayer up with her. Buffy looked at her curiously but Faith quickly kissed her again, one full of the lust and passion she was feeling right now. Slowly, she started walking the two of them back to her bedroom.

Of course, like every other night, she woke up as soon as she started to see where the night was taking her. Faith put her hands over her eyes and groaned. She always woke up when it got good.

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Chapter One || Chapter Two || Chapter Three || Chapter Four || Chapter Five || Chapter Six || Chapter Seven || Chapter Eight

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